


Desperate Needs

by Snoezibol



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multiple chapters, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt, do not proceed to read this if itll have a bad effect on you, dont read it if youre easily triggered, please do not read if you are easily triggered, please for the love of god, please i am serious, self hatred, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2018-11-21 00:21:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 108,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11346144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snoezibol/pseuds/Snoezibol
Summary: For more than four years, Scout has been hiding a very dark secret. Something easy to do since no one cared for him anyway. That was until someone took the time to look further into it.





	1. A Difficult Start

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE, LAST WARNING! IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED I STRONGLY RECOMMEND YOU TO NOT READ THIS! THIS FANFICTION CONTAINS SCENE'S WITH DESCRIPTIONS OF SELFHARM! IF THIS WILL EFFECT YOU BADLY IN ANYWAY, PLEASE DO NOT PROCEED ONWARDS! PLEASE.

It had been a horrible habit, even a more worse secret, but as Scout sat there consumed by the darkness that came with 5am he couldn't help but to go through with it. He needed this, had been doing it for more than four years now. It gave him an experience even drugs couldn't come close to achieve. For mere seconds his mind allowed him to forget the unfair world around him, only to concentrate itself on the waves of pain that crashed his system. 

 

The boy's eyes stared themselves dull on the wound he had given himself. A long and nasty dark red streak that covered his lower arm. It used to be different. In the very start doing this would cause panic to alert his nerves, ending in him crying as he littered his own body with scars, cuts, bruises, .. basically anything that would cause him pain. Eventually the panic grew into worry and as time went by the worry ended up in comfort; a scary stage to be in. Never did he feel sorry or guilty for doing this. It was his punishment... for the things he had allowed, the nasty horrible things he let someone else do to him and especially for the fact that he had allowed for someone else to use him like a ragdoll, their own personal toy. It disgusted him, Scout disgusted himself. He deserved it, all of it and so this unhealthy obsession wore on.

 

Scout watched some blood tickle down his arm onto the few tissues he had laid upon his lap. He hated blood stains. If someone would see it, there would definitely be questions and since he had no freaking uterus, the excuse of having period blood on his bed was impossible to use. Somewhere, being in the base away from family made this a whole lot easier to do. He didn't own any of his teammates explanations, of course not. They were merely his colleagues and besides, fighting in a war everyday provided scars as well, so even if someone would see and ask, he'd always have the perfect excuse. 

 

The clock on his night stand beamed proudly with light in the darkness of Scout's bedroom. It read 5:30AM. Scout hadn't had one minute of sleep that entire night, but it wasn't a case of hopelessly tossing and turning with sleep failing to catch him, no. Scout simply didn't allow himself to get a proper night rest, he wanted for himself to be exhausted and utterly drained from energy. He laid back, his arm still stretched out over the tissues. He tilted it over his head to take a good look at the deep cut, it was still bleeding so in order to not create an unwashable mess he wiped it clean with the already dirty pieces of tissues and sighed. How could his life have spiralled out of control this badly? What started out as something he did maybe once a month ended up in hour long sessions almost every night. Nothing could help him, he was in too deep and besides that he didn't want to stop with it anyway, surely not for himself. 

 

The runner sighed again as he rolled onto his side, finding his eyes staring at his alarm clock again. It showed 5:50AM. Scout figured he'd get some sleep. His job consisted of running around all day, the team did rely on him. Starting out his day and their fight with a fully drained battery wasn't an option, it would be too obvious as well. Scout pulled his blankets over him and laid himself in a more comfortable position. Letting his eyes flutter shut, he felt his breathing get more steady and within not even ten seconds the kid was out good. 

**********************

"Good mornin' son! Ya slept okay?" Engineer's voice chimed through the room as Scout entered it. The boy let out a loud yawn as he let his eyes roam freely. The entire team was here, even Sniper was eating his breakfast amongst the others instead of that packed RV of his. 

 

"Yeah, slept great man." Scout answered rather weakly as he tugged at his sleeve, making sure it stayed down. 

 

"Ya sure, kid?" Scout was dumbfounded as he heard that voice with it's funny Australian accent ask him that. Why would Sniper care? The runner's eyes shot upwards towards Sniper as his brow was knitted in a perplexed manner.

 

"Yeah, why would I lie 'bout that?"

 

"Ya look bloody tired, that's why." Everyone had gone silent to be able to pay attention at the rare occasion of Sniper opening up a dialogue with someone. With a loud groan Scout noised his displeasure.

 

"Get outta my hair, old man! I'm tellin' ya I'm freakin' fine." 

 

"No reason to get this heated, kid." Scout's slight reddish face showed his obvious frustration. 

 

"Ain't no one callin' me a goddamn kid, man! I'm twenty seven, I ain't no freakin' kid!" 

 

"Now you two boys stop bickerin'!" Engie said in an attempt to get them out of each other's business. Other people like Demoman, Soldier and Heavy had found the two's verbal fight rather funny, but they wouldn't interrupt Engineer in his tries of making them stop of course. "Scout sit down an' have some breakfast an' Sniper leave 'em alone." The Aussie snorted and mumbled something incoherent under his breath, which had Scout almost starting another fit. Luckily he managed to recollect himself and get breakfast. That stupid bushman could fall dead for all Scout was concerned. The only person who offered support during fights who Scout could manage to work up some respect was Medic. Sniper and Spy could both eat his shorts. 

 

After breakfast everyone retreated to the locker room to get ready for battle. Scout found it hard to focus his eyes properly due to his lack of sleep. This was going to be harder than he had hoped and it had him cursing the living daylights out of himself. What if someone would catch up? Sniper may had worded it wrong, but he had already noticed Scout being dead tired and all the Aussie had done was take a look at the kid. For fuck sake this was going to be pure hell, Scout thought. 

 

As the Administrator's voice alarmed the team for the last sixty seconds before battle would actually begin, Scout rapidly got his Force - A - Nature, his pistol and his bat before retreating to the gate that held them away from the battlefield. All he had to do was get the BLU team's intelligence, that's it. Easy, right? Maybe if he had been more awake that is. Hiding sleep deprivation and self made wounds were two task added onto his regular one. Luckily for him, winter was coming so it wasn't an odd sight for Scout to appear in a sweater nowadays. When only ten seconds were left, Scout made work of again tugging his sleeves down as hard as he could before sighing deep and bracing himself for the next few hours. 

*********************

Everything was pure shit. Not once had Scout managed to get the BLU's intelligence as he constantly fell victim to the other team. Eventually Scout's frustration grew too big as he gripped onto his bat and decided to make a wild dash for it. He ran as fast as his legs could carry him. It seemed to work out so far, that was until Scout stood eye to eye with the enemy Pyro. Pure terror read on Scout's face as that fire breathing lunatic stared him down, or at least he thought so. In a weak attempt Scout tried to swing his bat across the other man's (?) face, but was surprised when he dodged it and delivered a hard kick to the kid's abdomen. The runner let out a small wheeze as he hit the ground. Some muffled laughter was heard and Scout knew it wouldn't be too long anymore before he would feel his flesh burn up and respawn claiming him for the millionth time that day. But to his dismay, he never felt those hot temperatures tickling his skin. Instead he watched how a bullet buried itself within Pyro's skull and him falling to the ground. It took a second before Scout actually realised what had happened as he frantically scrambled to his feet and looked around. He knew clear as day who just had saved his ass, but admitting this and actually praising that stupid bushman was the last thing he'd do. 

 

When Scout tried to make his way back to the place that housed their own intelligence, with the enemy intelligence on his back, Scout was laughing like a freaking maniac. So happy he finally managed to do something good, something useful. 

 

"Come on, son!" Soldier yelled as he ran behind him, providing some cover for incoming attacks. "Do it for America!" Scout couldn't help but laugh at that. Soldier's unhealthy love for Americas was hilarious as fuck at times and hearing it being yelled at him in the middle of their mission was amusing to say the least. As Scout was about to yell something back, Soldier got blown into pieces by a grenade from the BLU Demoman. Scout was on his own now and he still had some miles to go. 

 

"Watch out, lad! This black Cyclops his commin' fur yu!" Scout rolled his eyes at the BLU Demoman's attempt of sounding scary and intimidating and he would have been if his words weren't so awfully slurred due to the alcohol. Though not being intimidating himself, his gun sure was and Scout low key expected to be blown into pieces right then and there. Yet his death was again prevented as a loud gunshot was heard and the Demoman violently dropped to the ground. The runner took a quick look see behind him and noticed the red dot of Sniper's scope following him. That bastard had saved his ass again, damn it! Though hating having to accept the help from that freak, it did manage to get him to their intelligence in one piece and untouched. The Administrator's voice shrieked loudly throughout the field as she announced the end of the mission. RED had overmastered BLU, yet another victory! 

 

"Yes! Woohoow! Would like to see any of ya try that!" He noised, swinging his baseball bat around. Heavy laughed as he threw his big arms around Scout and squeezed him.

 

"Little man did good!" Scout laughed awkwardly as the air was pressed out of him. Medic noticed this and softly patted the Russian on the shoulder.

 

"Heavy if you ever vant him to get another intelligence or capture a point, I vouldn't hold him like zhat." He chuckled darkly. Heavy let go of Scout and let him stand on his own too legs.

 

"Ya big guy are gonna kill me like that once!" He laughed as he brushed himself off, noticing Sniper staring at him in the corner of his eye. "A-anyway, missions over, if any of ya nitwits need me, tough shit." The runner threw his weapons back into his locker and made his way back to the base, straight to his room. He knew it was cocky of him not to mention Sniper helping him out for most of his victory, but he simply felt too proud to mention that, that stupid bushman helped him out greatly. 

 

Upon walking back, Scout noticed how tired he was. Maybe he could take a nap to both fill up time and regain some of last night's lost energy. He scratched his underarm, almost forgetting his fresh wound there. Oddly enough that wasn't something respawn took care of and Scout had no idea why. Maybe because it wasn't a battle wound? Then again, that seemed like nonsense to him. A wound was a wound, wasn't it? But there had to be one reason or another, because when Scout lifted up his sleeve he was still greeted by the awful sight of a fresh cut and on top of that it itched like hell. He knew if he were to scratch it, he'd only make it worse... so there Scout was on his way back scratching frantic at his underarm, both to get rid of the feeling and to make it all worse. 

**********************

When Scout opened his eyes, he already felt a bit more alive. He rolled onto his side, trying to catch a glimpse of his alarm clock. It was 4AM. Great, he had missed dinner and the baseball game he had promised to watch with Pyro. He sighed deep as he shifted into a sitting position, being more than disappointed with himself, which wasn't a rare feeling to him. He wasn't mad for missing dinner, he skipped dinner a lot mostly because he told himself he didn't deserve any food, but he felt disappointed because he had let his friend down. He knew how excited Pyro could get over little things like playing a game or watching TV together. The runner felt his hands itch, desperate to hurt himself in anyway, but as he noticed some blood smeared across his sleeve (due to the scratching he had been doing) he figured now wasn't them time to do it again. Oddly enough he had times he could tell himself no, as long as he kept himself occupied with something and actually had a will to go against those thoughts. Those were rather rare occasions, but it sometimes did happen, like right now. 

 

"C-calm down.." He told himself. "Ya just need sum f-fresh air, yeah... that's it."

 

The boy threw his legs over the edge of his bed and pushed himself to a standing position. Fumbling with the bandages around his hand, he couldn't help but tear them off little by little, feeling his skin irritate underneath it a bit. His wander towards the backdoor of the base was a rather quick yet very clumsy one. He ran into trashcans, chairs and tripped over forgotten shoes from his teammates. Eventually he made it though as he dashed into the night with nothing to fight against but himself. Hoping moving around would stop his needs, Scout broke into a run and jogged around aimlessly. He knew well enough that he looked like an idiot, but as the night eagerly hid him away, Scout couldn't bring himself to care. 

 

Eventually he came to a stop. He breathed in and out a few times as he held himself. He was fighting with all his might, fighting against the evil thoughts in his head. Unconvinced mumbles of 'it'll be okay' slipped from his mouth as he kept on pacing about. Not even knowing where he was anymore, Scout came to a stop. His breathing actually became normal again and he felt some of his unease fade. Had he survived? Had he really managed to sit through it without doing more than irritating the skin of his hands as he had torn of his bandages? Scout let out a little breathy laugh, but his breath hitched at the sudden sound of a voice.

 

"Scout? Ya okay, mate?" 

\--


	2. None of Your Business

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No direct descriptions of selfharm in this one, but it gets mentioned alongside with mental and physical abuse, so again... if you are easily triggered please do not proceed with reading this fanfiction! I hope to god these trigger warnings are respected because I wouldn't want anything happening to you guys, I'm serious

It had taken a moment for Scout to realise that his little track had ended right next to Sniper's camper. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, Scout thought. He couldn't bring himself to speak, how was he going to explain this anyway? He'd come up with a lie, after all these years he'd gotten so good at it, he could talk anyone into whatever lie he wanted. 

 

"Scout?" Sniper repeated. The bushman had climbed down from the roof of his RV where he apparently had been spending the night thus far and was now walking towards the runner. The way he was trying to get the young man's attention was gentle and welcoming, basically everything Scout didn't expect from that harsh introvert. 

 

"Mate, whaddaya doin' out here at this time of night? It's bloody 4:30AM." 

 

"I... I felt sick.." Scout mumbled, his hands fleeing to fumble with his shirt. He could easily ask Sniper the same questions, but the Aussie seemed in a good mood and Scout had no intend on ruining that. "Thought maybe goin' outside and get sum fresh air would help, y'know?" Sniper slowly nodded his head, it seemed as if he was contemplating on something. 

 

"You okay now?" 

 

"Yeah... I'm sorry man, didn't mean to wake ya or whatever.." A faint smile appeared on Sniper's face. 

 

"No worries, kid." Scout looked up after he heard those words and noticed a lack of sunglasses. It was weird seeing him without them, it was as if you'd catch a glimpse of a rare animal wandering the woods. 

 

"Oi," Sniper said after a few seconds of silence. "'M actually glad to see ya, I.. wanted to apologize for this mornin'." Now it was Scout's turn to flash a little smile. 

 

"It's okay man, guess I was just cranky. I should be the one apologizin'! Runnin' away with victory like that today ain't cool of me, y'know. 'M sorry I didn't tell any of the guys 'bout ya helpin' me out.. Ya saved my ass big time!" Scout actually felt very comfortable talking to Sniper, he immediately regretted thinking that the man could eat his shorts. He actually seemed like a very cool guy, surely when he spoke so calmly and gentle. Somewhere it gave Scout some comfort, having someone talking to him about whatever after his fit from earlier. 

 

"Anyway, I'll get outta ya hair now, Snipes. Thanks for not bein' angry with me." 

 

"Wait, Scout before ya go, can I ask ya somethin'?" Scout unknowingly stared at Sniper with innocence in his eyes, not the kind of look he'd have if he knew what was coming. 

 

"Yeah go ahead, man." Sniper waited a second, stretching out the silence between them before getting to the point of keeping the runner out there any longer. 

 

"Look Scout.. this may not be any of my business, but 'm actually concerned about ya, mate. The reason I managed to save ya so much today was because I followed ya with my scope during a big part of the fight, ya seemed so tired I wanted to make sure you were okay... keepin' the blokes from the other team at bay, hoping the fight wouldn't be so hard on ya. 'm sorry if it irritates you mate, but 'm goin' to ask it again... ya sure you're okay? 'Cos it doesn't look loike that and it hasn't from quite some toime." Scout could feel his chest tighten into a suffocating knot. He didn't know what to feel. Anger with himself because he let someone else catch up with his weird behaviour or some relieve? For the first time in those four years someone actually asked him if he was okay.. someone had taken the time to observe him and notice something was wrong. Someone had finally shown they cared enough for him to worry about him. It felt pleasant yet very saddening as well. Scout shouldn't be feeling this "happy", shouldn't be feeling as if he could burst out crying JUST because someone asked him a question as simple as that one, but he did and it was getting hard to hide this bizarre mix of emotions from the man standing before him. 

 

"I... I just had a bad night." Scout cursed at himself inwardly. Now, when he'd finally get the chance to talk to someone, to open up, he was shutting down more than ever. Even his fake confidence couldn't help him now. 

 

"'M not only talkin' about today, Scout." Sniper seemed to be pushing the matter a bit. Was he really this worried? So into it that he didn't let a weak excuse comfort him? It had done that with many others, why not this Australian man? The boy fumbled with his sleeves while casting his eyes down towards the dry desert ground, it took him every ounce of strength to bring out his next words.

 

"I-it ain't that easy.." He whispered. Though answering to Sniper, Scout's words weren't directed to anyone at all, not even himself. It may seem pathetic, but he had practiced a conversation as such over and over in his head. What he'd say and do if anyone would ever come to ask him this exact question. But with it being brought out into practise, beyond the limits of his own imagination, Scout realised it wasn't anything like his rehearsals. This foreign scene made the boy panic, his chest rising and falling rapidly and his eyes staring wide at nothing. The bushman seemed to notice this and despite his lack of social contact, he knew perfectly how to react to this. It was odd.

 

"'s okay, mate." He spoke softly. "Look, it's pushing 5AM. Go to bed, get some rest... I'd like to see ya tomorrow after the fight as long as you're comfortable with that, just come to my RV, 'kay?" Now was Scout's last chance to get out of it, out of everything. He could just laugh it off and retreat to his room and act as if nothing as such ever had happened the next day. But to Scout's surprise he found himself nodding his head, nothing more, just nodding. This normal way too talkative guy had gone quiet due to the realisation that for the very first time in his life he was so close to accepting help (by way of talking) and that coming from Sniper, it felt very welcoming, it felt... right for whatever reason. 

 

"So, I'll see ya tomorrow?" 

 

"Yeah... Snipes, you'll see me tomorrow.."

**********************

"Victory!" The administrators voice shrieked. The RED team could yet again buckle another win under their belts and it had everyone going about in a jovial atmosphere. Everyone, except Scout who was fighting to stay awake. Despite Sniper telling him to get rest last night, Scout had done the exact opposite of that. For the remainder of that night, the kid had been tossing and turning, stressed beyond belief about what he had done. Had he really said yes to Sniper's invite? Was this really happening? His stomach had been hating him the entire day already, nauseous feelings hitting him like a brick. Despite this all, Scout had managed to bite back his clear discomfort and fight today's battle. Sniper had continued his work as the runner's "bodyguard" and after a while the two managed to calculate each other's movements what ended in them becoming a pretty awesome and indestructible team, kind a like Medic and Heavy, Scout had noticed. 

 

"Men! If we continue like this our team will be unbeatable!" Soldier cheered. 

 

"Ya wanka, it ain't because we won two days in a row that we'll dominate BLU every day." Sniper said with a smirk on his face. Soldier narrowed his eyes as he walked towards Sniper, poking his chest harshly. 

 

"With an attitude like that you won't get anywhere, son!"

 

"Alroight Soldier, calm down." The Aussie easily pushed the heated American to the side. As thin or lanky he might be, Sniper easily towered over almost everyone except Heavy, so Soldier trying to be intimidating was honest to god just a funny sight to see. 

 

Scout watched his teammates from his locker, a weak smile across his face. He was glad to see that no one seemed to notice his absence. As he locked his weapons away, a sudden hand on his shoulder scared the poor boy out of his skin. He shrieked loudly as he toppled forward and bumped right into his locker and fell. Good job you dumb fuck! He thought as he scrambled back to his feet, shame showing itself as a crimson colour on his cheeks. When he finally dared to look up, Sniper's worried look greeted him.

 

"Oi mate, I'm so sorry, didn't mean to scare ya loike that!" Scout laughed awkwardly as he tried to act as casual as he could after that blunder. 

 

"It's fine, just... wasn't payin' attention, hah.." From across the room Scout could hear Demoman crying out laughing. 

 

"Did yu see that?! Our little runna got scared!" Scout's blue gaze shot like bullets towards the Scot. He very well knew Demoman was just joking around, but for whatever reason this realisation didn't hit Scout as he took it very hard and personal. 

 

"Go to hell, ya drunk fuck!" Demoman noticed the sincere hurt tone in the kids voice as he grew silent, probably feeling sorry for what he had said and for laughing like he had never seen something funnier. Sniper noticed Scout flaming with suppressed frustration. He, as well as the rest of the team who had bothered to stay around, were shocked at Scout's harsh reaction, normally he was all about jokes. Noticing that Scout stayed very rigid, Sniper placed both hands on his shoulders, trying to meet his gaze.

 

"Hey, kid, come on... he was just joiking, really." Sniper's voice yet again reached that level of sounding gentle and comforting, Scout felt himself calming down. "Ey, remember wot I said yesterday?" The runner nodded his head quickly, his stomach churning violently. 

 

"Alroight, come on let's go then." 

********************

Sniper's RV was cosy to say the least. It was little that's true, but it was charming in its own way. Going from the little curtains that hung purposeless next to the windows to the dark black carpet that covered the floor, it was truly amazing. 

 

Scout was seated on the little couch that stood somewhere in the centre of the van, while Sniper was preparing coffee for the two of them. Looking around and taking in every single detail of that RV had actually managed to settle his tense nerves a bit. Also this familiar scent of gunpowder and coffee hung heavy in the air, which was considered pleasant by the runner. 

 

Eventually Sniper handed him a steaming cup of coffee and sat across from him on a chair, sitting crossed legged with his foot on his knee. The marksman seemed comfortable and it could be any second now before the burning fire of questionnaire would be shot at Scout. Instead, it seemed as if Sniper was waiting for Scout to start talking which was curious considering Sniper was the one inviting him over. Scout took little yet quick sips from his cup in anticipation, oh god he was so nervous. 

 

"Scout," Sniper finally started. "mate, I know I'm playin' a broken record here, but I'm really worried about ya..." He shifted in his seat and was now sitting with both feet on the ground, elbows resting on his thighs and his upper body slightly slumped over. "Wot's goin' on?" 

 

Scout hadn't expected for Sniper to be this forward, what was he supposed to do now? Denying tooth and nail that something was wrong would be ridiculous, considering Sniper was onto him this quick. The runner started fumbling with the ear of his cup, clearly a total loss on what he should do. 

 

"Ya told me yesterday that 'It ain't that easy' what did ya mean by that?" 

 

"B-because..." Scout mumbled almost inaudible. "Because I've never told this to no one before... I-I dunno how or where to start with this shit..."

 

"How 'bout ya just start in the beginning? I've got all noight, mate." Scout couldn't believe how all of a sudden he felt like spilling his guts then and there. He felt loose - lipped even eager to tell Sniper what had been on his heart for so goddamn long.

 

"So... sum ye- well no wait, before I start... if ya laugh with anythin' I'm tellin' ya I'm outta here, got it?!"

 

"No worries, kid, promise." Scout slowly nodded his head, casting his eyes downwards in a dramatic fashion. 

 

"So... there's one big thing ya need to know for all o' this to make sense... I'm eeuh... I may be, y'know..." He sighed deep. "I ain't straight... let's put it that way an' sum years ago I met this guy, a real charmer, think I was 'bout sixteen or sumthing." Scout didn't dare to look up after what he just confessed, but going off of the silence in the RV, it didn't seem as if Sniper mind. 

 

"The thing is, I was... very confused y'know? I mean, it ain't a regular thing for boys to feel like that, right? S-so, I never spoke 'bout it, afraid sum people would y'know hate my guts an' all that. 'Till this dude, the 'real charmer'" Scout emphasized that last part with his fingers. "caught up on it and started approachin' me an' askin' me all sortta questions. Now ya gotta know I hadn't had the first clue as to who that dude was, apparently he had been in my school one class above me, so I didn't feel like spillin' my guts." He rubbed his face in a defeated manner. "That was 'till I one day asked him why he couldn't get his annoying nose outta my business. That's when he told me it was because he was strugglin' with the same thing an', y'know, it felt so comfortable havin' someone who knows what the hell you're goin' through. Things went pretty quick from there I gotta say.. but... it wasn't exactly what I expected, y'know.." Scout was suddenly horrified by the thought that maybe Sniper thought his story was stupid and nothing to be so ridiculous about, but as Scout finally looked up he saw a face that read pure worry listening closely to every word he spoke. It gave him a little confident boost. 

 

"Ya see... everythin' started out okay with this dude, I liked 'em a lot an' he liked me and like the first two months were really okay, y'know... but after that sumthin' changed... he changed I dunno... I discovered sum sides of 'em I didn't very much like... apparently he wasn't very patient, y'know, even less gentle in both his way of handlin' things and his way of talkin'." Scout had to swallow hard to bring out the next part. "L-long story short... he... forced me into sum shit I didn't want to... things that still spook 'round my head 'till this day... an' if I'd ever say no or show 'em I was havin' second thoughts he would... very much dominate me and get his way either way..." 

 

"'s that why you're so bloody tired all the toime?" Sniper questioned. "Ya have nightmares?" Scout was well aware that the second half of his story was untouched and he'd do anything to keep it that way. He didn't want to scare Sniper with his self harm stories.. he couldn't bring himself to talk about the fact that if he didn't have nightmares, he'd force himself to stay up as late as possible. Saddling Sniper with the constant dread of fearing Scout may or may not have hurt himself, was something he couldn't stand to see happening. No way, it was his problem.. he wouldn't bother Sniper with it in a million years. The Aussie had been so amazing with him so far, so patient, so kind, so Scout would rather die than give the marksman the internal worry of uncertainty.

 

"Yeah... an' just... I get reminded of 'em a lot... little things tend to jog my memory... I hate thinkin' 'bout him or that time, but.. I can't help it. It ain't as if I miss 'em, no fuckin' way! No... it's more... anger and disgust... y'know? I'm paranoid as hell as well... 'cos ya see I had times I hid out in my room for 'em, I know I know... pathetic, but it's the truth... yet he'd always get my mom to tell me where I was by being this fake friendly guy. So now 'm constantly left with the fear that maybe he'd walk through my door or show up at the base... It's so tiring.." 

 

"Did ya mum know about this?" Scout shook his head. No one knew about this, not one of his seven brothers, not one of his friends... all they saw was a happy façade whilst Scout succumbed under it with every passing day, driving him to insanity at times. 

 

"And, if ya don't mind me askin'.. how long did that go on?" 

 

"Like I said, I was sixteen when I met 'em and right before I joined Fortress, I finally managed to push 'em outta my life... so 'bout eight years, I think..." Sniper's eyes had gone wide when he heard that sickening amount of time. Eight years, it had been eight full years of fear, pain and sorrow. Of course Scout had always thought about leaving the guy well before he actually did it, but fear had kept him captive. It was when he got the job offer for Fortress and he actually found a way out in way of moving half way across the continent, that Scout had gathered his courage and dumped the guy like the trash he was.

 

"Scout... I'm so sorry that happened to ya... I really am.. no one should go through somethin' as horrible as that, surely not at such a young age and for such 'mount of toime... bloody hell..." Scout shrugged as he stared out the little window located above the back of the couch. He hoped that acting as if it all left him rather unfazed would lead Sniper to believe that it had no effect at all on him, besides the nightmares maybe.

 

"It's okay, Snipes... he's gone ain't he? It's over, I gotta move on.." 

 

"Kid, you're tough that's for sure, but... wot ya just told me ain't just something ya 'move on' from... ya need to talk 'bout this sort a thing's, mate. It's a traumatic experience, ain't nothin' to handle lightly. I'm glad ya told me that, really... and if ya need to talk more, I promise ya can always find me, no matter the time a day, 'kay?" Scout nodded his head, a weird emotion was crawling around in it. He was so thankful for this, for Sniper to take the time to listen. The urge to hug the man was pushed back as Scout didn't want to make things weird between the two of them, surely not after he had Sniper allowed to gain his trust like this. 

 

"Thank you, Snipes..." 

 

"It's the least I could do, mate." Sniper looked at his watch, time had gone by pretty fast during their conversation, it was already almost 8PM. "Looks like time for dinner," Sniper noticed. "Come on, let's go get some, ya seem like ya can use it." Scout laughed uneasy, almost afraid Sniper had meant that in the way he thought, but as a smile came with that, Scout could safely assume he didn't mean it that way. 

 

The two of them stood up and made their way out of the little RV who now felt a little bit like home to Scout. His secret was safe within the four walls that was the campervan and as he followed along with the lanky Aussie, he realised how happy he was to have that man beside him, to have him caring for him to this extent. 

 

Without Sniper, Scout would have been left feeling utterly alone over and over again, luckily that wasn't the case anymore, Scout wasn't alone and having that realisation had him beaming like a goddamn idiot. 

\--


	3. Unravelled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, just like every chapter thus far, there are direct mentions of selfharm. No description, but yet again mentions. So please, like always, proceed with causion.

Today's battle hadn't been as easy as the past two days. BLU had realised they were doing something wrong so they had buffed their defence and put even more efforts in attacking. It was a real nail biter, the BLU Scout had managed to get to their intelligence a multitude of times by now, but he always got stopped one way or another before he could reach their own part of the map. 

 

Scout and Sniper were yet again busy with their well thought out strategy, well it was more so a game of feeling and hoping to know what the other does instead of a 'strategy'. Sniper had just buried a bullet in the head from an enemy Heavy, after Scout had given him a hard blow with his baseball bet, when the BLU Scout raced past the RED Scout with the intelligence on his back. 

 

"Didn't fuckin' think so, pally!" Scout yelled as he started chasing his doppelganger. Due to their amazing speed and ability to move as agile as a cat, a Scout was one of the most difficult things to hit with a Sniper and Scout was well aware of that. Thinking quickly, the runner pulled out his Force - A - Nature and instead of shooting at the BLU Scout he started shooting right next to his feet, forcing the young man to run in a straight line. 

 

"What the hell is ya problem man?!" The blue wearing boy yelled. Scout had a knowing smirk on his face as he kept on shooting his shotgun, hoping to god Sniper would get his plan. But as he heard yet another bullet ring past his ear and watched the Scout drop dead to the ground, Scout couldn't suppress his laughter. Turning around towards the nest Sniper was hiding out, Scout shot up his thumb to congratulate his partner on that amazing action. The runner wasn't one hundred percent sure, but he swore he thought he saw Sniper meeting him in his movement. He liked these little gestures, same as Sniper tipping his hat at him with a smile right before the fight began, it's nice and Scout really came to like them. He had really came to like Sniper as well, it was funny. Not even two days ago he recalled having a fit with him during breakfast and now he couldn't get enough of his presence.

 

Watching the Sniper's nest for a bit longer, Scout's ice blue gaze picked up an odd sight. There moving alongside the stones towards the stairs of the nest, Scout swore he saw the outline of a cloaked Spy. Not sure whether his eyes were betraying him or not, Scout kept on gazing into the distance, until finally the figure decloaked and revealed themselves to indeed be a BLU Spy on his way to fuck Sniper up good. 

 

"Not on my watch!" Scout spoke out loud. He looked down at their intelligence, realising that normally it would be his task now to bring it back, but he had better things to do! He had to help Sniper who had no idea of the danger that was coming. Looking around quickly, the runner spotted their Soldier running his way, perfect!

 

"Yo soldier! Catch!" Seeing that Soldier had caught it with no problems about, Scout already turned back around ready to dart towards the nest. "Get it back to the base! Now!" 

 

"You can count on me, private!" Scout pulled out his bat and started running. The nest was some time away, but nothing he couldn't do. That Spy was going down, he was going to show Sniper he could be useful as well, that he could help him too. Little puffs of dust rose to the occasion as Scout whizzed over the desert ground. Determined to get their quick and anticipate into a fight, Scout pulled up his sleeves without thinking, finding it rather irritating to have them hanging down to his pulses like baggy sacks. 

 

Almost there, just a little bit more. Hoping to god Spy wasn't there already, Scout did his very best to run faster than he possible could manage. The adrenaline coursed through his veins like it had never done before and he felt his heart beat alarmingly fast. Finally he arrived at the bottom of the stairs that let to Sniper. Without a problem about he climbed them in a hurried flee and within a matter of seconds he had reached the top. Breathing heavenly yet silently as to not warn the Spy of his presence, Scout looked around. That bastard had probably cloaked himself yet again, so finding him would be harder than getting Soldier to say that America sucks. The runner squinted his eyes, actually amazed by the amount of room that nest possessed. It had multiple rooms, multiple windows to look out from and most important multiple ways of getting to Sniper. 

 

"Where the fuck are ya, Spy?" Scout whispered. 

 

"Right behind you..." That sentence startled Scout greatly as he turned around frantically in order not to get a nasty butterfly knife get buried in his back. Out of pure instinct he also gave a hard blow to Spy's cheek with his baseball bat. The Frenchman had fallen onto his knee with one hand supporting him and the other rubbing tiny circles on the spot that had just been attacked. Scout had managed to draw blood with his swig, something Spy detested with all his might.

 

"You imbecile, you got blood on my suit..."

 

"I can get it on ya shoes too if ya like." Scout replied smartly. Spy chuckled darkly as his blue gaze shot towards Scout. The runner could barely dodge the sudden attack of a knife trying to cut his leg as he toppled backwards into a wall. Spy wasn't intended on doing this calm and composed, no, he swung his arm violently towards the young lad, managing to cut him in the face. Yet Scout didn't give a flinch, like something simple as that was going to stop him from his goal, no way! Scout placed his baseball bat against Spy's torso and pushed him back a few feet. Seeing this had left the suited man confused for a second, Scout ran up to him and yet again bashed his bat against the Frenchman's skull. The kid was getting the upper hand and before long the notorious Spy lay dead on the ground, his skull bashed in badly. 

 

Panting from his efforts, Scout wiped the sweat off of his brow. A content expression on his face as he let his eyes roam over the fresh corpse. 

 

"Bloody hell!" Sniper shrieked as he saw the scene. "Wot happened here?" 

 

"Oh Snipes! You're okay! 'm so glad!"

 

"'Couse I am. Why wouldn't I be?" Scout gestured towards the dead Spy.

 

"Saw this fuck tryin' to get to ya, but I was quicker!" Sniper had traded his unfazed expression for an impressed one as he walked over to Scout, holding up his hand initiating a high five. 

 

"Noice job, mate!" With a toothy grin, Scout met the bushman in his movement and smacked his hand against his. Yet upon doing that, Scout's heart sunk into his stomach. He finally realised that in the heat of everything he had pulled his sleeves up, something he never did. There for everyone to watch, nasty scars, new and old, were scattered about on both his arms. Hoping to god Sniper hadn't noticed, Scout tried to rapidly pull his arm away, but as he felt Sniper holding onto his hand he knew he was truly fucked. 

 

He couldn't bring himself to look at the Aussie, this was bad, so freaking bad! How was he going to explain this? Was there even a way for him to get out of this? The runner tried to writhe his arm away, but Sniper wouldn't allow it. It seemed like ages before he would finally say something, but by that time Scout was already almost completely suffocated by the situation. 

 

"W-wot's this...?" 

 

"It's nuthin'... letgo, come on..."

 

"Scout, I ain't an idiot." Sniper's gaze travelled from his arms towards the boys face, but eye contact got denied by the runner. Staring off into the distance, eyes glazy, he couldn't find his voice. But just like the days before this one, Sniper kept prying.

 

"Mate... did ya do this to yourself?" 

 

"N-no... who would do a thing like that..?" Scout said unconvincing. "It's... it's from all the battles everyday.." 

 

"No, it ain't." Scout yet again tried to pry his arm free, this time actually succeeding in doing so as Sniper let go. Quickly the boy tugged his sleeves back down, sighing deeply, trying to recollect himself. 

 

"Look... this ain't a thing ya have to worry 'bout, Snipes... really. It ain't anythin' special... nothin' worth to stress 'bout."

 

"It's because of that ex of ya, innit?" Scout gripped tightly at his underarm, feeling Sniper's eyes boring holes in his hat. Oh god this was so nerve - wrecking. Deciding that he had played around enough, Scout lightly nodded his head. He felt tears burn his eyes, but there was no way in hell he would cry now. He had forbidden himself to cry another tear for that freak. 

 

"Has this also been goin' on for eight years?" Sniper's voice had reached another unknown for Scout. He almost sounded, panicked? No, it would probably be something different, no matter the circumstances, Sniper never panicked. 

 

"N-no... think 'bout... almost four now.." 

 

"Four?!" Scout flinched at Sniper raising his voice in surprise. The Aussie took quick notice and immediately adjusted. "Bloody hell, Scout... no one ever noticed these? Those ain't just some faint lines, they're even worse than battle scars." 

 

"Why would anyone notice?" Scout's voice took a saddening colour. "Like anyone would care 'bout me? At the end of the day I'm still that annoyin' little shit who no one can handle." His voice slightly rose. "N-no one gives a damn 'bout loudly an' obnoxious Scout! The same Scout people wouldn't mind if he shut the hell up for once. The same Scout everyone'll come to hate at sum point or another!" The runner took a few steps back as he crashed his baseball bat against the wall in a wave of frustration. 

 

"The same Scout who lets people do whatever with 'em... It has been four years, Snipes, four years since Evan finally left me the fuck alone an' look at me now! Ahaha! Wanne know a secret? I hate my freakin' guts, 'kay? I'm disgusted with myself, I'm fed up with who the hell I am! Y'know, I thought maybe actin' as if I'm the shit would help, but at the end of the day it only made me realise what a fuckin' mess I truly am." He turned towards the marksman once again. "So yeah, I started hurtin' myself... an' when just one stupid little cut wasn't enough, I started doin' it more frequent an' way fuckin' harder. 'Cos it's what I very well deserve!"

 

"Hold your horses roight there, mate!" Sniper interrupted. "Ya didn't deserve any of this! Ya didn't deserve to be put into this bloody misery!" The Aussie took a step closer to the kid who had his eyes casted to the ground. 

 

"No one here hates ya, Scout, I can assure ya that. Even after that minor outburst towards Demoman yesterday. Everyone here is glad you're part of the team, mate! And damn it, I care! I care a lot about ya, Scout. Don't say ain't no one does, 'cos I do." 

 

Suddenly the very urge to hug Sniper returned and now Scout couldn't keep himself from doing it. Throwing his arms around Sniper's waist, Scout hugged him tight. Sniper hugged back, letting his hand caress the runners back in a very comforting way. 

 

"Scout ya have to promise me something, please... next time ya do something loike that, tell me.. 'kay?"Scout wasn't sure what effect it would have, but he nodded his head either way. Maybe the thought of him having to tell Sniper would have him rethinking everything next time he felt like doing it. It could only help, right? All this could only be positive, couldn't it? 

 

Scout let go of the hug and looked up at Sniper. The Aussie wore that amazing smile of his yet again and Scout couldn't help but notice how much he liked it. 

 

"You're amazing, Snipes... really. Thank ya for everythin' ya do for me... I've honest to god never knew someone puttin' so much effort in me without expectin' sumethin' back." 

 

"It's loike I said, mate, I care a whole lot about ya." Scout couldn't help but snicker at that. Sniper sounded so honest, so sincere and Scout liked every bit of it. 

 

"Five minutes left!" Both Sniper's as Scout's head turned towards one of the windows, realising that there was still a war being held outside and both of them weren't helping their teams very well. 

 

"Ah shit! Hopefully that stupid BLU Scout hasn't managed to make a freakin' point yet." 

 

"I reckon not, wouldn't we have heard that?" The runner nodded his head as he retreated his bat, holding it in a firm grasp. 

 

"Well, let's go put an' end to this then, shall we?" 

 

"Ya know it, mate!" Getting his game face back on, Scout had started walking towards the stairs, ready to shoot into action. 

 

"Oi, Scout!" 

 

"Yeah?"

 

"See ya after the game, 'kay?" Scout tipped his hat with a toothy grin, flashing his buckteeth. 

 

"'Course Snipes! You're kind a stuck with me now." The boy joked. Not expecting an answer back, since Sniper had already retreaded into one of the nest's rooms, Scout started climbing down the stairs. Yet upon doing so, Scout could faintly hear Sniper respond one last thing.

 

"Not a problem, kid, I very much like havin' ya around." The runner's eyes went wide, had he really heard that correctly? Someone actually didn't mind his constant talking, someone could stand having him around... even 'liked' it. A wave of happiness crashed over Scout, he couldn't believe it. Sniper was amazing and he started to realise that more and more with every passing second. 

*********************

Scout had no idea how he had ended up here, but there he sat in Sniper's RV watching TV together with the Aussie. It had started out with the news playing as background noise whilst the two were in a conversation, but when an old horror movie started playing Scout had cheered in joy. He absolutely loved horror movies, but hardly watched them since he never had anyone to watch them with. Sniper had chuckled softly as he agreed to watch it with him. 

 

Clutching a pillow to his chest, Scout watched the TV with rapid attention. He knew this movie. Yet another reboot of 'Friday The Thirteenth" but it always got to him either way. Knowing when and where a character would breath their last breath before an axe or machete would be put between their unknowing eyes, the runner couldn't help but give comments about it.

 

"Wouldn't do that if I were ya, pally. Nope, nooo... ah freakin' dumbass!" At the start Scout had been afraid his comments would get annoying, but as he every so often got a approving snort or snicker from Sniper, he knew it was okay. 

 

"Bloody hell, that bloke... eh Jason? He sure is the creative type." Scout had laughed loudly at that. Sniper had no idea what these movies were about, since he had said he hardly watched them. But as someone who himself only knew of two ways to expose of somebody, being an assassin and all, he had a very amusing look on this. Sniper was funny, Scout had already noticed that. He loved how good he got to know the introvert that was Sniper. The kid was comfortable being around him and even more comfortable being in that cosy van of his. Going so far even that Scout had taken off his sweater, due to the high and pleasant temperature in the RV, without being worried about his scarred arms. That was a first for sure. 

 

As the movie neared its ending, Scout felt himself getting tired. His eyelids heavy and threatening to shut close any moment now. Of course he was positive about watching the whole movie, but looking back at that, it was a rather big mistake that he hadn't retreated to his room then and there. Finding that he couldn't fight his sleepiness any longer, Scout closed his eyes for just a second, thinking it would help him getting rid of the feeling. Yet upon doing so, sleep managed to catch him. Scout had fallen asleep.

\--


	4. Brutal Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so for trigger warnings, the following things happen in this chapter: Refrences to abuse and implied molestation, selfharm mentions, bad thoughts and eventual implied selfharm. So again, proceed with causion.

It was a marvellous day. The sun shone bright in the sky as Scout strode peacefully throughout the park with his hands buried in his pockets. No one was around, yet the runner could hear a faint melody of someone playing guitar off in the distance. Even better, he recognized the tune as that song Engineer always played. The hardhat had played it so much by now, Scout could hum along with the melody and so he did. 

 

Everything was pleasant. Going from the birds chirping around him to the beats of sunlight that warmed his skin and the earth around him. The runner managed a soft smile, taking in every single moment of this peaceful scenery. He felt so safe, a feeling that would only ever come out on rare occasions. It did make the runner realise that lately, with his growing friendship with Sniper, he had felt it more and more. Yes, he was certain... he was so glad to have Snipes around. 

 

As Scout kept on humming about, clearly enjoying himself, his eyes spotted someone standing down the road, gesturing for him to come their way. Upon further inspection, Scout realised that the person waving at him wasn't anyone less than his own mother. Scout's eyes dilated, happiness crashing over him. It had been so long since he had seen her, he had missed her so greatly and now he finally got the change to hug his mother in the comforts of this merry moment. 

 

Though not being very tall himself, Scout still towered over the little woman, taking her into his arms as he let out a content sigh. The woman hugged him back, her hand caressing the small of Scout's back. For mere moments, no words were shared between the two. A moment only filled with an embrace Scout had longed for, for so long. After what felt like ages, yet also as just a flash, they parted from the hug.

 

"I'm so glad to see ya, ma." Scout's mom looked up at her son, yet her eyes had a stare Scout couldn't quite put his finger on. It wasn't happy, but surely not sad either. It was sombre, but on the other hand she had a sparkle in her eyes that made it hard for Scout to sort it out as mopish. There was one thing though in which Scout wasn't mistaken and that was that, for whatever reason, it terrified him to the very core. The woman eventually made a move to talk, her cherry red lips parting ever so slightly as her eyes casted upwards half lidded. 

 

"What have ya gotten yourself into, Jeremy?"She asked, clear disappointment in her voice.

 

"W-what?" Her hands grabbed hold of his sleeves and slowly pulled them up, showing her son what she's talking about. Scout tried to scramble backwards, away from her, but found himself paralysed, unable to move. "Look at this.." She continued. "Look at the mess ya made... look at the mess you've become." It was as if his mother was putting a mirror in front of him, forcing him to stare down the reality of what he had turned out to be. 

 

She continued to stare at her son in that same fashion, making way for pure anxiety to course through the runner's veins. That woman, wasn't the loving mother he had known all his life. No, this woman was a representation of the eternal battle Scout had been fighting with himself for all these years, but it hiding behind the disguise of his mother had him breaking down little by little.

 

"You've created this mess, honey, it's all your fault." She took a few steps away from him, that unsettling look still glued to him. "Ain't no body's goin' to help ya, darlin', good luck doin' it all on your own." Scout tried to break out whatever paralyzed trance his body was in, eager to run after his mother. He didn't want to be left alone, he was so scared. Terrified by the thought that if no one would hold him, he'd break into a million pieces. Scout was scattered enough as it was, he couldn't take more of it. Watching his mother casually stride away, Scout managed to break away from the numbness currently clawing at his body and run after her. Wanting to clutch himself around her waist, the runner was left dazzled as he had grabbed right through her, almost like she'd never been there. She was gone, at least her physical form was and all Scout could do was watch her walk away from him. 

 

"M-ma..." He sobbed lightly. "Please don't go... please ma... I'm so alone..." Scout was so lost, out of nowhere this entire moment had come crashing down. In nothing more than the blink of an eye, the runner was left to yet again feel empty and drained from energy. It was unfair, everything was... it all sucked. Why couldn't he stop kicking himself in the face? Why did things like this had to keep haunting him? Hunting him down until he was left trembling in the cold corner of his own mind.

 

Scout had been too deep into his own thoughts for him to notice a deep chuckle coming from behind him. When it managed to drag him out of them, other realisations came falling over him like a waterfall. Clouds had swallowed the sun, the music had faded into distorted shadows and the temperature had dropped by a good fifteen degrees. Letting his eyes roam around, looking for the source of the unsettling chuckling, Scout's breath hitched violently when he had found it.

 

"Long time no see.." The runner stiffened upon seeing two acid green eyes staring down at him. Fright consumed the boy in a tight knot as he stumbled backwards a bit, bracing himself in unintended defence. "Hey now... no need to tense up like that.." His voice was smooth, yet very hostile. Scout recognized him alright... that thick black hair, those green eyes and a slightly tanned skin. 

 

"What? You're just gonna ignore me?" Scout kept staring at him, keeping a good distance between them. He knew what the freak was capable of, but the least Scout could do right now was respond, at least Evan seemed to be acting quite normal for his doing at the moment. 

 

"What do ya want?" Oh how Scout wished that would have come out determined and strong, instead it had come out like a nervous whimper. 

 

"What I want? I just... wanne talk, 'tsbeen some time since I saw ya.." Evan made a move to get a bit closer, but just as he moved a step forward, Scout took one backwards. 

 

"Well then... talk."

 

"Ya see... 'm not very keen on ya leaving me like that, y'know? It's... rather saddening when ya loose one of your belongings." Scout cringed inwardly. He wasn't anyone's damned belonging! He was a human being with his own feelings, not this freaks punching bag. 

 

"I ain't yours.." 

 

"I wouldn't be too sure 'bout that, babe." The runner started moving backwards more and more as he saw Evan advance on him. Thinking quickly, Scout decided to do the thing he was best at, running. No way in hell that Evan would be able to keep up with him. Scout had always been a very fast runner, but after the training he had been doing at Fortress for almost four years now, he had become even faster. Without a warning, Scout ducked away and broke into a run. 

 

"Fuckin' hell!" Evan yelled. "You coward!" But Scout didn't care, he just kept running trying to put as much miles between him and that monster. A frightening realisation hid him after running for about five minutes. Everything was the exact same. There was no way of getting out of here. Coming to a stop, Scout looked around him, his eyes in a desperate search for a way out. 

 

"Ya can't get out. You'll always be trapped... always." Scout got a hard blow to his back, the strength in his legs disappearing as he crashed into the ground. Moaning in pain, the runner tried his very best to get himself together to be able to scramble back to his feet, but as he felt something hover over him, he knew it was too late. 

 

"Oh look at ya... you've always been so difficult... funny though, normally ya didn't use to put up this much of a fight, did we learn how to fight back?" Scout had put his arm against Evan's chest to keep him more than a few inches away from his face. For someone who had been fighting in a war for four years now, the runner was dazzled by how weak he felt. Much to Scout's displeasure, Evan's hands were unable to keep to himself. Going from stroking the runner's sides to letting them ghost over the inside of his thigh. 

 

"Please... stop.." Scout whimpered as he looked away. He felt so mistreated and dirty, laying there like a limb ragdoll. "I...I don't wanne do this.." He whispered. Evan smiled the most mischievous smile Scout had ever seen in his life before lowering to the runner's ear.

 

"Oh I know ya don't wanne... but you're gonna either way..."

**********************

Still half asleep and with his eyes closed, Scout shot up crying, kicking and screaming bloody murder. 

 

"No don't touch me ya monster! Leave me alone!! Don't fuckin' touch me!!" As he tried to catch his breath, an uncontrollable sobbing came with it and after a few seconds, the runner finally opened his eyes. Realising that he had stayed the night in Sniper's RV, it immediately made way more sense to see his friend next to him. The marksman had probably been alarmed by the sudden screaming and had rushed towards Scout without question. 

 

"Oi, oi, Scout, it's okay, it was just a dream." The runner continued sobbing as he clutched around Sniper, desperate for that safe feeling to return again. Sniper had gathered the young man in his arms in an attempt to calm him down. Not paying attention to the fact that he was showing such weakness in front of somebody, Scout buried his face into Sniper's chest, continuing to cry.

 

"You're okay, mate, I promise, you're safe." The runner didn't say a word. His crying had calmed down, but here and there soft sniffles could be heard. Sniper continued to hold his teammate like that, also not saying anything, just providing comfort as best as he could. Scout felt so fragile, he knew he wasn't he had been through enough to prove that, but he couldn't help this feeling. These nightmares never failed to leave a bad effect on him and today wasn't an exception to that. Usually Scout would have rushed into the comforts of hurting himself after these, but as he sat there, safely in the arms of the marksman, Scout felt his tears fade together with the bad thoughts. 

 

"I-I'm so sorry..." The runner's voice sounded muffled, probably due to his mouth being pressed against Sniper's vest. 

 

"No, don't apologise, kid, come on.." 

 

"Well... than lemme apologize for fallin' a sleep here, last night... I didn't mean to..." Sniper smiled softly as his hand yet again caressed the same spot on Scout's back as it had done yesterday. 

 

"Really mate, that ain't no problem at all. If it would have bothered me, I would have send ya butt right back to the base last noight." That managed a little smile on Scout's face. Somewhere, the runner was glad Sniper didn't ask him what had made him waking up in such frantic manner, yet he had immediately rushed to his aid like it was the most normal thing to do. Eventually Scout let go of the hug and sat back in the comfortable couch he had slept on that night. 

 

"What time is it?" 

 

"7AM. Reckon I would have let ya slept a bit longer since the foight doesn't start until 9 and ya looked like ya could use it." Sniper said as he walked off towards his mini kitchen, probably to make some coffee. Scout noticed that the Aussie was already fully in his regular fight clothing. How early did that bushman wake up?

 

"Snipes, I got a question for ya." 

 

"Shoot."

 

"Do ya sleep much? 'Cos I recall you bein' up an' awake at 4AM as well two days ago an' it's barely 7AM an' you're already fully ready to fight." Sniper snorted out a little laugh, clearly amused as he kept on preparing his coffee.

 

"I'm a night owl," He said simply as he turned around, coffee in hand. "but no worries, kid, I get plenty of sleep, surely in the weekends."   
Scout nodded his head as he pushed back the blanket (that Sniper must have put on him at some point that night) back to his feet and stood up. As he let out a loud yawn, the runner scanned the van for his sweater. Out of nowhere the piece of fabric got thrown into his face, followed by Sniper's low laugh. 

 

"Oh funny, old man!" Scout said. Feeling his heartbeat quicken for whatever reason. Sniper's laugh was pleasant, Scout noticed, he liked it a lot... hopefully he'd hear it more often. Now pulling his sweater of his head, Scout tried to dismiss those few seconds of weird feelings.

 

"Anyway! Before I get sum coffee thrown in my face, I'm off to get ready for today. See ya at the battlefield, 'kay?" Sniper nodded as he took a long sip from his "#1 Sniper" cup. 

 

"'course kid! Now off ya go." Scout held up his thumb, before walking out the door and dashing towards the base, hoping to god no one of the other's were awake yet. 

**********************

Despite Sniper managing to calm Scout down after that traumatizing dream, the nightmare kept on spooking around his head during the rest of the day and it was clearly showing in Scout's fighting. For three days the RED team had managed to dominate the BLU team, but now the runner was basically giving it away. He was so unfocused, unaware of what was happening even when the BLU Scout bashed him to death with his baseball bat. Scout also noticed that Sniper tried his very best to get Scout out of unsafe situations, but he wasn't a damn wizard, without Scout working along at all, he couldn't avoid certain death for the young man every time an enemy lunged at him. 

 

Much to Scout's predilection, the end of the day arrived. He was not feeling okay and he just wanted to retreat into his room and don't come out until tomorrow. RED had lost and Scout couldn't help but feel that it was his fault, even worse, he wasn't the only one thinking that. 

 

"What kind of "amateur hour" work was that, son?!" Soldier cried out. "We could have dominated them again with pure ease, if it weren't for you standing around like we aren't in a damned war!" Scout felt himself shrinking, more than ashamed as Soldier gave him that fierce lecture. The sad thing was that Scout liked Soldier a lot, he was a fun guy to have around, so having him yell at him like that affected him more than he'd show. The American just got so fanatic about these fights, he probably didn't mean it as sincere as he let off now, but it still managed to unsettle Scout. 

 

"With a selfish attitude like that, you'll bring this entire team down!" 

 

"Oi, helmet head! Leave 'em the hell alone!" Sniper's voice rose ever so slightly, he sounded very intimidating like that. "Are ya forgettin' that we're fightin' in a bloody team? Easy for ya to shove the reason for our loss into his shoes, innit?" 

 

"Well you could ask him the same thing! Where was he when Pyro and I were trying everything to get the intelligence? Or where was he when the BLU Scout got our intelligence and everyone was trying to stop him? Hmm?" Scout was slowly dying inside as he heard the two man bicker about his performance from a few moments ago. He wanted to jump in and break it up, but hearing them go on at each other, Scout couldn't find the words nor the right moment to do it. 

 

"Genug!" The two men went silent upon hearing that. Medic walked further into the room with a mad expression in his eyes. "Vhy on earth are you two fighting like zhis?!" Soldier gave Sniper a mean shove, he was acting no better than a toddler. 

 

"I was just giving Scout the facts about his horrible results today, but for whatever reason Sniper had to interfere!" The marksman rolled his eyes. They looked like two children having to explain to a teacher what had went wrong or why they had gotten into a fight and taking a better look at it.. that was quite literally what they were doing. Medic sighed deep as he let his intimidating stare linger.

 

"You are no better zhan a bunch of children! Sniper I had expected better from you... you're normally not zhe type to get into fights vith zhe other's..." Rubbing his temple out of pure irritation, the German doctor turned to Scout. "I.. do have to say though zhat Soldier isn't totally wrong, Scout." Scout's blood rand ice cold as he heard that, again feeling that uneasy feeling in his chest. Though the tone in Medic's voice had gone down a notch, Scout felt so attacked. 

 

"Your performance vas indeed far under vhat ve know you can achieve, I'm not saying zhat the reason ve lost is your fault, Scout, of course not, but I am disappointed to say zhe least." Why was that so difficult to hear? Not because it came from Medic, but because Scout felt like almost everyone was disappointed with him, kind a like his own mother during his nightmare. 

 

The runner gave a strict and controlled nod, before he flicked his gaze towards the ground and made a mad dash for the exit. He was not feeling okay, far from actually. He was forced to take in so much in so little time that Scout had no idea how to handle it. And then there it was, that dreadful feeling, that soft whisper telling him to hurt himself.

 

The runner basically crashed into his room, locking his door as he, afterwards, searched his desk for anything sharp at all. Not even two seconds later he found his old cutter and retreated to his bed. He was so upset, little crossed his mind as he gazed down the rusty cutter. Though one little thing did manage to disturb him. If he'd do this, he'd have to tell Sniper and that after barely one day after he had promised it. He felt so guilty and selfish, so fed up with himself. It was all too strong, all the bad emotions were sailing too badly through him and so Scout proceeded without thinking of any consequences. Without realising that tomorrow he'd have to walk up to Sniper and tell him that he had already failed barely twenty four hours after he had promised that. Scout was shaking like a leaf, somewhere still trying to convince himself that this was a bad idea. But as images of his nightmare together with the disappointed looks from Soldier and Medic flashed before his eyes, the runner couldn't take it anymore. Placing the cutter on his arm, Scout was about to make a very big mistake. 

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not confident about this chapter at all. I read it over and over again, tried to change it here and there, but in the end it's really just a big mess of emotions scattered around, kind a how I'm feeling today honestly.


	5. Avoidance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: Although there is no description of the selfharm itself, there is a description of the wound and mentions of blood. Procceed with causion

The night had reached the unholy hour of 5AM as Scout lay motionless on his bed, his tear filled gaze scanning every inch of the white ceiling. For hours the runner had been mentally kicking himself for what he had done and how he had done it. Blood had stained his blankets and even some of the drops had hit his pants, he had been unbelievably sloppy and he hated it. Not only that, he felt like he had betrayed Sniper by doing this. What was he supposed to do now? Casually walk up to the marksman, who had been the most patient person ever and who had been so gentle with him, and show him the new cuts on his arm? Just starting up a conversation like he always would? Despite his golden patience, Scout was convinced one of these days he'd probably get Sniper to lose his temper over him and only thinking about that broke Scout's heart. 

 

Scout sighed deep as he rolled onto his side, noticing the flash of a faint little light on his nightstand. Pushing himself up on one elbow, the runner reached for his phone. The light indicated a message he had gotten. Upon unlocking the device, Scout rubbed and afterwards squinted his eyes only to find not one, not two but five missed messages. His heart got a little stung as he saw the sender. The marksman had probably been worrying his ass off the entire day and here Scout was not even bothering to answer. What in the hell am I doing? Scout thought.

 

His phone flew a few feet through the room as it landed perfectly on his couch located at the other side of the room. Still at a total loss of what to do, Scout's tired mind tried to convince himself that his best option was to avoid Sniper at all cost. Pure foolishness even beyond the boundaries of his own idiocy, but he couldn't come up with anything better and he knew damn well enough he'd never be able to lie about this upon looking the Aussie in the eyes. Maybe treating this problem as "if I close my eyes long enough, it'll go away" would help, he had no idea. One of many of his avoidance mechanisms. 

 

Tomorrow was going to be a dreadful day, he already knew that. After the fight he would have to make sure that his sheets and these pair of pants get washed as soon as possible and with the preference of non of his teammates seeing him as well. Maybe after that he'd go for a run in their little fitness room, believe it or not, they actually have one, just barely anyone bothered to use it. The only person to every actually occupy it from time to time, was Scout, and surely now, after Medic and Soldier had pointed out his weak performance the other day, the runner hoped that getting some extra training would help, it had to. Also, since Sniper barely left his RV, Scout knew he'd be best staying in the base all day. He hated the thought of not talking nor barely seeing Sniper, he enjoyed his presence so much... his little tries of making conversation even though he doesn't speak much or the way he comforts the runner with these little subtle gestures, Scout sure was going to miss it. Somewhere he tried to fight tooth and nail against this idiotic idea, but on the other hand... he knew he didn't have much of a choice. 

**********************

The runner got woken up from a faint knocking on his door. It seemed urgent, but it wasn't anything frantic so Scout allowed himself to wake up slowly. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, Scout pushed himself to a stance and walked over to the door. Seconds before opening, the person on the other side knocked again which irritated Scout in his early morning stage. Mumbling a heated "Yeah yeah impatient bastard" before actually opening the oak door. 

 

"Guud mornin'!" Demoman greeted cheerfully. Scout's half lidded eyes peered at the Scot, fairly unknowing of why that bastard had bothered to wake him up this early. 

 

"Sup?"

 

"Nuthin' much, lad, I'm just here to say dat there won't be a battle tuday." Confusion mixed with frustration, due to the confusion and his overall morning mood, painted across the runner's features. 

 

"A ceasefire day? Why in the hell is it a ceasefire day?" 

 

"Da Medic from the other team apparently had an accident in his lab, so no fightin' tuday." Scout nodded his head slowly, the realisation of him not having to leave the base today slowly starting to hit him as his eyes grew a bit wider and a little smile crept onto his face. 

 

"Thanks for warnin' me!" This news had breathed some life into the runner. Maybe avoiding just everyone would be a whole lot easier like that. Even better! Now that Demoman had woken him up so early he doubted any of his teammates would be around the laundry room. He could just go about his business without anyone sticking their nose in it, perfect!

 

Turning on the lights might had been the last thing to fully wake up Scout. Almost relieved, the runner strolled over to his bed and tore his sheets of. Gathering the blankets plus his dirtied pants into one little ball, Scout laid it upon the now naked mattress of his bed and went on to quickly pull on some new clothes.

 

Upon walking down the hallway, Scout got reminded again about the fact that winter was eager to breath its breaths throughout the country. It was so dark, as a matter of fact Scout couldn't see his own two feet and since the building was still filled with sleeping mercenaries no one had taken the time to warm any of the rooms besides the bedrooms, which had Scout believing he was walking through a palace made out of ice during his walk towards the laundry room. 

 

As he finally arrived, Scout let out a content sigh, flicking the lights on and quickly getting to work. He remembered how Engineer once showed him how it all worked and ever since then, Scout had a little pattern he made himself repeat to wash his clothes. Yet right now, the main objective were his sheets.

 

"Okay so... euuh.." The runner gazed down at the sheets, trying his hardest to remember what the hardhat had said about washing those. "Oh yeah! 'course, the stains first." Sadly this wasn't Scout's first time ever washing out blood stains, so he exactly remembered what to use. He needed salt for this, so his journey would extent to a short stop in the kitchen. Pure joy. 

 

While trying to make his way towards the kitchen as silent as he possibly could manage, Scout remembered the first time he had to deal with bloodstains. Scared beyond believe that anyone would start asking uneasy questions, the runner had asked (again) Engineer how to get rid of bloodstains because he had had a "nose bleed" the night prior to that day. Engie had smiled at him and learned him the trick as if it were a magic one, a nice memory, yet the undertones of it were far from joyful.

 

Finally Scout got the salt from one of the kitchen's cabinets as he now found himself jogging back towards the laundry room, driven pure by the anxiety of someone walking in there and seeing his sheets whilst they were unguarded. Luckily for him, his teammates were a bunch of lazy nitwits who all had returned to bed after hearing the news. Sprinkling some of the salt onto the stains, Scout's mind already worked on what he had to do next.

 

"Alright, in ya go." Scout said as he grabbed his sheets and threw them in the washing machine. Setting the machine on a higher temperature, he grabbed a random detergent from the shelf above and poured in the right amount. Now all he had to do was set the machine on the right programme and that was that. The runner repeated the same progress with his pants and as he watched over the two machines washing away busy at his clothes, he felt proud for doing this on his own. Idiotic if you'd ask him, but he let himself be for once. 

**********************

For the rest of the day, Scout had been in his room listening to music staring his eyes dull on every spot of his room. Every so often, the runner heard one of the other's stumbling around the building and as the sun finally gave colour to the land, Scout suspected everyone to be up and awake too. Scout sighed deep. To put it simple, he was bored out of his mind, hating the fact that he couldn't run around. He felt like a prisoner, chained to his room with nothing else to do than think for hours on end. No one could think for that amount of time and get happy doing that, that's just impossible. You'd be surprised how pessimistic a human being can get when left alone with their own thoughts and self driven discussions. 

 

Scout had been pacing around in his room in a restless manner. Oh god how he hated this feeling. He so desperately wanted to barge out of his room and go for a long run in the desert, but every time he almost found himself walking out, actually on his way to do so, he had to remind himself that he was trying to avoid everyone, surely Sniper, and that going out now was quite impossible. Scout remembered his plan of going to their little gym room, but eventually found it too much of a hassle to get there without anyone noticing him. It wasn't as if he could just get access to that room, no you needed the keys and a code to get in there, why? He had no idea. Almost every room in the base was well locked like that. So anyway, that plan had burned up before his very eyes as well. 

 

Finding that he couldn't keep himself occupied with only listening to music any longer, Scout tried to think of a plan before he'd start ravaging his room out of pure boredom. Right now it was getting close to 1PM. A lunch would be served in the cafeteria somewhere around 1:30PM (a regular occurrence on ceasefire days), taking that everyone would go eat, since it's the normal thing to do, that would be Scout's escape time. Once outside he would have to make sure he wouldn't come across Sniper's RV, just in case the Aussie decided to stay in his van. 

 

Scout sighed deep thinking about his plan, all this effort just because he wanted to avoid people. Well, not exactly that alone. All that effort to avoid the one person he trusted because his needs had been too strong. The runner found himself unable to not think about the marksman, every thought lead to him and it was beyond maddening, surely because his one and only objective today was to avoid him. 

**********************

When 1:30PM rolled around, Scout sneaked out of his room happy to see that indeed everyone had retreated to the cafeteria to get lunch. So far so good. Outside the sky had a gray colour, but it wasn't raining, so the kid didn't bother with a jacket since he had his sweater anyway. Once actually outside, Scout looked off into the distance for a place to go. Rather quickly, he spotted a little, probably abandoned, little shack not so far from the base. He sure was convinced that a walk there would settle his tenseness. Also, he'd finally have something to fill this numbing day with. Thought he'd never think it, but damn Scout sure missed the war. 

 

His walk had barely passed the ten minute mark as he arrived at the shack. It was indeed abandoned, just as he had expected. One odd thing caught his attention; the door had been bashed in, but Scout suspected it to be from some while ago. Eager to see what was inside, Scout pushed the battered door open further and cautiously made his way inside. Despite the gray sky, the shack itself was illuminated enough for the young man to be able to look around properly. The first thing to catch the eye of anyone who would actually bother to look on was how haggard the place was. It felt as if someone years ago left it in a hurry and never returned. Leaving it to be demolished by time. Scout's hand roamed alongside one of the walls as he walked past it, he couldn't believe that no one ever came here. A little house like this that was barely ten minutes away from the base, so forgotten, so uncared for. It almost managed to hit Scout on a personal level. 

 

Eventually Scout came to a stop as he noticed something rather odd. An arrow stuck a bit further in the perfect centre of a wall and as Scout let his eyes roam about he noticed that some of these walls were covered with tears from arrows being shot at them. The runner walked over towards the only arrow that was actually still there, inspecting it from a closer look.

 

"How the hell?" He whispered to himself.

 

"Honest to god never expected to see ya here, mate.." The runner turned around, tilting his head to see Sniper standing on an old crate, bow in hand. The Aussie jumped down and walked over to the younger man. Scout was unable to sort out what kind of look Sniper was trying to give him, due to his sunglasses, which had anxiety spread throughout him in an inhuman pace.

 

"Hi there..." Scout said weakly. "enjoying the ceasefire?" Sniper didn't say anything, from what Scout could notice, it seemed as if the marksman was in a loss of words, yet he was trying to get this conversation somewhere, unlike Scout who tried everything to act as if nothing ever happened. 

 

"Scout... 'm sorry for yesterday." 

 

"What?" 

 

"Ya know.. with the whole incident with Medic and Soldier, ya seemed so upset..." Scout's eyes grew wide as he heard the marksman apologize. No! Sniper didn't have to apologize for anything! If any, Scout should be the one coming clean about what he had done. Hearing Sniper like that tore Scout's heart into pieces, he had to stop him now, stop him from thinking that he had done anything wrong. 

 

"... also wanted to apologize for not makin' sure ya were okay.. I-"

 

"Snipes, please stop.. ya haven't done anythin' wrong. I-if any of us should apologize... it should be me.." Scout's sighed deep, casting his eyes downwards. "I was the one who ignored, yes ya heard me right "ignored", your messages, I was the one goin' high an' low to avoid ya or anyone of the team today, I was the one just runnin' away like that yesterday... and... ya know why I did all that?" The runner looked up with tears in his eyes. Oh god he was going to cry again, he hated it so much. 

 

"I... did all that, b-because I couldn't bring myself.. to tell ya this..." Scout rolled up his left sleeve cautiously, as if he were disabling a bomb. Without saying anything he stuck out his arm and let Sniper take a look for himself. The cuts had reopened at some point of the day and little smears of dried up blood hung around them. They had taken the shade of a horrid dark red and hung like heavy lines on his pale skin. It was horrible. Scout was fully crying now, his emotions one big mess inside himself. 

 

"I'm so sorry... I.. understand ya mad with me... I really do, I...I already broke ma promise... not even a freakin' day after I promised it... I know that apologizin' won't solve a thing, but I truly am sorry... Ya probably don't trust me... which I understand, I mean... ain't no one would trust me after I did this an'-"

 

Scout got cut off as he felt Sniper hug him, for the first time it wasn't Scout that initiated the embrace, but Sniper. The runner was so taken aback by this that he stopped rambling and immediately wrapped his arms around the thin frame of the marksman.

 

"Scout please calm down, no need to jump to conclusions loike that, I ain't angry with ya nor do I distrust ya now. Mate, I asked ya to tell me if ya did it again, not to stop. You've been doin' this for four years, ya really think I expect ya to quit with it overnight? This is a thing that'll take time, a lot of it and I promise ya I won't lose patience. I'm a sniper, ain't I? Havin' patience is kind a requirement for my job." They both snickered at that, which had Scout only hugging Sniper tighter. How did that bushman perfectly know what to say to calm him down like this? The only thing going at a frantic manner right now, was Scout's heart, but that was because he was so close to him, not because he was upset. Was he starting to get feelings for Sniper? Was he falling for the guy? Scout had no idea and he quickly dismissed those thoughts as now was not the right time to clearly think about that.

 

"Ya know... I never used to feel guilty 'bout this sorta stuff... now I've been feelin' guilty all day, even regretted it... that's new.." 

 

"As long as that guilt don't make ya wanne do it again, I reckon that's a good thing, kid." Scout smiled as he nodded his head. He felt so safe, he always did when around Sniper and he'd do everything to keep like this forever. But of course everything has it's ending and so they eventually parted form the hug. 

 

"Ya come here often?" Scout asked upon looking around.

 

"Almost every ceasefire, no one ever comes along here, great for target practise." 

 

"I had already forgotten ya have a bow, that's freakin' awesome man!" Sniper snickered softly as he went to retrieve his arrow. 

 

"With a bow ya need to be a whole lot closer to the action, somethin' I'm not used to anymore, so I resort to snipin' most of the time and besides," The marksman smiled as he again walked over to the runner to ruffle his hair (since Scout wasn't wearing his hat). "how am I supposed to safe your but if I ain't snipin'?" Scout felt flustered and he felt his face heat up by the second. When an awkward little laugh escaped him, the runner forced himself to act normal and force these unsorted feelings to the side. 

 

"Very funny! But hey, maybe ya right, we're a damn awesome team out there! If I can't kill 'em , I know you'll have 'em, I'm hardly every paranoid that any of the BLU's will attack ma back." As Scout said that sentence, a horrid noise came forth from his stomach. Due to the hassle that day had been already, the runner hadn't even realised how hungry he was. Sniper gazed down at him with a little smile.

 

"Have ya eaten anythin' today yet?" 

 

"Nah.. hadn't really thought 'bout it to be honest." The marksman hung his bow over his shoulder after he had put his arrow with the others.

 

"C'mone, suppose there should still be some left in the cafeteria, I mostly go 'round this hour 'cos no one is around then." Scout laughed loudly as he followed right after the marksman.

 

"You're really not keen on other people, now are ya? Yet here you are hanging around with the noisiest of 'em all. Explain that, Snipes." 

 

"No you're totally right, mate, I'm the biggest introvert ya can imagine. Have been all my loife, I mean I life in an RV for god sakes." Sniper let out a sigh, yet it still remained somehow playful. "but you're somethin' different, kid, can't quite explain it, but loike I said, I like havin' ya around."

 

"Should I feel special for that?" Scout joked, meanwhile his heart pounding so badly it threatened to burst out of his chest. Sniper didn't respond for a good few seconds as the two walked back to the base. Eventually he managed to say something very puzzling that would sure make Scout's mind race with question once he'd be alone.

 

"Why don't ya sort that out for yourself, mate?" Scout again laughed at that, but that was more to hide the confusion that had struck him. What did the bushman mean by that? All it honestly did, was make way for even more questions and feelings to scramble in Scout's head. 

 

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god this chapter, I don't even know what this is. There were so many ways for me to write this and somewhere I have the feeling I picked out the worst one. It's honest to god boring and eventhough I've been staring my eyes dull at it for almost four days now, I can't find a way to make it a bit more interesting, surely not the beginning. 
> 
> I'm just afraid that chapters like these, the ones that aren't very important since not a lot happen but still are quite necessary to connect important chapters with each other, will ruin the overall feel of the story I'm trying to tell you guys. This subject is a very fragile one and I'm trying to treat it with as much respect as I can, so putting out chapters as these always give me, let's say, a very uncertain feeling because I never know what you guys'll think of it
> 
> Anyway, maybe I'm just over thinking, maybe I'm totally right I don't know. I'll let you guys decide.
> 
> (Also, it's a sad sad day when you have to look up instructions on how to wash sheets and even then write it as vaguely as possible in your actual story. Ah well, I suppose you guys didn't come here for the soul purpose of reading how Scout washes his sheets, now are ya?)
> 
> (Also, also, I'm well aware that they're not supposed to have smartphone's or anything, but I actually need mordern technology for something later on in the fanfiction so yeah... sorry for that major flaw)


	6. I Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is an actual description of a suicide attempt in this chapter, please proceed with causion. If this subject is fragile to you or will only leave a bad effect on you, I strongly suggest you do not read on. I hope this trigger warning will be treated with respect, because it is very important!

One week had passed since Scout discovered this confusing mess of emotions for the marksman and for the full seven days following, the runner had barely done anything else than think about it and at least try and sort some things out. After one week, the full seven days, one hundred and sixty eight freaking hours, Scout had finally managed to come to one conclusion. He liked the marksman a lot, no, like may have been too feeble of a word... did he love him? Oh god it was so confusing. Maybe Scout just didn't want himself to fall in love again, he had every reason to be scared, but he couldn't help being very keen on the Aussie, now could he?

 

It was the late afternoon of yet another one of those lazy Sundays as the runner, after another day of fighting, lay on his bed, repeating the action of throwing his baseball into the air over and over again meanwhile letting his mind wander off. It was nice that he had found a way to occupy it with something different than him constantly mentally screaming at himself what an honest waste of space he was. Thinking about Sniper actually managed to put Scout in a very good mood, actually thinking about the past week already managed to do so. The war they were hired to fight had, for the solid five out of seven days, been won by RED with BLU barely winning those two other times and next to that, the runner had been spending most of his time with Sniper and found himself being more joyful and somewhat... alive. In seven days he had been happier than he had been for the past twelve years of his life and it had him believing that maybe, just maybe, everything would fall into place after all. 

 

A sudden noise, something along the lines of a higher pitched beep, came forth from the laptop resting on Scout's desk. It startled the runner since he barely used the thing and honestly already had forgotten that it was still on, let alone remembering the fact that he actually owned something like that. Scout supported his upper body with both his elbows as he pushed his legs over the side of the bed, ending in him rising to a standing position in one fluid motion. Without any idea of what could have been the trigger for that annoying beep tone, Scout walked over to his desk and crashed into his chair. His eyes needed a second to adjust to the blaring light of the screen before they could start their journey of finding what the hell was going on. It was rather shameful, but when it came to things like technology, Scout was near as clueless as he was if you'd send him off to an European country all on his own. He barely knew anything about it, so he hoped he just got a message or something, just nothing that would have him breaking his brain over what to do. 

 

Not ten seconds later, Scout sighed relieved seeing that his laptop only tried to get his attention on an e-mail he had gotten. Probably just spam or anything else that would have Scout sighing with irritation because it was all a waste of time anyway. But as the runner entered his mailbox to take an actual look, he froze. His heart kept on skipping beats and feelings of nausea consumed him into a tight knot as he saw the sender. Was this real? No, it couldn't be! This must be another one of his nightmares. He kept on staring at the screen until his eyes started watering from the stinging light. After four silent years, Scout had received an e-mail from Evan. After never hearing a word from him again, here Scout was staring his brains numb at this frightening sight. 

 

Just everything about this alone was disturbing, but the subject of the mail really took the cake so far. All it read was: "Enjoy (;". What the hell was that supposed to mean? Scout was about to find out, but he had a strong feeling that whatever was hiding behind that icon wasn't going to be anything good. 

 

It took a few second for the message to load, which had Scout biting his nails out of pure nervousness. Everything was taking so goddamn long, why now? Maybe it was just an illusion because his impatient mind was bursting from pure frustration or maybe everything was indeed just going ten times slower than usual, that would just be Scout's freaking luck. Scout tapped his fingers rapidly as his eyes shot from corner to corner of the, still, white computer screen. The anticipation was getting too much and right when Scout was convinced he couldn't go any longer, the mail had fully loaded. 

 

Nothing, it was an almost completely empty mail, besides one little thing... a link. Scout couldn't make anything from the name of the website it would send him to once he selected it, which only managed to stress him out even more. He let the mouse hover over it for a good five minutes, not knowing what to expect. What would great him once he finally gave into his curious side? The runner's mind had drawn a total blank due to just everything, so without the slightest speculation, Scout clicked the link. 

 

Not that it was physically possible, but Scout's heart stopped beating for a solid minutes as the page had loaded. His eyes grew wide as they scanned every pixel of his screen. Tons of pictures neatly aligned in rows of three had sprung into view and shamefully Scout recognized them all, even better.. he recognized the person in them. These godforsaken pictures, somewhere Scout always knew they'd come back to bite him in the ass, but after four full years of never hearing a thing of that demon, the runner never expected this. Pages full of nude pictures Scout had been forced to take were now wild and free on the internet for any perverted eye to watch. It was horrible, flat out malicious. Scout felt his stomach knit together, so nauseous that he felt like puking his guts out. He couldn't breathe, his body was in pure shock even to the point where he was unable to think at all. All he wanted to do was scream and cry, honestly what else could he do?

 

But then it hit him. A chill ran down his spine the further his mind came at ease with the decision it had made while being in that state of pure blankness. He was officially done with it all. Life just couldn't stop beating him around like this, just couldn't help but give him this illusion of happiness for a bit before it would collapse under the pressure of this horrific discovery. Everything was unfair and Scout was beyond through with it. If he was to leave this earth, he would never have to worry about this, he would never again have to worry or care about anything. No Evan, no self harm, no bad thoughts,... maybe everything would be better than. Maybe. Honestly, Scout already declared his life as over upon seeing that site. Such a mess, how would he ever be able to clean it up?

 

The runner frantically started searching for his cutter, it would all be over soon. His hands were shaking like leaves as he held that blood covered and rusty thing. This tool would be his ticket, his way out of this hell he had been living for twelve years now. Finally everything would leave him the hell alone. 

 

Slightly crying now, Scout leaned against the wall and let himself slide down to a sitting position. He was actually going to do this. Everything was ruined anyway, his entire life and the little bits of hope he still had left for himself, had crumbled right in front of his blue gaze. Scout stared at his left pulse for a second before placing his cutter right on the spot he knew would tear open his artery. But seconds before actually doing so, the runner realised he had one more thing to do. One big question mark that he'd never get the answer to. He fished for his phone in his pocket and made quick work of it.

**********************

Sniper lazy strolled his way through the dry dessert towards his RV after a 'quick' monthly medical check up (of two bloody hours, thank you very much) with Medic. Everyone was tied to it, so Sniper had gotten his reluctant butt to the lab of the German without any further question, basically just like every month. The Aussie sighed deep as he entered the comforts of his RV and let himself fall down onto his couch. Since he had his appointment with the doc, Sniper had watched Scout go off towards his room and somewhere Sniper hated that he had wasted two hours, he could have easily spend with the runner, on this whole medical crap. Not that he didn't trust Scout on his own, of course he did. He knew damn well that the kid made his mistakes, but seeing him fight against his misfortune, Sniper knew Scout would end up okay.

 

As the marksman took off his glasses to rub his face, he heard a low buzz coming from his phone. Confused, Sniper looked up wondering who would need him right now. Maybe Scout was wondering where the hell he was after two hours, but then again, knowing how impatient that kid is, Sniper would have heard that noise way more often. Without any further ado, Sniper stood up and walked over to where his phone was every so often buzzing about, only to found that he had received a message from indeed Scout. He cocked an eyebrow up, finding himself unlocking the device quicker than his laid back self normally would. 

 

The Aussie was confused beyond anything. Scout's message was short, yet very powerful. All it read was:

 

'I love you'

 

Somewhere the Aussie felt flustered, excited even, but as he took a second look on it, worry eased in with his other emotions and not even moments later Sniper found himself walking out his RV in a fast pace. Something was wrong. What the kid had send him may have been true (Sniper was hoping to god it was), but the way he did it was puzzling. Scout would never just casually pick up his phone and send a message like that, no. Scout was the type of person to personally tell you stuff like this, no matter how nervous or embarrassed he'd get about it. So this message just reeked of problems.

 

Ignoring any of his colleagues' greetings or lazy jokes about how rare it was to see the Aussie's face there, Sniper walked on straight to Scout's room. The foreign feeling of panic had oozed into him and the marksman's chest had a very unsteady rise and fall. Knocking on the door didn't get any response and nor did calling out the runner's name. Then Sniper tried the doorknob, but as he felt it restraining against his will, that was enough for a red light to go off in his mind. 

 

Without thinking, Sniper kicked Scout's door in with one hard blow and rushed further into the room. It was such a horrific sight. There, slumped against the wall, sat an alarmingly pale Scout with dark black circles underneath his eyes. Blood slowly oozed out of his pulse and judging on the stain on the carpet and the runner's pants, he had already lost a great deal of it. 

 

"O-oh... hi Snipes.... s-s-see ya got... my message..." 

 

Sniper was so dumbfounded as he saw Scout like that. He had to act and act quickly else the kid was going to bleed out right in front of his very eyes. The marksman just did the first thing that came to mind as vague flashes of first aid methods on what to do with heavy bleedings came up in it. Also, Medic had to get in here, he would be able to actually save Scout. 

 

"Medic!!" Sniper yelled at the top of his lunges as he pulled the runner into his lap. Clamping his hand around Scout's pulse, Sniper tried to apply as much pressure as he possible could manage. Again and again Sniper yelled for the Medic, but there was no reaction. 

 

"I-I...'m gonne... die.. Snipes.." The words were spoken so faintly that the marksman had barely heard them under his loud yelling. 

 

"N-no! Don't be a bloody fool! You ain't goin' to die, kid." 

 

After some more yelling someone had finally heard him as Pyro peeked his head inside Scout's room and for once Sniper was actually relieved to see him. The fire breather had let out a muffled screech of terror upon seeing the scene and he had come closer probably to see for a way he could help and Sniper exactly knew how. 

 

"Oi, Pyro! Go get Medic, roight now!" Without any question, Pyro darted out of the room and the marksman sighed deep, trying to keep himself as calm as possible. Medic was going to be able to fix this, Scout was going to survive... it would all be okay. Suddenly a hand on his arm tore him away from his comforting thoughts and so unknowingly being hit by reality made Sniper aware of the fact that Scout was going slightly limp. 

 

"'m so... scared..." Despite the lack of energy, panic could still be heard in the runner's voice. "'m so sorry for doin' this... I... I don't wanne die.... I'm... so.. scared an' so... so tired." Sniper wrapped his other arm around the runner's chest and hugged him tight. 

 

"You're not goin' to die, kid, it'll be okay... I know you're bloody tired, but ya can't give in... you'll pull through, I know ya will."

 

"C-can.. can you an-answer ma.. question..?" Sniper tore off a piece of his own sleeve and quickly fastened it around Scout's pulse before yet again clamping his hand around it, that way there would be even more pressure on the still open wound. 

 

"Wot question..?" 

 

"Y..ya know... ma message..." Scout swallowed hard, as if he were swallowing a thick lump. "I... I love ya Snipes... a w-whole lot..." Sniper felt a sting in his heart as he heard Scout's faint voice speak out those words. Hugging the kid even tighter, Sniper bit back tears. 

 

"I love ya too Scout... bloody hell, I love ya more than anythin'... Please d-don't leave me.... I know you're real tired now, but ya gotta stay with me, o-okay?... please..." It felt like ages before Medic barged into the room. Sniper never had been this happy upon seeing the doc's medigun and as the German used it to its full potential, Scout had fainted, safely resting in the marksman's lap. As the commotion drew away and both Medic and Pyro stared at the two with worry, Sniper realised he was holding onto the runner for dear life, afraid that if he'd let go, Scout would never come back. 

 

"Vhat happened..?" Was all Medic could work out upon seeing the blood stains on the floor and now on both Sniper's and Scout's clothes.

 

"I... I don't know... He just... he tried to..." Sniper found it unbelievable difficult to get himself to say it. He was in some sort of shock after what just had happened, but in order for Medic to actually be able to help, he had to know what was going on. So Sniper forced himself to bite back his discomfort."He tried to commit suicide... I think..." The German sighed deeply out of concern.

 

"Mein gott... Ve have to get him to zhe medical quarters of zhe building... he might be out of a life threatening situation, but he has lost a lot of blood..." Sniper nodded his head, shifting their position so he could get up while still carrying the runner in his arms. He took a quick look at Pyro and nodded his head with a faint smile. 

 

"Thanks a lot, mate, I owe ya one. Bloody brilliant work, Pyro." Pyro muffled something back as he followed the other two. Meanwhile, Sniper was already letting his mind wander of what the hell would have driven Scout this far. What could have possibly happened within those two hours that Scout had gone from smiling and laughing his unbelievably cute laugh to almost succeeding trying to kill himself. Maybe he had been thinking about it for days already, but Sniper was convinced he would have said something to him, considering that he couldn't even bring himself to hide his cuts about a week ago. 

 

Upon arriving in one of those hospital like rooms, Medic ordered Sniper to lay Scout down in the bed and then go clean himself up. It was only than that Sniper realised what big of a mess he was. Blood splatters everywhere and the hand that had been applying pressure was covered with Scout's blood. That gave the marksman an eerie chill, realising that the redness on his hand belonged to the blood that should have been flowing through the veins of the runner, nothing that should be plastered about on his hand and even parts of his clothes.

 

Sniper stared at nothing for a bit after Medic had requested that, he wasn't very keen on leaving Scout and Medic seemed to have noticed that. 

 

"No vorries Sniper, he's safe now. Just go clean yourself up now und come back aftervards, he'll be okay." 

 

"Okay... thanks doc..." Sniper took one more look at Scout before walking out of the room to go get cleaned up. As he passed Scout's room however, the marksman couldn't help himself and stepped back inside. Maybe something would give him an idea of what had torn Scout over the edge of his own sanity to come up with such a gruesome and sinister idea. First however, Sniper found himself staring at the dark red stain on the floor, fairly still in shock of how he had found Scout. It didn't take long though for Sniper to snap out of this and actually start searching. Well it wasn't really a search to be perfectly honest, Sniper had rather quickly retreated towards Scout's desk to take a look at his laptop, his eyes going wide at the sight displayed by the monitor. 

 

"Bloody hell..." He mumbled as he quickly closed the page. Sniper was convinced he had found the reason and as he saw the mail which had send Scout towards that hell, the marksman felt his blood boil. This Even guy was still trying to ruin the runner's life and for a second there it seemed as if he actually would succeed in doing so, but not on Sniper's watch. There was no way the marksman would let this mongrel ruin Scout's life despite the damage he had already left behind. He had no idea how, but he'd bring a stop to this all one way or another. 

 

The marksman was actually getting fairly worked up just thinking about it. He let himself slump back into Scout's desk chair, taking a deep breath. First he had to take care of this mess and he knew he couldn't think very clearly whenever he was worked up. Now, Sniper knew that Engineer would probably be able to take the site down, but on the other hand, Scout would probably hate any of the other's knowing about, or better said, seeing those pictures. But he had no other choice and besides it was Engie, Sniper could think of few people with as good of a heart as the hardhat has. He sighed, hating the fact that he couldn't rely on Scout's own opinion for this one. Hoping to god the runner wouldn't mind once he woke up, Sniper rose from his seat with a slight change of plans on his mind. First he'd visit Engineer, the only person who maybe would be able to get a part of this big mess out of the way, that would be a very welcoming start. 

\--


	7. Consuming Guilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Believe it or not, for the first time there isn't really need for a trigger warning at the beginning of a chapter. Although I will say that there a minor mentions of sexual abuse (but like, maybe one sentence somewhere) just, stay alert just in case

Sniper felt nervous standing before the door that housed Engineer's lab. Not only that, guilt was eating away at him and he couldn't help but feel that what he was about to do was wrong. Surely because Scout had no idea that this was happening. But it was for the better, wasn't it? What would be the alternative? That site staying online and it going around the entire world for everyone to see? Sniper probably suspected that some people already had seen it, so getting rid of it as quickly as possible would be the best. Well, that's what he told himself anyway. 

 

The marksman looked down at Scout's laptop. Violating someone's privacy wasn't something Sniper was exactly known for, far from actually, he always was the type of guy to stay as far out of someone else's business as possible. But this was different, now Sniper actually cared for someone, cared enough for him to get into his business and worry about him and the things he does. God damn this battle he was having with himself, it was as if two sides of himself were desperately trying to convince him on what to do, but it only ended in one big mess of emotions being scattered about. 

 

"You okay, Sniper?" 

 

Sniper's eyes widened violently fast as he adjusted his gaze to look at the Texan. Engie stared back at him with a comforting smile on his lips and somehow that convinced Sniper to go on with this. As he had mentioned before, Engineer was one of the most friendly and good hearted people he had ever met in his entire life and next to that, Scout liked Engineer a lot, so... this would be a good thing, right? Engineer would try everything to help Scout, wouldn't he? Of course he would!

 

"Sniper?"

 

"'m sorry, 'm sorry, was kind a lost in my thoughts." The hardhat cocked an eyebrow up out of concern and Sniper inwardly laughed at that. Next to Medic, who would constantly drop in casual comments on how they all should get proper sleep and treat themselves well and how smoking will get you killed (mostly towards Spy, but in the beginning towards Sniper as well until he finally got himself to stop with it), Engineer felt like a parent to almost everyone there. It was as if the Texan had censors which immediately spotted discomfort or someone being upset, hiding that you're not okay from him was unbelievably difficult. 

 

"Somethin' wrong, fella? Ya seem a bit troubled." 

 

"Yeah, Engie, I have to ask ya somethin'." 

 

"Go ahead." Sniper sighed deep, getting slightly frustrated at him constantly convincing himself to do one thing instead of the other, but with Engineer standing right in front of him it was no use anymore to brush this one off, now was it?

 

"I don't know if ya know what happened loike, maybe half an hour ago... but it ain't anythin' good and Scout really needs your help, mate.." 

 

"What happened? Is he okay?" Well what now? Was he supposed to tell the hardhat what happened? That Scout tried to kill himself because shameful pictures of him had been let loose on the internet? If he didn't do that, how was Engineer supposed to know what the hell to do? 

 

"He is now.." Sniper mumbled, what only resorted in Engineer notable getting more worried. The Aussie sighed deep, it was now or never. "Ya see.. Scout got himself in some trouble, some years ago... and well, today it came back to bite 'em in the ass." The marksman handed Engie Scout's closed laptop. 

 

"Whatcha mean?" 

 

"Someone Scout used to know had some... very shameful pictures of 'em... and that mongrel put them up on the internet to get back at Scout..." Sniper rubbed his face, still finding it very hard to say this. "S-scout... tried to commit suicide earlier today 'cos of it... so I wanne ask ya... can you take the site down? 'Cos if this would get any more attention than it already has, I don't think Scout will survive that..." Engineer slowly nodded his head, probably letting that big pile of information sink in for a second. 

 

"An'... the boy's okay now? W-what exactly happened?" Poor Engie, he was so invested, hearing that Scout tried to kill himself would most definitely break his heart. 

 

"I - I don't really know... guess he saw the site and then tried to kill 'emself by cutting his wrist... I was lucky to find 'em in toime... and even more lucky to get Medic in there... He's safe now, Medic said he'll pull right through." 

 

"Oh god... poor Scout... tryin' to end your own life... that ain't light... and then you havin' to find 'em like that... goddamn.." He sighed. "No, I'll most definitely be able to take that dang site down, ain't no one will even know it ever existed!" That managed a smile on both their faces. At last, some good news. 

 

"You'll find a link to the site in his mails, reckon you'll need that?" 

 

"Indeed," He patted the laptop twice as if it were a dog. "this'll be taken care of, no worries. Ya can assure Scout that." Hearing that yet again reminded Sniper of the fact that all this all was happening without Scout's knowledge, which had guilt giving him a sick feeling. 

 

"S-scout... doesn't exactly know that I asked ya this... he's still unconscious 'cos of blood loss..." The Texan put a hand on Sniper's shoulder as to say it was okay. 

 

"You're doin' the right thing, Sniper, reckon Scout ain't gonne be happy, but it's better to get rid of stuff like this before it gets boosted all over the internet, really." The marksman nodded his head, trying to take Engie's word as a bit of comfort. 

 

"Thanks, mate..."

 

"Ain't a thing at all! Before the end of the day, this site will be gone. I assure ya that." 

********************

Seven o'clock struck as Sniper, cleaned up and well, made his way back towards the medical quarters of their base. He just wanted to be with Scout now, awake or not, he wanted to be there for him. His stomach had churned violently whenever he rehearsed how he'd tell Scout about what he had done. Scout was going to be mad, that's for sure... but maybe if he'd let it sink in and realise that it was actually a good thing, maybe then he'd understand why Sniper had done that... hopefully.

 

Sniper sighed content as he finally got there and saw Scout fast asleep. He seemed so peaceful, so... untouched by anything. Maybe that's how he's feeling right now, Sniper wondered. Maybe sleep was the only thing that gave him peace, which also directly could be his reason to shy away from it like that. Whenever he didn't have a nightmare and he'd actually get into a blissful sleep where everything left him alone, maybe Scout would be terrified of the thought of having to yet again wake up in the hell that was his life the next day and therefore he barely gave into it... but that could also just be Sniper going way too far into this. Scout was just very puzzling and for the first time in forever, the marksman actually wanted to know someone on that kind of level, which had him breaking his head over trying to unravel the runner. 

 

"Sniper?"

 

The marksman abruptly got torn away from his deep thoughts as Medic's voice managed to surpass the border of Sniper's concentration. Trying to regain his more casual look and get his startled nerves to calm down, Sniper turned towards the German.

 

"Yeah?" 

 

"Can I talk to you?" 

 

"'Course.." Sniper mumbled, following suit after the German. He seemed serious, very serious as if he was about to tell the marksman that Scout would never wake up again and that now was the time to say goodbye. The silence made way for more anxiety to rear its ugly head into the Aussie's emotions, which was something very foreign to him. 

 

"It's about Scout.." Medic said as he adjusted his glasses. "Earlier vhen I vas examining him after vhat had happened, you know, just to make sure nothing else had been damaged, I came across something rather startling... I have no idea if you know about zhis or not, but.. have you seen his arms?" Sniper sighed deep. What now? He couldn't lie about it, now could he? Scout sure was going to be balls to the wall mad at him once he woke up, but Sniper couldn't bring himself to lie about this. With guilt totally tearing him apart, Sniper nodded his head.

 

"Yeah... I have..." 

 

"Zhose scars are not from zhe battles," He stated firmly, which Sniper could only nod to as a response. "do you know a lot about it? Like... do you know vhy?"

 

"Scout did that to 'emself..." Sniper confessed. "He told me 'bout it more than a week ago... apparently it's 'cos some people haven't treated him like they should have and now he's left feelin' loike he's not important, loike he's not really worthy, or something loike that..." Sniper tried to stay as vague as he could, Medic didn't have to know everything. "He's... not very fond of 'emself... ya'd think the kid bursts with confidence, but it's actually quite the opposite.." Medic nodded his head, his eyebrows shaped into a concentrated yet worried expression. 

 

"I zhink I will have a talk with him about it once he vakes up... zhis has to stop und, believe it or not, I do have some knowledge about it." Sniper felt uneasy, yet he also knew Medic was right. This indeed had to stop and in order for that to happen, Scout had to talk to someone who has some kind of professional knowledge about it and in this case, that person wasn't Sniper but the medical trained German. 

 

"Sounds like a good idea, doc..."

 

"Did you also know he vas suicidal?" Medic had fired that question at Sniper without any warning whatsoever and for whatever reason did it manage to hit the marksman quite hard. Hearing someone actually say that Scout was suicidal felt like a few bricks repeatedly hitting his already upset stomach. The Aussie faintly shook his head, no he hadn't had the first clue about it and somehow that managed an irritating itch in Sniper's mind. The marksman absolutely detested those words and despite the fact that it wasn't Medic's fault, Sniper wanted this conversation to be over already. 

 

"One more zhing..." Sniper didn't give a kick as he looked down at the doctor, noticing that Medic had caught up to the marksman's clear discomfort, because he spoke his next words on a far more gentle tone. "Ve really should tell zhe other's vhat happened today... I've noticed zhem asking each other vhat happened and just for the sake of keeping gossip from forming, I zhink it's better if zhey know." 

 

That made sense to Sniper. Somewhere they deserved to know what all that commotion had been and besides it wasn't as if Scout's biggest secret's would be explained to them from A to Z, no it was just Medic telling about the circumstance they currently found themselves in. Sniper gave the German a nod of agreement as his frustrated expression had slightly relaxed. 

 

"Reckon that's for the best indeed."

 

"Ja, let's do it right now as vell, zhen it's all behind us und it von't be a zhing Scout has to worry about once he wakes up." Sniper yet again felt his stomach turn at the realisation of what kind of confusing world Scout would be waking up to. Confusing maybe... but it would at least be a better one... a way better one.

**********************

It didn't take long for everyone to get into the common room of the base and just as Medic had predicted, Sniper caught a lot of unknowing expressions resting on his colleague's faces. He himself tried his very best to have this unfazed nature going about him as he hung back into his chair with his arm draped over the back of his seat. When everyone had taken place somewhere, Medic stood up.

 

"I am afraid I do not have great news... as most of you had noticed, something vas very off today und now you'll finally know vhat..." He sighed, a dramatic silence lingered in the air before Medic slowly, but steady, brought out his well sought out words. "Earlier today our youngest teammate Scout, tried to take his own life... luckily he failed to do so as Sniper had found him right in time," He gestured towards the marksman who hated to be getting credit for this. This wasn't a thing about him being a 'hero' for helping Scout, no, this was about the runner being in such a mess that he actually resorted to something as horrible as that. "Scout survived und he vill be back vith us in a few days. Zhe administrator nor Miss Pauling have any idea of vhat happened, so I suppose a ceasefire vill be organized zhe moment zhey get zhe news, so... everyone can recollect zhemselves before lunging back into our daily battles." 

 

Sniper noticed how Soldier and Engineer had taken their hats off to show their respects, but somewhere the marksman refused to do the same. Scout wasn't dead now was he? The kid had survived like the strong person he knew he was, so the Aussie simply sat back and watched the rest of the crew being in pure compassion for what happened. Of course Sniper was effected by these events, quite deeply actually, but he knew how to hide emotions and being here with his teammates, Sniper decided to do exactly that. 

 

As Medic finally ended his little lecture, Sniper stood up to immediately find his way back towards Scout's temporary room. Before actually being able to do so, the marksman shared a look with Engie who gave him a reassuring nod. God bless that man, Sniper thought. The site had been taken down and so had one part of Scout's problems. 

**********************

A pleasant surprise awaited Sniper as he got back to Scout's room, the runner had woken up and seemed to be doing okay for the time he had been awake. As he walked in, he saw Scout's eyes lighting up from pure excitement, but quickly after an embarrassed glance shadowed over them, probably because the kid got reminded of everything that happened and knowing him, he wasn't happy with it. 

 

The marksman smiled a soft pleasant smile, trying his best to tell the young man it was all okay without the use of any words. Not that it would really work, anyway.

 

"Heya Snipes..." The Aussie took a seat next to his bed and scooted a bit closer. 

 

"How ya feelin'?" 

 

"'m fine... I mean, 'm feelin' a bit weak, but more like I'd have a fever or a cold, not like... y'know.." His words died off towards the end of that sentence as he casted his eyes towards his hands who were resting in his lap. He was feeling guilty, Sniper could tell, but the runner wasn't the only one who had guilt eating away at him, the marksman did had to come clean about some things. First he wanted to await a better moment though, the kid had just woken up and besides he probably wanted to talk about some things himself, so this could honestly wait. 

 

"'m... so sorry, Snipes.. I.. wasn't thinkin', I dunno what came over me.. to, y'know, to suddenly do sumethin' like that..." He sighed deep. "I just... it was an impulsive decision, really.."

 

"Waddaya mean?" Sniper exactly knew what he meant, but he'd rather have the kid telling him the reason voluntarily than it being done by unknown forceful dialogue implied by Sniper himself. 

 

"It ain't..." Scout bit his lip, seeming as if he was holding an internal battle with himself on how he'd exactly tell Sniper this. "It ain't as if I'd been thinkin' 'bout commitin' suicide for weeks or anythin', not even for days... it's just... sumethin' happened an' I just," He let out something between an irritated groan and a struggled sigh. "I just couldn't take it anymore, I was... very much sick of life bein' so freakin' unfair.." His next words were more so whispers, not directed to anyone, Sniper had noticed that talking like that was a sort of habit to Scout. "You get real tired from constantly bein' thrown around, y'know?" 

 

"Scout... wot happened..?" The runner slowly let his gaze wander towards Sniper, making eye contact. His eyes seemed so dull, so lifeless for whatever reason as if saying his next words would really kill him. Which had Sniper contemplating for a second if he'd spare him that or not, yet still somewhere the marksman refused himself to do so. Call him old-fashioned, but he wasn't the type to put words in someone else's mouth, he wanted to hear things from the people themselves, besides stories have different angles, don't they? What Scout was about to tell him could perfectly be something different, for all Sniper knew. 

 

"B-believe it or not..." Scout finally started. "Evan managed to, yet again, fuck me up real good..." A hurt little laugh escaped his slightly parted lips as his nose had wrinkled up on one side for a second. It seemed as a sort of mixture of frustration and disgust. "You're gonna think I'm disgustin', which I totally understand... but..." He had adjusted his gaze to stare off towards nothing now, probably unable to look Sniper in the eye as he confessed this. "I told ya before that Evan forced me into sum things I didn't want, right?" 

 

Sniper nodded his head. The first time Scout told him that, he had only assumed that Scout was talking about Evan forcing him into having sex with the guy, but something as being forced to take pictures like that as well, hadn't crossed the marksman's mind at that time. 

 

"Well... besides his annoyin' nature of never bein' able to keep his retched hands to 'emself, he... also kind a forced me to... y'know, take pics.. like..like the kind of pics your parents always tell ya 'bout to never ever share with anyone..." The same fashioned laugh as before returned as he closed his eyes for a bit, slowly shaking his head no. "Funny, ain't it? One thing your parents warn ya 'bout an' what did I do? Exactly that... Anyway.. Evan still had those godforsaken pics an' the bastard made an entire freakin' website 'bout  
it... yup, just my fuckin' luck, ain't it? Now everyone with a goddamn computer can let their eyes have a look see on what a dirty motherfucker I am..." 

 

"That ain't true Scout and ya know it! Ain't nothin' of that's your fault, kid. Ya know the meanin' of the word 'forced', don't you? That bloody bastard took advantage of ya in the most sinister ways, that ain't nothin' you could have prevented.. You're not disgustin', scout, not at all." Scout didn't answer, his eyes had fallen rather quickly after Sniper had spoken up, probably caused by him trying to seek comfort in the marksman's words. Now, Sniper was either about to put Scout in a better mood by telling him the truth, or have one of the biggest bombs ever explode in his face. 

 

"Scout... I have to tell ya somethin'.." 

 

"Yeah..?" 

 

"I... kind a... already knew somethin' along those lines.. I already knew 'bout the website..." The runner's eyes had gone wide with terror as he stared into the Aussie's eyes with a look that only hoped for the marksman's to be making a joke or something. 

 

"W-what..?"

 

"After wot happened earlier today... I went back into your room, 'cos for whotever reason I wanted to find why ya had done somethin' loike that... I'm terribly sorry for violatin' your privacy loike that... I truly am..." Sniper looked up feeling more guilty than ever as he still found Scout staring at him in that same fashion. "Your laptop was still open and that's how I discovered it..." 

 

"S-so... so... ya saw it then, I... I suppose..." The hurt tone in Scout's voice tore Sniper's heart into pieces. The Aussie had been feeling bad about this the entire day already, but now he felt even more like shit. 

 

"Y-yeah... and... I also have to tell ya somethin' else..."

 

"Oh so there's more?! Bet it's just as fuckin' splendid as what ya already told me!" Sniper felt himself shrinking in his seat as Scout's voice rose like that. It wasn't as if the kid was wrong for doing so, he had every right to be mad, Sniper hadn't expected anything else. Well as if it wasn't already bad now, Sniper was about to make it ten times worse. 

 

"Ya... ya don't have to worry 'bout the webpage anymore..." 

 

"Oh yeah? An' why's that?!" 

 

"'Cos it's already been taken down... Scout I'm... I'm so sorry... but, I had to tell Engie so he could take care of it... so it couldn't spread around and make things worse..." The runner's eyes widened viciously, Sniper had never seen him this mad before, not even in the heat of battle. Which left the marksman in fear of how things between them would develop further on, Scout probably hated him with everything he possessed right now. No words could serve as comfort to him anymore, he had fucked up despite the good nature behind his actions. Honestly, even with the website being wiped form existence, nothing seemed solved so far as Scout basically yelled his next words.

 

"You did WHAT?!"

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's late and I want to post this before I totally change my mind about it. This chapter contains a whole lot of dialogue that's for sure, which could be a nice (yet very hard) challenge on really trying to nail the personalities of the different characters. 
> 
> A lot can make or break a story and now my anxious ass is hoping I didn't break it by totally getting certain characters wrong


	8. One Hell of a Timing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again no trigger warnings needed for this chapter, enjoy!

It had been silent for a solid minute as Scout kept staring at Sniper with a mad expression set across his features. Expecting more yelling to come out his way, Sniper had casted his eyes downwards, unable to look Scout in the eyes. And just as the marksman had predicted, Scout wasn't quite over yet, far from actually.

 

"I can't fuckin' believe this! Ain't it bad 'nough already that you saw those pictures?! Nooooo-no-no! Engie knows now too 'cos why the fuck not?! I'm surprised the entire base doesn't know 'bout it already!" The marksman let Scout yell at him, he wasn't going to desperately try and throw in some dialogue of his own. Even if he had meant it well, it was still wrong in whichever way you looked at it, so Sniper wasn't going to try and defend himself by finding whatever excuse he could think off. He wasn't the kind of person to keep attacking the other with "reasons why it's not his fault". If he had done something wrong, he'd acknowledge it and take the damn lecture said person was about to give him. 

 

"I-I don't even know what's worse! Engineer seein' that damn site, or you doin' somethin' like that without even askin' me! All ya had to do was wait like two freakin' hours, Snipes! Two! Why the fuck was that so hard, hm?!" Sniper stayed silent, not even knowing how to form an answer to that question. The kid was right, he could have easily waited, but truth be told, that hadn't crossed the marksman's mind when he went to ask Engineer. 

 

"I..." He silently brought out, meanwhile tugging at his fingerless glove. He didn't look any better than a beaten puppy, a look Sniper hated on himself. "hadn't thought 'bout that, to be honest..." He heard Scout giving him a scoff of a laugh, probably to make himself sound a bit cocky for whatever reason. Well it worked on Sniper as he felt himself further sinking away upon hearing that. 

 

"I... I just... I don't even freakin' know anymore! I... I thought I could trust ya, Snipes..." The marksman froze, the hurt tone in his voice was horrible to hear, but the actual words surely took the cake. If Sniper hadn't realised yet how much he had fucked up in less than two hours, he sure did now. He so badly wanted to say something, anything at all that could solve this. Time after time, Sniper found himself asking on what to do, as if his subconscious would know the answer. But it didn't and there Sniper sat completely dumbfounded by the given circumstances. 

 

"P-please..." The kid's voice had a slight tremble in it, which only led Sniper to believe that he was about to cry. Oh god please no... He thought. "Please..." Scout repeated, burying his face in his hands, now his words were mere audible mumbles. "G-go away..." 

 

Sniper closed his eyes upon hearing that, god it was awful... not even a knife through his back would ever come close to this... pain? Well, surely never to the discomfort he felt in his chest. Scout actually wanted him gone, wanted for him to get the hell out already and all Sniper could do was obey the kid's wishes. He rose from his seat, gave a polite nod (pure out of habit) and started walking away. Before completely leaving the room, the Aussie mumbled a last apology, though knowing it wouldn't have any effect anymore. What was an apology anyway if the deed itself already had been done? 

 

Gently Sniper closed the door behind him, sighing deep as he felt himself slowly crumble away in a very upset feeling, almost to the point where he had to deeply breath in and out a few times to keep himself from crying. Scout had been quite clear, hadn't he? The marksman tilted his head down, staring aimlessly at the ground as he strode further down the hall. If he had to be perfectly honest, it had been ages since he had felt emotions like these ones, which made it so that he had no idea what to do with them. Crying was foreign to him, so was feeling panic and distress, yet in less than a few hours Sniper had lived through them all. Actually, for the past week Sniper had been experiencing more emotions than the unfazed exterior he had worn for years and all that had started with one person; Scout. That boy had managed to stir so much within the Aussie and it had him realise that, he didn't want to lose that kid... not at all. 

 

As the marksman was way too deeply in his own thoughts, he never found the time to pick up on the scent of smoke slowly filling the, surprisingly, long hallway. When the Aussie finally did though, he stopped dead in his tracks, knowing no better than who was, quite literately, trying to spy on him. Sniper sighed in pure irritation, his instincts alarmingly on edge just as when they would warn him for an enemy Spy. This was different though, this wasn't an "enemy" Spy, but still not a face Sniper liked coming across. 

 

"Spy, you're a bloody idiot, ya really think I'm not goin' to realise ya there?" 

 

"I have to say, bushman, it did took you a very long time to come to that conclusion." A dark red figure appeared dramatically from a puff of smoke. Sniper's eyes were half lidded as he gazed upon Spy's little decloacing act with pure annoyance. 

 

"Ain't it a little freaky of ya to just spy on your teammates loike that? It ain't as if we're in battle and besides, your job ain't spyin' on us, so what the hell are ya doin'?" Spy scoffed out a pathetic little laugh as he held a cigarette in-between his lips.

 

"Why so tense? Are we hiding something? Something this Spy is not supposed to see?" 

 

"Piss off." 

 

"Oh how poetic." Sniper had narrowed his eyes, it wasn't exactly that he hated Spy, but he just distrusted him. Come to think of it, not a lot of his colleagues liked working with him either for that reason alone. There was just something about that man that made him notorious, maybe his ice blue gaze, maybe the way he'd ever so dramatically move or maybe the fact that he was a bit too good with words. That damn croissant knew his way around everything and even more 'lovely', he knew his fair share of tricks on how to get people to talk without them even noticing.

 

"What do ya want, Spy? You're waistin' my bloody toime." Spy was already lighting a new cigarette as he seemed to be pondering on something. Damn, Spy sure was a bad chain smoker, now Sniper understood why Medic was constantly on the Frenchman's ass about all that stuff. After a plume of smoke escaped Spy's lips, he finally furthered their conversation. 

 

"I want to talk to you, because I am fairly certain you can use my help greatly." 

 

"Really? And how's that?" 

 

"I am fully aware of the current situation both you and Scout find yourselves in." Spy had spoken those words so casually, it actually left Sniper clueless.

 

"What the hell?" Was the only 'diplomatic' thing Sniper managed. 

 

"I am a Spy, bushman, do not start acting like an idiot, please." So that basically meant that Spy had been snooping around and following Sniper to get all that information. Why on earth would he resort to cloaking himself, looming over the marksman's shoulder like a freaking shadow and that for, practically, an unknown amount of time. Had he been following them for that entire week too?

 

"Are we actually going to be able to further this conversation or are you going to keep standing there like a fool?" 

 

"W-what the fuck!" Sniper sputtered. "Why have ya been followin' me? And for how damn long?!" 

 

"Is that really what you care about right now? I have a proposal that is going to be way more interesting, but sure if you want to waste that precious time of yours on asking me stupid questions, go right ahead." A lot was needed for Sniper to actually lose his temper, but talking to Spy never failed to get him close to that border of actual anger. Again, Sniper didn't detest the Frenchman.. his way of talking and doing things was just very frustrating at times. It was as if Spy couldn't talk to someone for two minutes without insulting them. 

 

"Fine," Sniper sighed. "What is this... 'proposal'?" 

 

"I don't think I am in the wrong to assume that you care greatly about Scout, am I?" Sniper didn't react, there was no way in hell he'd start telling Spy personal things like that, why in the heavens would he get himself into this anyway? After some silence, Spy was the one to stare at the marksman with annoyance, clearly hating the fact that Sniper wasn't collaborating with his conversation.

 

"Oh for goodness sake Sniper, I have no idea what kind of idiot you think I am, but this is just insulting. You and Scout have been getting along so well lately, basically the entire base suspected there would be more than just 'friendship' between the two of you." 

 

"Why's that important?" Sniper asked sharply, noticing himself getting slightly worked up upon hearing that. Why would everyone suddenly start assuming things like that and besides, they were wrong anyway.. as much as Sniper wished it was true, Scout hated his guts right now, nothing to call 'more' than a friendship, nothing you can call a friendship at all to be perfectly honest. 

 

"Because, Sniper, with my help you can get your revenge for what happened to Scout, or you know, for... what he did to himself." That had tickled Sniper's interest amazingly fast, was Spy implying what he thought he was? Was he hearing this correctly? 

 

"Go on.." 

 

"It's quite easy," He took a long drag from his cigarette. "with my help, you will be able to teach a certain someone a lesson." 

 

"So, basically you're tryin' to tell me ya want to go all the way to Boston to give someone hell?"

 

"Exactly." 

 

"How the bloody hell would ya do that? We don't know anythin' about the guy, besides a first name may-" In one fluid motion, Spy took a little map out the inner pocket of his suit jacket and held it in the air so Sniper stood eye to eye with it.

 

"Evan Green, 28, currently living alone in an apartment on Washington Street in Boston, works as a cashier in a grocery store across his apartment and is mostly found drinking in a nearby pub every day after work until 8PM, then goes home to not leave his apartment for the rest of the day." Sniper was as impressed as he was confused. Spy sure had done his homework, but why was he putting so much effort into this? Getting this information as detailed as that was already something unbelievably difficult, even with the right connections, and next to that, Spy seemed very determined in convincing Sniper to do this. 

 

"Bloody brilliant..." Sniper mumbled. Somewhere he knew this wasn't going to cause an entire struggle of him deciding whether he should go or not, Sniper would very much like to knock some goddamn sense into that freak. But on the other hand, he knew he was about to crash himself into another mistake if Scout ever caught up to this. Then again, Sniper was convinced Scout wasn't going to forgive him any time soon (maybe even never) and so, with that mindset, the marksman agreed to Spy's offer. Even if Scout never wanted to talk to him again, he still wanted to put an end to this, just like he had said. 

 

"Alroight... let's do this... teach that goddamn mongrel some manners... and also, get 'em to delete any other thing he moight have that can ruin Scout's loife." Spy nodded faintly as he yet again stood there lighting another one of his cigarette's. 

 

"Wonderful, I suggest we leave as quickly as possible, we have a very long drive ahead of us." Sniper nodded his head at that. Driving all the way to Boston from New Mexico took a good thirty two hours, maybe a bit more, but most definitely not less. That amount of time had Sniper thinking about the fact that he'd have to spend the full thirty two hours with Spy in a car, was that even going to be possible without any of the two getting pissed off to no extent? It better be, because it wasn't exactly going to be a 'fun road trip', no, Sniper would consider it a personal mission, one he'd gladly complete no matter the circumstances. 

**********************

2AM was getting creepily close as Sniper still found himself wide awake. Though it wasn't a rare occurrence for the marksman to be still up at times like these, but tonight was different. Sniper was very restless, getting nervous for every single reason, yet for nothing. He couldn't even sit down for two minutes without getting up to do something, it didn't matter what, he just couldn't stand the thought of doing nothing for whatever reason. It was driving him mad, no.. he was driving himself mad. 

 

He and Spy had agreed to leave tomorrow morning, since they'd be gone for almost six or seven days and Sniper was foolishly wondering why the hell he wasn't getting any sleep for the long drive tomorrow. Though that one was an easy answer, somehow the marksman wouldn't give into those thoughts and just told himself it was because of nerves. Of course, somewhere he stupidly hoped to hear something from Scout. So much had happened in one day, for god sake Scout had almost died, if things hadn't gone the way they had, the person he loved so dearly would have been gone. Yet somewhere, despite the lucky break he had gotten, it still felt as if he had lost him. 

 

Sniper strode form one side of his van to the other, sometimes gathering something he'd want to take with tomorrow, else just for the sake of moving around. He came to a stop at the back of his van, scanning every part of his home until his eyes fell on his phone. Maybe it was the time of night or maybe his mind was playing tricks on him, but Sniper's heart dropped ten feet as he saw the screen lit up and heard a buzzing sound. He quickly went to retrieve it, his eyes going wide as he actually saw Scout's name appear. Somewhere Sniper felt a nasty sting, this scene was oddly familiar to a few hours ago and he knew damn well what laid beyond that point. Horrific images of Scout slumped against the wall, blood standing out like a sore thumb on his snow white skin made Sniper's finger's hitch for a few seconds. He still felt the feeling of Scout going limp against him, still heard Scout's shaking words echo in his head, it was truly haunting. 

 

It took a bit for Sniper to get himself back to his senses and unlock his phone. The message was again fairly short, but somewhere it felt like a giant weight fell from his shoulders as he read it. 

 

'Come back... please.' 

 

Without putting this in question, Sniper strode out of his camper into the night. He could care less about what time it was, even if the kid had asked him to come over at 6AM, he'd sure get his ass there. All he had to do was manage to not wake any of the other's, but considering Sniper's silent nature, he'd be perfectly capable of doing so. 

 

His walk hadn't even been five minutes as Sniper found himself standing before the door that held him away from the runner. The same nervous feeling as when he went to ask Engineer his question a few hours ago stirred in his gut, but after sighing deep once and gathering enough courage, he entered the room. 

 

Scout perked up the moment he saw Sniper, which managed to settle the marksman's nerves a bit. He didn't seem as mad as he was a few hours ago, or so Sniper hoped. 

 

"Snipes..." Scout said faintly, yet still a smile on his face, something that suited him amazingly well. "'m glad you're here.." 

 

"How did ya know I'd still be awake?" 

 

"Ya told me ya don't sleep much, remember?" Sniper smiled softly, somewhere happy Scout had remembered that fact about him. He walked a bit closer, now standing at the foot of the kid's bed. 

 

"Scout... 'm so sorry..." Sniper suddenly said, serious expression across his features. "I know I was wrong, I... should have at least waited, but I didn't and 'm so bloody sorry about it..." 

 

"I know, Snipes, I know..." Scout padded a spot on his bed, suggesting for Sniper to sit down there. He was a bit hesitant, but eventually Sniper sat down, now greeted by a bigger smile from Scout. 

 

"Ma reaction wasn't okay, I really shouldn't have yelled at ya the way I did... I know ya only did that for my sake, to protect me... I was just... a whole lot has happened today... I-I... almost died.. everythin' is a bit of a mess right now, I just wasn't thinkin' earlier, y'know? So... 'm so sorry.." 

 

"It has been one mess of a day, hasn't it?" Sniper asked rather ironic. The runner casted his eyes downwards as he let out a little breathy laugh. 

 

"Ya don't say... I just hope Engie will still talk to me after what he saw, y'know? He probably thinks 'm disgustin'..." 

 

"He ain't goin' to think that Scout, I can tell ya that. It's Engineer we're talkin' about, right? He loves ya, mate, that webside ain't goin' to make a bloody difference. Everyone here loves ya, ya should have seen how upset everyone was when they heard about this... you're a part of the team and losin' you would make fortress incomplete.." 

 

"Hopefully..." Scout sighed deeply before his eyes travelled back to meet with the marksman's. He seemed as if he wanted to ask a question, so Sniper politely waited for him to actually do so. 

 

"Did... did ya mean what ya told me..?" Sniper was confused for a second, but it didn't take long for reality to hit him on the back of his head. Of course Scout was talking about them confessing to each other in the middle of that awful event of earlier that day. Perhaps Scout was afraid that Sniper had only returned those words out of sympathy for him, which was far from the actual truth. 

 

"'Course I did, Scout... ya really think I'd just tell ya somethin' loike that without meanin' it?" 

 

"Really? 'Cos y-y'know... Snipes if ya don't feel that way ya can be honest with me, I understand. Maybe ya were just a bit too panicked earlier to think straight y'know? I.. I don't want ya to feel like ya have to tell me somethin' like that just 'cos of the circumsta-" Sniper took Scout's hand in his and gave it a soft squeeze, it worked as a charm because Scout went silent the second he had felt that. 

 

"I love ya Scout, so bloody much... I ain't just sayin' this to make ya happy, I ain't lyin'." It was as if those words sparked something within the runner as his eyes grew wide and, out of pure happiness, threw his arms around Sniper's neck, hugging him tight.

 

"I love ya too, so freakin' much..." He spoke softly as he buried his face in the crook of the marksman's neck. Sniper hugged him back, so happy to feel his warmth against himself, to feel how alive he was. They sat like that for a while, nothing more needed than that embrace. 

 

Eventually Scout did leave the comforts of his head resting on Sniper's shoulder and being held like that as he sat back, a look of pure bliss on his face. His hand stayed on top of Sniper's and it seemed as if nothing would make it go away, not that Sniper wanted that. It actually was a very comforting thought to have, surely after today. 

 

"Earlier Medic came by for a talk." 

 

"Really?" 

 

"Yup," Scout nodded. "he asked me 'bout my scars, 'course he saw 'em, I mean... he's a doc 'n shit, he's supposed to 'examine' me or whatever that fancy word is, probably did though while I was still out, I guess... anyway, he said he wanted to talk to me on a regular bases, y'know, to 'help me'" 

 

"Wot did ya tell him?" 

 

"I.. might have told 'em to get lost.." Sniper felt a bit disappointed when he heard that, he had hoped Scout would agree to Medic's offer of helping him. 

 

"Why? Scout, do ya realise this could actually help ya?"

 

"I know... it's just... I ain't crazy, 'kay? I-I know what I did... I know I've been cuttin' myself for four years, I know I... tried to kill myself... but... I ain't crazy, 'm afraid people are gonna think 'm insane.." He sounded so insecure, so self-conscious. "An' besides... I never wanted to quit with this for myself..." 

 

"Then do it for me." Sniper said. "Scout you're not insane, there ain't a thing wrong with talking to someone. Ya know, some of the other's use to talk to Medic as well from toime to toime, if I recall correctly. We foight in a bloody war every day, ya really don't think it's goin' to have an effect on us? So before ya think that talking to someone immediately means you're insane, well then look at your teammates and tell me, are they insane?" Scout only shook his head, notable changing his mind on the matter. 

 

"No, they're not... you're right, Snipes... 'kay... tomorrow I'll tell Medic I'll do it, but only 'cos ya asked me so politely." Scout said with a smile and a wink, though Sniper suddenly couldn't return it as the word 'tomorrow' in Scout's sentence had reminded him of his plans for the coming week. He couldn't just tell Scout he and Spy were leaving tomorrow for the soul reason of giving Evan hell. It was a stupid decision of him to lie about it, but so had all his decisions been for the past day and besides, he had no other idea how to get himself out of this in any other way. 

 

"Everythin' okay, Snipes?" Scout asked worried. 

 

"Yeah, yeah... it's just.."

 

"What is it..?" Sniper felt as bad as he hat felt earlier for lying to him, but he couldn't tell him the truth, not yet at least. 

 

"I got news earlier today that I've been selected for a mission this week... and I'm leavin' tomorrow.." 

 

"Ya kiddin' me, right..? Miss Pauling sure got one hell of a timin'.." Nothing of this was Miss Pauling's fault and Sniper hoped to god Scout wasn't going to be upset at her, the poor girl hadn't had the first clue of what had happened that day nor had the administrator, they'd only get the news tomorrow. 

 

"It ain't her fault, Scout, she had no idea of what happened today, she's just doin' her job."

 

"How long will ya be gone? An' are ya all on your own, what's the mission about?" Scout asked all that a bit too fast, Sniper still had to think of a proper excuse. He'd never been good at lying. 

 

"About... six days, let's say a week and I ain't goin' alone... Spy has to go as well." 

 

"Oh god, good luck with that..." Scout commented sincerely, his nose yet again wrinkling up on one side, which had become a familiar sight to Sniper. 

 

"Yeah, that's goin' to be bloody fun," The marksman joked alongside with him. "Anyway, apparently we need some information... destroyed and for whotever reason Spy and I have to be the ones doin' it, suppose someone will have to get shot from afar, else Spy can do most of the work." Scout had laughed at that, which indicated that he believed Sniper's story. 

 

"'m gonne miss ya... a week is freakin' long.." 

 

"I know, kid... 'm goin' to miss ya too, but hey, I'll be back it ain't as if 'm goin' someplace else for the rest of my loife, right? Before ya know it, I'll be roigh back with ya." Sniper took off his hat, looking at his precious possession for a solid minute before an idea crept into his mind. 

 

"Here, why don't ya keep this safe for me while I'm gone?" Scout's eyes went wide, his hand grabbing hold of the hat with a slight tremble. 

 

"A-are ya sure 'bout that..? Ya love this hat, you're almost never seen without it an' you'd just leave it here with me..?" Sniper nodded his head. It was true that he held a strong fondness for that hunting hat, his father had given it to him the first time he had gone camping with his old man and ever since then he had never let it out of his sight. So leaving it with Scout for an entire week was more than a big deal to Sniper, yet he wasn't nervous about it or anything, he knew it would be safe, Scout would take great care of it. 

 

"'m sure, I know it'll be safer than ever with ya." The kid seemed to be in a total loss for words as his hand slid alongside the leather of the hat. The room was silent for mere seconds before Scout, out of nowhere, looked back, leaned forward and pressed a kiss onto Sniper's lips, catching him off guard, yet the marksman didn't pull away or anything, as a matter of fact, he kissed back. Their kiss lasted a few seconds before Scout pulled away and directly looked into Sniper's eyes. 

 

"Thank ya for trusting me like this, I won't disappoint ya! Ya can count on that!" 

 

"I know kid, ain't a safer place in the world for my hat to be."

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Batman theme plays*
> 
> Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh, Spydaaaaaaaaad!
> 
> Godsake I'm a dork...


	9. On The Road

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No trigger warnings for this one either!

"Aren't ya supposed to be in bed?"

 

"Doc told me I was allowed to walk 'round already."

 

"Already?"

 

"Yup! Magical thing that medigun, ya wouldn't believe it Snipes." Sniper snorted lightly as he stored his suitcase in the back of his truck. He was so glad to see Scout happily chatting away about whatever that came to his mind and upon hearing it, he realised how much he was going to miss that, how much he was going to miss Scout. 

 

Guilt made its way throughout him in the form of a painful sting, he had been getting those the entire morning already whenever his mind wandered off towards the fact that all this wasn't anything more than a lie to Scout. He didn't even come close to knowing the real reason of what he and Spy were actually going to do and it had Sniper fighting nausea with every ounce he possessed. 

 

"Snipes ya look so damn pale, you okay?" That startled Sniper, goddamn it! His outer appearance was giving him away. 

 

"'course I am, guess 'm just toired. It's only 7AM, Scout" 

 

"Still... hate seein' ya leave like that, promise me you'll get proper sleep this week.." The Aussie couldn't help but smile at that, curling his arm around the runner's waste and pulling him into a hug. Scout quickly returned the gesture. Something else Sniper had noticed about him; Scout was real affectious and despite the Aussie not even coming close to having that character trait, he really didn't mind. 

 

"I will, Scout, I will. Now you promise me somethin' as well." Scout repositioned his head to look up at his new lover. 

 

"An' that is?"

 

"Promise me you'll take care of yourself while I'm gone, 'kay? Make sure ya eat proper and get enough sleep." The runner watched the Aussie with so much interest, Sniper couldn't do much else than smile at it. "Oh and don't leave Medic hangin', he really wants to help ya, wouldn't be polite of ya to bail on 'em, would it?" 

 

"Ain't a thing to worry 'bout, Snipes! The woman who raised me taught me manners, I know what to do." He gave a playful wink, while tightening the hug slightly. A blissful sound escaped Scout's sealed lips as he let his head lean against Sniper's chest. 

 

"I'm goin' to miss ya so much, am I allowed to call ya tonight?" The marksman cocked an eyebrow up at the word 'allowed'. Was he really asking him permission for something as simple as that? Just the fact that he was asking permission at all had Sniper totally dumbfounded.

 

"Scout you don't need my permission to call me, ya know? You don't need my permission for anythin'. It's your decision, nothin' to be askin' me about, really." The smirk on the young man's face had vanished as sudden as it had appeared, which had Sniper panicking for the full ten seconds, afraid he had said something bad that could have put Scout in a sour mood. 

 

"Ow god... 'm sorry, I-I.." Logic crashed itself into Sniper's mind even harsher than his random nausea had been doing. Of course Scout was asking him permission for something, the kid wasn't used to anything better. "I-I dunno why I did that.. eheh... that's embarrassin', I-"

 

"Hey, hey, it's okay Scout, 'm guessin' you're not quite used to this, but ya really ain't gotta ask me permission to do somethin', I ain't your "boss" or anythin'." It was honest to god terrible knowing Scout was so damn clueless right now, even being cut loose from Evan, that submissive part of him had never quite eased itself out of him over those four years. It really made Sniper wonder about what a dominant bastard Evan must have been. 

 

"You're amazing..." 

 

"Not quite kid, 'm just tellin' ya how it is." The sound of the base door opening and closing caught the two off guard. It wasn't even necessary to look at the individual itself to know who it was, it was way easier to come to a conclusion watching the puff of smoke following him like a dog. 

 

"Gentlemen." Spy spoke as he strode on. The runner let go of the hug, quickly standing next to Sniper as they all watched each other in silence for no apparent reason, as if one of them was about to attack or something. Again, that could easily be traced back to the fact that no one, not even Engineer, trusted Spy. And also maybe the fact that Spy was quite the intimidating someone, even for Sniper who easily towered over him. Just like a big dog with its tail between its legs because of a little one. 

 

Annoyance already showed on Spy's brow as he watched the other two men.

 

"Why are you two looking at me like I just murdered someone?" That's quite the funny thing to say for someone on his way to torture a guy to high heaven. But the moment those words had left his mouth, a little mischievous smile appeared on his face. "Or, did I interrupt something here?"

 

"Ain't nune of your business, Spy." Scout spoke casually. "So what if I was 'bout to buss ma man silly, still ain't anythin' ya need to be concerned 'bout." Sniper felt his face heat up hearing Scout talk like that and watching Spy roll his eyes at the kid's comment only made it worse. He wasn't quite sure if he was embarrassed or flustered, but he sure wasn't looking any better than a teenage girl. Also, Scout just ever so casually had called him "my man" not quite the pet name, but still something that made Sniper's heart thumb twice as loud as it did before. 

 

"Good to see you made a full recovery..." Spy said sarcastically, meanwhile walking towards the boot of Sniper's truck and placing his own suitcase inside as well. As the Frenchman turned back, another cigarette was lid and it had Sniper sighing inwardly at the fact that he'd be stuck in a car for thirty two hours while the intoxicating smell of the thing he once was so addicted to would get enough time to seep itself within his clothes, the seats, ... basically just everything. Oh boy. 

 

"Bushman I suggest you two say goodbye now, we should really get going." Sniper gave a quick nod, also kind a wanting Spy to go away and as if he could read his mind, the Frenchman retreated off towards the passenger side of the truck and left the two alone. 

 

"Wot was that about 'bussin' me silly'?" Scout flashed his buckteeth in what was a wide grin, seemingly amused with himself.

 

"Why dontchu find out for yourself?" The marksman wrapped his arms around Scout and as he bend down a bit, Scout leaned upwards which ended in their lips meeting midway. The runner's hands slid upwards on Sniper's back, slightly gripping his shirt. The Aussie, on the other hand, let his hands rest on Scout's hips, pulling him a bit closer. It felt so perfect to the marksman. Scout's lips were a tad bit chapped, but still on the soft side and all Sniper could hope now was that his own wouldn't feel like sandpaper, it wasn't exactly as if he took care of them or anything. 

 

When Sniper felt Scout's grip on his shirt loosen, he knew it was about time to end this. The two parted, slowly drawing their faces a few inches away from each other. 

 

"Remember wot I told ya, 'kay? Take good care of yourself." 

 

"I will, just as I'll take good care o' ya hat! When ya come back, you'll find us both in one piece." Sniper allowed a little laugh to escape him, he knew his hat was safe and he knew Scout was safe. Once all this was over, Evan would never be able to touch Scout again in any way. The marksman would do about anything to protect Scout and seeing the mission he was about to go on, that was quite the clear statement. 

**********************

The first two hours of the drive had been silent, which only led to everything being awkward and uneasy. Spy had been doing nothing more than puffing his damn cigarettes like a smoke machine auditioning for a haunted house and Sniper couldn't help but feel on edge because of it. Since the day he had finally managed to quit smoking, he hadn't been this exposed to it anymore and god was it difficult not to ask for one himself. 

 

Trying to get his mind elsewhere, Sniper concentrated on the road while thinking about the conversation that had set all this up. Spy had appeared rather pushy about the matter and atop of that, he had already done his work neatly as if he had a reason to do it as well. That reminded Sniper of the fact that Spy had no reason at all to be here, doing all this, or so he thought. Never had the Frenchman mentioned why he was doing this and Sniper also recalled him never asking. Wouldn't be a bad ice breaker for a conversation, would it?

 

"Why you doin' all this, Spy?" Sniper asked out of the blue after nearly two and a half hours of silence. In the corner of his eye, the marksman noticed Spy looking at him as one of his eyebrows were raced, probably pondering on why the Aussie even bothered with small talk. But this wouldn't exactly be "small talk" Sniper actually wanted to know what was up. 

 

"Excuse me?"

 

"Ya heard me Spy. As far as I know, you and Scout have never been real friends, so wot's the deal here? Or did your sadistic side pickup someone about to get hurt and ya just wanted to join in?" Spy snorted as he looked back outside the window he had been staring his eyes dull out of. He seemed so unfazed, but something had changed which led Sniper to believe that Spy was getting slightly uncomfortable. There was more going on here, definitely. 

 

"Very funny." 

 

"C'mon Spy, 'm serious." The Frenchman traced his gaze towards the front window, letting Sniper sink away in silence while he waited for an answer. Spy sure was the dramatic type.

 

"Why do you want to know so badly?"

 

"'Cause I have to know if I can trust ya or not and if tellin' me somethin' as easy as this already makes ya uneasy, well than this is goin' to be a long bloody journey, mate." Sniper knew he was selling pure bullshit, but somewhere he hoped it would work. Despite nor he nor Spy having to work with a companion a lot on missions, this one was different. There were quite a lot of ways this could go wrong and it did, in fact, require some trust between the two of them. It got silent again, which only had Sniper hoping that Spy was considering telling him or not. 

 

"It's personal." Was all Spy said, which only peaked Sniper's interest more. 

 

"Reckon ya know a whole lot of personal things from other people without them even knowin', bet about me or anyone else of our teammates as well." 

 

"Why on earth is that important? I am a Spy, bushman, you don't see me judging you on your profession, am I wrong?" Sniper huffed, clearly annoyed. The first words they shared and the two were already on each other's lip like that.

 

"All 'm tryin' to say is that for all I know ya could have some unfinished business there in Boston and bail my bloody ass the moment we get there, ya see? I have to know why ya doin' this Spy, I have to know if I can trust ya." He repeated the last part to clearly emphasize it. It was clear to Spy himself that not even a handful of people trusted him and Sniper was trying to play in on that "soft spot". As cold as you may be, knowing something like that about yourself would most definitely have its spot in your mind, wouldn't it?

 

"How do I know that I can trust you?" Oh so that's how he was going to play it, firing back questions like that. 

 

"'m basically an open book to ya, as much as I wish it wasn't loike that.." Sniper muttered. "Think ya know more about me from spyin' once than my bloody parents do, so there ya have it." 

 

"Fair enough..." Spy sighed, lighting another cigarette . "I suppose you are not wrong to ask information as such from me." Smoke escaped his lips as he tried to direct it outside through the little bit of his window that was open. Sniper unknowingly tapped his finger on the steering wheel in anticipation. He was actually quite interested in what he was about to hear. 

 

"I used to know his mother," Spy started casually, trying to bury his discomfort under fake confidence and arrogant gestures. "She used to be a really good friend of mine when I was still very young." So Spy was doing this for Scout's mother? Just because the two of them used to be friends all those years ago? Spy's explanation wasn't exactly clearing things up so far.

 

"She has even been my lover for a short while.. about," He took another drag from his already almost burned up cigarette. "about twenty seven years ago.." Hearing him say that finally caused for some of the last puzzle pieces to fall into place, shaping a clear picture of what Spy meant before Sniper. No one said a thing, the only noise being the faint sound of the radio playing and the tires of the car skidding against the highway ground. The marksman's eyes had gone wide behind his shades, still processing what Spy had said. 

 

"Bloody hell... D-does he know...?" 

 

"I am afraid not and as far as I am concerned I would like to keep it that way." Though knowing that, Sniper still couldn't quite make out if Spy actually cared about Scout and did this for him, or only to calm his own guilt.

 

"Still doesn't quoite explain why ya doin' this, mate." 

 

"I have never been a good father, bushman and I do not expect that to come as a surprise to you. But you see... I have been a Spy for a very long time now and my relationship with Scout's mother wasn't destined to last since having people around for too long as a Spy is risky. But well, things went a certain way and before we both really knew what happened, she was expecting. Don't get me wrong, I won't ever say that what I did was right, but I was young and I had no other options, or so I thought at least." He sighed, again staring outside. That sure wasn't a story Sniper had expected to hear when he woke up this morning. 

 

"So, you're doin' this 'cause you're feelin' guilty about the fact that ya left them?" 

 

"Somewhere yes... I have been dragging that guilt with me for twenty seven years now and this finally seemed like the opportunity to make some of it up... but, also.." The tone in his voice got darker as he his brow shaped into a look of pure anger. "Since I have seen what happened, now that I know all and everything that happened to Scout and all the things he has been through, I don't want anything more than get my hands on this "Evan" and hurt him. I may be the worst father you can image, but Scout is still my son... I.. I will not allow anyone else to hurt him again..." Another tone than arrogance could be heard in his voice for once and Spy quickly dismissed it by coughing awkwardly. 

 

"Ya ever thought about tellin' 'em?"

 

"Why would that be any better? Tell him how his father left him before he was even born and the only reason he returned in his life was because of pure coincidence? If Scout had never signed up with RED we would have never crossed paths, so I see no use in telling him and besides... isn't he going through enough right now? I do not think getting news like that after all those years will serve anything good on a mental note." Sniper could see Scout being pretty mad about this and indeed as Spy implied, the runner wasn't in a very good place, mentally, right now to be getting news like that.

 

"Sniper I know you and Scout are very close, I know you two know about anything there is to know about each other so I am asking you... please keep this for yourself, there is no reason for him to be learning about things like this, not now at least." The Aussie only nodded his head, he doubted a conversation as such would ever come up between Scout and him, but if Spy would feel relieved knowing his secret was safe with him than he'd do it. 

 

He couldn't come close to imagining what it would be like to have to work together with your son every single day, yet feel so distant from him. How it would sting seeing him fall apart from afar knowing you can't do anything. Maybe Sniper had been too hard on Spy, it wasn't exactly easy going through something like that, he imagined. Having a child, you love so dearly, not even knowing who you are must be horrible. All this had finally made clear why Spy had been so determent to do this, he seemed to have his own grudge against that freak. He wanted to do anything to protect his son. 

 

A shit storm was coming out Evan's way and he'd better be prepared for it.

********************** 

As the evening drew nearer, Spy had proposed to take the wheel from Sniper so he could get some rest. The marksman had shrugged, not really caring whether he'd had to keep driving or not, but as after another hour a sleepy feeling started making his eyelids heavy he accepted the Frenchman's offer for both their sake and for the people driving alongside them. A sleepy driver on a highway was just as dangerous and could lead to as much deaths as a terrorist would be capable of and Sniper would not want to be the face behind that, dead or alive. 

 

His watch told him it was nearing ten o'clock. They had already been driving for fifteen hours, yet their destination was far from close. Not that Sniper mind, as a matter of fact he loved long car drives. Staring out of the window never quite seemed to bore him, even on the highway. When he was little and he and his parents would drive to town to go grocery shopping or something, the drives always took a long time. They lived on a farm quite far from the crowded society that was a city, so Sniper guessed that's why he didn't mind this at all. He used to have a lot of imagination and staring out the window with nothing to occupy himself with but his own thoughts had never failed to spark it as a kid, sadly that had died down the older he got and with the more people he had assassinated over the years. 

 

Sniper was about to put away his sunglasses as he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Right, Scout was going to call him. Ignoring the confused side glance Spy was giving him, Sniper picked up the phone, his heart jumping ever so slightly as he heard that familiar Bostonian accent speak in the same jovial manner he always did. 

 

"Snipes! Oh god finally, 'm so glad I can talk to ya! Is everythin' okay? How are ya doin'?" Sniper chuckled as Scout kept firing questions at him out of pure excitement. 

 

"Yes 'm foine, kid, haven't gotten myself in a car accident yet." 

 

"Oh look who's crackin' jokes," Scout laughed. "anyway, how's the drive goin'?" 

 

"Pretty good I'd say, we've been drivin' for the solid fifteen hours and traffic hasn't been that bad at all actually." Sniper heard Scout whistling through the phone, impressed by the amount of time they've been driving.

 

"Fifteen hours? Where are you guys even freakin' goin'?" Sniper froze, chewing on his bottom lip as his mind worked the formula on how he'd handle the next five minutes. Would it be so wrong to tell him he had to be in Boston? Scout couldn't possibly assume that all this had been a lie and that they were on their way to Evan by just hearing their destination, right? 

 

"You're goin' to loike this," Sniper started, trying to sound confident. "Apparently we need to be in Boston." 

 

"Really? Ah lucky ass! Wish I was send on that mission, would have been able to visit ma after it." 

 

"Ahh... 'm sorry, well hey, the holidays are comin' up, you'll be able to visit her then, innit?" Sniper implied.

 

"Yeah, right! Almost forgot 'bout the holidays. Anyway, you're never gonna believe what happened today!" Due to the energetic tone in his voice Sniper suspected it to either be something good or funny. 

 

"Ain't I?"

 

"Nah man, you'll never guess it either, but today Medic told me he'd rather not have me alone too much an' since it's ceasefire for an entire week, it ain't as if they can watch me on the battlefield, y'know? So, now, to make sure 'm like never alone, I guess, I became roomies with Pyro." 

 

"Pyro?" Again another glance from Spy as Sniper spoke with a questioning tone, he could imagine Spy being quite curious what this conversation actually was about. 

 

"Yeah, funny right? I ain't complainin' though, I never really wanted to return to ma room anyway, surely 'cos I'm sure it's still a blood bath out there an' not bein' alone right now doesn't sound that bad to be honest." Sniper had no problems what so ever imagining the kid not wanting to be in his room right now. Knowing that the entire base gets cleaned only once a week, that stain was bound to stay there until next Sunday and apart from that, Scout having people around him and not being alone for a moment was very comforting, surely because he himself was so many miles away at the moment. 

 

"How come you're sharin' a room with Pyro though?"

 

"Oh Medic suggested 'em first an' besides, Pyro's ma buddy I like 'em a lot, so this'll be fun." Sniper hadn't forgotten that Pyro was one of the reasons Scout was still alive and he'd forever be thankful for it. Pyro sure was mysterious though, hardly anyone knew something about him, aside from his psychopathic behaviour on the battlefield of course. (Though Sniper was well aware everyone on their team had their sadistic sides so he wouldn't judge) He did recall Medic and Engineer once talking about the fact that, apparently, Pyro wasn't really aware of what he was doing and that he did have quite the innocent soul. Something hard to believe but, again, Sniper wasn't going to judge.

 

"Pyro's room's so damn cute though." Scout said on the verge of laughing. "He has this stuffed unicorn an' on his ceilin' are those kind of plastic stars an' planets that illuminate once it's dark, never expected that to be perfectly honest an' don't even get me started on the sweets he has lyin' 'round, it's like walkin' into the bedroom of a six year old girl!" 

 

"Will your manliness be able to sleep there without it shrinkin'?" Sniper joked, finding himself chuckling harder at that than he should. On the other line, Scout snorted. 

 

"You bet your ass I can! Watch me sleep here all week an' still be the manly man man I am!" Sniper fully laughed now, hearing the mocking tone in the runner's voice. He could already imagine a face with that, it was priceless. 

 

"Anyway Snipes, it's gettin' late, I'll let ya get some rest or somethin'. No worries, ya don't gotta say this back since Spy's there an' I can image it's quite awkward, but anyway, I love ya.." The marksman felt so flustered, how such a short sentence could knock him over like that would stay a mystery to him. Spy being there or not, Sniper wasn't just going to leave it like that. 

 

"Love ya too, Scout." He quickly directed his gaze outside of his window so he wouldn't have to endure yet another sassy side glance from his colleague. Hearing Scout chuckle oh so innocently, Sniper guessed the runner had liked his unexpected action. Day one hadn't even passed yet and Sniper already found himself missing the kid more than he thought he would, goddamn this was going to be hard. 

 

"Goodnight, Snipes."

 

"G'night, Scout." 

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise (well more so hope heh) things will get a bit more interesting in the next chapters. I've written out in large lines how I want it shaped and so far it looks like they'll be quite the chapters, so I'm guessing that'll require a lot more time to write
> 
> Also, and with MUCH excitement, DadSpy is officially here y'all and he's going to give Evan hell! Woow!


	10. This Was Supposed To Be a Normal Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are again with the trigger warnings: This chapter contains mentions of abuse, self harm and constant refrences to a suicide attempt, proceed with causion!

The day had been going by slowly as Scout was rambling on to Pyro about everything and nothing. Every so often he'd get excited much agreeing muffles which never failed to make him keep on talking, not that he needed much though. Their conversation (or more so Scout's speech) had been going on for nearly an hour when Engineer popped his head inside their bedroom door. 

 

"Hi there fella's! You two havin' fun?" This was the first time Scout saw Engineer after everything that happened and upon seeing him, a nervous shamefulness hit him. Would Engineer say something about it? Even worse would he be able to look the young runner in the eyes without seeing those awful pictures? Scout was too busy wondering what Engineer could possibly be thinking about him to notice the hardhat trying to make conversation with him. 

 

"Scout?"

 

"Eeuh, ye-yeah?" 

 

"I asked ya how you're doin'? Ya feelin' better?" He quickly nodded his head, he was doing terrifyingly well on a physical level after what had happened two days ago. The only remainder of that awful nightmare being the white bandage around his pulse and of course the unavoidable scar underneath it. Other people in his position wouldn't have been this lucky and those thoughts together with the fact that he would have been dead if things hadn't gone the way they had, had been spooking around his head vigorously. He wouldn't take this luck for granted, that's for sure. 

 

"Yeah, 'm doin' great."

 

"I'm glad to hear that, mister!" The unpleasant feeling Scout had was failing to stay steady as it slowly crumbled away. Maybe it was the all around comfortable nature Engineer carried with him or the way the hardhat tried everything to not scare the runner off, Scout couldn't quite put his finger on it, but he didn't mind, whatever it was, it was working like a goddamn charm.

 

"Anyway, I'm actually here for you Pyro. Ya need to help me with something, is it okay if I take 'em with me for a bit, Scout?" 

 

"Of course, as long as ya bring 'em back, I ain't done talkin' just yet." Scout joked. Pyro rose from his bed, petted his stuffed unicorn on the head before following suit after Engie. That action had Scout chuckling before he watched the two disappearing out of sight. As the room grew silent, Scout realised that this was the first time in two days that he was all on his own. Of course the runner wasn't going to complain about the fact that Engineer needed Pyro for something, but he had indeed taken his only source of entertainment with him. With half a mind, Scout tried to find another way to occupy himself. Maybe he could try reading a book? Hah no, good joke. Scout hated, no detested reading. He's never been good at it and come to think of it, Scout had never finished a book in his entire life, not even for school and those lame ass book reports. He had better things to do. His mind automatically wandered off towards the idea of going for a run, but even though he was allowed to walk around, Medic had forbid him to run. 

 

The runner fixated his gaze on the old leather hunter's hat laying at the end of his current bed. He couldn't help himself and immediately wondered how Sniper was doing and if everything was going okay. The mission they were send on didn't seem like an all too difficult one, but knowing how injured some of his colleagues had returned from some of their missions surely wasn't helping Scout's frazzled nerves. Taking the hat in both his hands now, Scout kept on staring at it, like it was about to give him an answer to every question he ever asked himself in life. He just couldn't imagine losing Sniper, not now everything had fallen into place between them. Upon having that thought, Scout sighed, realising how selfish his suicide attempt had been. What if he had died? He couldn't even dare thinking about all the people he would have left behind. His misery would have found it's ending that's true, but as he had found out, it also had in other, less permanent ways and besides he couldn't even comprehend the pain he would have caused others. It was scary to think that in desperate times his mind would draw a blank on every person who loved him, whether it was his self harm habit or, clearly, worse. 

 

Some sort of inhuman throaty gurgle escaped Scout as he dramatically noised his displeasure with the current situation. He knew damn well that all this was his own fault, a product of his own doing, but was it so unfair of him to ask for something to do, something that would stop his damn thoughts from racing like this? He wasn't even alone for ten minutes and he was already driving himself mad by the simple yet destructive act of thinking. 

 

As if angels could hear him, Scout picked up two voices having a conversation down the hall. Lucky for him were the walls of their base made out of nothing better than paper, or so it seemed. He shot up like a rocket as a sudden interest sparked him. Heavy and Medic were talking about going to a book store in the city and even though that seemed like the last place on earth Scout would want to be, he couldn't deny the fact that going outside and just walking around seemed like a good idea, whatever the destination may be. 

 

He closed the door to Pyro's room, tugged his sweater over his head and walked off until the voices got louder and two familiar faces drew into the picture. Both Medic as Heavy were dressed in casual regular clothing, which was unbelievably odd to Scout. Not seeing any of his teammates in those overly red, class marked polo's was a sight that had gone unseen for very long as, even though they had regular ceasefire's, no one really bothered with normal clothes. That was until someone decided to actually go out. With the fight clothing they were given by RED, they'd stand out like a sore thumb in a crowd of seemingly normal people and believe it or not, the last thing a mercenary wanted, was any attention drawn to them. 

 

Scout was close enough now to be noticed by the two. He awkwardly cleared his throat, not wanting to seem like he had been creeping up on them or anything, he wasn't a damn Spy. 

 

"Hi guys, you goin' to the city?" The two looked down at him as if he was a child, but that was to blame on the height difference between the three of them. Heavy was almost two meters tall and that when Scout already thought Medic was quite a tall guy. Not that Scout really mind, Sniper was a very tall someone as well and it wasn't as if he saw that as a bother between the two of them. Not at all, Scout himself though it to be quite cute, but he wouldn't mention that of course.

 

"Oh hi Scout, you heard that correctly. Ve are going to a bookstore, care to join us?" Scout was hoping Medic didn't feel obliged to ask him just so he wouldn't be alone, becoming an even bigger bother to anyone was one of the last things he ever wanted to happen. Heavy patted Scout's shoulder as if to tell him they sincerely wanted him to come with as he chuckled amused.

 

"It'll be fun, Scout!" The Russian said enthusiastic and as Medic gave him a smile as well, it was almost impossible for Scout to decline their offer, not that he wanted that anyway. 

**********************

The bookstore looked as if time had stopped at a certain point, layers of dust everywhere and the building itself reeked strongly of wood and an air freshener Scout was convinced of that store's didn't sell anymore. Some of the books were so old, their pages had required this coffee coloured tint and the leather they were bound in was at least more than twenty years old. Scout's interest for literature may be below the average persons, but the books themselves sure looked awesome in his opinion. They were unique, all of them, not one book was the same and it amazed the young runner. 

 

As he passed the actual story books and came along a section filled with educational books about the planet, plants, different animals, etc.. Scout immediately thought of Sniper, no surprise. The Aussie knew nearly anything there is to know about all sorts of animals and to someone as unworldly as Scout that was impressive. He had probably gotten all that knowledge on his many hunting trips and the runner remembered Sniper saying something about him having to come along next time he went, but truth be told, as "sturdy" as Scout claimed himself to be, he could not see himself shooting a fluffy little bunny or a stag for that matter. No, he'd stick with humans, as sinister as that may sound, it wasn't as if his targets actually died anyway. 

 

Not that he was claiming that Sniper was some sort of dreadful person for going hunting from time to time, all Scout implied was that he wasn't cut out for work like that, nothing more to it.

 

Eventually Scout's trip ended in the sports section and as he saw a couple of books, all various in size and thickness, about baseball he could squeal of pure excitement. It had been so long since the last time he played it and as a matter of fact, he was goddamn good at it. It wasn't pure coincidence that he had picked his very own baseball bat as his melee weapon during fights. The runner still remembered the last game he ever played. Being his twenty year old self, baseball was about the only thing to actually make him forget the shit he had gotten himself into so he played every single game with as much passion as he could manage. His team was doing amazingly well that day and nothing would stop them from winning and as the end of it drew nearer it was Scout's time to be the batter. Without barely any surprise, Scout had hit what should have been a home run, but upon getting to the end of his run he slipped and fell and broke his goddamn leg. He still remembered the lecture he got from Evan that day, oh god, he actually yelled at him for being so "careless" and much to Scout's frightened expectations, Evan had forced him to quit baseball. Just because of one little accident that could have happened to literately everyone at any given moment, Scout had to drop the only thing that brought him some happiness. Yet the runner kept on foolishly telling himself that Evan was doing it out of care, yeah right my ass. 

 

A sudden voice characterized by its familiar German accent called Scout over. Medic and Heavy were about to pay and since Scout wasn't planning on taking anything with him he strolled over, hands buried into his pockets. The old man behind the counter smiled pleasantly at the particular trio before engaging into the much needed small talk with here and there throwing in 'remarkable' comments on how the three of them sure were different and how odd it was to see them all together like this. At a certain moment the guy blandly asked if they 'were a family' in which every person in the room exactly knew what he was trying to indicate. Heavy had gone silent upon hearing that, probably wondering what the hell that man was on about, while Medic tried to laugh it off explaining that no, Scout was not their freaking son. 

 

"Mein gott, older people sure have no idea how to handle situations like zhis... makes me vonder, you zhink he asks zhat every time zhree males valk into his store?" Medic joked as they walked out the store towards their car parked a few streets on, which succeeded into having Heavy break into a little chuckle as well. The two kept on having their usual conversation while Scout was doing the thing he occupied himself with sixty three percent of the time; thinking. Hearing someone talk about 'family' had his attention drawn to the fact that his mother had no idea of what had happened and even though somewhere he was convinced that she was better off not knowing, he also couldn't shake the feeling that she had every right to know that one of her boys had tried to end himself. But... if she knew that, she'd eventually also know about the pictures, she'd know the truth about Evan, his self harm, the self loathing attitude he had worked up over the years, etc.. her mother heart was going to break so violently, Scout would be able to hear it over the goddamn phone. 

 

Scout's gaze travelled high and low, scanning every part of his surroundings. Why did he do that? No idea, he guessed it had become a habit due to the scouting he did every single day. If you couldn't scan an enemy room from top to bottom within a couple of seconds, being a Scout might not be your thing. Capture points, intelligence rooms, carts, they were all surrounded by sentry's or anything else that would gladly put you lights out, so running in there without the slightest knowledge of what you'll be facing was dangerous and very risky. 

 

A sight playing out across the street managed to let Scout's thoughts fall silent for once. (they ran almost as fast as his mouth would once he started talking, wonderful) A young mother, late twenties Scout guessed, was pushing a stroller whilst a little girl excitedly walked next to her. Her golden curls danced up and down with every step she took, a bitter sweet thing to see, but suddenly the young girl stopped following her mother to tie her laces. Scout cocked an eyebrow up out of concern as the mother herself didn't seem to notice what was happening, probably due to the loud traffic surrounding everyone. When she was finally done, the girl found herself in a difficult situation, one that also had Scout's heart picking up speed as he witnessed it. She had to cross the street all on her own, her mother still had no clue of this and not one adult around her took the time to ask what was going on. 

 

The runner was nailed to the ground, he couldn't just keep on walking without knowing if the girl got their safely or not. For being so young, she did everything as neatly as she could. Look both ways, making sure no car would come instead of aimlessly chasing her mother like any other child her age would do. 

 

Everything seemed to go well and Scout almost felt himself calming down, but as suddenly a car raced down the street, his heart jolted right into his throat. That girl was about to get hit and there was no one doing a damn thing! No, not on Scout's watch, there was no way in hell he'd let that happen without even trying to interfere. 

 

Without warning, Scout bolted towards the girl, running as fast as his legs could carry him. Ignoring the fact that Medic had forbid him to do this exact thing, trying to save someone's life would be a good excuse to break his rule for a few seconds, he guessed. The car was getting so close and the girl had stopped walking, probably frozen out of pure fear. Outrunning cars never used to be a challenge for Scout, hell he even outran trains, but with his body in the state it found itself in right now, it was harder than he had expected. 

 

His heart was hammering viciously in his chest, eyes fixated on the girl while he concentrated on the sound of the car, trying to get a somehow clear 'view' of how far it still was. He couldn't believe that whatever danger was behind that wheel couldn't even see they were about to hit an actual human being and a little kid to make it even better. 

 

Finally Scout reached the girl, wrapping his arms around her little and fragile body as he carried her out of the street merely seconds before an impact could have been made. Scout actually felt the car whiz right past his ear as he got the both of them safely to the other side of the street. The little girl was holding onto him for dear life as she cried into his chest, probably in pure shock of what just happened. Scout was near clueless on how to handle children, so he tried to mimic what his mother used to do when she found him crying in his room at that age. 

 

"Shhh, hey it's okay pumpkin, it's alright, you're safe. Ain't no mean thing 'bout to hurt ya anymore." As Scout tried his very best to comfort the upset child in his arms, he finally noticed every single person in the entire street gawking at him out of pure surprise. Even the girl's mother stood there frozen, her gaze filled with tears probably still processing the last ten minutes. Scout walked over to her and the woman shakily lifted her hand to caress the blond hair of her baby girl. 

 

"You... you saved her... T-t-thank you so much, sir... Oh god, thank you!" She cried out. Her voice was soft and gentle and a much unexpected British accent rolled with it. Scout smiled at her, while rubbing soothing circles on the girls back. She was still crying, but less hysteric as a bit ago which had Scout believe his comfort methods were working. 

 

Medic and Heavy had gotten to the two as well now, immediately asking if Scout was okay after that heroic risk he had taken. The runner gave a quick nod of his head, not wanting any attention drawn to him for this, the girl was the one in shock, for crying out loud she was clinging so badly onto Scout, he believed she'd never let go. So as Medic got into a conversation with the girl's mother about trauma and how she most definitely should see a doctor or go to a hospital, Scout tried to calm the girl down some more. 

 

"It's alright, I promise ya, you're ma's right here an' she's so glad you're okay." The little girl finally stopped weeping as she let her head rest against the runner's chest. Scout took this as a sign that she was actually getting a bit comfortable. 

 

"What's your name, princess?" He asked while slightly rocking her from side to side. 

 

"Emily.." She mumbled. "What's yours..?" 

 

"'m Scout, nice meetin' ya, Emily. If I may ask, how old are you?" The runner tried to adjust his way of talking a bit, surely because he didn't want her scared off because she could barely understand the guy and also because Scout did not want to be responsible for flaws in her vocabulary, no thanks. 

 

"I'm six..." 

 

"So young an' so brave, that's really somethin' pumpkin. Ya can be really proud of yourself." She let out a small and beyond adorable chuckle one that had Scout's heart melt into pure goo. He was so glad he had managed to save her, such a young girl with only her entire life in front of her alive and well and already smiling again. That's how things are supposed to be, that's how life should be treating good people. 

 

"That car was really mean..." 

 

"It was, wasn't it? But it won't hurt ya, it never got the chance." Her hazel gaze shot up towards Scout as the runner finally got a moment to take a good look at her face. She still had a few tears hanging underneath her eyes, which Scout wiped away with the thumb of his free hand, smiling down at her. 

 

"There we go, no more tears." She smiled back at him, revealing what Scout suspected to be a row of baby teeth with here and there the occasional gap. He swore to god, Emily couldn't possibly be cuter. 

 

Scout looked up for a moment to see that Medic and Emily's mother were done with their chat, the woman had her attention back on the daughter she had almost lost, happy to see how safe and comfortable she was. Suspecting that they'd be parting ways soon, the runner set Emily down next to her mother and smiled at her once again. 

 

"I don't know how I will ever be able to thank you for saving my daughter." The woman spoke. Scout shook his head. 

 

"No need thankin' me, ma'am. Emily's a wonderful girl, keep her safe, 'kay?" The woman nodded, a content expression painted across her features. She was never going to leave Emily out of her sight again, Scout was convinced. 

 

Before following Heavy and Medic back to their car, Scout squatted down in front of Emily so they would be more or less on the same eyelevel. 

 

"You stay safe 'round cars, 'kay? An' never stop bein' brave, pumpkin it suits ya." Emily hugged him one last time, promising she would and that she'd never ever forget him and how he saved her. Scout knew he'd never forget her nor this either. He had done something good today, something he could be proud of, but better, he had saved a life that was worth saving and that was all that mattered to the runner. 

**********************

Scout nervously fumbled with his grip tape as he sat in the little waiting room that led to Medic's lab. They had agreed to have their appointment at 8PM, but as Scout got there ten minutes early he discovered he wasn't the only 'patient' the doc would be treating that evening. He could hear Solly's loud and rough voice yammering on about how convinced he was they'd beat BLU next battle. Noticing that their conversation was more so small talk or comments about whatever, Scout was convinced the patriot was there for a physical problem, which had his heart sink for whatever reason. He was second guessing this dangerously hard. This lonely feeling had bubbled up inside the boy, the kind of loneliness of someone who was convinced that no one understood him. He hated it. 

 

Wasn't that the point though? Talking about whatever shit was going on just to get rid of these unpleasant feelings? Whether Medic understood him or not, it wasn't even relevant anyway. The runner forced himself to calm down as his thoughts were leaning against getting up and getting the hell out of there. He reminded himself of what Sniper had told him: 

 

"Don't leave Medic hangin', he really wants to help ya." 

 

He repeated that sentence over and over in his head, actually finding some comfort in it. Medic wanted to help him, everyone tried their best to help him... maybe he wasn't even close to being as lonely as his mind tried to trick him into feeling. 

 

As the metal door flew open and Soldier marched out, greeting Scout quickly with a pleasant smile, the runner just watched the door for a moment, not really knowing what to do before Medic signed at him to come in. The runner obediently followed orders and walked into the place he had been countless of times before, yet for total different reasons. Seeing that Medic had retreated off to his desk, Scout strolled over to it as well and took a seat in the chair across from the doc's. 

 

"How are you doing, Scout?" Medic asked calmly. "Surely after zhat heroic deed of you, are you doing okay?" Scout cocked an eyebrow up at that. Medic was a doctor, so asking how the runner was doing on a physical level was probably in his best interest, but it had Scout confused for a second there. Wasn't there another purpose to this appointment?

 

"Y-yeah, doc... 'm doin' fine. Told ya that before." 

 

"Gut, now Scout ve both know vhy you are here und I am not only talking about vhat happened two days ago." The runner's stomach made a little flip, realising that his self harm history was not only going to get mentioned, but talked about in detail as well. "Scout I am going to ask you a few blunt questions und I have to ask you to answer zhem as honest as you can, can you do zhat?" Scout nodded his head, trying to seem confident despite the fact that a big parts of his dark history were going to be dug up and analysed in great fucking detail. 

 

As Medic got Scout's agreeing nod, he waited a bit before asking his first question. It was probably some sort of weird method on how to get the receiver of the questionnaire a bit comfortable, but it was failing in every single way. Scout was quite dying from stress up until the point Medic finally asked his first damn question.

 

"Vhy did you try to kill yourself two days ago? Had it been on your mind for long before you actually tried it?" The young man's gaze fixated on nothing as he inhaled sharply and sighed deeper than he had done in a long time, forcing himself to tell Medic the truth. 

 

"N-no... I hadn't been thinkin' 'bout it for long at all... it was really impulsive... the idea came up maybe five minutes before I actually did it..."

 

"Do you still vant to die, Scout?" Medic wasn't sugar coating when he said he'd be asking some blunt questions, that's for sure.

 

"No doc, I don't wanne die... I never wanted to die in the first place. Just... somethin' happened, ma life was ruined for a bit there, I wasn't thinkin' at all, y'know? It seemed like ma only way out an' I took it 'cos I had no idea what else to do." 

 

"You are going to have to tell me zhe entire story, Scout..." Medic insisted and Scout knew damn well that he was right about that. Beating around the bush like that sure wasn't going to get them anywhere. 

 

"O-okay... but eeuh... look sum real shameful shit's gonna be talked 'bout, so... don't be surprised or.. grossed out, please.." Without really expecting an answer to that, Scout sighed once again before actually getting to telling his story. 

 

"S-so... I mean, it ain't no secret that I ain't straight, right? Somethin' I discovered when I was like sixteen an' around that time I met this guy, Evan, who told me he was strugglin' with the same thing. We became friends an' well, not much after that we kind a started datin'. Now, Evan seemed like a real nice guy in the start, y'know? But eventually everything took a dramatic fuckin' turn an' before I knew it life was shit and everythin' hated me and I hated everythin'. Evan wasn't exactly the nice guy I thought he was. He was violent, forceful an' very impatient an' well, he forced me into all kinds of stuff I never fuckin' wanted." He took a moment, contemplating on how he'd bring his next few phrases without coming over as disgusting. "One o' those things were 'em forcin' me to like... take these pics... like.." He almost choked on the word." nude pics an' two days ago I received a mail from 'em with a link to a website with every single one of them for anyone to watch... that's why I tried to kill myself... b-because o' that website." Medic was chewing on the inside of his cheek, probably taking a moment to let that story sink in and think. 

 

"Is zhat vhy you hurt yourself? Because of zhis "Evan" und zhe zhinks zhat he has done to you?"

 

"Yeah... well I.. I mean I think so, it ain't exactly as if I think of 'em an' get all angry at 'em whenever I hurt myself, I kind a only get angry with myself an' just... I dunno... just hate myself..." Medic nodded as he pushed his glasses back into position after they had slid down the bridge of his nose a bit. 

 

"Vell zhat is still Evan's fault Scout. You hating yourself is merely a result of vhat he has done to you. It's because of him zhat you zon't have respect for yourself und zon't expect anyone else to have as well. Zhe anger und hatred you feel for yourself, is vhat your mind has made of zhe traumatic phase it's been through. You zon't feel worthy because you have been used like a doll or a toy by someone else. Sadly, you just simply zon't know any better." It didn't take a genius to get to a solution like that, yet Scout had never thought of it that way. As stupid as that may sound, the runner had never considered that the self hatred he had been holding onto for so long wasn't something that had been there all his life.

 

"Did anyone of your family know about zhis? Your mother, a sibling maybe?"

 

"Nah... no one knew 'bout it, the first person I ever told was Snipes an' that four years after Evan an' I parted ways..." Though Sniper's discovery of Scout's scars was merely a coincidence, he was indeed the first person to know about that too. He had no idea how he had managed to hide them for four years through every single season of the year, but come to think of it, it was that exact situation that had the runner believe that no one cared for him. 

 

"Zhere are a few methods to fight self harm und I zhink I know one that'll fit you vell. You see next time you feel like hurting yourself in any vay, consider drawing instead of cutting or vhatever you vhere about to do. Keep a pen or marker close to you or get a whole set und scatter zhem almost everyvhere you come, in zhat case you von't have zhe excuse of not having anyzhing around to draw vith." Scout saw no harm in that, he actually loved to draw but never got around to do it. When he was a good ten years younger he used to do little else whenever he had free time, beside baseball of course. 

 

"I used to draw a whole lot when I was younger, ma brother Tommy always teased me 'bout it, yet also get super excited whenever I drew something." Scout confessed unknowingly. A faint smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he thought about those happy memories. 

 

"Vhy zon't you tell me a bit about your family? You have a more zhan one sibling?" Scout snorted upon hearing that, oh boy Medic was in for a treat. 

 

"I have seven older brothers, all a bunch o' assholes who I love, don't get me wrong. Ma brother Tommy was always around though, 'bout the only one who was. The rest were off pickin' fights or gettin' themselves into trouble somewhere in the city. Guess that's why I always was so fond of 'em, he basically raised me together with ma, as weird as that may sound." The runner laughed awkwardly, imagining that Medic probably had some sort off of fucked up view on Scout's home situation now. But despite the broken like home he had, he loved it with every piece of him. Scout loved his mother for all the love and energy she put in him, despite having to work multiple jobs to keep everything stable. The runner loved his brother Tommy for loving and supporting him in basically anything he did.

 

Moments like these never failed to make him realise how much he missed his family and surely his mother and Tommy. He'd do about anything to be able to see and talk to them right now and that's why the runner was getting so excited for the holidays. He'd get to go home and be with them every hour on the clock. One of the few things that had  
managed to stay steady within those twelve years was his family, Scout would never allow anyone to separate him from them, not even Evan had succeeded in doing so. 

 

And as far as Scout was concerned, no one or nothing ever would.

\--


	11. Give 'em Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not quite sure if these are 'trigger warnings' but I'll play it safely and just keep on calling them that.
> 
> So trigger wanrings: No actual selfharm or suicide or any mentions to it, but there are some quite cruel descriptions of violence and also Evan's way of talking is disturbing to say the least

"So... again, why couldn't we do this yesterday?" There the two men sat in Sniper's truck watching the other side of the street as if it was paint drying on a wall. A good hour had gone by since they decided to park there and do all they could do; obediently sit and wait. 

 

Spy sighed deep, rolling his eyes in a dramatic fashion as if to say 'bushman you are a fucking moron' without actually needing the words. 

 

"Something in his daily pattern changed yesterday, it was too risky to go out with no regards of what his business was for the rest of that day. He could have had company or simply not have been home at all... as I already explained earlier." Sniper decided to ignore that last comment purely to avoid another passive - aggressive argument between them. He never won anyway, so why bother.

 

"So any of those blokes ya got here runnin' around gatherin' information about that kid has been halfassin' his work, or wot?" Spy merely shrugged as he took a long drag from his cigarette. He seemed rather unfazed about the fact that their plans were boycotted by a minor change of timetables. Spy didn't seem like the type of guy to have unfinished business. If any of his 'minions' as Sniper called them so politely, would be bringing in the wrong information out of negligence, the marksman expected Spy to be more aware of that. Surely because wrong information could be the one last push a Spy needs before going over that paper-thin border of life and death. 

 

Sniper took a peak at his watch. 8PM was getting close and if everything would go as planned, Evan would be walking down the other side of the street in just a few moments. Somewhere, Sniper was desperately hoping that smug bastard would. Else it meant something permanent had changed and that would, without a doubt, lead to the cancellation of their entire plan. 

 

"So remember," Spy suddenly spoke. "Black hair, green ey-"

 

"Green eyes and quoite tall, yeah I know. 've seen the mongrel's picture way too much 'till this point to be able to forget that, mate." It was weird to Sniper that in just a few minutes he'd actually see the person behind the devastation of the past days (well years for Scout) and although he had seen him in pictures, as the Aussie had implied, actually standing eye to eye with that snake would be a whole other page of whatever fucked up book they've spiralled themselves into. The marksman was not one to get into fistfights, I mean, the guy barely bothered to engage in a conversation with others, but he knew damn well that today would be an expectation to that rule. Evan was going to regret the living fuck out of his crimes and although feelings of revenge and spite were foreign to the Australian, he had no problem whatsoever excepting them. Which could be considered scary, but Sniper preferred to leave that thought alone for now.

 

A sudden click and the sound of metal sliding alongside the fabric of costume pants had Sniper taking a look to his right, his eyes going as wide as dinner plates as he saw Spy preparing a handgun. The Frenchman didn't seem to notice the marksman gawking at him until he sputtered his next words.

 

"W-what the bloody hell, mate?! We ain't here to kill that brat!" Yet another sass filled glance bounced out Sniper's way as Spy unknowingly stared at him, probably wondering what he could possible be kicking up a fuss about. 

 

"Calm yourself bushman, this is pure precaution. These Americans are allowed to have a gun within their possession without anyone else having that knowledge. You never know and besides... do not act as if you obediently left your rifle at home..." Yup, Spy had him there. Although Sniper was convinced it was safely tucked away underneath a fake floor in his trunk, Spy had somehow noticed it. Well, it's one of the most cliché things to do really, any mercenary with the brain capacity of a hamster would be able to unravel that trick. 

 

Knowing the Frenchman had him cornered, Sniper simply huffed and went back to staring outside his window instead of foolishly trying to have some sort of conversation going on. Usually the marksman never would be the one intending small talk, only if absolutely necessary, but for whatever reason Sniper almost felt obliged to do so with Spy since his dramatic silences even managed to make the biggest introvert alive uncomfortable. 

 

As another ten minutes had passed by, Sniper felt his heart sink into his shoes. Goddamn this! That bastard really had something different going on, hadn't he? Was all of this for nothing? Just to go back to the base with heavy moods and another hand full of lies on 'why they returned earlier'? Sniper had it with all the lying he had been doing, that's for sure. The first few days of Scout's and his relationship had been drowning in those foul and incorrect stories, the marksman sure wasn't going to keep it that way. Over his dead goddamn body. 

 

The sudden feel of the back of a hand repeatedly slapping Sniper's shoulder had him drawn to full attention as he looked at the Frenchman's frantic movement with a concerned touch. What in the hell was that croissant doing?

 

"Look!" Spy noised, smoke escaping the confines of the Frenchman's mouth as he spoke. Sniper's gaze followed to whatever Spy was pointing at only to find that their waiting game hadn't been for nothing. There on the other side of the street strode a young male, black hair, green eyes and indeed quite the tall someone. From where Sniper could see, he suspected Evan to be taller than Spy, yet still littler than the Aussie. Good. 

 

"Seems loike his schedule's still the same." Sniper mumbled. "Great, now we can go kick his bloody ass." 

 

"Patience, Sniper, is that not one of the only things, besides being able to sit on your butt all day, a Sniper needs?" That comment struck Sniper as very odd. Why the hell did they need to wait any longer? It wasn't exactly as if Sniper's patience had ran out, of course not the man had plenty, but they both just witnessed Evan going into his apartment. What was the deal?

 

"Your colourful insult aside, what the bloody hell are ya talkin' about, mate?" 

 

"We never know, maybe him being here is merely a short stop and he will be leaving for something soon, we are not in possession of knowledge as such. We will have to wait a bit longer." Wonderful, wonder-fucking-ful. Something as logical as that and Sniper had gazed right past it. He was acting like a first class moron purely out of his determined will to get revenge. 

 

Actually being quite ashamed by that, Sniper decided to keep his yap shut for the last ten minutes they'd be playing their frustrating waiting game. As, eventually, Spy shifted in his seat and actually got out of the car, Sniper mirrored these movements and followed right along towards the old, kind a sketchy looking, building that housed Evan's apartment. 

 

"We're looking for apartment 115." Spy had informed him and as the two awkwardly stood in the small lift waiting to make it's decent to the right floor, an important thought occurred to the Aussie.

 

"We can't just knock on his door, roight? Wot are we goin' to do?" 

 

"What else do you suggest, bushman?" Spy asked as they both stepped into the, of carpet smelling, awfully dull coloured, hallway. 

 

"Wait, wot? Are ya bloody serious? So you wanted to just knock on his door and then wot? Attack 'em?" 

 

"Exactly that." The Frenchman said with a sinister smirk. Now standing before the door of apartment 115, Spy knocked on it. Before Sniper could actually process what was going on, the oak passage way opened and an unfriendly face greeted them. 

 

"Yeah? Whaddaya want?" 

 

"Good evening, sir." Spy spoke in an as friendly voice as he could manage. "We were contacted by your landlord who informed us about a mice problem currently invading his building. He send us here to inspect every one of his apartments, but I suppose you already know this information?" Sniper almost found himself laughing at how unbelievably transparent that lie was. Spy stood there in a nicely tailored suit for crying out loud, as if he'd ever exterminate mice in that. 

 

Much to the marksman's surprise, Evan only cocked an eyebrow up, casting suspicious eyes on them, instead of the much expected action of throwing the door into their faces. 

 

"What the actual fuck are you on about? I ain't got any mice in my goddamn apartment! Now get your fuckin' asses outta here before I kick ya all the way back from where ya came!" Scout hadn't been lying when he said Evan wasn't the most gentle type around and next to that his 'charm' was showing awfully well right now. It really had Sniper wondering how Scout had ever fallen for this crazy son of a bitch, but he'd cut him some slack for only being sixteen and very confused when he met him. 

 

"You deaf?!" Evan's voice rose as neither Spy nor Sniper reacted on what he just had said. As if such an empty threats were going to scare two highly trained mercenaries. "Get the fuck outta here, before I'll help ya to the exit!"

 

"I wouldn't do that, Evan." The guy's reaction on Spy ever so casually slipping his name in there was priceless. His green eyes suddenly filled with terror as he started to stutter some incoherent words. Only goes to show how big of a cowards abusers really are when put on the goddamn spot.

 

"H-how... how do ya know ma name..?" Spy placed a gloved hand on the door so Evan wouldn't be able to close it on them. Now leaning in a bit, the Frenchman looked more intimidating than he had ever done before, despite the fact that he was a good few inches smaller than Evan.

 

"That is not important, however what actually is important, is the fact that apparently there is no cell in your entire body that knows how to treat other human beings with some decency and that's exactly why we are here, dear boy." Everything went so goddamn quick, Sniper could barely keep up. Within less than ten seconds Spy had managed to push the door further open and give Evan a good swing across his smug face which ended with that freak laying on the floor in an unconscious state at the what? Eight second mark maybe?

 

"Not bad, Spy." Sniper said upon walking further into the apartment. Now that Evan's lights were put out for a bit, the two had time to look around the place. 

 

"Wait! Don't touch anything yet." Spy had noised after closing the door and before throwing a pair of gloves towards the marksman. "Believe me you do not want your DNA all over the place." The marksman nodded at that, Spy really had been doing some remarkable detail work. 

 

The dark apartment was just as sketchy as the building itself was and Sniper wouldn't be surprised if a couple of mouse families actually had their own housings in here, but above that, it was a true junkyard. Dirty clothes everywhere as the sink in the kitchen was overloaded with dishes probably purely out of an attitude as 'I'll wash that later' and if that wasn't good enough yet, the place reeked like old socks and sweat... wonderful. 

 

"Tie him up on one of those chairs there," Spy ordered after mere moments of silence and the two letting their eyes wander as if they were attending some great scavenger hunt. "I'll see if I can destroy some of his blackmail." 

 

Watching the Frenchman stride towards the kid's desk and plug something, he expected to be an USB, into the open laptop resting there, Sniper cocked an eyebrow up as he walked over to the task he had just been given. 

 

"Wot are ya doin' with that?" He asked curious before basically throwing Evan over his shoulder and walk off towards one of the chairs.

 

"This USB contains a virus that will destroy the laptop's hard drive, meaning everything on it will vanish without ever being able to bring it back. So whether there is content on here that could actually work against Scout or not, it'll be destroyed and that without any of us actually having to see any of it." 

 

"Great, one thing already taken care of. Now this bloody freak ain't got no leg to stand on." The Aussie said as he strapped the boy to the seat with duck tape as he had no better way of doing it. It would hold and there was no goddamn way Evan would get out of that so it was perfect. With now Evan being unconscious and Spy having deleted the last pieces of blackmail he possessed, the two yet again found themselves with nothing in hands to do. It wasn't exactly a penthouse where Evan lived, so looking around the place had been covered in the first fifteen minutes they found themselves there. Eventually another ten minutes would pass before Evan opened his acid green eyes again. 

 

"Foinally..." Sniper mumbled as they both watched how the kid's eyes repeated the action of constantly fluttering open and shut. "ya punched 'em bloody hard, remoind me to not get in a foight with you, mate.." The Frenchman gave a weak snort as he was probably too concentrated to hear what Sniper actually had said.

 

Eventually, Evan drew to full consciousness his eyes going wide as he felt his arms and legs restrain against the duck tape that held him plastered against the chair. Writhing like a freaking maniac now, it was clear to the two mercenaries that the boy was panicking like a hunted animal. Not that he found himself far from that situation, to be perfectly honest. 

 

"Who the fuck are you?! Let me go!" Some more colourful insults were thrown out their way, but all Sniper and Spy really could do was gaze down at him with pure annoyance. "I'll call the goddamn cops once ya let me go!"

 

"Then we'll just have to kill you." Spy said with not a spot feeling in his words as if they'd really do that. The bluff surely was enough to shut Evan up for a bit though. 

 

"Look Evan, a few days ago you caused for some real chaos to erupt. You think you can recall your actions or are you simply too stupid?" Oh how delightful it was for Sniper to hear Spy insult someone else instead of the marksman for once. It wasn't really working though, because Evan kept sitting there with a dumb look on his face. 

 

"Fuck you two to hell, I ain't got no idea what 'chaos I erupted'" He said trying to mock Spy's French accent. "Seems like you two forgot to take your damn medicine! They should keep better watch on those freaks walkin' 'round asylums that's for sure!" 

 

"Very funny, Evan, now I totally see why Scout fell for you." 

 

"Scout?" The kid's voice hinted pure annoyance which irritated the marksman as he believed it did not belong there. "I don't know no 'Scout', see told ya! Ya got the wrong freakin' guy!" 

 

"Oh no, that is right, please excuse me." Spy chuckled darkly. "I do believe that the name 'Jeremy' will make a bell ring, does it not?" This was the first time ever Sniper heard Scout's real name. He never thought he'd hear it to be perfectly honest, but now knowing it, the name fits it's owner quite well, the marksman thought. 

 

Evan's reaction on this was odd, instead of his eyes going wide out of terror, a smug and sinister grin formed on his face. Both Spy as Sniper were taken aback by this, a certain madness was captured within this kid's eyes. 

 

"Oh I believe I know what you're talkin' 'bout. Did Jeremy like ma surprise?" No response, which for whatever reason, only seemed to encourage Evan to keep on talking. Was that something in the Bostonian water or what? "I hope he did, y'know I miss 'em a lot. When he dumped me, it kind a was like, y'know, losing an important belonging and there ain't no hair on ma head that wouldn't try to get back at 'em. 'course not, havin' Jeremy 'round was one of the best things to happen to me. He was so easy, ya wouldn't believe it! Too big of a goddamn pussy to actually stand up to-" A hard blow on his nose finally managed to make Evan go silent. Though this time it wasn't the sass filled Frenchman delivering the punch, but our more laid back Aussie. He couldn't stand Evan talking about Scout like that, it only made his hands itch to hurt that fucker in any way possible. 

 

Blood slowly started to drip from his, now undoubtedly broken, nose as he looked up at Sniper. That same expression resting on his features as a soft chuckle escaped Evan. 

 

"Interestin', so ya can actually do more than just stand there like a retard lettin' your lil' friend here do all the work." The marksman chewed on the inside of his cheek, attempting to calm himself down before he'd speak. 

 

"I can do a lot more, mate, after all ya fucked up someone else's loife real good ya don't deserve any better." 

 

"Oh look atchu! Are we actually given a fuck 'bout 'precious Jeremy'? What did I do then? Did I make 'em cry? Oh poor thing probably had no idea what he was lookin' at when he got my mail. Did he blame me? Probably. Kind a unfair, ain't it? By all means, he was the one who took those pics, I ain't never taken one." It had only been real rare occasions in the marksman's life in which his blood got to a boiling point and right now was a new extension to that short list. Behind this seemingly feeling less exterior, the Aussie was quite flaming of suppressed anger. 

 

"Oi Spy, give me one of your cigarette's and your lighter, will ya?" Clearly still disturbed by what Evan had said, the Frenchman handed Sniper a cigarette and a lighter without question. Acting as if he just wanted a smoke in the midst of all this, Sniper casually lit the cigarette and took a long drag from it. Cursing that he had given into this old habit, the marksman reminded himself that he hadn't lit this damn cigarette for the sole purpose to have a smoke and get mad at himself. 

 

It seemed as if he and Evan were having some tense stare down, with the kid slowly getting uncomfortable because no one, except Sniper, knew what was going to happen. After some more seconds of pure tension, Sniper took a last drag from the, half burned up, cigarette before placing the burning end on Evan's hand and pushing it right into it so a nasty burn mark would be left behind. Hearing how the kid was struggling to keep from screaming out, the marksman pushed a little harder until there was nothing left to burn with. 

 

"Ah--ah... that all.. ya got..?" He said through clenched teeth. "I ain't fuckin'... screamin' for you f-freaks!" Evan was grinning now, fucking grinning. "But ya know who has screamed a whole fuckin' lot for me?" Sniper balled his fist which had Evan seemingly happy about the marksman's reaction as if he exactly wanted that and nothing more. "Yeah that's right tall guy, bet ya can't even imagine how satisfyin' his screams were to me, havin' 'em tell ya no an' try to writhe 'emself free. Truly maddenin'." Those last words were spoken slowly and very clearly, only empathising how mental this guy actually was. It wasn't only the fact that he wasn't even close to being sorry for what he had done, no, he was beyond proud of it as well. The Aussie grabbed Evan by the collar out of pure frustration and gave him yet another punch so hard it would leave the kid not being able to tell his left from his right. 

 

"Shut the fuck up ya bloody mongrel!" The left side of Evan's face started to bruise as more blood began to drip from his nose. The marksman let go of his collar and took a step back, only to find Spy looking at him with an impressed expression. Oh go to hell Spy, Sniper thought. As if he wouldn't be able to punch someone in the face. 

 

"You bloody done with actin' loike this tough shit?!" Sniper eventually asked fiercely, not letting this moment, where basically his entire system was indulged in anger, slip by him. "I had it with ya! Do you have any idea wot ya actually fuckin' did?! We should bloody kill you for the rampage ya left behind, ruin your loife the same way you ruined Scout's!" 

 

"What's with that name? Why the hell are ya callin' 'em 'Scout'? What, he got so scared he changed his goddamn name?" 

 

"No." Spy suddenly interrupted. "Scout is merely a codename. You see, about four years ago he has been hired by RED to become a mercenary. So have we and six other people. Now you are probably wondering why on earth I am giving you information as such, but it's only to warn you, dearest Evan," This time the Frenchman grabbed him by the collar. "we were basically hired the kill people and that on a daily basis. If I were you I would drop the act, before we might change our minds. Hiding a dead body is really childsplay to us." Evan's gaze kept rapidly switching between Spy and Sniper as if he was contemplating on what he could say. 

 

"I-I don't give a fuck!" He said with a slight tremble in his voice. "You ain't gonna kill me! An' besides, I still got plenty of stuff to ruin Jeremy's life an' by God I'll keep fuckin' doin' exactly that!" 

 

"I'm afraid not." Spy got notable more annoyed the more Evan spoke. Sniper already felt like tearing the guys guts out for what he was saying about Scout, how would it feel for a parent to hear someone talk about their child like that? "Every last photo or whatever you still had left got deleted and as you probably already knew, the website you creatively put together already got taken down a good three days ago. So no Evan, you have nothing to ruin Jeremy's life with anymore and if you still do find the means to do so, I promise you, we will hunt you down and kill you." Confusion was the only emotion crossing Evan's expression as both he and Sniper watched Spy walking off to the house telephone laying on the kitchen table and quickly after, returning. 

 

"911, right?" Sniper only nodded, wondering why the hell he was going to call the emergency services, did he want them to get caught? 

 

After Spy had dialled the three digit long number, he let the device rest between his shoulder and ear while reaching for something in the inner pocket of his suit jacket. As he saw the silver like metal from a handgun, the Aussie got reminded about the fact that Spy had taken that with him pure out of 'precaution', yeah right. Was he mental? If he'd fire one shot with that, people blocks away would be able to hear it. But before the marksman could noise his complained, Spy was already engaging in a conversation with the 911 operator. 

 

"Ah yes, I am terribly sorry to bother you, sir, but there has been a shooting on Washington Street. No I am afraid I do not know where exactly, but I heard the noise coming from one of the apartment blocks, I think someone might have been shot." Sniper stood there almost scratching his goddamn head over what was happening while in the meantime Evan was so struck with terror he was unable to move ,frozen pure out of fear for his own life probably. 

 

As Spy eventually managed to get the silencer belonging to that pistol out of the same inner pocket, the marksman finally knew what the damn croissant was up to. 

 

"Thank you so much for sending help! Fifteen minutes? Okay and yes I will stay where I am." Without listening to whatever other crap the operator was trying to tell him, Spy hung up and threw the phone away. The tension was building like crazy as the Frenchman stood there attaching the silencer to his gun in utter silence. The closer Spy got to getting it done, the more Evan started to mumble panicked words begging him to not kill him. Spy didn't react and instead aimed at Evan's chest right where his heart should be, if this freak even had one. 

 

"Bushman you might not want to look, this will be a bit... messy." 

 

"Ain't a problem, mate." 

 

Spy snorted at that, latching his finger around the trigger before looking once more at the panicked mess Evan had become. While Spy was having this little eye dance with Evan, Sniper stood there actually contemplating if Spy was going to kill him or severely injure him by shooting him in the shoulder or arm or something. 

 

Then it happened, seconds before the Frenchman fired the shot he tilted his gun down, it now pointing at Evan's crotch and said:

 

"This is for what you did to my son, you foul goddamn rapist!" 

 

Spy didn't shoot once, no, he fired off five freaking bullets. He wasn't lying when he said Evan wouldn't ever be able to repeat his actions, now was he? The kid cried out in pain and Sniper could already imagine how bad that would feel, any guy watching this would cringe like crazy imagining the amount of pain that would bring forth.

 

Letting him squirm in pure pain and terror, Spy signed at Sniper to get the hell out of there already. Shooting Evan had wasted enough time and they did not want any risks of getting caught whatsoever. 

 

This time taking the stairs, the two fled out of the building right towards Sniper's truck and as the marksman started the engine and drove off as if nothing ever had happened, an ambulance came speeding down the street. 

 

Hopefully for Evan, the paramedics would find him soon else he'd, ever so ironically, bleed to death. 

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That subtile 115 easter egg though
> 
> Also, Spy really shines in this chapter and I'm loving it
> 
> (Oh and if you're a guy reading this, I am terribly sorry for that gruesome violation of Evan's private parts, to put it nicely, but the fucker deserved it)


	12. Two Teaspoons of Sugar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: During a big part of the chapter Scout's selfharm gets mentioned a lot and there are direct discriptions and indications to his scars. Also his suicide attempt gets talked about, so proceed with caution

Maybe it was the smell of burning wood or the feeling of slowly and unknowingly getting cooked, but whatever it was, it managed to drag Scout out of his sleep at the late hour of 3AM. He sat up, sighing deep as he suspected to see Pyro playing with his flamethrower or burning an object in the corner of their room once he'd open his eyes. A weird feeling washed away those thoughts however, once he actually opened them. Now greeted by a completely dark room, Scout looked around only to find that Pyro was missing from his bed. The room was getting hotter with every second Scout wasted with just sitting there, but he was trying to find the logic hiding somewhere behind this situation. Pyro had probably gotten out of bed at some point that night to go play with fire or something like that, Scout guessed. 

 

"God sake, what the hell are ya doin', Pyro?" The runner questioned his absent friend as he pulled back his sheets and got up to go find his fire breathing roommate. Engineer had warned him about this, that Pyro could be more restless than a captured animal at night and would get up at the most ridiculous hours to do whatever. 

 

Standing before the bedroom door, not yet making an effort to get out, Scout braced himself for the much expected cold that would pass by him once he'd set foot in the hallway. The overlarge baseball jersey and black sweatpants he wore as nightwear would do the job for keeping him warm though. As the runner finally opened the door, his eyes went wide by the horrifying scene played out before him. Flames towering over each other as the smell of burning became overwhelming to the point where Scout had to shield his mouth to keep from coughing his lunge's out. It wasn't the cold he should have prepared for, but the burning temperatures slowly boiling his skin. 

 

Something had gone wrong, somewhere in the base a fire had started and from what Scout suspected, no one had succeeded in containing it. Had Pyro done this? Maybe something had gone terribly wrong while toying with his flamethrower or one of his sadistic games had taken a turn for the worst, the runner could only guess. But as the flames came closer and started to lick the floor in front of Scout's feet, he knew that now was not the time for that, right now he had to get the fuck out of there before he'd, quite literately, get cooked alive. 

 

Remembering a vague explanation on 'what to do in case of fire' he had gotten from Soldier the very first week he had spend there, Scout knew no better than to stay close to the ground and try to keep his mouth covered. God, he had no idea what the escape routes were. Sure he got told once, but the panic and lack of oxygen were making it so that his mind was slowly drawing a blank. Deciding that his best option was to go towards the common room of the base and leave from there on out, the runner started moving, but found himself completely unable to run, which only caused for pure panic to alert his every nerve as he started to breath quicker than he should in a situation like this. Maybe he'd come across someone else from the team, Demo's bedroom isn't that far from his nor was Solly's, maybe, by some stroke of luck, they'd be able to help him. 

 

Moving at a pace as if he was taking a normal Sunday stroll through the park, Scout crept through the hallways, hoping to God this awful event wouldn't claim any victims. Yet upon having that thought, Scout's blue gaze roamed over a lifeless corpse laying somewhere further down the hall. Finally being able to move a bit faster, still not fully running though, Scout held his breath, afraid to see which one of his friends they had lost. As he got closer, his heart skipped a beat as it wasn't just one corpse, but two. 

 

"No-n..no!" Scout mumbled panicked as he identified the two as Engineer and Soldier. They were gone, actually gone and there wasn't a damn thing Scout could do about it. Seeing that they had no wounds that could indicate a fight the two had gotten themselves into, the runner knew they had suffocated to death. Such an agonizing painful death... they deserved so much better. As he kept on watching them in pure shock, a thick plume of dark gray smoke clouded Scout's vision, making him cough violently as he stammered backwards into a wall, suddenly totally thrown off track as he had no idea where to go. Having to force the shock of seeing two of his friends dead to the side, the runner tried to recollect himself as best as possible before trying to find another way to go. 

 

It was as if the base had shifted as now the once so familiar hallways Scout walked through every single day, had become unrecognizable clouded shadows of themselves. The runner knew that the rest of this would be a desperate guessing game, but he simply had no other option. Scout's throat started to burn from the little bits of smoke he had inhaled and every so often a painful cough made a burning feeling flicker up in his chest as well. He felt himself getting weaker, his breathing slow and painful as he kept on stumbling over his own feet. At a certain moment it felt as if his knees gave out as he fell to the ground, however, once he looked up he noticed that he had tripped over something rather than collapsed. 

 

The poor kid nearly screamed out of terror, as the lifeless eyes of Medic stared him down from behind his broken glasses. The German had gruesome burn marks all over his face and his eyes had gained the frightening colour red, enough evidence for Scout to know that Medic hadn't passed away in peace. His heart picked up in speed as he shakily rose back to his feet and got closer to the third victim this terrible accident had caused, but just as before, Scout noticed that Medic wasn't alone when he died. Heavy had been with him, of course he had, Heavy barely left the doctor's side and Scout couldn't swallow the lump in his throat seeing them both dead like that... at least they were together, they always would be. 

 

Despite the fact that he wanted no more than to stay with his deceased friends and honour them for the amazing people they were, the runner realised that if he still wanted a shot at living he had to get out of there right now. 

 

Finding himself in yet another coughing fit, Scout somehow managed to orientate himself as he caught a glimpse of the door that let to their laundry room. Knowing this, he also knew that the kitchen was further down the hall and beyond that point, the common room was pure childsplay to find. His limbs finally began to cooperate a bit more as he started down the dark hallway, with his hopes, for the first time during this traumatizing event, up. 

 

The door to the common room drew closer and closer and Scout actually felt relieved as he barged in there, his mind set on the last door that held him away from the outside. Upon entering though, something very odd caught Scout's attention. There, utterly drained from any life, just like anyone else he had stumbled upon so far, sat the French addition to their team. His normally ice blue gaze, now dull and empty. 

 

"N-no... how..?" The runner stammered, his blood suddenly running ice cold as he realised that if Spy was here, Sniper was as well. 

 

Now losing himself more in the shock of the commotion surrounding his current whereabouts, the runner began to panic, plunging himself into a stupid idea out of pure desperation of wanting to know if Sniper was still alive or not. He couldn't care less about himself or the fact that he was close to passing out, he had to know if his Sniper had survived the ordeal or not. 

 

"Sniper?!" Scout yelled, hoping, against all odds, that he'd receive an answer. Maybe, just maybe, that familiar soothing voice would call back for him. Praying that Sniper hadn't been so foolish to run from the safety of his camper into the burning base, Scout gathered enough strength to get himself to the final door. He had never been this happy to see that dark sky or feel that soft breeze of wind slide by him as he stepped into the night, but nothing could beat the amazing feeling that crushed him from top to bottom as he spotted Sniper off in the distance standing beside his RV. 

 

Finally being able to run again, Scout ran as fast as he could manage, his heart hammering in his chest as every single emotion he could feel started to flood his system. Sniper was safe, actually safe, Scout had seen too many of his friends dead this night, it had been too much, way too much for him to handle on his own. 

 

Basically crashing into the marksman's arms, everything finally hit him. The dead bodies, the fire and the rampage their base had become. All that spend up energy made its return in the feelings of angst and sadness. Now burying his face into the Aussie's chest, the runner wanted nothing more than to feel as safe as he physically was right at that moment. 

 

"I... was so scared, Snipes... 'm so glad you're actually okay... I wouldn't know what to do with myself if anythin' had happened to ya..." He felt Sniper's hand rubbing the same soothing circles on his back just as he always would. "I dunno what happened to Pyro an' Demo... b-but Medic, Heavy, Solly, Engie an' Spy... t-they're gone, Snipes.. they're dead.."   
The runner brought out weakly with a voice like sandpaper as he wrapped his arms tighter around the marksman, softly gripping the back of Sniper's vest. 

"You're alroight, Scout..." Sniper spoke those soothing words in the softest voice he had ever managed. "Everythin' will be okay, kid, everythin' will be foi-"

 

The loud noise of a gunshot pierced right through the comforting scene and Scout's eyes went as wide as dinner plates upon feeling Sniper's whole entire body going rigid. Afraid to look up, the runner held onto the marksman for dear life, knowing that if he'd let go everything would be lost. Finally finding the courage to let his gaze travel upwards, Scout was greeted by a truly haunting sight. A bullet shaped hole had formed right above the Aussie's eyes and the moment Scout caught a glimpse of it, Sniper collapsed onto the ground. In a slow and agonizingly long way, the runner watched ever so desperate how the life drained from his lovers eyes. Scout had degraded into one sobbing and pleading mess, his hands grabbing hold of Sniper's shoulders as he begged for him to stay. 

 

With his entire world crumbling into nothingness and their base still burning behind him, Scout knew that respawn wouldn't help him out... deep down he knew that Sniper wasn't going to return to him, deep down he knew... Sniper was gone.

********************

The way Scout abruptly awoke from that nightmare was the same effect as a guy on an electric chair; fast, out of nowhere and very unpleasant. Clutching his chest with one hand and covering his mouth with the other, it took the runner a few seconds to realise that he wasn't exactly alone. Now trying to reduce the thick sobs in his throat into heavy breaths, Scout looked over to his right to see Pyro fast asleep. A few broken sniffles and hitched breaths did managed to escape him, however, as the nightmare he had just awoken from had been the worst one in a while. 

 

Telling himself over and over again that it had just been a dream and that everything and everyone was okay, sadly, wasn't helping Scout at all. The familiarity of the situation returning to him as, just like last time, he felt like hurting himself, yet this time... Sniper wasn't there to comfort him. But Scout remembered one important thing, a very special something the marksman had left behind; his hunting hat. His bandaged hand slid down towards the back of his bed, where he knew he kept it, as he grabbed hold of the leather hat and rapidly pulled it into his lap. 

 

Smelling that familiar scent, Scout's chest found a more steady rhythm, but the lingering feeling of wanting to harm himself in any way stayed. He already found himself starting to lightly shake at the thought, scared beyond any point that he'd do it again, but then, right in time, Medic's words reached him once again. That's right, he had been given a way to cope with this, hadn't he? He had no idea if it would actually work, but trying it out couldn't be negative, it couldn't hurt. 

 

On his nightstand laid a pen, he remembered putting there and as Scout grabbed it and sat back his mind was working on what to actually draw. Finding himself without inspiration, a sinister part of his subconscious tried to convince him to write ugly slurs about himself, to have him bully himself in another 'verbal' way rather than physical. But that wasn't the point to this method, was it? Scout wasn't supposed to go from not trying to cut himself to writing every nasty word in the book on himself. For fuck sake, no! This was about trying to help his self - loathing, not about just passing his self driven punishments to other ways of doing it. 

 

Scout fidgeted with the pen some more as his eyes shot from one corner of the room to the other and back. When he stared at the ceiling for a bit, the plastic stars and planets hanging there, proudly illuminating with light, caught his attention and so the runner finally knew what to draw. Having some sort of fascination for the galaxy and all the stars and planets having their own little gala in the sky every night, Scout started drawing his own galaxy on his arm, starting right underneath the white bandage on his left pulse and so making his way down until his entire underarm was covered with stars, planets, a moon, etc.. a true masterpiece despite the lack of light he currently had. Drawing over the scars that covered almost every inch of his left underarm sure felt weird, yet somewhere the feeling managed to calm him down. It really did, because when he finished his drawing, the feeling had vanished. 

 

He neatly put the pen back and stared at his arm for a bit, this time actually being proud of himself. Not only for the fact that he hadn't cut himself, but also because he was very pleased by his own drawing, he liked it a lot, it calmed him down and exactly that was what was important. Whether it was good or bad, sloppy or hastily done, it didn't matter. What mattered was the fact that it had fought a great battle against his toxic habit and even better, it had won. 

 

Though knowing that the dance with his demons was far from over, somewhere Scout knew he'd get the upper hand once, soon he'd be the one leading. He had been through too much to let go now.

 

This time keeping Sniper's hat close to him, Scout got himself into a comfortable position once the ink of the pen had dried and the smell of it had subdued and tried to go back to sleep. A little blissful smile rested on his features, before his eyes fluttered shut and he actually fell back into a deep slumber. 

********************** 

The next morning Scout sat amongst his teammates enjoying a bowl of cereal as he listened to the story Soldier was telling them about how he once single handed fought off two bears. Actually knowing if it was true or not was the real mystery to the tail, but no one would disturb him in his passionate telling, no sir. Whilst everyone sat there, cocking the occasional eyebrow up at one another whenever Soldier would bust out something rather unbelievable, the runner was so happy to see everyone alive, as weird as that may sound. Seeing Engie snicker ever so slightly or Demo playfully padding Soldier's back, or seeing Medic roll his eyes at the unbelievable story, it were all indications that these amazing people were still alive. 

 

After everyone had finished their breakfast, Soldier quite hadn't his story yet so they kept sitting around the kitchen table, listening close. At some point, Scout didn't exactly know when, Demoman had gotten up and left the room, but after merely a few minutes he returned, making eye contact with the runner as he gestured to come out his way. He smiled, so naturally it wasn't anything Scout would have to worry about... yeah right. Only the soul fact that it seemed as if Demo had to tell him something, good or bad, had Scout's heart rate matching that of a race car as if he just chugged a whole can of BONK!. 

 

Scout silently got up, trying his best to not disturb the pleasant moment everyone was having, before scurrying over towards Demo. Once reaching the Scot, Scout couldn't help himself and immediately asked what was going on. 

 

"Nuthin' to worry about, lad!" Demo comforted him. "I just had to get yu 'cos there's someone waitin' fur yu in the hallway." The runner immediately thought of the possibility of Sniper already being home, but taking a second look on that, it was rather impossible for the marksman to be back already. They'd only return tomorrow and that if they had some luck to count on. The runner seemed troubled as he worked the formula in his head and Demo had noticed that. 

 

"Come on, lad, I ain't got all day!" After giving Scout a playful push in his back to send him on his way, Demo returned to the table where the other mercenaries were now engaging in small talk and ever so often someone else telling a story of their own. 

 

After he looked back once more, Scout slowly made his way towards the hallway only to find it empty. Was Demo playing a prank on him? It wouldn't be the first time, that's for sure. With half a mind to go back and ask Demo what this was about, Scout already found himself turning around when a familiar female voice called out for him.

 

"Jeremy!" 

 

Hearing his real name threw him off more than it should and it took Scout the full three minutes to realise that his own actual mother was walking down that hallway, making her way towards him. The little woman advanced on him so fast, the runner barely had any time to brace himself for the big hug his mother pulled him into. They didn't share a word the first five minutes of the loving embrace and towards the end of it, Scout felt his mother lightly shake in his arms. 

 

"I was so scared, Jeremy... I thought I lost ya.." Oh no no no, please god no, Scout thought. His mother was crying and if there was one thing that would manage to get the runner super emotional, than it was seeing his mother cry. She was such a strong and independent woman, raising eight sons all on her own whilst she worked different jobs to keep everything going, Scout wasn't lying if he told you he had barely seen her cry in his life. Maybe that's why it managed to hit him so hard whenever those rare occasions did come up. 

 

"'m so sorry ma..." Scout mumbled as he wrapped his arms around her a bit tighter.

 

"Ya better be!" She said, probably trying to keep everything light and joyful yet the whimpers in her voice and a slight sob forming at the end of her sentence had it sounding a bit weird, but Scout knew the good intension behind it. "God, Jeremy, ya have no idea how scared we all were! The only thing we got was a phone call... I don't even fully know what happened.. please explain everythin' to me darlin'.." 

 

"I will, ma, I will... 'm sorry I didn't call ya any sooner... I just thought maybe ya should have been spared a lil' bit longer. Didn't expect anyone from here to call ya though..."

 

"It's 'cos they care about ya, Jeremy! An' so do I an' your brothers... we all love ya so much... Losin' you would be so horrible..." Her voice yet again died off towards the end of her sentence due to her barely being able to hold back tears. The runner actually felt that same uneasy feeling in his chest as he stood face to face with the pain he had caused his own mother, the one person who had always supported him no matter what he did. 

 

Eventually Scout let go of the hug and led his mother towards the cafeteria where they both could sit down and have a talk about all this. His mother didn't deserve to be in the unknown about all this. Happy to see that the other's had spread out towards other rooms, Scout sat his mother at the long table. 

 

"Coffee?" He asked, flashing a toothy grin as he already knew the answer to that. 

 

"Ya know it, hun."

 

"Milk an' two teaspoons o' sugar, right?" 

 

"Oh look atchu, barely home, but ya sure still know how to make your ma's coffee." The runner snorted loudly as he walked off towards the counter that connected the cafeteria with the kitchen to prepare said coffee. 

 

"That's called havin' manners ma, if ya can't remember how the most important woman in ya life wants her coffee, than what kind o' guy are ya actually, right?" They both snickered at that for a bit longer until Scout returned to the table with the steaming cup of coffee and took a seat opposite his mother. Watching how she took a couple of short sips, a content expression was set across the runner's features as he took in every single moment together with his mother. 

 

"Oh wait! I almost forgot!" She said the moment her cup was down on the table. Her finger had poked up towards the air as well, only empathising the action of her remembering something. From what Scout could see, it looked as if she was reaching next to her seat for something. Not long after, she had grabbed onto something, now straightening her back and laying a cotton bag she had taken with her on the table. "I already made this a while ago, but since I can't visit ya so easily it has been collectin' dust in ma dresser." She pulled a folded up, black coloured hooded sweater out of the bag and gave it to Scout. The runner quickly unfolded it to take a long appreciating look at it, only to find a little baseball and bat sewn onto it where his heart would be. 

 

"Ah ma, I love it!" 

 

"You always walk 'round in those old, washed up sweaters, it can't hurt to have a new one, can it?" Scout smiled as his gaze went from his mother to the sweater and eventually, as a short silence fell over the two, back to his mother. The silence invited for their actual conversation to finally commence. 

 

"M-ma... I want ya to know that... what I did or... tried, wasn't somethin' without reason.. it wasn't a thing I had been walkin' 'round with for weeks 'cos I was feelin' bad or anythin'... somethin' actually happened to get me to, y'know, that point..." The runner let his gaze drop, just as with almost anyone, he had spoken to about this, before. "There are a couple o' things ya need to know, some things I have been hidin' for a long time..." Her hand reached across the table to grab hold of the runner's underarm, making Scout look back up. A small smile was set across her lips, trying to tell Scout that it was all okay, that he could tell her everything. 

 

"What things, darlin'..?" 

 

"Any.. err.. any chance ya remember Evan..?" She cocked an eyebrow up, seemingly very cautious about what she'd give him as answer. 

 

"'course I do, sweetheart, how could I forget 'em? He's been a part o' your life for quite the time, ain't he?" Scout sighed deeply as he fumbled with the fabric of his new sweater. He had been talking about Evan so much lately, he didn't like it at all. 

 

"He has... but... he's also kind a the reason why all o' this happened... ma... Evan wasn't exactly what ya thought he was, pretty far from it, actually.." 

 

"What do ya mean, Jeremy?" 

 

"I m-mean that... for the eight years I've been with 'em, I've never been happy.." Oh god he sounded so dramatic, but there really wasn't another way of telling this story than the blunt reality he was giving his mother, he'd never been this honest about it. "He ain't a good person, ma... he's violent, rough... truly a fucked up someone an' that's me puttin' it lightly." The runner felt her grip on his arm getting a little tighter. 

 

"D-did... he hurt ya..?" Scout nodded his head in a defeated manner as he looked at his mother, catching glimpses of new tears filling her eyes. "Did... it only stay with that..?" She asked very cautiously. It took Scout a whole lot to shake his head, knowing that it'd completely break his mother to know that her own son had been handled like that, and even worse, that he had kept it for himself for all those years. 

 

"Even after I dumped 'em... he still had a lot o' influence on ma life... bad ones.." With true pain in his chest, Scout rolled up both his sleeves. His mother's eyes went wider than they had ever done before as he revealed his battlefield like arms. Her hand slid over the scars on his right arm as a dazzled expression couldn't seem to leave her face. "I started hurtin' myself four years ago, all 'cos he left me feelin' like I wasn't worth a damn thing... an' sadly, somewhere I still believe that's true.." The runner watched how his mother slowly, yet very attentively went by every single scar on his right arm until she looked at the left and noticed the big drawing.

 

"What's that..?" She asked silently, her voice thick from suppressing her weeping. 

 

"It's some sort o' method to deal with it, Medic taught me it. Last night I had a nightmare an' 'cos o' it I felt like hurtin' myself... so I remembered the tip an' drew on myself an' actually felt way calmer." Scout softly smiled as he tried to make eye contact with his mother. "'m workin' on it, ma... 'm actually gettin' help. I know this must be very frightenin' to see, b-but I know I'll beat it one day." 

 

"You've always been an amazin' artist." She spoke with a little smile as a few tears rolled down her cheeks. "It's a beautiful drawin', honey... 'm so proud of ya... I really am. You're so strong, Jeremy, I can't even believe it..." Now it was Scout's turn to reach for his mother's hand and take it in his, trying to comfort her as best as he could at that moment. 

 

Eventually, his mother's hand went from the drawing to the white bandage around his pulse as they both knew that the runner's story wasn't quite over yet. 

 

"What happened that day, darlin'..?" 

 

"I was actually havin' a really good day..." Scout began ironic. "'till at a certain moment I got a mail from Evan. I hadn't heard from 'em since the day I dumped 'em , so that was already shockin' 'nough, just the thought that he would want to start up a conversation or somethin', but when I actually opened the mail, I saw that it was 'bout somethin' completely different." The runner swallowed difficult realising that now he'd have to tell his most shameful secret to his mother. "I know that, when I was lil', you've warned me a fuck ton 'bout never ever takin' nude pics for anyone, no matter how much ya like that person, right? Right." He coughed awkwardly. "Well... it wasn't exactly that I liked Evan 'nough to do somethin' like that, he just kind a forced me to do it... a whole lot an' well, in the mail he send me was a link to a website I ain't never seen in my life before. Little did I know, that website was filled with almost every pic I had ever taken for 'em... that's why I did it... I thought I had actually seen ma life fall apart. In just a few simple moments I had lost all hope I had left for myself." Scout sighed again, feeling more than just ashamed about all of this. "I was lucky that Snipes found me... if it wasn't for 'em, I wouldn't be sittin' here. It's actually also 'cos of 'em that the website got taken down an' everythin'..." 

 

"Is he a good friend of yours?" His mother asked sweetly and Scout didn't really know what to answer now.

 

"He was the very first person I ever talked to 'bout all this... one day he just asked me if I was alright 'cos I hadn't seemed like it for a long while an' ever since 've been gettin' to know 'em better and he me." Hearing a slight snort from his mother and seeing the action of her playfully raising an eyebrow, Scout knew enough. Oh yes, his mother was very well onto him. 

 

"You like 'em, don't ya, honey?" 

 

"What? What are ya talkin' 'bout, what in the heavens... okay yeah... I like 'em a lot." Scout confessed. "An' well, he kind a... likes me too, y'know." A broad smile appeared on his mother's face, quickly replacing all the sadness it had been enduring for the last hour. 

 

"Oh Jeremy, that's amazin'! 'm so glad ya managed to find someone who actually loves ya." 

 

"Yeah, me too ma... I wish ya could have met 'em though, but he has been send on a mission so he ain't here right now." His mother took a last sip from her coffee, before answering.

 

"Oh, but that's okay, sweetheart! 'm sure I'll meet 'em soon 'nough!" Happy to see that his mother's senses had been set on something way more positive now, Scout was actually quite happy he had told her everything. 

 

If there had been one thing in his life he'd always tried to do, than it was making his mother smile. Whether it was him acting like a complete dork at the age of seven whenever he caught his mother having an off day or him having hour long talks with her when he was older, knowing it would seduce her stress greatly, he'd always find a way. Even through his own misery, he'd never fail to brighten her day.

 

Knowing that their conversation would now entirely revolve around Sniper and him, the runner wanted it to last longer than it probably would. He didn't want his mother to go just yet, so he'd sure get every single minute out of her being here. 

 

"Want another cup, ma?"

 

"Sure, honey, I'd love another."

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like the thought of Scout being that type of guy to do everything for his mother and love her with everything he has, I like it a whole lot
> 
> Also, I quickly wanted to do a shout out to the three people who have send me amazing fanart for my story that I am totally in love with! First we have t30p1um5 on Tumblr, then artisswood on instagram and last but not least nerdlordaka again on tumblr. You guys are so unbelievably talented, please go check them out because goddamn they deserve it!


	13. Sweet Nothings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet another trigger warning free chapter!

Sniper wasn't proud of himself as he sat there, in the passenger seat of his truck after Spy yet again had taken the wheel from him after a day of driving, smoking his third cigarette of the day. He had even bought a new pack on their way home, a true indication that he had gotten himself into this shit yet again and that after a two year break, great. Fucking legendary. The marksman knew well enough that once he got addicted to something, he couldn't just step away from it and never return like some people could. An admirable skill, one Sniper lacked painfully. 

 

"Are you going to tell Scout the truth?" Spy asked out of nowhere. 

 

"Exactly wot 'truth' are we talkin' about here, mate?" The marksman didn't bother shooting a glance towards the Frenchman, now both staring rather emotionless through the windshield of the truck. They were in their last half hour of the mission and outside, the sky had gained a pitch-black colour. Since it had been nothing but grey skies and rain that entire day already, stars were missing from it, making it seem like an unfinished picture. 

 

"About the mission," Spy huffed annoyed. "about the whole entire fact that we went to Boston and saw Evan? Don't try to be smart with me, bushman, of course am I not talking about him being my son, I know what you promised me and if it wouldn't be too much for your simple mind to understand, I'd rather have you never talking about that matter ever again once we get to the base." 

 

"Calm it, will ya? I told ya I ain't tellin' 'em." Sniper wasn't having it with the irritated tone in Spy's voice. He had been okay all day, why was he suddenly being so on edge? 

 

"Answer my question, Sniper." The marksman flicked the remainders of his burned out cigarette through his window before sighing deeply, noticing that he was simply too tired to engage in a bitch fight, no thanks. 

 

"Yes 'm plannin' on tellin' 'em tomorrow about all this..." Sniper found it rather odd why Spy was so eager on gaining that information, really what had suddenly crawled up his butt and died? "Why do ya wanne know so badly?" 

 

"Because, bushman, Scout is going to wonder why in the heavens I went with you and I'd rather know your answer now already, than blindly having to rely on a half cooked lie you would have to tell him on the spot, because I doubt you thought about the possibility of that happening, have you?"

 

You could say about Spy whatever you want, but if there was one thing the Frenchman was, besides being utterly obnoxious and unable to carry on a normal conversation, it would be precise. He never went into something head first, not without thinking everything through. 

 

"Ah, loike that."

 

"Yes like that. Say what you want, Scout is not an idiot... so? What are you going to tell him if he comes to ask you that question?" Sniper finally looked to his side, his brow frowned in a perplexed manner. With Spy speaking to him like that he didn't feel any different than a child having to listen to their mother before a family dinner, he hated it. Call him stubborn, but he couldn't help it. 

 

"I know he ain't a bloody idiot, Spy. But I don't need any trainin' on lyin' from you, okay? I can assure ya it'll be foine now get off my back with it." The marksman noticed that his normally more polite attitude was crumbling , but anyone's would after a five day road trip with Spy. And although he had seen a complete other side from the man, it wasn't suddenly going to make the two best friends. They still had quite the differences, which clearly showed in their bickering. 

 

They spend the last twenty or so minutes of their drive in utter silence and Sniper couldn't be more relieved upon seeing their familiar base up in the distance. This for multiple reasons, but the most important one; he had missed Scout greatly. Just thinking about the fact that he'd be able to see Scout smile again and hear him ramble on about his past week, made the marksman more aware of everything than ever. Though he wasn't sure if the runner was still awake or not, seeing him tomorrow was good too, either way, they weren't miles apart anymore and that was beyond marvellous in his opinion.

 

After parking the truck and the both of them getting out to fetch their suitcases, they started walking towards the building still without sharing one word. After not even ten seconds of walking, Sniper heard Spy sigh deeper than he had done before, as if he was reluctant to do something.

 

"Bushman," He spoke. "I know it may not seem like it, but I am very thankful. My secret is safe and I'll forever be grateful for it, so... thank you."

 

"Ain't a problem, Spy." Sniper said rather casual, despite being blown away by the fact that Spy had actually thanked him. Such an easy task for any normal human being, but the Aussie imagined it being quite difficult for the Frenchman. So he'd enjoy the moment while it lasted, knowing clear as day he'd never hear it again.

 

"And besides, I should be the one thankin' you, Spy, without your help this would have never happened so really, thanks mate.." 

 

The Frenchman waved his hand dismissively, probably trying to be as casual as Sniper had for the sake of showing that all was good and that they didn't owe each other a damn thing (besides Sniper having to keep his yap shut, of course). As that awkward, yet somewhere nice, conversation had run its, very short lived, course, the door of the base flew open and before the marksman could know what hit him, he felt two arms snake around his waist and the feeling of tightly being hugged. Scout had ran into him at such a high speed, Sniper could barely contain his balance, trying everything to not topple down onto the desert ground. Only went to show how damn fast the young man actually was. The Aussie dropped his suitcase and threw his arms around the smaller man, hugging him just as tight. 

 

"So, you're still awake I see." Sniper couldn't help but joke, he felt Scout's hot breath against his shirt as the runner let out a snort. 

 

"'course I still am, dummy." 

 

"And still in one piece, loike ya promised me?" In one fluid motion, the runner let go of the hug and writhe his arm free from the embrace, only to put Sniper's hunting hat right back where it belonged. Scout pulled it down over the marksman's eyes and let out a full laugh now. 

 

"You betcha! An' so is your hat, just like I promised." Sniper adjusted his hat and smiled down at the runner in his arms, god he was so happy to see him. Such an intense feeling of bliss was coursing through him, his heart was pounding so loudly, the marksman already got embarrassed by the mere thought of Scout maybe being able hear it. For crying out loud, Scout was turning him into a damn teenager. He hadn't had such a strong feelings since puberty had hit him all those years ago. 

 

Scout took a step back and it was now that Sniper could look him over from top to bottom. It seemed as if he was already in his sleepwear, his "Red Sox" baseball jersey hanging like a bag around his torso as his grey cap was missing from atop his head, revealing cropped, yet very soft light brown hair. Every time the Aussie saw it, he felt to urge to ruffle Scout's hair and now was no exception to it. With a chuckle, the marksman did exactly that, earning a loud "c'mon man!" from Scout, but seeing an ever so amused smile on the boys lips told Sniper it was all in good fun. 

 

"By the way," Scout said as he somewhat tried to fix his hair. "You're lucky ya weren't here yesterday." 

 

"Really, how so?"

 

"Ma paid me a visit." Sniper laughed awkwardly, knowing that if he had been home, a whole 'Sniper meet my mother' conversation would have gone down. "I still don't know who called her though.. I mean, I sure didn't an' when I asked Medic earlier today he told me he hadn't either.. it's weird." Seeing Spy shifting on his feet and immediately casting his stare to the ground, had the marksman solving that mystery in no time. Could you imagine the conversation though? Having to call the mother of your child, after all those years of pure silence, to tell her he tried to commit suicide, that the both of you had almost lost him. All these questions had Sniper realise even more that Spy hadn't gone through an easy time either lately. A soft sting of guilt for having been so annoyed with the Frenchman and probably only making things harder rose in the marksman's mind, but he stomped them down rather quickly. 

 

"Reckon the Administrator did." Sniper mumbled, trying to feed Scout's mind a sort of logic answer so it would stop racing and give the runner some peace. 

 

"I dunno, she don't seem like she would actually care much 'bout that, y'know? Like family an' stuff." Now that was a bigger understatement than given credit for and Sniper wouldn't be the only one thinking that. Every mercenary felt more like an object when it came to The Administrator, just a pawn in her game for power, than an actual human being. She could care less if you died once or a hundred times during a battle. If you lost at the end of the day, no matter how hard you tried, she would be the one yelling at you without question. As if someone had to constantly keep on reminding her that she wasn't working with damn robots. (That person, without a doubt, being poor and hard working Miss Pauling.) 

 

The sound of Spy clearing his throat as he tried to catch the attention of both Scout and Sniper had the two suddenly ceasing their conversation to listen to whatever the croissant  
had to say. 

 

"Please excuse me, but I will be going now. Goodnight, I will see you two back on Monday." The two gave a polite nod and watched the Frenchman walk off. Sniper noticed Scout nervously tipping his foot, as if he was in pure anticipation for something and somehow Spy being there was disrupting it, or something close to that fashion, I mean, Sniper could only guess. It seemed like it took forever for that heavy metal door to fall close and as it finally did, the marksman heard Scout snicker.

 

"Finally! I was wonderin' when he'd finally freakin' leave." 

 

"Waddaya me-" Before Sniper could finish his question, he felt Scout's arms wrapping around his neck and pulling him down into a kiss. As if out of pure instinct, the Aussie wrapped his arms around Scout's waist and pulled him closer, deepening their kiss a little bit. The moment was over just as quickly as it had begun as the runner eventually pulled away, but Sniper was rather startled at the face Scout was making, it wasn't a good one. His eyebrows were frowned, one side of his nose wrinkled up and the look in his eyes was pure confusion. The marksman's heart sunk lower and lower the longer the silence got stretched out between the two and as eventually Scout asked his question, Sniper's blood ran cold so quickly, it almost hurt.

 

"Did you smoke?"

 

"I err... well..." The marksman felt his ears burn as nothing but unfinished words escaped him. Without him even noticing, Scout had come closer to examine his pockets and after a handful of seconds later, the runner took a step back with the pack of cigarettes in his hand, his other hand on his hip and a disappointed look in his eyes. Yeah.. the kid got him cornered there. Being entirely clueless on what to do, Sniper rubbed his neck in a defeated manner.

 

"I ain't proud of myself..."

 

"Better freakin' not, c'mon Snipes! Ya managed to quit for like, two years? That's two years of effort down the drain right there..." The marksman could see that Scout wasn't mad or actually disappointed, he was worried and very caring about the matter.

 

"Look, Scout, I managed to stop with it once, I can do it twoice." The marksman weakly assured him."I just.. need a little toime with it, okay?" The runner stepped closer again, wrapped his arms around the marksman and gave him another hug. 

 

"Is it 'cos o' Spy?" No, rather because of Evan, but Sniper wasn't going to go there just yet. "I knew that was goin' to be trouble the moment you two left... I mean, it can't be easy havin' to sit in a car for more than a day with mister smoke machine next to ya.." 

 

"Don't blame Spy, I was the one askin' for it myself and I shouldn't have, no matter wot the circumstances were." It was silent for a bit, just them enjoying the embrace for a moment. Everything was good, everything was okay. They were back together, alive and well.

 

"Guess now we both have somethin' to work on." The runner eventually said as he let his head rest onto Sniper's chest, hugging him tightly one last time before letting go. As he had taken a few steps back, Scout handed Sniper his pack of cigarettes back.

 

"I reckon we do." He said as he took them from Scout and looked at his watch. It was close to 2AM and it was only now that the Aussie noticed himself being quite tired, but before he could say something about it, Scout was already one step ahead. 

 

"Anyway, Snipes, ya must be real tired so I'll let ya go to sleep now. I eeuh, see ya tomorrow?" The marksman shifted on his feet as he tried to find a way to ask his next question without it sounding weird or, most importantly, like he had the wrong intensions. 

 

"Yeah... h-hey, Scout?" The runner's blue gaze met his own and it only made him more nervous to ask it, almost to the point where he would call an 'abort mission' and just tell the runner goodnight. "Ya know... if ya want, you eeuh... loike, if ya don't wanne wake Pyro or somethin', ya can... ya know..." He felt so embarrassed standing there stuttering incoherent sentences because he was simply too shy to actually bring forth what he was trying to ask. Luckily for Sniper, Scout had caught up to his question, an amused smile resting on the kid's features as he was probably rather pleased with Sniper's nervous mumbles. 

 

"Snipes, I do have to warn ya though.." 

 

"Warn me about wot..?" Scout still had that same smile on his face, yet he let the silence linger a tad bit too long. Giving Sniper enough time to outright inwardly panic about Scout maybe thinking he had the wrong intensions. 

 

"I do move a whole lot in ma sleep, might not be so pleasant for ya if you're tryin' to sleep yourself, y'know?" 

 

"Really? That it? God Scout, ya had me panickin' there for a moment..." The marksman mumbled, his cheeks containing a crimson tone from the waves of embarrassment that kept on crashing over him. God, he hated how easily he got embarrassed. Even when he was little, he never managed to go someplace without making a fool of himself and it only got worse when he became a teenager, where his problem only got expanded by things like second hand embarrassment and social anxiety. 

 

The sudden feel of Scout taking the Aussie's hand in his and giving it a small squeeze, dragged him out of his thoughts in a very comforting way. Looking down at the younger man standing before him, seeing those familiar blue eyes sparkling with life and seeing that mouth curled into a smile, it all managed to calm Sniper down. Call it cliché or cheesy, but the marksman swore he never felt this comfortable with someone. His troubled thinking had stopped the moment Scout tried to calm him down and by god did the marksman appreciate that. 

 

"C'mon Snipes, no need to be embarrassed! It's just me an' besides I'd never make fun of ya, that's a promise right there." The runner assured him with a broad smile. Scout sounded so honest, so sincere, it didn't take a gun to the marksman's head to believe the runner's every word. 

 

The Aussie yet again wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and hugged him tighter than he had done before. He surprised himself. Normally being the last person to initiate a hug, Sniper felt more affectious than ever with Scout. Maybe this little brat would help him grow as a person, as a matter of fact, he had already proven to be doing so. 

 

"I know, kid, I know and 'm bloody thankful for that."

**********************

Since the team had been given a ceasefire of an entire week, the mercenaries still had the full two days to kill. Sniper and Scout had decided to stay in the RV and catch up on both their weeks. In the background, Sniper's television was showing another cheep horror movie. Watching those together had become some sort of trait mark for the two as they sat through an entire afternoon filled with horror classics, yet not a lot of attention was paid to it. 

 

"So ya saved a little girl?" Scout lifted his head from the marksman's shoulder to nod his head, a smile enthusiastically tugging at the corners of his mouth. The marksman's arm around the kid's shoulder lost its place as the runner sat up to tell his story. 

 

"Oh man it was crazy! I mean like, you're gonna think I took this from a movie or sumthin', but I swear 'm tellin' ya the truth!" The marksman crossed his arms over his chest as he looked at Scout with an amused look, not saying a word, expecting the kid to just go on without needing Sniper's input, he never needed that when talking. "So ya see, I went with Medic an' Heavy to this weird bookstore in town somewhere, right? An' when we were like, walkin' back to the car, straight outta nowhere, I see this lil' girl crossin' the street with her ma, but at a certain moment she stops to tie her laces an'" As the runner was telling his story in the same fierce and determined manner as he always would, flailing his arms left and right for enlargement, Sniper couldn't help but lose track of it as his thoughts were occupied with something entirely different. At some point that day, he'd have to come clean about the whole ordeal of last week and the marksman wasn't even close to knowing what Scout was actually going to react. Was he going to be mad? Confused? Sad? The Aussie had no idea and he already felt waves of stress warming him from top to bottom. 

 

At some point during the story, Scout must have noticed Sniper facing out, because the action of fingers being snapped in front of his gaze tore him back to the moment in a violent manner. 

 

"Snipes, you okay?"

 

"Y-yeah, 'course I am.." A concerned look had set across the kid's features as he stared right into the eyes of the marksman. 

 

"You sure? Ya kind a faced out on me there, an' I know for a fact that ain't a thing you do regularly." Sniper rubbed his face as he corrected his more sprawled out position, now sitting totally up with his back flat against the back of the couch. Sighing deeply, the marksman decided to just be honest, like he should have been in the very start. 

 

"Kid, I need to tell ya somethin'." Scout's gaze became more focused upon hearing that, yet Sniper couldn't read a single thing from the expression he was making. He matched the Marksman's position, straitening his back as it wouldn't be for another minute until the runner actually responded something. 

 

"Sumthin' bad...?" 

 

"Not necessarily, depends on how ya look at it... ya moight loike it, ya moight not." Sniper finally looked at the boy, hating the fact that he was the reason the kid had such a lost and confused look in his eyes, hating the fact that he'd yet again would have to admit that he lied to him... to the person he loved so much.

 

"Look, Scout... that mission I went on this week? It wasn't exactly wot I told ya it was... I didn't have to put someone down and I didn't have to destroy anythin', I went to Boston for a total different reason.." Scout frowned heavily, but for the two seconds it took to gain that expression, it took just as much time to lose it again. Sniper guessed Scout was getting onto him. 

 

"Wait.. what?" The Aussie twiddled his thumbs for a moment, honestly not knowing how to proceed onwards from that point. 

 

"I, err.. I" He sighed deep. "I went to Boston because of Evan." 

 

Silence and nothing else except for the ever dreading experience of watching the runner's expression. He wasn't frowning nor did his eyes contain any sudden hostility like when he told him about the website being shut down. All Scout did was cast his gaze downwards and push his mouth into a thin line. 

 

It felt like twenty years before he finally said something. 

 

"Are ya serious? This ain't a joke, right..?"

 

"No, it ain't a joke.. 'm as serious as I can be." Scout slowly nodded his head, his blue eyes constantly shooting from left to right. 

 

"C-can you explain? Like.. what happened?" 

 

"Well, there ain't much about it to be honest. We just, went to his apartment and got rid of anythin' he still had about ya. No worries, Spy had like this virus that destroyed his laptop or somethin', so we didn't see any of it." The runner nodded at that and Sniper could imagine him being quite happy about the fact that no one would ever be able to see any of those Godforsaken pictures ever again, but that wouldn't mean that his all around opinion on the matter would be positive. 

 

"An' did you actually see Evan? Or did ya just break into his apartment?" 

 

"No, we saw 'em... even had a talk with 'em." Scout was being surprisingly calm as he asked his questions, this having Sniper wonder if it was a good indication or a bad one. Either he'd burst into a rant the moment Sniper had explained everything or either not, but that was something the marksman would be unable to tell. He couldn't see into the future. "We... may did a bit more than just talk to 'em."

 

"Whaddaya mean?" 

 

"Well, I'll just tell ya, he ain't left with much besides a broken nose, a black eye, a burn mark on his hand and well... there ain't much left of his crotch either." An involuntary snort escaped the runner as a breathy 'what' followed. Sniper could imagine that it sound quite weird, but it was the truth, wasn't it? "That was Spy's work though, he shot him there five bloody times, I did the rest." 

 

Another silence fell over them, but as suddenly a smile appeared on Scout's lips, the marksman somehow felt a giant weight fall from his shoulders, despite not knowing what the true indication behind it would be.

 

"Y'know... no one has ever done sumthin' like that for me. You're a crazy bastard, Snipes, but... you're ma crazy bastard an' on top o' that, you're the sweetest and best thing to ever happen to me. I ain't tellin' ya it's okay to lie to me, but ya came 'round an' manned up an' told me 'bout it, anyway, no matter ma reaction. I appreciate that, I really do." Scout scooted closer, wrapping his arms around Sniper's chest, which the marksman quickly responded to by gathering the younger man into his arms as well. 

 

"Y-you ain't mad..?"

 

"Ya expect me to be mad after ya told me ya shot Evan right in the freakin' crotch?" Sniper wanted to correct him there, yet again tell him Spy was the one behind that, but he soon enough realised that keep on mentioning Spy would only lead to questions. "I mean, again, I ain't tellin' ya that it's okay to lie to me, but what ya did, y'know gettin' rid of all those pics an' stuff, really means a lot... To be perfectly honest, I wouldn't know what to do without ya, Snipes.." The Aussie slowly rubbed the runner's arm in a suiting way, both of them knowing well enough what Scout was talking about. Somewhere, Sniper could hardly believe that everything had turned out so well. Looking at the past week, Sniper never thought he'd end up like this. Scout could have reacted in ten million ways, but it just happened to be a positive one. These small revelations were, in the meantime, also pressing Sniper nose first into the fact that, it had been a pathetically long time since he had experienced such happiness. He finally had a reason to stop isolating himself the way he had been doing for years, that reason being Scout, his Scout. 

 

"One more question." The runner said as both their gazes were trying to pick something up from the black and white horror flick displayed on the TV. 

 

"Shoot."

 

"What business did Spy have with all o' this, though? Like why did he, out of everyone, come with you?" And here it was, the moment the Frenchman had tried to prepare him for. Sniper had been rather thankful Spy had mentioned that as he, just as Spy had predicted, hadn't thought about the possibility of that ever happening. Ever since then, the marksman had been thinking about what to say, even so that he could manage it with enough confidence that maybe, just maybe, it would sound believable. 

 

"I asked 'em. Since he's a Spy, I hoped he had some connections up there in Boston that could get us the roight information to get to Evan and he indeed had so he was an easy pick." 

 

"Pff, Spy was probably on board with that plan the moment ya told 'em someone was gonna get fucked up good. He's a sinister bastard, ain't he? I mean, he was the one shootin' Evan in the crotch an' that for no freakin' reason, right? Gotta say, gotta say, 'm thankful, I didn't expect Spy to do that an' even though I know it ain't particularly for me, it's still nice of 'em." If only Scout knew the real reason, but this time, Sniper actually had lesser problems with keeping this a secret, knowing that if the runner knew the truth it would spiral him into yet another chain of unsettling emotions. Some things are better left buried and even though it was unfair for the marksman to keep this secret, he was convinced it was for the best. 

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a lazy goddamn chapter... still hope you guys enjoyed it a bit though


	14. Not In The Mood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again no trigger warnings needed, that is, if you don't need a trigger warning for sappy crap

Scout watched the concentrated expression on his boyfriend's brow as the marksman scoped out the area around the nest for what had been the twentieth time that fight. The BLU team had been amazingly passive that day, so the runner had decided to go up to the one place Sniper would always hang around during battles: The nest. 

 

"Snipes, there ain't no need to watch for any BLU's. I dunno what the hell they're doin', but it sure ain't fightin'." The runner tipped his BONK! can to hear how much he had left, before taking a sip as he sat back on the crate he was using as a discount chair. 

 

"Ya never know, ya can't let your guard down durin' a foight, kid, it's moment's loike these that are perfect for attackin'." The marksman's watchful gaze didn't break as he kept a very close watch on the remarkably dead battlefield beneath them. Scout sighed inaudible, his back hunched forwards before rising to a standing position and walking over to the tense Aussie. 

 

"You've always been this paranoid?"

 

"Ever since people have been hoired to kill me." He finally allowed his gaze to look at the younger man, amusement set across his features. 

 

"Well ya don't see anyone else watchin' that battlefield like a freakin' hawk an' they gotta fear as much for any enemies as you do." As those words left the runner, he quickly realised that the situation for the highly trained assassin before him was a little bit different from other people's cases, surely as his own. Despite already existing for four years, the marksman had already lived through quite some history before Fortress became a thing. Being nearly the best in his field of work, Sniper truly lived up to his codename and all that was easily traced back to the fact that he had known little else in his life. 

 

"That's true," Sniper admitted witch a chuckle. "Old habits die hard I guess." Scout felt bad for making it seem as if Sniper was overreacting. He just didn't like the visible fact that the marksman couldn't relax at moments he was allowed to. 

 

"'m sorry Snipes..." Scout said with a troubled expression on his face, pure out of shame. "tend to forget that we all had lives before Fortess, y'know?" 

 

"Ain't that a good thing though?" Sniper said as he eventually placed his rifle against the wall so he could face the runner. "Think out of everyone here, it's best for you to sometimes forget we had any loives before Fortress." 

 

"I guess, but still... I really shouldn't have said that, just because I forget somethin' doesn't mean I get a free pass to be a dick." Now standing next to Sniper, the two took a long stare out of the window. It was yet another grey day and even though it wasn't particularly cold, you couldn't call it great weather if your likings trailed off towards the occasional beats of sunray and clear blue skies. 

 

"Talkin' 'bout "lives before Fortress" ya never really told me a whole lot 'bout yours, y'know? Like, I know you've been an assassin for a long ass time an' I know 'bout your parents and all o' that, but that's kind o' it."

 

"Wot do ya wanne know?" That question was dangerous, surely because Scout had been preparing for a moment like this to come. Where he was allowed to dig and pry as deep as he wanted to or, of course, until they bumped into something fragile or too soon to talk about. Not that the runner actually knew if Sniper had stories as such.

 

Scout sucked his bottom lip into his mouth as his brow wrinkled into concentration. Despite having hoped for a moment like this, he had no idea where to begin or which question to ask first. Tipping his fingers on the wooden outline of the window, the runner's gaze slid from out to back inside, eventually coming to a stop by the nicely aged (which was only ever possible due to the amazing care Sniper had put into it) Sniper rifle. Now, Scout knew that the marksman had picked up the ability on the already talked about hunting trips, but the actual story behind it was unknown to the young male. 

 

"Okay, okay, so I know ya learned how to shoot a rifle on like, the huntin' an' campin' trips ya told me 'bout, but how did that actually go? Like, I don't think ya dad just randomly pushed a rifle into ya hands an' was like 'good luck', right? An' besides, I don't think ya just become such a badass marksman over night, do ya?" The Aussie let out something that could almost be a laugh as he followed Scout's gaze towards his rifle. 

 

"Well it was indeed my dad who took me on campin' an' huntin' trips, but believe it or not, he never had the real intensions to let me shoot a gun. He just didn't want me to be home all the toime since we lived so far out from the city, I had nowhere really to go." 

 

"Wait, so ya dad never wanted you to shoot a gun?" Scout snorted. "That turned out a whole lot different, bet he's real happy 'bout that now." The runner gently nudged the marksman's side with his elbow to empathize his joke, but as he caught a hidden look of sadness on Sniper's face, he knew something was off and if he didn't play this right, he was never going to exactly know what. "You okay, Snipes?" Sniper didn't react at first, the marksman just kept staring outside with that intimidating gaze of his. 

 

"Yeah, 'm foine, no worries." Scout sighed as he hugged the Aussie's arm rather tightly, resting his head against the taller man's shoulder. 

 

"You're not, c'mon Snipes, I've seen that expression before an' you've tried to use this trick one too many times now? What's wrong?"

 

"No I really am foine, it's just... there's one thing I haven't told ya about my parents yet." Sniper tugged the front of his hat down a bit, shadowing his eyes for no apparent reason. Scout looked up, noticing the marksman struggling to find the right words, which had become a common thing for the Aussie by now and the runner had gotten used to it fairly quickly. Sniper wasn't a talker, yet here the kid was asking him questions and explanations for everything and nothing. He didn't want to force the marksman into this foreign experience, but on the other hand, he was rather excited to hear him talk about his family and, most importantly, his past.

 

"Err, they're not quoite happy with wot I do. Especially my dad. Guess he never really got used to the idea of his son bein' an assassin, goin' around murderin' people. No matter how many toimes I explained everythin'. Reckon it's wrong of me to assume he'd just let somethin' loike that slide, but still.. it ain't as if I used to put out innocent people, only criminals." He sighed deeper than he had done in a while. "Well, we've had enough foights about it, I know his opinion ain't gonna change." Scout hugged his arm a little tighter. The most important thing he got out of this was the fact that the relationship between Sniper and his dad didn't appear to be the best or steadiest one and Sniper was more bothered by it than he'd ever allow himself to show. Scout, of course, had no idea how fits with your father went. He guessed it wasn't any different from having one with your mother, but it was an experience held from him. Though having had a time in his life where he wanted nothing but to meet his father and ask him the notorious question; 'Why did you leave us', Scout believed that not knowing your father at all, was better than having a shitty relationship with him. It sure saved you the trouble of constantly feeling like a failure, he guessed. 

 

"An' how's his opinion on Fortress? He knows you ain't actually killin' people here?"

 

"He does, won't change a thing though." The runner went from the marksman arm to snaking his arms around the taller man's waist, so Sniper could wrap his arm around Scout's shoulders, keeping him close. 

 

"Why not?"

 

"Because it's my dad and, believe me, he'll always foind a reason to whoine about somethin'. His problem with Fortress has nothin' to do with me shootin' people on a daily basis, but more with the fact that it's in New Mexico, since it's quoite the ways form Australia. And even though it was a common thing for me to travel, he never got used to me livin' so far away, I guess." Sniper's brow suddenly frowned into a look of irritation with a slight touch of anger, his next words emerging like a throaty rumble, leaving Scout to believe it wasn't meant for anyone. "Always on my bloody ass about how I never have any toime for 'em." 

 

This new information really hit Scout hard, not in a personal or emotional way, but because the runner never pictured Sniper being on such thin ice with his dad. He always made sure to phone them from time to time, send cards and even visit them on the holidays. If Sniper had never given him this shocking piece of the story, the runner never would have guessed it. Even hearing the marksman talk about his old man, the longer it went on, the stronger Scout started to believe he had some sort of grudge against him. Maybe he had been pushed around by his dad one too many times or constantly being guilt tripped had gotten the better of him, either way, Scout hoped it didn't leave Sniper with too many unhandled and bottled up emotions.

 

"The holidays are comin' up, he can't tell ya you ain't makin' time for 'em then if you're visitin' them, right?" Finally Sniper looked down at his boyfriend, their gaze meeting as it was then that the marksman's expression relaxed for the first time in the last ten minutes. A soft, barely there, smile appeared on Sniper's lips, nodding to what Scout had said. 

 

"Bloody roight, now let's see how my dad is actually goin' to react." Right as the two allowed for a comforting silence, a ringtone threw both of them off. Sharing a confused look, it didn't take long for the source to be found as the marksman fished for his phone in his pocket and sighed deeply. 

 

"Bloody hell, forgot to put this in my locker." Scout craned his neck a tad bit to see who was calling him, shooting a concerned look at Sniper the moment he read the name. The marksman didn't say a thing, he just stared at the device with a rather dead look in his eyes. Scout suspected him contemplating whether he'd pick up or not and after what he heard just a moment ago, the runner would bed his money on Sniper letting his voicemail deal with this. 

 

"You gonna pick up?"

 

"Not feelin' loike it, to be honest." Sniper mumbled. His phone had been ringing for a solid minute now and as another sigh escaped Sniper, the runner knew he had made his decision. "I should pick up though... You moind if I do..?"

 

"'course not, Snipes! C'mon, if he bothers to call ya durin' a fight, it might be important." 

 

"Thanks, luv." Sniper said as he picked up immediately after. Scout wasn't entirely sure if the marksman just realised he had called him that or not, either way, it had Scout blushing like a first class dork, smiling uncontrollably. It was clear, Scout liked that pet name a lot and he hoped Sniper would start using it more often. 

 

Within the first five minutes of Sniper being on the phone, pacing about the little room, he had already gotten in a fit with his father. Although it sounded more like the marksman getting a fierce rant for whatever reason as he only managed to get half and unfinished words in-between his father's bickering. Not wanting to become a bother by being there and hearing the entire conversation, the runner decided to make his descend towards the battlefield and go get the BLU's intelligence, ending this lazy ass day already. Although he hated leaving Sniper like this, he wasn't going to be much of a help right now. He'd be there once the Aussie got off the phone. 

 

Walking over to Sniper, Scout gave him a quick peck on the cheek, letting Sniper know he'd be leaving now that way. His hand sneakily went to the Aussie's back pocket, getting his pack of cigarettes as he knew that Sniper would probably resort to smoking after that phone call. 

 

Sniper didn't seem to notice as he gave Scout a wink and a smile upon seeing him slowly walk away. Scout really appreciated that, despite the rant he was getting, he still managed to give Scout a smile. Wonderful, because there was little else Scout loved more than the Aussie's smirk.

**********************

Worry was too feeble of a word to describe the feeling coursing through Scout as he sat in Sniper's RV at the hour of 7PM, nervously waiting for him to come back. The fight, just like any day, had ended at 5PM, two whole hours ago, Sniper couldn't possibly still be on the phone, right? The runner was biting his nails past the point of even noticing he was doing so as he checked the clock every two seconds, feeling as if seas of time had passed within the time he had gotten back from dinner and decided to sit there and wait. What if something had happened? What if he had been attacked? What if he had gotten himself into trouble? Maybe Scout should go take a look, but what if Sniper would come back during the time he would go looking for him? What if- what if- 

 

Suddenly, the light grey door that served as the entrance of the camper flew open and Scout's heart nearly tore itself from his chest out of pure relieve. The look on Sniper's face was troublesome, but that could only ever be possible because of the phone call, couldn't it? More than two hours of bickering, less could get you down. 

 

"Snipes!" The runner nearly toppled off the couch as he ran up to him, hugging him tightly. Deep down, he knew he was overreacting, but somewhere the thought of losing Sniper frightened him more than anything else in his life possibly could. It may be pathetic or even farfetched to consider something like that after only two hours of not seeing him, but Scout couldn't help it. He hated that stifled feeling whenever those thoughts occurred, but again, as hard as he fought it, it didn't work. 

 

"God Snipes, what happened?"

 

"'m sorry it took so bloody long, my dad just kept goin', I eventually just hung up on 'em..." Sniper sighed for what had been the millionth time that day, getting rid of his hat and sunglasses before returning the hug.

 

"Won't he be mad?" Sniper snorted lightly, placing his head atop of Scout's. 

 

"Believe me... I wouldn't have been back for two more hours if I hadn't done that... Err- 'm sorry if I made ya worry... I should have warned ya it could take some toime." He hugged the runner tighter, pressing him into his chest as he gave him a kiss on the head, serving as some sort of 'apology'. Scout smiled at the feeling, liking this affectious Sniper.

 

"It's fine, Snipes, really don't go beatin' yourself up 'bout it, 'kay? I just hope everythin' is a bit okay between you an' your dad.." 

 

"Well 'm convinced that roight now he could strangle me, but 'm also sure it'll blow over. He has these periods and sometoimes they're worse than others, but they do blow over. He ain't a bad man, I hope I didn't give ya the wrong idea about 'em there. He just.. has no idea how to handle situations that are a bit different from how things usually go back in Australia." The same ringtone as two hours ago could be heard, yet again catching the two off guard, but when logic eased itself into the situation, Scout let go of the hug so the marksman could look at his phone. Rolling his eyes in a tiresome fashion, Sniper declined the phone call this time actually letting his voicemail deal with it.

 

"Bloody hell."

 

The runner had no idea what to do. Sniper didn't appear to be sad or angry, but everything he had told him plus the things he had just witnessed, told Scout it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. He was afraid Sniper was trying everything to appear as calm and collect as he could, while being affected rather badly on the inside. As he had mentioned earlier, the marksman wasn't the talkative type. Even if something bothered him, he'd never say anything about it. Without the right pushes here and there, Sniper would be a sealed book for Scout. 

 

"Snipes?" The marksman had retreated into the little kitchen to, surprise surprise, make himself some coffee, shooting a glance towards the younger male who in his turn, had taken a seat in Sniper's couch, fumbling his shirt.

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Y'know... if, like, sumethin' bothered ya or.. sumethin' would be wrong.. ya can like, y'know, always tell me 'bout it, 'kay? Like I mean... not that ya have to tell me every lil' thing that comes to mind, 'm just sayin' that.. if sumethin' is wrong or sumethin' is keepin' ya down, 'm right here, y'know? Promise I'll be here to listen to ya.. I know it sounds sappy, but that don't make it any less true." Sniper's brow furrowed for a good ten seconds after Scout told him that, but soon enough is hardened expression made way for a softer one as he walked over to the couch, apparently forgetting about his coffee, and plopped down next to him. 

 

"I know that, but I promise there ain't anythin' keepin' me down. Did my stories about my dad make ya worry or somethin'? Because there really ain't no need to, 'm foine."

 

"It's just that... I don't want ya bottlin' everythin' up just 'cos you ain' the type o' guy who talks 'bout stuff like that.. You've been nothin' but an amazin' help to me by just listenin' an', I dunno, guess I just wanne return the favour for once.." He couldn't possible sound more pathetic in his opinion, but he was trying to get his point across. Surprisingly, for the first time in what seemed like forever, the runner had quite the struggle bringing out the right words. The last few weeks had been painfully much about him and just to prevent a situation in which Sniper wouldn't dare talking about himself, the runner tried everything to explain that, even if it made him sound so cheesy and nauseously corny.

 

The comforting gesture of a hand being placed atop his knee, helped Scout get through this self-conscious battle of him declaring himself a first class pussy for acting and talking like this. Why was he working himself so up about this minor detail? He was talking to Sniper, the person he couldn't possible feel more comfortable with. 

 

"Scout ya don't need to return me any favour's and ya sure ain't have to worry. Just because I ain't a talker, immediately means I'll bottle everythin' up, okay? An' besides, you see roight through me." He said with a low chuckle. "I can't hide 'not bein' okay' from you, you always notice." Scout sported a wicket grin upon hearing that, promptly showing his buckteeth. As the runner's hands grabbed either side of the marksman's face he pulled him in for a kiss, nothing rushed, just a peaceful and sweet moment that neither of them wanted to break from. 

 

"Hmm," Sniper noised towards the end of their kiss. "if ya wouldn't moind, I'd loike my cigarette's back, by the way." He mumbled against the runner's lips with a touch of irony, probably attempting humour after the rather mopish day that had been that grey Monday. Scout groaned loudly, exaggerating his displeasure with that as he pulled away. Without saying another word, the runner reached for his back pocket and gave the withered pack back. Honestly, he had nearly forgotten that he had taken those with him and somewhere he had hoped Sniper had as well, but he guessed that was the more obsessive side of an addiction playing up, not even allowing someone to forget about that one particular thing. Well it wasn't a guess, he knew. 

 

"Thanks, luv." Sniper said with a grin, probably trying to get the runner's mind elsewhere by using that nickname, but Scout wasn't going to let that happen, despite having to fight himself not to melt for that.

 

"No no no no no no no, mister, no." He said while feeble punching the marksman's chest. "Tryin' to use sumethin' like that on me just so I'd pay no attention to the fact that you're 'bout to go outside an' use the desert as a discount ashtray. That's sneaky, ya know that?" A low laugh escaped the marksman as he looked back at the runner, meanwhile his hand fidgeting with the pack in his hands. Constantly repeating the action of flicking the top of the pack open and close. 

 

"C'mon, Scout, ya should be proud of me, I haven't even touched one cigarette today."

 

"'cause I took 'em from you, numb nuts." The runner crossed his arms over his chest, yet he was barely able to suppress the smile tugging at his lips as the Aussie sitting next to him still had that slight grin on his face. 

 

"I loike that."

 

"Like what?"

 

"Numb nuts as a pet name, think it suits me well." Scout yet again groaned dramatically loud, punching the marksman's chest a bit harder this time. He was full of jokes today, wasn't he? It was very nice though, if Scout thought about it. It wasn't as if Sniper had lived through the most pleasant day of his life, yet the marksman managed to crack jokes and be positive in his own sort of way. If you didn't know Sniper, you wouldn't see him any different than the introverted, grumpy outdoors men his appearance sometimes managed to portray him as. One of those many cases as; you can't judge a book by its cover and boy was Scout happy he had been granted the opportunity to look further than that. 

 

"Nah, 'm gonna think of a way better one. Sumethin' like," The younger man's brow wrinkled in concentration as he repeatedly tapped his own knee with his thumb. Eventually a rather foolish one got to him as he snapped his fingers, indicating he had thought of something. "Ashtray! That's it, 'mma call ya ashtray from now on." Sniper scoffed out something between a laugh and a sigh as he rose from the couch, slowly shaking his head. 

 

"Well, your 'ashtray' is about to go smoke one. Don't ravage my camper while 'm gone, okay?"

 

"Don't know if ya noticed, but I sat here all on ma own for like two hours an' not one thing is broken. Really, Snipes, ya should give me more credit."

 

"That's true, ya gremlin, I really should." The marksman was near the door, reaching for the doorknob as suddenly rapid and hasty knocks, coming from the other side, made his hand hitch. Scout looked at Sniper, their gazes crossing, both cocking an eyebrow up at the rushed intensions behind it. Someone needed to talk to Sniper and it seemed urgent as well. 

 

As the marksman eventually opened the door, he was baffled to see Engineer standing there. The hardhat hardly left the comforting confines of his own lab after dinner and seeing him here outside, without his goggles none the less, was a true rare sight to see, almost cryptic like. 

 

"Sniper," Engie went straight to business. "there's a phone call for ya back in the base, it's urgent." 

 

"If it's my dad, just tell 'em I ain't here or somethin', 'm honestly not in the mood." 

 

"It ain't your dad, Sniper." Within seconds, the entire atmosphere in the RV had changed. Leaving it cold and unfamiliar as Scout closely watched his two colleagues. Engineer seemed so serious and the distressed undertone in his voice wasn't helping, Scout could see that even Sniper was getting uncomfortable because of it. After a handful of seconds, Sniper finally seemed to react. First turning to Scout telling him to just stay put and that he'd be back in a second, before following Engineer towards the base. 

 

Somewhere Scout would have wanted to go with them. He couldn't shake the look in Engineer's eyes, the worry clouding him. Maybe Sniper hadn't really noticed, but it felt like a way serious and bigger matter than just his dad trying to get into contact with him after their fit. 

 

Seconds turned into minutes and those minutes quickly turned into half an hour of Sniper yet again being absent from his home. Scout was pacing about, finding himself staring at the clock in the exact same matter as before. Every ten seconds, every minute, he watched them all tick by until eventually, Sniper came back. 

 

The runner's heart skipped beats, his eyes staring widely at the Aussie. It looked as if the blood had drained from the marksman's face as his skin tone appeared near as pale as snow. Something had startled him good. 

 

"Snipes..?" He didn't react, instead, the marksman just stared at him with the blankest look Scout had ever seen in his eyes. The silence was anxiously consuming, but nothing would even come close to the compassion he felt for Sniper the moment he brought out his words. 

 

"It err.. it was about my parents," He said, his words quivering. "They're... they're dead." 

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Snipes...
> 
> Anyway, school has started again so I have no idea whatsoever if I'll be able to write as much as I have been in my summer vacation, we'll see


	15. Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: There are mentions of someone treating themselves like shit in this chapter, so, again like always, proceed with causion!
> 
> (Also, isn't it ironic how I warned y'all about school starting again in the last chapter and then went on to update quicker than I have done in a while, or is that just me?)

It had been three days since that one dreadful evening. Scout couldn't shake the look in Sniper's eyes, how startled and scared he seemed. It didn't go on for long though, as if Sniper didn't allow himself to be broken for just this once. Rather quickly, the marksman worked up a barrier and not soon after, he was closed off completely. He didn't talk, didn't eat and Scout would be surprised if he had more than four hours of sleep in his system, yet every day the marksman prepared himself for battle, going about as if nothing ever happened. Scout hadn't seen him cry either, he figured maybe Sniper had when Scout hadn't been around, but since the runner barely left his side, he wouldn't know when Sniper would have been able to. With Sniper completely turned away from any sort of help or comfort Scout tried to give him, the runner had no idea what to do or say. What do you tell someone in a situation like this? That everything will be just fine? And next to that, the last bits of contact Sniper had with his parents, had been a fight. Scout knew clear as day that Sniper was tearing himself up over it, guilty to the extreme as he pushed on every day since then. 

 

"I'm fully charged!" An übercharged Medic and Heavy passed the runner as sudden explosions of the BLU Demo's grenades tried to break up the pair, without effect of course. The battle had resumed to the regular everyday chaos, with the occasional limb flying around and gallons of blood painting the beforehand plain desert. The BLU's had recovered rather quickly from their passiveness of three days ago and ever since then, the other team had fought with all their might, time and time again getting so close to winning that RED feared their domination wouldn't last. 

 

Somewhere, halfway through the battle, Scout had noticed something particular going on around him. As already five hours of their day had passed, the runner realised that he hadn't gone down once, which was very unusual for him. Despite being called stupid a whole lot in his life, the runner had figured this one out quickly thanks to a situation he was put in. Scout was fighting off the enemy Pyro, dodging left and right to not get light on fire. When he eventually managed to get the upper hand, shooting Pyro repeatedly in the stomach, another familiar gunshot pierced his ears, indicating it had been terrifyingly close. Turning around, Scout cocked an eyebrow up at the dead corpse of the BLU Spy at his feet, but closely after, it hit him. In the duration of the fight, barely any of the enemies had managed to even touch Scout (next to that Pyro) and seeing that most of the corpses around had a bullet shaped hole in their heads, Scout knew enough. Sniper was protecting him like no tomorrow and Scout only guessed it was out of guilt. Maybe making sure the runner was okay would fill up that hole in the marksman's heart or at least for as long as the battle went on. 

 

"Try an' catch me, knucklehead!" The BLU Scout sped by him with the much dreaded sight of the RED intelligence on his back as he challenged the RED runner to chase him. Holding his Force - A - Nature in a firm grip, Scout narrowed his eyes, following that cocky bastard in no time flat. He followed his every move, swaying from one side to the other until he got close enough to shoot at him. Once, twice, the runner tried to aim as precisely as he could, but it isn't a secret that accuracy isn't exactly Scout's thing as one bullet after the other missed his far too agile target. Soon, Scout had run out of ammo, now left with only his bat as his pistol had suffered the same faith as his shotgun. 

 

Forcing to run just as fast as his enemy was, Scout was nearly close enough to swing his bat. Being merely inches away from his target, the blue wearing boy suddenly made a sharp turn, changing his entire direction and since Scout had been so focused on him alone, he almost bumped into some rocks the other man had tried running him into. Cursing loudly, Scout regained his footing quickly and went back to playing this provoking game of cat and mouse. Some of his teammates tried helping him. Soldier shooting his rockets, Demo setting up traps or even Engineer's sentries trying to get that little rat, but at the end of the trial the only person capable of putting out Scout, was Scout himself. 

 

The BLU base drew into view and Scout felt his heart sink together with his hopes on ever trying to get their intelligence back. That minor flaw of him nearly bumping into those rocks had seriously thrown him off as he now found himself running a good few feet behind the BLU Scout. His legs started to burn, yet he couldn't give up. His muscles would have to endure just a little longer as he pushed himself to run even faster. Noticing that he was closing the space between the two of them, Scout reached out his hand almost able to grab the other man's collar so he could pull him back and swing his bat across that bastards face.

 

Slowly he got closer and closer, his arm stretching out a little further until he was almost able to execute his plan. Almost there, just a little bit further... just a little-

 

Again the same gunshot as before was heard, but instead of watching the other Scout die, the runner felt a sharp and very intense pain through his hand. He dropped his bat, balling his wounded hand into a fist as his other one clamped around it. Yet despite this, Scout forced himself to chase the other man at least until he got to the BLU base as he had realised, within seconds, that this wasn't the BLU Sniper managing to hit him, but their own. Hoping to God Sniper maybe hadn't noticed his shot was off by just a few inches, Scout kept running, gnashing his teeth together to bite back the burning pain in his hand. He didn't want Sniper to feel even more guilty than he already was, he couldn't put more of the same burden on the marksman's shoulder. It had been an accident, nothing more, just a stupid accident. 

 

"You failed!" The young male finally got to a stop, his chest heaving and head throbbing from the adrenaline coursing through him. He watched the BLU team cheering each other on, celebrating their victory and before he turned away, to return to his own base, the signature shit eating grin of the BLU Scout greeted him once more. Scout rolled his eyes, he had other things to worry about than that twat winning from him. 

 

Seeing how the colour of his grip tape slowly darkened form white to red, Scout tried even harder to hide his hand, just in case Sniper would be in the locker room once he got there. It still hurt, but not as fiercely as it did right as he got shot. The runner suspected that the bullet had gone right through, a clear and clean shot, just how Sniper worked, barely any loose ends. It was regrettable that just this once his shot had been rather unfortunate, surely because Sniper had been doing nothing but protect Scout that entire day. 

 

Scout had picked up his bat somewhere along the way and after some more walking, he was more relieved than ever to get to the locker room. His other teammates didn't seem to be bothered by their loss, most of them going by the spirit of; 'They were bound to win one day' as they still congratulated one another on the hard work out there. Sniper was nowhere to be found and seeing that the marksman's locker was the only one locked already, it was made clear that he hadn't bothered sticking around, surely not after that failure. Nothing to discuss over, that's what Sniper would say, Scout thought. 

 

"Scout?" Closing the door of his locker, Scout turned his head to look who had called out for him. His brow raised in suspicion as he saw that not only Medic stood next to him, but Engie, Soldier and Demoman as well. 

 

"Yeah..?" 

 

"Can I take a look at your hand?" Medic asked. "If you're going to keep hiding it like zhat, you'll lose too much blood und vell, you know yourself vhat zhat can lead to." The runner looked down, his hand slowly unfolding from the tight fist he had balled it into. His grip tape was smeared so badly, close to unusable actually and little beats of blood streamed down his hand further onto his pulse and sleeve. Nodding to Medic's words and not wanting to feel that weak feeling of blood loss again, Scout sat down on the bench next to his locker and stuck his hand out so Medic could take a look. The hole was bigger than the runner originally thought it was, but what did he honestly expect? Sniper rifle's are packed with so much power, Scout should be happy he still had all his fingers. 

 

As Medic treated the wound, Scout expected any of the other's to question him about Sniper right now, but hearing the silence in the room (next to the occasional locker being shut close) it felt as if they tried waiting the appropriate amount of time. And they did, because it wasn't up until Medic nearly being done with Scout's hand when Engineer broke the ice. 

 

"How's Sniper doin'..?" His words were hesitant as if it was forbidden to talk about the marksman. Scout sighed deeply, deciding that just letting his colleague's know that Sniper had been better wasn't a loss nor a situation he'd gain something from. No one there was going to tell him how to handle this, but that was logical, because simply no one knew. 

 

"Not good." He announced clearly. "Doesn't eat, doesn't talk... I barely get 'em to drink water an' he's been smokin' like crazy for the past three days."

 

"Do you know what happened?" The runner looked up at the hard - bitten patriot standing next to Demoman as he shook his head. 

 

"Nah, not really... I know his parents died, but that's 'bout it. Don't know if they were in an accident, murdered or somethin' else. He just told me they died an' then he... stopped talkin'." As Medic had applied one last bandage around Scout's hand, the German doctor took a step back, pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. 

 

"Have you tried talking to him about it?"

 

"'course I have doc, but he won't bust.. the most I've gotten out of 'em were a couple o' hums an' maybe a yes or no if I was lucky..." Scout stared at the bandage around his hand, somewhere scared that maybe he wouldn't be able to get Sniper back on the right track or, at least, comfort him in some sort of way. The marksman was isolating himself, indeed bottling everything up despite what he had told Scout less than twenty four hours ago. Guilt was eating away at him so badly, at the end of the day, there wouldn't be much left of the marksman. 

 

"I am convinced he'll eventually tell you vhat's going on, Scout."

 

"That's right," Engineer added, his smooth voice booming throughout the locker room. "Sniper just needs time. He ain't the most talkative guy around, reckon it's just his way of copin'." The runner decided not to tell the rest about the fight Sniper had with his dad moments before their deaths. Compelling evidence for why Sniper's coping mechanism was such an unhealthy one. Scout knew all about those and somewhere it was just as suffocating as it was terrifying to see Sniper treat himself that way, as if he hated himself. 

 

"I think it's just important they we're here fur the lad, whether he wants to talk about it or not, ay?" The other four men nodded their heads simultaneously after hearing Demoman say that. Despite it being the most cliché answer around in times like these, it was spot on. What else are you supposed to do? You can't force someone to open up, all you can do is push where needed and further more you need to leave it the hell alone. Words to live by, Scout thought. 

**********************

The sun had melted into the horizon as evening began to fall over the dry desert of New Mexico when Scout made his way towards Sniper's RV, fairly uncertain of what he was about to face. His stomach knitting together, afraid that maybe Sniper wasn't even there. That thought alone was enough to have the runner breaking into a trot, determined on getting there quicker. Sniper had been treating himself so badly over the past few days, having him stroll around all on his own God knows where was terrifying to the very core to Scout, though he wasn't exactly sure why. 

 

Since the RV had become a sort of second home to Scout, he didn't bother to knock and politely wait for Sniper to open up. Surely because he wasn't used to doing that anymore and because he was too damn heated and worked up to wait, he had to know if Sniper was there or not.

 

"Snipes..?" He called out before opening the door. He squinted his eyes, peering into the darkness currently inhabiting the campervan as his heart started beating harsher than usual, already suspecting the marksman not being there. He flicked the light switch as a last hopeless resort, but as the RV gained its colour back, Scout's eyes grew wide out of relieve seeing the lanky marksman sprawled out on his couch with his hunting hat over his eyes and face as if he were taking a nap. 

 

"Hey.. Snipes..?" Scout tried again as he walked over to him, worry hiding in his blue gaze. Despite his position, the runner could tell he wasn't asleep. Trying to follow his instinct a little bit, trusting it would get him somewhere, Scout sat down on the edge of the couch, facing Sniper so he could talk to him. 

 

"C'mon Snipes... it's been three days, are ya finally gonna start talkin' to me again..?" His hand reached out, slowly lifting the leather hat into the air so he could make eye contact. It was silent for a bit as Scout watched Sniper's gaze go from locking eyes with Scout towards the hand that was currently holding his hat. A deep sigh escaped the Aussie as now one of his hands reached out, gently grabbing hold of the runner's bandaged one. Finally after three days of near silence, the marksman spoke up, his low voice emerging from deep down his throat. 

 

"'m a bloody useless Sniper... look at me, puttin' scars on ya..." It was honestly heartbreaking hearing Sniper talk about himself like that. Scout's reluctant expectations had been proven right, the marksman had indeed been living through quite the guilt and him accidentally shooting Scout had only made it worse. Of course Sniper had seen it, nothing manages to escape his watchful gaze. 

 

"Hey now, ya know that ain't true! It was just a stupid accident Snipes, could've happened to anyone out there." 

 

"A stupid accident that'll leave ya with a bloody hole in your hand." Scout sighed deeply, retreating his hand before letting it fall into his lap. He let another silence linger between them, before he more or less tried to get to some sort of point. 

 

"Why are ya doin' this to yourself, Snipes?"

 

"Whaddaya mean? 'm foine, kid." The runner peered at the Aussie, scanning his face from top to bottom. 

 

"You're playin' a broken record, you ain't fine... you haven't eaten in three freakin' days an' you've been smokin' so much, a goddamn steam train ain't any competition for ya. Sniper, what happened to ya is truly horrible, but actin' as if nothin' happened an' just goin' these unhealthy ways to cope ain't the way to deal with it..." His hand yet again reached out, suavely cupping the marksman cheek as he tried to be as soft and as inviting as possible. "You gotta allow yourself to be broken, Snipes, just this once... I mean, look at me. I've been a mess for more than four years now an' 'm finally startin' to turn out just fine. It's okay to be fragile, it's okay to need someone's help.. as long as ya have someone to pick ya back up an' put ya back together at the end of the day, you're golden an' that's exactly why 'm here, Snipes..." They finally made eye contact, causing Scout to shoot the marksman a comforting smile. "To help ya through this... ya can't do this on your own an' ain't no one's expectin' ya to either, but ya gotta stop with all o' this. Talk to me an' for Christ sake allow yourself to cry, 'cos, like I said, this ain't the way to deal with it, Snipes..." Now cupping either sides of the marksman's face, Scout spoke the last few words of this spontaneous speech. "You ain't the reason your parents died, so don't treat yourself like you're some sort o' criminal." 

 

"But I..." 

 

"'But I' what? Ya got in a fight with your dad? Still doesn't make ya the reason why all o' this happened, Snipes, what were the odds of somethin' like this happenin'? Do you realise how unfortunate this is? It ain't 'cos you an' your dad were havin' some trouble with each other that it immediately means it's all your fault." One of Scout's hand ran through the marksman's hair. "Ya haven't even told me what exactly happened to them." 

 

"They were in an accident.." Scout could tell his words were starting to get to Sniper. His grey eyes had glazed over with what Scout could only suspect to be upcoming tears as his voice was thick and softer than usual. "S-some bloke who had one too many drinks just... drove them off of the street. They... they died roight there on the spot... a-at least they didn't have to life through hours of pain, roight..?" Scout nodded his head, agreeing with the little bit of, if you even could call it, positivity Sniper had managed to work up over the past three days. 

 

"'m so sorry this happened to ya, Snipes... 'm so unbelievably sorry for your loss, but there is one thing an' one thing only ya have to remember..." Still gently holding either sides of the Aussie's face, Scout looked right into his eyes, hoping to God he would get his point across that way. "Ain't nothin' of this is your fault, ya hear me? You ain't a bad person, as a matter o' fact you're the kindest an' sweetest person I've ever met.. It's just so damn unfortunate an' unfair that you lost your parents. You three deserved so much better..." Scout suddenly felt two strong arms clutching around his waist as Sniper buried his face in the crook of the runner's neck, hugging him tighter than he had ever done before. The runner reached his hands around the marksman's back, gripping his vest and hugging him back just as tight. He could feel Sniper lightly shake in his arms and as he heard the occasional hitched breath, he knew the Aussie was crying. 

 

"I... I miss them so much..." Sniper's speech came out as a choked up whisper and it was almost startling to the runner how such few words made Sniper appear so bare boned. As if he had never been more honest in his whole entire life. His barrier had completely fallen down as he clung to the runner and Scout in response only held tighter onto him, pressing him closer as if to say: 'There is no safer place to be than right here with me'. 

 

Scout had no idea how much time had passed since their embrace started. A minute? Or had an entire hour gone by? He couldn't tell, but he also didn't mind. Losing track of time made him realise that this wasn't awkward or weird, but very comfortable, and most important, very real. Sniper was indeed crying, showing that he was in need of Scout's help without being ashamed or embarrassed about it. 

 

Eventually Scout noticed Sniper's breathing getting more steady, regaining its normal rhythm and soon after he felt the grip around his waist get looser as the marksman leaned backwards a bit, revealing a face the runner had never seen on him before. Eyes puffy and red and the look in his eyes matching that of a lost child, yet Scout thought these raw emotions made the marksman appear beautiful not only by heart, but by looks as well. 

 

Yet again cupping Sniper's face, Scout wiped away some more tears before leaning in and kissing the marksman's forehead. 

 

"I love ya so freakin' much Snipes an' maybe I shouldn't say this, but... I know your parents did too, even with that fight, your mom an' your dad loved ya with everythin' they had. An' I know that the last words ya had with them weren't exactly, y'know, 'movie like', but that ain't gonna change a goddamn thing." 

 

"I err... I actually.." The marksman's words disappeared into uncertainty as he didn't bother finishing his sentence, probably not even knowing himself where to bring it. Another struggle to find the right words painted the expression set across the marksman's features as he was simply too emotional right now to even worry about not making any sense. The runner watched how the Aussie reached back for his back pocket to get his phone. 

 

"R-remember that when my dad last called me, I never picked up?" Scout only nodded, his strong electric blue gaze dropping down to look at the phone. "Well... this mornin' I saw he left me a voicemail, but I haven't listened to it yet..." 

 

"Are you goin' to?" 

 

"'m not sure actually... reckon it ain't gonna be much different than some more yellin' since, well, we were in a foight.." Scout looked back at Sniper, who in his turn, fixated his gaze on his phone much like Scout had done before him. Somewhere Scout thought it would be a good idea to listen to it. Okay, Sniper might be right and it might indeed not be much else than yelling, but he did get to hear his voice again, right? This one last recording would be the last time Sniper ever heard his father's voice, so why let it go to waste? 

 

"I think ya should listen to it, Snipes... I know it might be scary an' ya sure don't want to hear your dad yell atchu in circumstances like this, but still... don't ya want to hear his voice one last time..?" The marksman faintly nodded his head, gaze still on his phone. 

 

"Yeah... I-I do want to..."

 

"Ya want me to leave?" Sniper's gaze shot up like a rocket going to space, meanwhile shaking his head no. It could be considered a stupid question, but the runner had only asked it out of respect. Some people want to do things like this on their own, but well Sniper clearly wasn't one of those people, at least not now. 

 

"N-no... I'd rather you stay, if.. if ya don't moind 'course.." 

 

"'couse I don't mind, Snipes!" The runner sported a quick smile, getting a weak yet very meaningful one back from the marksman sitting across from him. Sniper's gaze yet again trailed towards his phone after that, letting the full two minutes of silence tick by before unlocking his phone and doing the required steps to get to the voicemail. The longer the silence went on, the more the tension grew and soon Scout found himself yet again staring with big eyes at Sniper. As the Aussie sighed deeply, it looked as if he finally had gathered enough courage to play the message.

 

That familiar company greeting every damn voicemail had would normally be sat through with a reluctant sigh and nothing more, but right now it was different. Right now, these few seconds were a cruel way to tease Sniper's heart and too big of an opportunity to give room for Scout to think. What if there wasn't a message at all? Maybe Sniper's dad had made the mistake of hanging up too late, which triggered the voicemail, but would leave you with nothing more than four seconds of silence. Wouldn't that be worse? Having Sniper's hopes up, only to have them crushed by the realisation that he'll never hear his father's voice again. 

 

Eventually a long beep tone was heard and Scout felt his heart racing to a peak and suddenly stopping, it was now or never.

 

"Oh Christ sake Mick!" The runner released his breath he was unknowingly holding as he suddenly heard a, to him, unfamiliar voice with the same Aussie accent as Sniper, come from the device. "Ya really testin' my patience here, son! I better hope ya have a good reason for not pickin' up your bloody phone!" Anxiety rushed through Scout quicker than he ever could get himself to run as he watched Sniper's gaze drop at the sound of his father's angry voice. Soon enough Scout regretted the living hell out of convincing Sniper to listen to it, but as suddenly a soft female voice interrupted the bitter bickering, Scout watched hope return to the marksman's eyes. 

 

"Oh ya old geezer, leave Mickey alone with that, will ya?" Some distorted shuffling and static sound was heard, indicating that his mother had taken the phone. "Don't listen to that grumpy old man, sweetie, one of the dogs died this mornin' and he's been real upset about it ever since. It ain't no reason to work it out on you though, but ya know how he is, don't you honey?" She chuckled sweetly. "Anyway, we're leavin' for the city now, the market will be closin' in a few hours so we have to hurry. I hope you're takin' good care of yourself all the way there in big America and know that I love you very much, Mickey." Her next words sounded more distant, probably holding the phone away from her face as she spoke. "And so does your father! C'mon, tell your son ya love 'em." The phone yet again switched holder as the same noises as before were heard. It took a bit before the same low and booming voice from the beginning started talking again, but this time his volume had dropped a notch, making him sound a lot more friendly and kind.

 

"'m sorry, Mick, I shouldn't have been so hard on ya... it's just that... err- loike your mother told ya, we lost one of the dogs this mornin' and it just made me realize that I wouldn't survive it if somethin' happened to ya.. I know I sure didn't make it sound loike that, but I was just worried and well, I guess I ain't the most pleasant bloke around when 'm worried. Anyway, I really have to go now, will ya call me back so we can have a normal talk? It's been a whoile..." Sniper's father cleared his throat and it was now that Scout looked back up at Sniper. The marksman's eyes were yet again filled with tears as some of them rolled down his cheeks. Somewhere it was comforting to know that these weren't born from sadness, but from splendid happiness because there was no way this voicemail could have turned out any better. "Oh and, Mick, remember that I love ya, okay? I know I don't say it near as much as I should, but that won't make it any less true, will it?" He chuckled in the same fashion as his wife had done before him and Scout smiled brighter than he should at the realisation that Sniper's and his father's chuckle were identical. "Talk to ya later, Mick and keep yourself out of trouble!" 

 

The voicemail ended in the same way it had started, with silence. Scout wasn't really sure what to say, but given the circumstances that wasn't a real crime right now. Deciding that silence was the best given option to keep going, Scout just scooted closer and yet again wrapped his arms around Sniper. The Aussie did the same and let himself be held like that, yet again crying on his boyfriend's shoulder. 

 

Scout hoped that the voicemail had given Sniper some closure or at least helped him get rid of the burden of dragging those heavy feelings of guilt with him where ever he went. It was just as Scout told him. His parents loved him no matter what, this message beyond the grave had proven that and nothing more. Hearing those kind and warm voices tell their son they loved him for one last time had truly been a special moment and Scout would forever cherish it in his heart, happy he had been a part of it. Despite their fight, despite the year long struggle of Sniper's profession standing somewhat between him and his parents, at the end of it all, they cared for him like good parents would and that was all that truly mattered. 

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Snoezibol, branding in cliché scenarions and stories since 2016!


	16. Ready For The Holidays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: There is a mention of sexual abuse, but that's about it. The rest is just some more sappy crap, so, be prepared y'all

"C'mon, Snipes! Ya promised me, remember?" 

 

Sniper lightly shook his head with a lazy smirk resting attentively at his lips, still too tired to actually render what his energetic boyfriend was asking him. The full three months had gone by and here to two sat in Sniper's RV of what was the morning of their last day of work before their holiday vacation would kick off. Scout had been up and about since 6am sharp, thank you very much, far too energetic to even think about sleeping any longer. His plans for the upcoming weeks were simply too exciting to him and that combined with the ever so annoying habit of his mind hardly coming to rest, Scout wasn't left with any other options. Sniper, on the other hand, had watched his holiday plans crumble before him in the way of both his parents dying three months ago, so he was rather clueless on what to do the upcoming weeks. 

 

"Now, remoind me, wot did I promise ya?" 

 

"I asked ya yesterday if I could draw ya once!" Scout eagerly stared up at the, still, very sleepy Aussie. His sketchbook laying before him on the little table the two sat at as the pen he was about to draw with was tucked behind his ear.

 

"Yeah, I remember that.."

 

"An' I recall ya sayin' you wouldn't mind if I did!" Scout leaned forwards on both his elbows, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth as he awaited Sniper's response. His sky blue eyes shone out so much energy and Scout himself beamed more alive than ever, it almost lead Sniper to believe that agreeing to this offer would make him explode. 

 

"Well yeah, but I sure didn't expect ya to ask me the mornin' after, Scout." 

 

"Oh c'mon ya old man," Scout started teasing him. "Ya don't even know how handsome ya look right now. Your hair all ruffled up an' with that five o'clock shadow, oh boy, you don't even know how badly I wanne draw ya Snipes!" The runner watched with a content grin how a blush set itself across Sniper's cheeks and although it didn't take much to get the marksman all flushed and flustered, it never failed to draw a grin on Scout's face he'd have a hard time getting rid of. 

 

"If I wouldn't know any better, I'd think you'd try to get into my pants." The younger man laughed rather weakly as he slumped back into his chair. For just a second he felt like an idiot for missing the double entendre in his sentence, but seeing that Sniper took it as a joke he quickly told himself that he should do that as well. He didn't want to leave behind the wrong intensions though, but they've discussed the circumstances around actually screwing around before. Thanks to the, without a doubt, emotional scar Evan had left behind regarding such a matter, Scout had a hard time letting other people touch him. Going from innocent hugs to those monthly check up's with Medic, he hated it all. Though he had noticed from the very start that he had no problem whatsoever with Sniper hugging and kissing him, he knew that anything else beyond that point would require some well needed time and a whole lot of patience on Sniper's part. Not that that served as a problem, of course. 

 

"Nah, better luck next time, I actually wanne draw ya, Snipes." 

 

"Well reckon I ain't got much choice, do I?" The marksman grinned sleepily and Scout felt his heart nearly jolting out of his chest. Damn that Aussie, how could he look so good this freaking early? 

 

"You betcha!" He responded playfully, meanwhile getting the pen from behind his ear. "But no worries, it'll just be a quick sketch though since we have to head to base in like, two hours, so it won't take long at all!" Scout flicked his sketchbook open, quickly paging through the old thing until he got to a blank space. While Scout was doing so, Sniper couldn't help craning his neck a bit, trying and succeeding, to catch glimpses of some of the runner's old drawings. Maybe one day he'd ask him if he could take a look at them. 

 

"Now ya have to know though, it's been a while since I actually like, drew, y'know? Like regularly, so it's probably gonna be shit, don't expect too much o' it, 'kay?" And before Sniper could even respond to that, the pen was touching paper and Scout's expression merged into a concentrated one, meanwhile the campervan growing silent, although not for very long. "It might sound weird an' don't get this the wrong way, like you ain't about to hear me say that me cuttin' myself is a good thing, y'know? But since Medic thought me that trick o' drawin' on myself, I sure got back into it! I realised I missed it a lot, surely just drawin' with pen. It's quite the challenge."

 

"Really, how so?" Sniper asked interested, always fascinated once Scout's mouth started running. You quickly learn to get used to Scout doing that, surely when you're his boyfriend, but Sniper had noticed he actually didn't mind, going so far to even say he liked it. 

 

"With pen there ain't no second changes, right? If ya screw up, your entire drawin' is destined to stay like that, ya can't erase the mistake, y'know?" The runner snorted, nose wrinkling up at a thought he had. 

 

"Wot ya thinkin', luv?" Leave it to Sniper to basically read Scout's mind. Not one smirk, not one expression passed by the marksman, he saw it all. 

 

"Nah, it's gonna sound stupid.." 

 

"Hey now, ya know I wouldn't laugh at ya. C'mon fire it at me." Scout looked up from his sketch, his hand ceasing it's ministrations for a moment, but only for a moment as it soon regained the same eagerness to draw on. 

 

"Well, a few years back I used to think o' drawin' with pen like this; I've made plenty o' stupid decisions in ma life, but this kind a always forced me to make a good one, y'know? I can't screw this up, 'cos for as far as it goes for this drawin', I don't get a second chance an' I dunno... it was always to kind a prove to myself that I could still make good decisions as well, 'cos most o' ma drawings came out just fine.." He sighed, feeling like a sappy twat for saying something like that. Yet weirdly enough, he couldn't get himself to stop. "An' well, as stupid as it may sound, it always reminded me that one day I'd hopefully make the right decision an' leave Evan. Oh god it sounds so ridiculous, I know, but it was one o' the only things to actually give me hope." He nearly choked on his own words, swallowing hard as if there was bile resting at the end of his tongue. Detesting moments where he got all half cooked and soft, Scout was nearly too ashamed to look up at the Aussie sitting across from him, but of course, that sneaky bastard had noticed it. 

 

"No need gettin' embarrassed, that's actually a great metaphor if ya look at it." 

 

"Remind me to write it down then, so ma dramatic ass won't ever forget it." He looked back up, sporting a quirky grin before dipping his head down again and getting back into his drawing. "An' besides I also just like drawin' with pen 'cos it wastes less time. With pencil ya have way too many time to start doubtin', so ya start erasin' an' all o' that an' even when it's done, you'll have to outline it, which takes a shit load o' time. For someone who has 'bout as much patience as the guy screamin' his head off in traffic, pen sure is the better option." 

 

"Never knew ya had that little patience." Sniper chuckled underneath his breath, quickly finding fun in getting the kid's attention and watching those electric blue bolds shoot out his way from time to time. But as Scout zealously continued his drawing, he managed to block out any distractions for a bit, a short silence now swelling throughout the RV as Sniper watched the runner with a loving expression. Ten minutes past, twenty minutes, twenty five, thirt-

 

"Done!!" He yelled out of nowhere, that first class jump scare being a little bit too much to handle this early for the Aussie as his expression went from relaxed to wide eyed within the first three seconds after Scout had ever so excitedly yelled out his words. It didn't take long though as Sniper himself was rather curious as to what the sketch had turned out to be, I mean, it wasn't a daily occurrence that someone asked to draw him, was it? 

 

"Can I see?" The runner's eyes scanned his sketch from top to bottom and back, before looking back up at Sniper, meanwhile chewing away at his bottom lip out of anticipation. What if Sniper wouldn't like it? What if it was too messy? Maybe he'd even feel offended if it wasn't good enough... Though Scout had warned him it wasn't going to be the best, maybe the Aussie was prepared, Scout thought. 

 

"Scout?"

 

"Eeuh, ye-yeah! 'm sorry Snipes, just.. eeuh.." God he was more self conscious about it than he was in the start, that's for sure. Maybe asking if he could draw him hadn't been that good of an idea, such a difficult drawing was probably way out of his field of skill. As Scout's thoughts trailed off, he yet again forgot to answer to Sniper, causing for the marksman to reach out and gently take Scout's sketchbook from him. It took the runner the full minute before actually noticing he had been stripped from his possession, now nearly jolting himself over the table towards Sniper to get his book back. 

 

"Hey wait no! C'mon, m-maybe I need to adjust here an' there, don't look yet!" But Sniper had already taken a closer look at the, in his opinion, stunning sketch. Not because it was his own face, God no, but because Scout had managed to capture such a realistic representation of what the Aussie looked like in all his morning glory, within maybe thirty minutes and all that with a goddamn pen. He didn't have to adjust shit, it was amazing just the way it was. Stretching his arm out far, so Scout wouldn't be able to get to the sketchbook, Sniper tried voicing his opinion. 

 

"Oi Scout, no need for adjustin', it's bloody brilliant!" Scout stopped dead in his tracks, leaning back a bit to stare the marksman right in the face. Tilting his head sideways, Scout's next words came out far too surprised than they should have. 

 

"Really..?" 

 

"'couse! What was that nonsense about it moight bein' bad? It's so realistic, if ya put a picture in my hands I wouldn't know the bloody difference!" Okay, maybe Sniper was going overboard with that a bit, since you could easily spot the difference between an actual picture and that drawing, but still, it wouldn't cause for Sniper's enthusiasm about Scout's talent to deflate. 

 

"Oh c'mon you're just sayin' that... that sketch maybe took me what? Half an' hour? There ain't no way it could be any good.." 

 

"Well it is, luv and you're not goin' to hear me say that a lot about things that contain my own face." The runner let out a sarcastic chuckle as he finally managed to steal his belonging back and sit back in his seat. The pen quickly disappeared to its original spot, safely behind Scout's ear, now barely any evidence left of the last thirty minutes ever happening. 

 

"You're real talented and I mean that Scout." Sniper said out of nowhere as he got up to refill his cup. "How come ya never thought about goin' to art school or somethin'?" That earned a loud laugh from the runner. Short snorts escaping the boy in a symphony of sarcastic sighs and genuine laughter. This, of course, earning a concerned look from the marksman. 

 

"Can ya imagine me goin' to a school like that?" Before Sniper could reply with a candid 'well actually', Scout bothered to answer his own rhetorical question. "Nah, Snipes, schools like that are filled with twats an' rich kids who all feel too good to go to a regular one an' besides, 'round that time we only had money enough to put one person through college. Bein' the family's lil' runt, that chance was already given away before it could get to me. Not that I mind though, too much pressure to screw up, y'know? You'd be better off burning the money than puttin' me through college, Snipes, believe me. Nah, 'm glad I joined Fortress. I managed to get ma out of any financial problems an'-- ah goddamn it!" Running his fingers alongside the old leather of his sketchbook, Scout had soon noticed his grip tape was smeared with pen. One of the big downsides of drawing with it, the runner never managed to keep his freaking hands clean. 

 

"Wot's wrong?" 

 

"Gotta change ma grip tape," He said showing his hands as he started undoing it. "it wasn't real smart of me to draw with those on, was it?" He continued getting out of the white strips of tape until they suddenly came off, revealing a rare sight; Scout's bare hands. Although, it might not have been the smartest move to start with his left. Sniper hadn't been wrong three months ago, that stupid accident had indeed left him with a whole in his hand, although it wasn't a big one. Luckily Scout had the opportunity to hide it with the grip tape, so it mostly went unseen, but when it did pop up, of course, Sniper had a hard time not apologizing a million times over. It had been his doing, no one else had fired off that shot. Accident or not. 

 

"Bloody hell, never gonna get used to that soight."

 

"Ah c'mon, I think it looks kind a cool an' besides how many people can say they got hit by a Sniper an' survived, right?" The marksman rolled his eyes at the remarkable comment the younger man had given him. 

 

"Well, make sure your mother doesn't get to see that when ya visit her, bet she won't be happy with the bloke puttin' a whole in her son's hand and we don't want her hatin' my guts before she ever meets me, roight?" Although most of that was meant as a joke, it had flown straight over Scout's head as Sniper talking about Scout visiting his mother had reminded him of the fact that Sniper was going to be alone for nearly two weeks straight. Well not really, because Scout had been walking around with the question 'Do you want to come to Boston with me?' for quite the time now, but he had never gotten around to actually ask it. Yes it was a very short notice and no, he hadn't asked his mother yet, but he was fairly convinced neither of those things were going to be of any inconvenience.

 

"I actually forgot to ask," The marksman said after finishing his cup and putting it back down. "around wot toime are ya leavin' tomorrow?" 

 

"Oh, eeuh.." Scout mumbled meanwhile undoing the tape around his right hand. "I was thinkin' like, maybe eight or nine o'clock, since, y'know, it's quite the drive." His words were unintelligible syllables, his mind far too occupied with how he'd ask Sniper this question than with the current information he was giving him. After some pondering, Scout dropped his hands into his lap and tilted his head up to look at the Aussie. A slight sigh escaped him as he noticed the look of mild concern in Sniper's eyes. To him, the boy must be looking like he was fighting quite the struggle in his mind, which wasn't that far from home. But as the runner eventually decided he had enough of this tiring chaos in his head, he just decided to be blunt.

 

"I actually meant to ask ya somethin' as well, Snipes an' I know 'm real late with it, but the last weeks have been such a hassle I kind a forgot, so, Imma ask ya now." Using his index and middle finger to scratch behind his ear, Scout's gaze dropped down to Sniper's '#1 Sniper' cup, never failing to work up a grin whenever he saw it. "Since, y'know, what happened three months ago I know ya don't really have anythin' planned for the holidays. So I was wonderin' i-if, y'know, if ya maybe wanne come to Boston with me?" It had surprisingly been more easy to ask that than Scout had imagined, his confidence growing a bit, despite him not being able to read a single thing from the Aussie's expression. "I'd hate to know you'd be spendin' Christmas all alone on base an' well... do ya know how freakin' long two weeks are? Like, I dunno 'bout you, but... ya know.."

 

"You'd miss me?" Scout snorted dramatically loud, only empathizing exactly how correct Sniper had been. 

 

"You wish," Scout countered cunningly. "Nah, 'm just askin' ya so ya don't have to spend your Christmas with Pyro, y'know?" 

 

"Hmm, don't know Scout." Sniper started as he lifted his cup to his lips only to remember it being empty and sat it back down. "Was kind a lookin' forwards to spendin' it with Pyro. Always wondered wot the Christmas traditions are loike in Pyroland." 

 

"Ah damn it! The firebug's real competition, don't see myself winnin' from that. How do ya see ma chances, Snipes?"Doing a good job at keeping the tone of his voice as fake as any actor from whatever dusty old television series, Scout grinned as if challenging Sniper to out - cheese him. Clearly accepting the unspoken dare, the marksman rose from his seat, stretching out and yawning before walking over to the, still, seated runner, hugging him from behind. 

 

"No luv," He started, his tone of voice so out of character it had Scout fighting a laughing fit. "'course nothin' would win from you." Chuckling that same recognizable chuckle, Sniper soon broke character. Giving Scout a loving peck on the cheek, the marksman continued with a more genuine and real approach. 

 

"But no really, I'd love to go with ya, Scout, no better way to spend the holidays." 

*********************** 

 

Scout had no idea if it was pure coincidence, but every time, year after year, the last battle before the holidays was such a relentless one. Now, it was a regular occurrence for there to be blood, a whole lot of it, but the damn place was nearly drowning in it, as if the mercenaries were trying to accustom it to their festive moods. It could be blamed on their enthusiasm, or maybe eagerness pure out of everyone wanting to go the hell home. Not that it would help, they had their ours, nothing would change that. As long as the clock ticked on, their battle would too. Hell, even if it struck the hour their labour usually came to an end, as long as that sharp, shrieking voice of power didn't tell you to stop, you simply pushed on. You had to. 

 

The battle was exciting. With not a moment rest, both teams were engaged in a very close called fight. Being the last time of the year to prove dominance, to show the other team who's boss, neither RED or BLU would let that slip past them. Their egos were just a little too big to even consider having to go two weeks knowing they got overpowered and dominated. So it soon became a guessing game. Who would win at the end of the day? Who's Christmas dinner was going to be a tad bit stale this year?

 

"That's gonna leave ya with a headache, pal." Scout's one - liner was accompanied with a, borderline, mad smile. He was proud of himself after managing to bash the BLU Demoman's skull in, overpowering the man with only his bat. Resting the bloodied thing over his shoulder, the runner lazily strolled onwards through the BLU base, knowing the only thing waiting for him would be the BLU's hardhat down at the intelligence. If he managed to be quick enough and neatly calculated controlled moves, he would be able to outrun the Texan's sentries. Their own Engie had showed him lots of tricks on how to bypass the machinery, tips that had helped him out countless times by now and it never ceased to make him wonder why the BLU's hadn't trained like that either. Or maybe hardhat had better developed sentries and what not, things impossible for the BLU Scout to outrun. It wouldn't come as a surprise to Scout that their Engineer outdid the other one by ten miles. 

 

Knowing the BLU's part of the map by heart, Scout turned corners, went down stairs and all that without once betting an eye to possible enemies. He didn't have to. The BLU Demo was probably still going through respawn and even if he had already returned, there was no way he'd get there that fast. The other BLU members, like Soldier and Pyro were trying to break the RED's frontlines, so any chance of them showing their stupid faces here was little to say the least. Neither did he have any rhyme or reason to be looking over his shoulder for the BLU Sniper or Spy considering both of them were loners usually doing their jobs away from their own base. The BLU Sniper in the nest opposite their own and that French bastard had his hands full pestering Engie, without a doubt. Nothing to worry about, everything was going according to pla-

 

Suddenly Scout felt himself being pulled back by a force only a trained mercenary could posses. Fearing that his expectations were about to be proven wrong, the runner tried to shake himself out of the other man's grip. Turning himself around ready to sock whoever was holding him back in the mouth, Scout stopped dead in his track as he came eye to with... their own Spy?

 

"S-spy?!" He sputtered fiercely, his voice an uncontrolled yell. "What the, what the shit man? Ya scared me half to death! Why the ever livin' fuck did ya do that?!" Spy didn't react at first, he never did and that Scout hated. That smug bastard eventually only gestured towards the room the runner had almost walked into, his gloved finger pointing out the obvious trap Scout had shamefully missed. 

 

"No need to thank me." 

 

"Whatever..." Scout grumbled. "A-an' besides, how am I so sure it's you? You damn croissants have the ability to play dress up as each other.." Wrinkling his nose at the way Scout worded the situation, Spy sighed partly to show his irritation and to blow out a plume of smoke. Scout, in response, took on a defensive posture, always feeling as if the moment he let his guard down, Spy would require new information about him. That Frenchman could read anyone like a book. You couldn't hide something from him, because in the game of dishonesty Spy was always a step ahead of you. 

 

Another sigh escaped the Frenchman as his hand dug into the inner pocket of his suit jacket. Reaching for his disguise kit, he soon pulled out the outdated cigarette case, opening it and showing that none of the disguises were enabled. Scout scoffed. 

 

"Still doesn't prove shit, does it?" He crossed his arms over his chest, hating their height difference. It was okay next to basically everyone else, surely because Scout was one of the littlest of them all, but next to Spy it never failed for an irritated sting behind his ears. Just because it was Spy, the one person to always try and outdo everyone. 

 

"Suit yourself, boy, I did not come along here and save you to be threaded like a traitor. We have a job to do." Spy said, meanwhile tugging the cleverly customised disguise kit back in his pocket. For whatever reason, Scout suddenly felt bad for approaching Spy in such a hostile tone. The man had saved him and besides that, in the months after the whole 'Evan - incident', Scout noticed he hadn't spoken or seen Spy, only ever catching glimpses of the snake on the battlefield but nothing more. So he never had gotten the chance to actually thank Spy for what he had done. Maybe now would be a good time for that.

 

Scout made an effort to follow Spy, who was taking care of Demoman's trap. Both now shielding their ears and taking cover behind the corner of a concrete wall until the last sticky bomb had been deployed. When the overwhelming loudness of the drum fire ceased, Scout looked up at Spy as if waiting for directions of a none existing plan. 

 

"I suspect the BLU Engineer will think that trap claimed its targeted victims, so he will be, how do you Americans say it ever so charming, a piece of cake..? Considering that his guard will momentarily be down." Scout glared at him with feigned annoyance, but found himself unable to keep it up. Spy seemed to be acting normal, next to the regularity of dropping in cocky remarks, he even came off friendly. Could be the season of the year... or a trap, who knows? Without noticing, Spy had already gone ahead without him and for just a second, Scout felt like an idiot for thinking he and Spy were going to do this together. Spy would be able to do this on his own, so Scout saw no use in going down there with him. As he turned his back, scanning the hallways for a flaming BLU Demo to make his return and get his revenge, Scout was about to make a dash for the exit when Spy suddenly called after him.

 

"Care to assist me on this? I could use your help greatly."

 

"Euh, y-yeah! Yeah sure!" Scout said a bit too enthusiastic to his own taste, but it was only rare occasions where the Frenchman allowed for a companion to trot along and next to that, Scout couldn't believe he was actually asking for his help. No demanding or nothing, actually asking. What was up with the spook today? 

 

It took him no effort to catch up to Spy, both walking down stairs in an awkward silence. Though Scout barely noticed, his mind far too occupied with what to say. 

 

"Hey Spy?"

 

"Hm?" The man hummed around his cigarette. "What is it?"

 

"I know 'm real late with this, but euh.. I wanne thank ya for, y'know.." He trailed off, swallowing the last bits of his sentence. A cloud of smoke suddenly filled the air before him and Scout bit back the urge to cough, assuming Spy would find it obnoxious or something and since Spy appeared to be in a good mood, he had no intend on ruining that. 

 

"Thank me for what? For saving you just a moment ago?" 

 

"N-nah... for eeuh.. for what ya did a good three months ago." Scout casted his gaze towards the ground, grinning nervously. "Told ya I was late with it, didn't I?" 

 

"Ah, I do believe I know what you are talking about." Spy snorted as he lit another cigarette. "No need thanking me, it had been a... fun way to spend my ceasefire." 

 

"Yeah I can believe that," Scout snorted along with him. "ya shot 'em right..." His words died off as his hand made a subconscious movement downwards. "well y'know where an' that's freakin' awesome." 

 

"It is." Spy noted proudly, blowing out another plume of smoke before continuing. "I am fairly convinced there is little chance he will ever bother you again, Scout." God was that sentence comforting and Scout had no idea why. Spy wasn't wrong, what were the chances of Evan ever popping up again after an encounter as such? And next to the very true nature of the sentence, Spy had said it in such a way, Scout nearly believed he actually cared about the matter.

 

As their conversation came to an end, so came their descend towards the BLU intelligence as well. Both back into game modus, the pair gripped onto their weapons ready to dart into whatever plan they (mostly Spy) would come up with. 

 

"You distract him until I manage to destroy his equipment and eliminate him, okay?"

 

"Got it!" Scout confirmed with a nod, cocking his shotgun before rising from his prone position and darting into the intelligence room with his confidence high knowing he didn't have to do this alone. The pan was solid, with very little chances on failing. Since Scout knew exactly how to move to dodge the incoming sentry attacks, the only thing to actually worry about was the BLU Engineer trying to bring him down with his shotgun. Then again, if you could outrun the sentries, you could outrun a shotgun, just the two at the same time would provide a challenge. 

 

The familiar beep of a sentry jumping to life was heard the moment Scout waltzed in there. Not even five seconds in and Scout already had to duck away for a shotgun blast directed at his head. This threw him off more than he liked, but it wasn't going to break his game. 

 

"Dang it!" The BLU cursed as one sentry after the other began failing, beeping desperately for a fix until they crashed for good. Watching Engineer's brow furrow in realisation of noting the RED Spy being there with Scout, was comical. The little man scurried around, fixing what he could fix until a loud shriek of pain filled the room. Scout came to a stop. Every sentry had been sapped and Engineer? He had been taken care of. 

 

Spy decloaked, emerging from behind the corpse, materializing from pure red dust. He had a sly smirk at his lips as he pulled his dagger from the enemy's back. Pocketing the bloodied thing, Spy brushed himself off, turning his attention back to his so- youngest teammate. 

 

"Let's win this game, shall we?"

 

"Yeah! Those BLU's are gonna have a sour Christmas, that's for sure!" Scout picked up the BLU suitcase and threw it over his shoulder in one swift motion. This, of course, triggered the alarm, but both men were quite certain the rest of the BLU's were far too busy in the heated battle to notice. 

 

"How are ya actually spendin' your holiday, Spy? Goin' back to France?" Scout asked with an honest interest as they made their way to the exit of the BLU base. Spy simply shook his head in response. 

 

"No, I will remain on the base. I think Pyro and Engineer are planning the same." 

 

"Yeah well Pyro's kind a obvious, does he even have family?" Both mercenaries shrugged. Questions about Pyro as a being alone had been asked one too many times, it was like beating a dead horse whenever someone brought it back up. "Didn't know Engie planned on stayin' though?" 

 

"Suppose he simply has no reason to return to Texas, if he has, it would be quite stupid to not go." Spy lit another cigarette. "What are Sniper's plans? Suppose he is not returning to kangaroo land for the holidays considering what happened to his parents." Scout knew Spy was prying, he always did whenever striking up a conversation with someone. Behind every question he asked laid the opportunity of gaining new information, things he may have missed before. And every mercenary was aware and very wary of that fact. Though, right now, Scout saw no harm in answering Spy. What could he possible gain from this? As if holiday plans could be used against you later. 

 

"Nah, he's actually comin' to Boston with me." 

 

"Oh how sweet." Spy commented clearly biting back his usual tone of voice to sound more friendly and honest, leaving Scout confused. Like... did Spy actually mean it? Was he sick? High maybe? Scout had no lead to make a single guess, so he simply didn't. Spy was actually being a more approachable person today, no sharp comments, no insults, so why would Scout ruin it by immediately implying something was wrong with the man. 

 

The two eventually reached the exit, bracing themselves for the last few bits of the fight. Scout took a deep breath, his hand tightening on the strip that kept the intelligence on his back. Spy seemingly noticed Scout's nervousness as he placed his hand on the runner's shoulder, assuring him it would be just fine. He had done this a million times by now, give him one reason why today it would fail?

 

"Good luck, I will see you at the base." And with that Spy cloaked and disappeared. Scout smiled, gripping onto his Force - A - Nature the same way he had done before helping completely ravaging Engineer earlier. Time to make a fitting end to this day, an end in which RED would triumph. 

 

Suck it BLU, Scout was coming and there wouldn't be a goddamn thing stopping him. 

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The views and opinions expressed by Scout in this chapter that all people who go to art school are twats and rich kids are solely his own and do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of the author™ 
> 
> (Sounds professional, doesn't it?)
> 
> Anyway, sorry for this taking so long, but writer's block had been a huge pain in my ass for the solid ten days after posting my last chapter, but I'm glad I eventually managed to write something I'm fairly happy with. Eventhough the amount of stupid unimportant details in this chapter are laughably much.


	17. Back In Boston

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again no trigger warnings, guys. Yes I know, I'm surprising myself as well

The sun peaked over the horizon, bringing colour into the beforehand darker landscape surrounding the highway grounds as the number of cars multiplied and the day slowly but steadily crept into action. They'd only been on the road for about an hour now, yet the highway was getting packed with cars filled with people all determined to get to their destinations for the holidays. Soon enough, traffic got worse, trapping the two in a barely moving flow of cars by the two and a half hour mark of their journey. 

 

Not that they mind, the two had time and with both of them enjoying long car rides and killing time by playing useless car games, it wasn't a bother at all. 

 

"I spy with my little eye... hmm... somethin' red."

 

"That car over there." Sniper pointed a lazy finger towards a minivan containing a zoo of children who were, without a doubt, making a mess within that packed thing. Driving the two adults in the front seat insane. Scout huffed loudly.

 

"You're too good at this man!" He exclaimed. "An' whenever you get to pick somethin' it's like... half a mile away as if I'd ever be able to see it, not fair Snipes." Scout's voice became whiny, nearly making the marksman believe there was an actual child sitting next to him. Though they both knew it was a joke, all in good fun, so Sniper chuckled. 

"Maybe ya should start by bein' more casual when ya pick somethin' out."

 

"Whaddaya mean?" The runner asked, straightening his back and listening closely towards whatever little lesson Sniper was about to give him, meanwhile his gaze fixated on their surroundings. 

 

"For starters you're not supposed to stare at the thing ya picked, luv."

 

"You see that?!" An amused grin formed on Sniper's face as he looked at his boyfriend, who, in his turn, had the most honest expression he'd seen all morning. Whenever the runner reacted like that on things that mildly showed off Sniper's skills, it made him believe Scout actually thought some sort of Houdini was sitting next to him. Even though all Sniper did was take a simple look around. Nothing special. Sniper knew that if he explained, like he had done maybe a dozen times before, Scout was going to give him that exact look the next time something similar happened. He didn't mind though, it was cute and besides, no one had ever been that enthusiastic about the particular things Sniper's watchful gaze could pick up better than anyone else's. 

 

"Well yeah, ya know I can, loike... see you, roight?"

 

"You're supposed to look at the road." Scout smugly pointed out. "Even if there's traffic jammin' the whole thing up." A playful side glance was given by the runner as he very gently nudged Sniper's side. Because even though they basically stood still due to traffic, Scout wouldn't want to cause some sort of accident just because he had distracted Sniper or something. 

 

"Aw, are we finally tryin' to go for a drivers license?" The Aussie clearly enjoyed his own joke, soft hick ups from laughing making his chest rise and fall painfully fast as he looked at Scout. Though the runner didn't seem to appreciate the joke as much as he, in his turn, crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes, totally ready for whatever snarling comment he'd come up with.

 

"Just so ya know, Snipes. I've had ma license for a long ass time now. What did ya think I'd do if ya hadn't come with me?"

 

"Take the bus?" 

 

"Take the bus." Scout deadpanned. "Are ya kiddin' me? 'm twenty seven, not seventeen." That wasn't a thing Scout had to tell him twice. Sniper was very aware of Scout's age, about the only thing that had kept him from trying to get close to the runner in the start. He had found himself creepy for falling for someone so young and even now he still had his doubts, wondering his mind numb at the fact that Scout was probably wasting his precious time with this old pathetic excuse of a human being. Maybe it wasn't that alone. From the day Scout had confessed, Sniper had found it rather unbelievable that someone so young and so... well, perfect, would want to be with someone so withered and worn out. They were two entirely different pieces to a puzzle that somehow still fit. 

 

"Snipes?" Scout repeated for what could have been the fifth time. The marksman tried to surface as quickly as he could after drowning himself in thought like that, knowing all too well that the strict expression he wore during thinking was something that worried Scout greatly. He looked to his side with a casual smile prepared for if Scout would be gazing out his way. To his surprise, however, Scout was looking out his own window. His gaze fixated on something.

 

"Yeah?" 

 

"Ya think we can stop there real quick?" The sweetest expression, one Sniper only got in rare occasions (or, you know, whenever Scout needed something) shot out his way after Scout had asked his question. The marksman followed the finger pointing out a certain way to see a sign next to the highway warning for a gas station some miles up ahead. They'd been on the road long enough for a break and with traffic going the way it was right now, they could stop there for eight hours to pile it on, still wouldn't make them miss a goddamn thing. 

 

"Reckon we can. Ya feelin' peckish?" 

 

"Kind a, yeah." He admitted with a shrug. "An' I also just wanne stretch ma legs for a bit, y'know? Don't get me wrong, I love long rides, but I always have a hard time sittin' still. Surely when traffic goes so freakin' slow, y'know?" Considering Scout's twitchy nature, that wasn't a hard thing for Sniper to imagine. He himself , on the other hand, was used to sitting down or not moving for long periods of time. Even with those long legs of his. They could be a giant pain in the ass whenever he'd have to sit somewhere with little space, but at least he wasn't bothered by constantly having to stretch them or anything. 

 

As traffic crept by at a snail's pace, the gas station eventually drew into view, getting closer and closer until they'd be able to take the right turn to get there. Killing the engine of his truck, Sniper noticed she could use some more gas. It was pathetic how something like that came as a relieve to him. He knew having to actually get the gas, would spare him from having to push himself past the awkwardness of his social anxiety and possibly making a damn fool out of himself. Of course Sniper knew Scout wouldn't mind talking for him, but he wasn't a child. There was a time in which asking other's to get stuff for him was okay, but that time had long been over now and it was about damn time for the marksman to get over this already. Sadly for him, it didn't seem like that revelation would wash over him any time soon. 

 

"We're short on gas." Was the only thing Sniper had to say for Scout to understand he wasn't about to follow the runner inside to get something to eat as well. How? How the hell  
could he possibly be this good at it?

 

"No worries, Snipes, I'll get somethin' for ya too." Scout said as he walked around the truck and came to a stop right in front of the Aussie. "Y'know, ya can just ask me stuff like that. It ain't as if I would laugh an' I don't mind havin' to do it at all. You'd rather starve yourself than ask ma help.." 

 

"That's not... entirely true. I mean, I'd eventually get somethin' myself."

 

"Yeah, when you're gettin' all nauseous 'cos o' how hungry you are." 

 

"You're startin' to sound like my mum, ya know?" Scout perked his head up at that. There was little to actually spark his interest, but the moment Sniper opened his mouth about his family, past or basically anything that would help Scout peel away another layer of the Aussie to get to know him better, the runner was on high alert. "The moment she noticed I wasn't eatin' or doin' somethin' that was necessary just 'cause my 'problem' was preventin' me from doin' so, she'd bolt right into wotever store to get it for me. Only to give me this same kind of rants afterwards." The marksman sighed deeply, being more troubled by his lack of social skills than he'd like. Surely on his age. God why hadn't he just woken up one morning with all of this gone and behind him? Actually 'grow up' for once. "Big difference though, I was a kid back then. 'm gettin' a bit too old to ask my boyfriend to go get stuff for me." 

 

"Well," Scout started, feebly poking Sniper's chest. "your boyfriend couldn't care less really. If I notice ya actually stop doin' shit that's necessary 'cos o' this, 'm gonna do exactly what your ma did." 

 

"Bolt into wotever store or give me a rant?"

 

"Both." The marksman gave a playful roll of his eyes, meaning it in one way, but not at all in the other. Yes it was an embarrassing fact. Being a full grown man with the social capacity of a plant. But on the other hand, if life had been so polite to grant him the blessing that was the extrovert Scout, Sniper wasn't going to complain. "Anyways, Snipes, 'm gonna do a quick run inside, I'll be right back!" 

 

After giving Sniper a quick peck on the lips, Scout darted away towards the entrance of the store. Watching the slim man disappear into the crowd, Sniper bit the inside of cheek to get that content smirk off of his face and actually get down to getting gas. Midway his activity, it came to Sniper that Scout had never actually asked him what he wanted to eat, but then again, Scout nearly knew him better than the Aussie knew himself, so it was going to be something good without a doubt. 

 

"Don't freakin' touch me, ya half cooked fuck!" The sudden sound of Scout raising his voice was heard from within the store. For a few seconds, Sniper found himself staring at the glass door with a raised eyebrow, contemplating whether he just imagined that or not. But as he yet again heard that same voice and other, way lower, voices answering to the bickering, Sniper snapped to the moment. Dismissing every thought of anxiety he had beforehand, Sniper made his way towards the commotion, knowing not everything was going as smoothly as it should and that Scout was probably getting himself into trouble, even danger maybe. 

 

Concealing himself to not outright barge in there, Sniper tried to enter as casually as possible. This way he wouldn't gain any attention from neither outsiders and the people possible harassing the runner, which would be a great help if he'd have to haul Scout's ass out of there. It was without a doubt that Sniper knew people had gotten on Scout's ass and not the other way around. Simply because Scout wasn't the cocky bastard he tried to portray himself as. Smiling at people, nodding in passing by or even helping others (hands him saving that little girl three months ago, just saying) were enough indications for Sniper to know that beneath that hardened façade laid a good, yet sadly ruined, person. Good at heart, kind and honest, exactly the person to not bother other people without reason. 

 

It took a moment for Sniper to find the source of trouble, ducking between shelves until he eventually got where he had to be. Three guys, about half a head taller than the runner, had ganged up on him. To anyone else that'd seem like an unfair fight, but despite Scout's height, he had no struggle what so ever taking on someone twice his size, to over exaggerate. Hell, he even dared to pick fights with the BLU Heavy and that with always getting away without a scratch. Though right now he wasn't facing one opponent, but three. 

 

"You little fucking runt!" One guy spat loud enough for anyone in this Godforsaken store to hear, but of course no one did a damn thing. "What makes you think you can speak to me like that?!"

 

"The moment ya got here, poking that gross ass finger at me!" Hearing one of the guys groan in frustration, Sniper braced himself to get in-between, just in case someone would dare to actually throw a punch at Scout. But as the conversation just carried on, the marksman found himself rather unable to speak and break this up already. Maybe it was the trust he had in Scout or again his anxiety stringing up his ability to speak. 

 

"You dick! Ain't it about time for someone to teach you some goddamn manners?!" The guy saying that harshly grasped at Scout's arm and jerked him his way. That action, the look of sudden distress in Scout's eyes and him stuttering "Don't touch me" in pure panic, was more than enough for Sniper to shoot into action. 

 

"Oi!" Sniper said as he shouldered his way through, pushing the guy off of Scout. "Ya heard 'em didn't you? Don't touch 'em!" The guy backed off, only to give the other two a mocking glare. 

 

"Aww, look. What's this lanky son of a bitch gonna do?"

 

"I ain't gonna do a bloody thing as long as ya keep your hands off of 'em." The guy scoffed, his dark brown eyes staring at Sniper with hostility within them. He was trying his damn best to look as intimidating as possible, but little managed to actually impress Sniper. Some guy capable of lowering the IQ of the entire street couldn't even come close to the frightening levels of, for example, Medic smiling. Let alone the horror of getting set on fire by Pyro. No this kid surely wasn't going to do it.

 

"Real pathetic, surely you princes!" He pointed a finger past Sniper at Scout. "Can't even stand your own ground!" 

 

"I'll show ya what the fuck I can do!" Slipping past Sniper with the agility of a cat, Scout yet again stood face to face with the same guy as before. 

 

"Scout," Sniper started, grabbing his arm to keep him from doing stupid stuff that would possibly get him arrested. The runner was too heated, however, too mad to think about the consequences of his actions. Something he had never learned in all his life. 

 

"No, fuckin'.. no! You fucks talkin' 'bout teachin' me some manners? Looks like someone kicked yours outta ya before I had the chance!" 

 

"You should learn to shut that yap of yours before someone ought to slap you in it!" 

 

"Somethin' ya learned from your ma? Seems like it didn't do much for ya though, did it?" Scout was taking it too far, Sniper knew that and if he didn't step up now and get the both of them out of there, these guys were actually going to lose their patience. Changing the grip he had on Scout's arm into a more solid one, Sniper gently urged Scout to follow him straight out of there. It wasn't without struggle or Scout hissing some more insults between clenched teeth, but eventually they reached the truck. 

 

"W-what the hell?" Scout asked, his tone sincerely confused as he shook out of Sniper's grip. "Why did ya just walk outta there?"

 

"To keep you out of trouble. Now c'mon, we're gettin' outta here entirely before they decide to come back." Hoping Scout wasn't going to put up too much of a fight, Sniper walked around towards the driver's side of the truck and got in. Scout got in as well, but the moment he sat down, the marksman knew he'd be getting the silent treatment.

 

And that treatment is exactly what he got as their drive was silent and awkward. The tension hanging heavily in the air, an atmosphere the two weren't really used to whenever together. Maybe it hadn't been the best approach, but Sniper was convinced it had been best to get Scout out of there before those layabouts would have been able to actually hurt him. Of course he wouldn't have allowed for that, but better to avoid any damage before it can actually be done. 

 

Maybe thirty minutes passed by before Sniper decided he had had enough. He wasn't trying to be his enemy after all. 

 

"You mad at me?" It took a bit before that question was answered. Scout didn't change his posture, his chin resting in his hand as he stared outside. 

 

"Nah.. 'm just confused." He murmured into his hand. "I know ya told me ya didn't want me gettin' into trouble... but still.. Why'd you let them just.. talk to ya like that?" He sighed, meanwhile tugging rather harshly at the end of his grip tape in thought. "Y-you're way better than that Snipes... ya can't just show someone they can do whatever with ya, y'know? The moment someone knows your weaknesses, they'll take advantage o' it, Snipes." He finally traced his gaze towards the marksman. "It's.. it's kind a like the BLU Spy knowin' ya tend to get too focused on your job an' is able to attack ya in the back all the time, y'know?" Sniper looked back at Scout, their gazes crossing. The foreign look of what nearly was sadness hiding in Scout's eyes telling him more than enough. This wasn't about these guys in particular, it was about Scout having troubles with someone dominating him, with someone knowing his weaknesses and playing in on that. 

 

"They're just... bullies. Ya never had to deal with a bully before?" 

 

"No that's the thing. I used to beat up bullies at school. Not that they actually attacked ma or anythin', just went lookin' for 'em until they harassed someone an' just... beat 'em up." After everything Sniper had seen from Scout, this wasn't a surprise. Scout going around school, picking on those hurting and insulting other's who really can't fend for themselves. "All that crap o' havin' to ignore 'em... It ain't... It ain't ma thing, y'know? Just 'cos I got dominated at home, didn't mean that I'd allow people at school to walk all over me." He sighed again, slightly shaking his head. "I-I dunno. Did you ever have to deal with 'em? With bullies an' all that?" 

 

"Doesn't everyone?" Sniper said with a casual shrug. It was true that during his childhood and teenager years, he had been a rather easy target, but nothing big, nothing that should be blown up. 

 

"So yes?"

 

"Well I mean, I was an easy target for bullies But not anythin' bad. I got insulted sometoimes, but they never really got loike, physical. Maybe I got a rock thrown at me a few toimes, but that's about it." He chuckled softly at the memory of someone trying to get into a fistfight with him and after enough struggling to get away from that kid, Sniper had managed to climb into a tree and start throwing rocks from there on out. All headshots, of course, and the kid had ran away screaming bloody murder just because his nose was bleeding. "I just never reacted whenever someone called me a livin' skeleton or the loner and eventually it stopped. Don't give 'em the pleasure of showin' they hurt you, Scout, that's the only thing they go after." 

 

"You let people walk all over ya... that also ain't the way to do it." 

 

"That's true, but is there really a good way to handle bullies, luv?" Scout snorted, having to agree with Sniper's philosophy. Asshole's were asshole's and nothing would change that. No ignorance, no violence and surely no adults. Finally feeling the rigid tension lift and making place for the usual more pleasant atmosphere, the marksman placed his hand atop Scout's knee. Scout was quick to meet him in his movement, lacing their fingers together as he went back to staring outside. This time the silence was different. No unfinished business, no lose ends to worry about. Just them enjoying each other's company in the full thirty plus hours they still had to drive. 

**********************

God Scout couldn't possibly be any cuter, Sniper thought. Excitement making his eyes big, the moment they had arrived in Boston. The excitement coursing through his veins having him mount off about anything regarding Boston in an unstoppable way. Maybe it was bad of Sniper to half expect Scout to lead him towards the same kind of neighbourhood as where Evan lived, but as they eventually drove into a rather quiet and nicer part of Boston, the marksman was shamefully surprised. 

 

"If everyone who said they'd come, actually came, ya won't be able to park your car at my ma's house." 

 

"Any chance ya know another place to park?" Scout sported a toothy grin, his buckteeth sinking into his bottom lip out of pure random excitement suddenly coursing through him. 

 

"'course I do Snipes! I know Boston as the back of ma hand!" Scout managed to give oddly specific instructions on where to go while sometimes commenting on places and houses they past as if he were a guide. A lot of it was unnecessary, some of it was outright too much information, but it was cute, so damn cute. Scout was so happy being back in Boston, Sniper actually got to experience second hand happiness instead of it's ugly brother for once. 

 

Eventually they got to a large parking space flooded by parked cars. It was a good ten minutes walk away from the house Scout's mother lived in. As Scout climbed out of the truck a long content sigh escaped him as he stretched. Placing both hands on his hips, he took a deep over exaggerated breath. His enthusiasm was catching, that's for sure. 

 

"God Boston's bloody cold." Sniper commented as he handed Scout his suitcase. The runner laughed seeing Sniper so far away from his normal habitat. Comparing Boston to Australia, the weather was one thing that really caught the eye. Boston could be cold as shit during winter, Australia not at all and poor Sniper was finally realising that. 

 

Their walk was peaceful. The conversation the two had going on mostly being Sniper asking questions about the neighbourhood and what not and Scout answering as thorough as he could remember. 

 

"So ya grew up in this neighbourhood?" 

 

"Nah, not at all. I actually grew up in a two bedroom apartment a good few blocks away from here." 

 

"Oh?" Sniper noised as he adjusted his scarf so it would shield a part of his face against the cutting cold. "How come your mother lives here now?" Scout rubbed his face, an embarrassed expression painted across his features. 

 

"I kind a moved her here. After RED hired me an' I saw the pay check we'd be gettin' I knew I'd be able to fix every financial problem we ever had an' that I'd be able to move her away from Evan. Y'know, just in case that fuck would try hurtin' her or somethin' to get back at me like the child he is." Clouds of warm air escaped into the air as Scout spoke, a fascinating sight that shortly caught Sniper's attention. He wasn't used to seeing that, such smoke should only be escaping your mouth if you're smoking, shouldn't? As his mind occupied itself with thoughts of cold and cigarette's, which was a shame considering he had managed to go through thirty three hours without smoking once, the marksman didn't even notice the voice calling out from behind them. 

 

"Jeremy?" Scout jerked his head towards the sound, the both of them finally realising someone was trying to get Scout's attention. Because in Boston, Scout wasn't Scout, here he was Jeremy. Turning around, the two of them stood eye to eye with an unknown face for Sniper, but very familiar one to Scout. 

 

"Adam?" The guy approach, close enough for Sniper to take a good look at who this man actually was. He looked young, probably about the same age as Scout. Two hazel eyes half hooded by a dark brown fringe. He had broad shoulders and a rather strong build, but he didn't come off intimidating but very approachable actually. 

 

"Dude! I thought ya wear dead! Where the hell have ya been?" Expecting the guy to reach out his hand for a handshake or... whatever weird secretive hand thing they'd do, Sniper cocked an eyebrow up at Adam pulling Scout into a tight hug. The discomfort in Scout's eyes was clear as day, but he wasn't about to flip at an old friend he hadn't seen in ages. Eventually he let go as Scout awkwardly pet his shoulder, a slight chuckle bubbling up from the weirdness of the situation. He was real glad to see Adam, but he hadn't expected this at all. 

 

"Nah man, 'm alive an' fuckin' well." Real ironic. Adam finally looked at Sniper, giving him a meeting smile before asking.

 

"Who's this?" 

 

"Oh, sorry, this is err-" Scout started, giving Sniper an amusing side glance. "This is Mick, ma.. ma boyfriend." Adam gained a confused expression, cocking an eyebrow up at this new vaguely given information. 

 

"Wait, wait, ya ain't together with Evan no more?" Scout simply shook his head with a wry smile. "Wow, never expected that to happen. Don't get me wrong, 'm happy for you two, but I never really expected you an' Evan to break up, y'know?" 

 

"It's a long story really." Scout said in an attempt to end this already. "But yeah no, Evan I broke up a good four years ago... actually." Adam nodded his head, his expression far too serious than it really should be. Suddenly he snapped his fingers, a known gesture for people to show they had gotten an idea... great. 

 

"Yo we should totally meet up once an' catch up, man!" Scout pushed his lips into a thin line as he nodded his head, actually wanting to meet up with him. It would be nice catching up with his old friend and it'd give him a good view on exactly what has been going on here lately. 

 

"Yeah, totally dude!" Scout quickly took Adam's phone from him, putting his number into it so they could arrange this meet up through text later. 

 

"Alright great man, great seein' ya! You two have fun here in Boston! See ya later!" And with the quick wave of his hand, Adam stalked away and out of sight. Sniper awaited the right amount of time, standing next to Scout staring at nothing really, before asking;

 

"And that was...?" 

 

"Adam," Scout said as he turned around and started walking again with Sniper following him. "he used to be ma best friend in high school. Don't let that friendly smile trick ya though, if he has his mind set on beatin' the shit outta ya, he will." Scout hooked his arm into Sniper's. "'m surprised he still remembers me." 

 

"Why wouldn't he?" 

 

"'cos the moment high school was over, Evan never allowed me to hang out with 'em. He was afraid I'd get a crush on 'em, I guess. I only ever saw 'em in stores or on the streets while walkin', but that was 'bout it." Suddenly, before Sniper could ask on, Scout jerked his head up recognizing the house they had to be at. A broad smile appeared on his face, finally feeling home again. Before making a move to actually get inside, Scout looked up at Sniper. "No worries though Snipes, Adam was an' is just a friend 'kay? Ya can trust me, ya know that!" 

 

"course I do, Scout." Sniper said, nerves forming one chaos inside him due to the fact that he was about to meet Scout's entire family. He was so occupied with what was about to happen that his mind didn't get a chance to worry about Adam right now, but knowing Sniper, once everything tied down, that'd be thinking material without a doubt. 

 

A reassuring peck on his cheek was given before Scout took his hand and guided him towards the front door. Sniper's heart was hammering in his chest, God he was so nervous. There was no way back, that's for sure, surely not when Scout swung open the door after unlocking it and barged in there with a loud;

 

"Hi guys! Guess who's home!" 

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scout called Sniper by his real name, I shit you not, writing that had me squeeling
> 
> Oh by the way, something I forgot to mention last time; We actually hit over 2000 freaking hist, like? What the fuck that's such a big number! So thank you guys so much! Desperate Needs wouldn't honestly be the same without you!


	18. The Pity of A Memory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real quick before I give any trigger warnings, I wanted to tell you guys about a writing blog I've recently started on tumblr. It's called tf2-writing and basically any story that's too short for archive ends op being posted there, so for if any one would be interested, here's a link:
> 
> https://tf2writing.tumblr.com/
> 
> Alright now trigger warnings: There is a molestation scene in this one, though it isn't graphic. It's there and I strongly suggest that if subjects like these affect you badly, you simply don't proceed from this point onwards. Please respect this, trigger warnings aren't a thing to mess with.

School really had become a big nuance. Every class more boring than the other and more people starting to question their life choices with every hour the day progressed. Who needed school anyway, right? Jeremy doubted anyone would ask him the Pythagorean theorem when grocery shopping and the chances of someone asking him what exactly cytology was seemed little. Well, to be honest, even if someone asked him, it wasn't exactly as if he could grant them a right answer. Teachers could blab his ears off all they want, at the end of the day he'd know more about what colour shirt they wore than what exactly had been said during class. Still, here he was, in his last year of high school. Don't ask him how he got there, it was a damn miracle really. Time after time, teachers had dropped mildly hurtful comments or half assed arguments on why he'd never make it. Yet here he was and that without having to double once. Never mind the fact that he had the worst scores out of everyone or that he had the concentration capacity of a dead mouse, what mattered was that he only had one more year to go and all this school crap would be over and behind him. All of this would only feel like a bad dream, one he could wake up from and forget. So suck it.

 

Though, if he had to be honest, as weird as it may sound, somewhere he didn't want it to end. What was the alternative? Staying home all day, becoming full time prisoner to the oppressed lifestyle he had been rocking for nearly three years now. Evan had been real clear, setting the boundaries even before he had dared to ask about it. No he wasn't allowed to go college or go to more than one baseball training a week. Coming to terms with basically his life ending at the age of nineteen had been a struggle for him, he wasn't made for life at home. All he'd do is ravage the place. There's no way he'd get rid of all that energy by sitting on his ass all day. God even just thinking about it put him in a sour mood. School was coming to an end in less than eight months, then what?

 

Jeremy still remembered when he once, foolishly, spoke about his plans of joining the army. After weeks of thinking and asking himself what to actually do with his life, finally it had hit him. The army. Maybe he had been too enthusiastic when he told Evan or maybe he was just a damn fool for even thinking he could do a thing like that as his request had been met with fury. Madly Evan had wondered how he could possibly be that selfish, he could die! But deep down Jeremy knew Evan just couldn't stand the thought of not being in charge of him, of simply not knowing where he was and with who. There was no way in hell he'd let his little toy march off with the American Army and so the only future plans that ever excited Jeremy, had been smashed into pieces under Evan's far too powerful fist. 

 

"Jeremy?" The teacher's voice was far too weak to even scratch at the surface of his focus. It took a powerful punch on his shoulder from Adam for Jeremy to finally snap back to the moment. Rubbing the sore spot and complaining loudly on how much that actually fucking hurt, Adam had pointed a finger towards the front of the class where their teacher was slowly, but very steadily, losing his patience. 

 

"Yeah?" Jeremy didn't really consider the rudeness of that answer. Even though he was known for being so notoriously obnoxious, he really hadn't meant it that way. He simply hadn't gotten time enough to think before he spoke. 

 

"Excuse me?" The little man pushed his glasses back into place, the action so hasty and rushed that he nearly poked his own eye. "So you think you can be daydreaming in my class and still act like this big guy when being called on?" 

 

"No sir." He called as response to the clear rhetorical question. In all his experience playing with fire, Jeremy simply didn't know when to stop. One of his favourite activities in school was pushing people to their limits, seeing how far he could go before they snapped. Maybe this teacher in particular had been his victim one too many times, but that was to blame on him being bothered by everything. Chewing gum, talking too loudly or not paying attention already had that bastard heated in no time flat. His face lighting up with rage and his eyes growing wider behind his glasses. Come on, it was nearly a crime not to mess with him. 

 

"Shut up Jeremy, no one asked you for your witty responses!" 

 

"Didn't you just call on me to answer somethin'?" Watching the teacher fail to keep authority was funny. The man had dropped his chalk, actually getting so angry now, Jeremy almost believed he'd get a seizure. 

 

"T-that's it! One more word out of you and you can go! Understood?!" The boy's eyes lit up at the challenge, mischief visible in every inch of his face. This man, this foolish man. What did he think? That such empty threats were going to scare him? Going to shut him up? Think again, because Jeremy was already busy working on the right response. His visits to the principal for 'bad behaviour' were routine now anyway and the worst that ever came out of it was detention from time to time. Else he'd get a warning, yet again some stupid sheet that had to be signed by his mother. Over the years he had gotten so many of those, he could decorate a room with it. The funny thing though, no one ever seemed to learn, but neither did he himself. Every single time his ass landed at the principal's office, Jeremy weakly promised they'd never see his face there again. Only to end up in the exact same situation barely a week later with a shrug and yet another warning. 

 

Right when he was about to show this pathetic teacher exactly how well he understood his warnings, a harsh nudge in his side from Adam told him to do otherwise. Those hazel eyes shooting out a warning glare quicker than Jeremy could recover from those few seconds of being thrown off. Sighing deeply, he casted his eyes downwards at the open textbook on his desk. He wasn't exactly sure why he listened to Adam like that but neither was he sure why Adam even bothered to keep him out of trouble. 

 

Believe it or not, Jeremy managed to keep his mouth shut for the remainder of class. And when eventually they were let go to enjoy their weekends, Jeremy strolled out of the class room with a last "Bye asshole", though it wasn't loud enough for him to actually hear. On his way to his locker, Adam had caught up with him. Why was really anyone's guess, Adam was usually the first to haul himself out of that dusty old building. 

 

"Yo, you goin' to Evan today?" 

 

"Yeah." Jeremy answered annoyed, meanwhile closing his locker rather harshly. "Why ya wanne know?" Somewhere Jeremy was lucky Adam was so damn clueless. He'd never catch onto something, because he simply gazed past every single thing that could be considered a hint. Not that Jeremy went through his day scattering around hints and clues, but even moments like these where he was too tired to work up a smile or some stupid remark went very much unnoticed by Adam. 

 

"Just wonderin' 'cos I have to head out the same way."

 

"Really?" He responded with an awkward and forced laugh, already knowing where this was going. "What business ya got goin' so ya have to be 'round there?" 

 

"Ma girlfriend lives like, maybe two blocks away from there an' I promised to visit her today. Thought it would be real stupid if I left on ma own considerin' ya have to be there too." Oh God, this was going to get him into trouble. If Evan would see the two of them together, he wouldn't hear the end of this for a very long time. Yet Jeremy couldn't bluntly tell him no, surely not after he had already told Adam he was indeed heading out that way. 

 

"Sounds good man." Jeremy eventually answered with a casual gesture that easily hid away the anxiety ringing through him like a bell. As if a red light was going off or an alarm that kept demanding awareness where it couldn't always be given. 

 

And that's how poor Jeremy spend most of their walk. Nothing of what Adam was telling him about was actually coming through as Jeremy was far too fixated on his heart hammering in his chest. Paranoid thoughts occupying his thinking space, leaving little left for conversation. Though through the anxiety induced walk, Jeremy had noticed every single detail in their surroundings, keeping a close watch on where they exactly where. Not that it would help him in anyway, but knowing how long they still had to go before actually arriving in Washington Street was a must in this situation right now. One thing to calm the chaos in his head, one thing he had some sort of control over. Adam was probably just talking about his girlfriend, nothing important Jeremy actually had to know anyway. 

 

When they eventually turned the last corner, Jeremy's heart sunk into his shoes. Though his mind had been trying week attempts at ways this was going to end okay, nothing had actually managed to suit his nerves. Yes maybe Evan wasn't home and okay there was perhaps a chance Evan wasn't looking outside the window, but still. You never knew with him. Even after nearly three years of being together, Jeremy had no grip on Evan's behaviour and somewhere yes, that scared him. 

 

"Yo, dude?" It took a bit for Jeremy to realise they had come to a stop and even longer for him to realise Adam had said something. 

 

"Hmm, yeah?" 

 

"Dude what's it with ya today? First ya weren't payin' any attention in class an' durin' our walk you've been more faced out than I recall you ever bein'." No no, fuck no. They weren't about to have this conversation. Not when they were out in the open, across the street where his boyfriend's apartment was and where said boyfriend could be watching them like a hawk right that moment. 

 

"'m fine. 'm just glad it's weekend. School's borin' as hell an' ya just can't expect me to pay attention for five full days a week, y'know?" His response honestly didn't make any sense, but it seemed well enough of an excuse for Adam to accept. The short lived worried expression he had soon relaxed, melting into a smile.

 

"Can't argue with that to be honest. Anyway, dude, 'm goin' now. Wendy's waitin' on me. See ya Monday, alright?" 

 

"Yeah man, see ya Monday." And with that Adam marched off, leaving Jeremy to be devoured by stress as he gazed upon the building across the street. Had he seen them? Jeremy didn't even bother considering his chances, somewhere he had this nasty feeling he was fucked and there wasn't a single thing he could do about it. With a sigh he decided there was really only one thing to do; Go inside and hope for the best. Maybe, just maybe, life was kind enough to cut him some slack for just this once. 

 

His legs felt heavy when he climbed the stairs, but nothing could compare to the weight he felt on his chest. Why was this so suffocating? The mere thought of Evan maybe seeing him with another guy had him feeling foul, but why? It wasn't as if they had done anything wrong, anything out of boundaries. He had barely looked at the guy! And besides that, there wasn't even a damn thing Evan had to worry about. Adam was straight and there was no way in hell Jeremy had a crush on him. But still, somewhere Jeremy knew these logical thoughts weren't going to be enough. Once Evan had the slightest thought something fishy could be going on, he nearly was as unreasonable as a stubborn six year old. But that with the strength of a grown man.

 

Taking a deep breath, Jeremy unlocked the apartment door not saying a thing the first few seconds of his entry. After putting his stuff where it belonged, Jeremy did a weak attempt at showing he was home, listening closely from where the response would come. 

 

"Evan?"

 

"Yeah?" For the first time in the last hour, Jeremy actually felt relieve when he heard the short response coming from a room where it would have been impossible for Evan to see them. Not a single window there faced the other side of the street and whenever Evan had to be in there, he usually closed the door. Jeremy actually found himself thanking God for the lucky break he had gotten. 

 

"'m back from school." 

 

"Okay." Though Evan's answers were short and strict, it wasn't a thing to bother Jeremy as Evan tended to act like that whenever concentrated or busy. Actually feeling those dreadful feelings leave him, he happily walked over towards the cough and plopped down on it to watch whatever was playing on the TV. 

 

Halfway through some shitty hospital programme Jeremy had gotten way too invested in, the TV turned black as if power had been cute. Though when he spotted the reflection of Evan standing behind the cough with the remote in his hand painted in the near dark of the TV screen, he turned his head to look what he was on about. Did he have to tell him something? Probably, Evan had a fine way to claim every last bit of Jeremy's attention whenever he wanted it. 

 

"You okay?" Jeremy met Evan's rather dead expression with a furrowed brow. What was he doing? Why wasn't he saying something? This silence had every single frightened feeling return to mess with Jeremy's head and suffocate him as if there were actual hands squeezing his throat. He didn't like this, he did not like this. "Evan? What's up? Did someone die while I was at school?" Still no answer, which had Jeremy rising from the cough. He always felt more confident to talk whenever he was standing. Eventually Jeremy was at the end of his already short patience. He wanted to know what the fuck was going on. "Can ya please freakin' answer me? What's up?"

 

"You tell me what the fuck is up." 

 

"Come again?"

 

"Don't act like a moron, ya know what 'm talkin' 'bout." The truth is, Jeremy wasn't playing games. He simply had no idea what had suddenly crawled up Evan's butt and died. Blinking his eyes a few times, the boy failed on finding the reason for this sudden change of behaviour. 

 

"Evan I have no freakin' clue what the hell you're goin' on 'bout! Would ya ever be so kind to enlighten me here a bit, 'cos else it's gonna be a long ass evenin'." Evan looked him over for a second, those green eyes more intimidating than any pair he had ever seen in his life. Anyone falling under that watchful gaze would feel the holes boring in their skin and the somewhat violated feeling it all left behind. Folding his arms over his chest, Evan's gaze took a last run alongside Jeremy's face only to stop at the blue bolds staring innocently at him. 

 

"Who was that guy?" The room turned ice cold as Jeremy's eyes grew near as wide as dinner plates. Shit. He had seen them and now there was hell to pay. Calming himself before he spoke, Jeremy was afraid he was going to sound as if Evan had busted him on a lie he had been managing to hide. But he knew better, he knew that there wasn't a thing he had to feel guilty about. Adam was his friend, but this possessive piece of shit wouldn't allow him any friends. 

 

"T-that was Adam. You know Adam." 

 

"Since when does he bother to walk you home, huh? 've never seen his face 'round here." Matching Evan's posture, Jeremy crossed his arms and tried to set up his boldest expression. Maybe that way Evan would actually come to terms, realise what a dick he was for thinking something like that and let it all slide. 

 

"Since his girlfriend lives down the road an' he promised to visit her. Look it wasn't even ma idea to have 'em walkin' with me, okay? He just came up on me askin' where I was headin' an' he thought it was the more logical option, I guess."

 

"You could have told 'em no." Evan cut in with an expression that could kill.

 

"He's ma frie-

 

"That doesn't fuckin' matter. He's your friend in school, the moment you're let go he ain't a damn thing." Evan took a step closer knowing full well he'd gain some authority by portraying that one simple gesture. Though right now Jeremy wasn't having it, wasn't about to back down for this one. He hadn't done anything wrong, there was not a single way in which Evan had the right to act like this. 

 

"What the actual shit, man?" Jeremy spat uncontrollably, poking Evan's chest harshly to empathise how unfair he was being. "Why are ya actin' as if I just freakin' cheated on you? Did ya see me touch 'em once? Didn't fuckin' think so! So get your head out of your ass an' stop bein' so-" A hard slap against his cheek had Jeremy ceasing his rant, his hand fleeing to rub the burning spot. Though only a whimper left him, the sensation rushing through him was more than pain alone. Fear, shock and the all around fact that Evan had just punched him all mixing together, hitting him repeatedly in the stomach. Yet somewhere Jeremy forced himself to shrug the feeling off, to act as if it wasn't a big deal at all. It wasn't the first time this happened either, though every time it resulted in the same thing; Evan gaining dominance and having everything the way he wanted it. Finally looking up, Jeremy's breath hitched and his heart stopped. That look, those sparks of mischief shining in the dark green of his eyes. He knew that expression, one of the few things that frightened Jeremy to the very core. Evan's eyes had glazed over with the same look he wore the very first time he couldn't keep his hands to himself. That first time where he started touching him without asking, without one indication that Jeremy wanted something like that as well. Jeremy found himself frozen for a moment, only capable of watching Evan slowly corner him. Though at the last moment he finally found his voice. "N-nah." He brought out weakly. 

 

"What?" Without bothering to give a proper explanation, Jeremy pushed past Evan with his mind set on the getting the hell out of there. He had a choice in this, right? Wasn't he the one in control over his own life? Not a chance in hell he'd let Evan have his way with him again, it had happened too many times. It was about damn time he took the reign and lead his life towards what he wanted, not what he was told to do.

 

"Where the fuck do ya think you're goin'?" 

 

"Screw you, 'm goin' home!" He yelled with all the fury his heart could manage, with all the spend up hatred he had buried beneath a layer of shame and ignorance. "T-this has happened too much... t-too much..." He repeated to himself like a broken clock would struck the hour. His emotions were one big mess, feeling like crying one moment only to feel like tearing Evan's guts out the next. 

 

"What has happened too much, huh?" His hot breath brushing against Jeremy's ear had him nearly jolting out of his skin. How had he advanced on him that quickly? He hadn't even seen the bastard move! A solid grip on his shoulder and arm alarmed him, yet there wasn't a single thing his struggling was going to prevent from happening. Before he knew it, Evan had pushed him chest first into the wall and was holding him down with the strength only an angry person could provide. 

 

"Ya really think 'm goin' to let ya leave so easily? Really think 'm that stupid?" Jeremy didn't say a word, his gaze casted downwards as he tried to control the frightened shiver running through him. If there was one thing he had learned so far, it was that all Evan really prayed on was Jeremy's weakness. Having him bow down to anything he asked even if it meant having to smash him into pieces, rip him from every last bit of dignity or make him hate himself for breaking down like this. He'd go all those ways and beyond, Jeremy knew that. "It's 'bout time ya learn who ya really belong to. You're mine, Jeremy." Nothing was more cringe inducing than those words. It made him feel unreal as if he wasn't an actual person, but a simple toy living it's pointless life in the hands of another. 

 

"P-please... j-just..." Jeremy whimpered pathetically, finding himself unable to move despite the battle he was fighting within himself. Deep inside, he had to swim to keep himself from downing, had to run for every single feeling trying to convince himself to just give up. He tried so hard, screaming bloody murder inside his head to move something, yet nothing would respond. Slowly he came to realise that his very own body wasn't his to use anymore. 

 

"It ain't no use tryin' to run from me. At the end, I always get what I want." One of Evan's hands ran down the soft fabric of Jeremy's sweater. Once down, his fingers crawled beneath the fabric and ran back up his chest. The poor boy tried to break free from this trance, this numbing feeling possessing every inch of himself. He tried to push out of the grip, to get that crawling feeling of uncleanness off of his skin. But Evan always knew how to respond, knew exactly where to place his hands to keep Jeremy right where he wanted him. While the only none busy hand fondled every inch of skin he could get to, Evan had started kissing, licking and biting Jeremy's neck. Soft whimpers of painful shame and sadness escaped Jeremy, though it was easily and purposely mistaken as something else by Evan. 

 

"You're enjoyin' this, aren't ya?" He teased maliciously. "Enjoyin' this like the slut you are." Jeremy felt his heart in his throat when Evan started pawing at his zipper, still only able to mutter incoherent pleas as Evan slipped his hand beneath the waistband of Jeremy's boxers. He was taking it too far, he didn't want this, wasn't there anyone going to listen to the boy? Had he really been this awful of a human being to deserve this? To have no one help him or hear him cry for help in the deepest of his own mind. Feeling himself crumble away as that lunatic played with him. His head was swimming, nothing felt real anymore. He'd still feel those touches when he'd wake up tomorrow, ghosting's of this moment forever there to haunt him. These eternal reminders always there to never let him forget the person who ever so violently claimed him as his own. 

**********************

Scout wasn't really sure why, but that memory out of every single gruesome one he had, had been spooking around his head for days now. Like a bad song getting stuck in your head against your will. He noticed that reliving that memory over and over again wasn't serving him well. It was making him appear apathetic as if someone had robbed him from his very soul and next to that, it was messing with his sleeping pattern. That's why he found himself sitting in the kitchen of his mother's house at the hour of 4AM. After staring numbly at the ceiling for about two hours, there was little else to do in his bedroom. So he had decided to go downstairs and just wait for the morning at the kitchen table with his sketchbook. From then on out he had been lazily sketching something, every so often lifting his head to stare at nothing as parts and flashes of the memory totally interrupted him in what he was doing. Yet how deep he dug or how much he thought about it, he saw no reason why exactly that memory was there to haunt him so vigorously. Maybe the reason was because he had agreed to see Adam tomorrow. If you reconsider, that whole entire event had set itself in motion because of Adam. Though Scout quickly dismissed those thoughts, telling himself that it wasn't Adam's fault that Evan had done something like that. Evan was just a very dark and fucked up human being with twisted thoughts that ran far too deep. No empathy, no voice of reason telling him that what he did was wrong. It was his nature, not Adam's fault.

 

A door falling shut had Scout snapping his head up, looking around the darkness beyond the light from the kitchen to see who was paying him a nightly visit. 

 

"Hey what are you doin' here so late?" Tommy's tired voice asked him as he stepped into the light. Tommy and his little family where the only one's next to Scout and two of his other brother's to spend the nights here as well. The other's all lived in Boston and had no need for a place to spend the nights. 

 

"I could ask ya the same." Scout said jokingly as he applied a last few changes to his drawing. "Decided family life ain't realy your thing and now you're tryin' to escape, or?" 

 

"Funny," Tommy deadpanned. "nah 'm actually here to get some water for ma son, like the good father I am." Scout snorted. Somewhere it was still unreal to him that his own brother had actually become a father. Every time he saw Tommy walk with little James next to him, Scout thought about all the mischief he had ever been caught for. It was weird, a person who had once been caught for toilet papering the principal's house was now in charge of another human life. Maybe it wasn't the best idea ever, but Scout knew Tommy would pull it off perfectly. "Now why are you here?" 

 

"Couldn't sleep." 

 

"Somethin' keepin' ya down?" Of course there was, but Scout honestly wasn't feeling like telling him about the memory. Crossing his arms over the table, the runner looked up with a certain casualness. Maybe that way Tommy would actually believe him when he said he was fine. 

 

"Nah, just couldn't sleep." His attempt had failed. Scout could tell by how Tommy promptly sat himself down in the chair across from his. He wasn't going to leave until he got something out of him, what a stubborn worried ass. 

 

"C'mon... talk to me." 

 

"There ain't anythin' to talk 'bout, Tommy." Unlucky for Tommy, stubbornness was something they got from their mother as if two brick walls were talking to each other. It took a lot of effort to get Scout to open up, but over the years Tommy had gained just as much patience needed to complete the task. Without realising on Scout's part, Tommy had reached out to get his sketchbook. It had been a habit of Scout's to draw whatever he was feeling, so he'd gain more information from one sketch than he'd ever get out of the runner himself. Weird enough, Scout didn't make an effort to stop him. Letting his brother take a look at the drawing of a little boy anxiously ducked away in a corner while a dark shadow loomed over him in a threatening way. As if cornering the boy and not allowing him to go anywhere. 

 

"You're really gonna keep tellin' me everythin' is fine? 've known ya long enough now Jeremy. C'mon, what's this 'bout? Is it 'bout Evan?" 

 

"Just somethin' stupid I haven't been able to get out of ma head an' it's drivin' me nuts." Scout sighed, reaching out to get his sketchbook back before closing it. "I can't freakin' sleep cos o' it an' I have no fuckin' clue what to do." Somewhere it was nice of Tommy to be this concerned, but truth be told Scout knew that talking about this wasn't going to help a thing. All he'd have to do was just sit this out, wait until the memory would fade to the back of his head and leave him alone. It sucked that it had to happen now, that's true, but what was he honestly going to do about it? "Don't worry 'bout it though, it'll go away. Just a stupid memory that can't seem to leave me the hell alone, but it will eventually."

 

"Haven't ya ever thought 'bout the possibility o' why that memory is so eager to be remembered? Maybe, somewhere, you're tryin' to come to peace with some things an' facin' it an' basically forcin' yourself to remember it could be the way your mind wants to do it."

 

"Would be nice if ma mind could find a different way to deal with it, y'know?" He scoffed, though understanding what Tommy was trying to tell him. Sometimes people defeat their demons by facing them and maybe this was indeed the way his mind had set itself on doing it. 

 

"Hey, I have no clue what you're goin' through an' if I ever see Evan again 'm makin' sure that fucker knows what's up, but don't forget to cut yourself some slack, okay? Whatever your mind an' body are doin', they're doin' it to help ya, not to fight ya. Try to focus on the good things, alright? It's the holidays, you're with family an' next to that ya found someone who actually loves an' respects ya the way it should. After everythin' ya went through, things are finally turnin' out okay. You've deserved it, now enjoy it too, alright?" He wasn't expecting this deep of a philosophy this early in the morning and surely not from the person who used to give him wedgies as a lousy big brother prank when they were younger. Scout knew he was right though, things were getting better. Everything was turning out the way it should. It was time for Scout to drop this paranoia, he couldn't live the rest of his life always expecting something to go wrong. He was twenty - seven, yet he hadn't experienced what living actually was before Sniper had bothered to ask him if he was okay three months ago. Evan was a big obstacle, that's true, yet somewhere he knew that he wouldn't be for much longer. 

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a rather heavy chapter, it explores something I hadn't really expanded on before, but I guess it "fits" in this fic considering nearly any trauma Scout has is being handled. Still, I hope everyone respected the trigger warning. I'm not here to make you feel bad about yourself or just bad in general, I'm just trying to tell a story. Never forget that, alright?


	19. Birds of a Feather Flock Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually don't need trigger warnings for this chapter, but I am warning for lots of cringe and sappy crap and oh my god you guys actually had to wait 23 days for this and it's so... I don't even know how to explain it. Kind a made up for that considering it's longer than usual (not that benefits anything to it ehehe). Guess you should just take a look for yourself. No worries though, I promise you'll get out of this alive

They had agreed to meet at a local park barely a block away from his mother's house. Scout couldn't exactly say he was excited for this meet up, but neither did he dread it. It sure was going to be weird, he guessed. So much had happened and Scout didn't even know what things were going to be talked about. Chances were they'd get caught in the nostalgia of their early schooldays, laughing at all the pranks they've played and classrooms they've ravaged. Somewhere, Scout was hoping the conversation would actually follow that path. A light hearted talk about things that can barely be considered important would do wonders. And who to do it better with than a person who stands with both his feet out of your business, right? Don't get him wrong though, it wasn't as if he couldn't have conversations like that with Sniper, quite the opposite actually. Scout just hoped that this conversation wouldn't steer out Evan's direction. Saying that he was quite sick of always talking or even thinking about him was an understatement if there even was one, so here he was praying that for one day he could have a normal day out, with normal thoughts and what not. 

 

Talking about Sniper, he hadn't tagged along and that for, well, multiple reasons. One of those being Sniper himself implying that he had no business being there. He didn't know Adam and what use was coming with, when the main purpose of that errand was the two of them catching up. Another reason came from Scout, though he had never actually vocalised this one. It was more a thought that had turned into worry and eventually enough of a reason to leave Sniper at home where this particular thing couldn't bother him. Knowing Sniper, Scout had been afraid the Aussie would get jealous once spending some time with Adam. Not in a negative way of him thinking Scout would cheat on him, but more in a demeaning manner towards himself. He may hated admitting it, but Sniper was quite the self - conscious being and although he had never explicitly told him, Scout knew clear as day that Sniper pondered himself silly about why Scout had fallen for him and not for someone his own age. It was without a doubt that the runner guessed looks had something to do with it as well, but Sniper was an idiot for thinking that. Sniper was handsome, end of discussion. 

 

The park drew nearer and Scout snapped into focus to scan his surroundings. It was the first time since his arrival that he was out all on his own in Boston... where Evan could be literally anywhere... if he wasn't dead... of course. Hopefully Adam would get here soon, maybe he already was, being so alone out in the open made him feel vulnerable, despite there not being one reason for him to think and feel that way. He had just as much rights to walk there, to visit the park he played for hours as a little boy when that two bedroom apartment was a tad bit too cramped for him and his ungodly amounts of energy to handle. Even if Evan casually walked by, what was the bastard going to do? Yell at him? Demand him to come back? No, exactly. Because everything is different now. 

 

"Yo, Jeremy!" The familiar voice came from somewhere behind him, causing Scout to turn around. Watching Adam stalk towards him made him realise that in all those years of not seeing him, Adam had barely changed. Still rocking that lost in time dark brown fringe and that power walk that always made him appear uncomfortable hadn't been lost either. He guessed Adam had changed in character, grew up like any normal twenty seven year old once had to do. But considering he still had just as loud of a mouth as Scout could have, growing up was still in progress for these two lads. 

 

"Dude 'm so glad to see ya! It's been freakin' ages!" Adam exclaimed loudly, his hazel eyes sparkling with enthusiasm. Well it was nice, Scout wasn't going to lie. Seeing his old best friend back in the same enthusiastic state he was nearly every day back in high school was fun and calming. Of course life has been a bitch towards Adam, without a doubt. Everybody has their own fits with it now and then, but getting a near perfect copy of who Adam used to be in high school almost eight years later was comforting. 

 

"I know!" Scout laughed as they started walking in a random direction of the park. "How have ya been?" 

 

"Good! Yeah, really good actually. Lots has happened since high school, good an' bad things, but 'm at a really positive part o' ma life right now, man." 

 

"Really?" Came the curious reply, Scout was hoping Adam would expand on that, tell him more about this positivity. Whenever someone talked about good things happening to them or goals they've been working so hard to reach actually became reality, Scout felt himself get happy over it as well. This nice welcoming warm feeling coating him from top to bottom, call it second hand happiness if you'd like. 

 

"Yeah man!" Adam chuckled in excitement. "Believe it or not, but I actually got married a few months back." 

 

"Shit, ya serious? Congrats!" 

 

"Yeah, 'm dead serious. She's the most amazing girl, dude, I tell ya. She's kind, smart an' an amazin' mother!" Scout raised his brow, did Adam just actually say that? Had he become a father? Was there actually a copy of that mischief maker walking around? God so much time had gone by yet Scout hadn't stopped for one second and considered that the people around him actually moved on, got married and started families. Scout was impressed. 

 

"Wow back up, back up. "An amazin' mother", don't tell me... you... actually?" Adam nodded his head, the happiest smile tugging at his lips. "Dude that's freakin' awesome! You're a dad, I can't freakin' believe it!"

 

"Oh me neither man! Her name is Sam. A happy healthy, almost, one year old. We actually never thought we'd have a child before gettin' married, but life comes at ya with the craziest shit man." Scout chuckled, you didn't need to tell him that twice. It wasn't exactly a young boys dream nor expectations to get into an abusive relationship for eight years only to get out of it and tumble in the weirdest 'family' in the country. Fortress, his save haven, the one thing that had been his ticket away from Evan. He owed so much to it, to anyone working and living there. A downside to it might have been him forgetting life actually went on. That one day indeed his friends and brothers would get married and start up families and that not everyone lived their lives within a constant cycle of fighting, dying, eating and sleeping. 

 

"How 'bout you, man?"

 

"Hm?"

 

"Well we've been talkin' 'bout me now, but how are things goin' on in your life?" Yeah, what about him actually? No he wasn't married nor did he have any children. He did become uncle at one point! ...which he had completely missed. Is landing a job at a place where you get killed daily an adulthood achievement you could show off with? 

 

"Nothin' special with me. 've been euh.. workin' a lot over the past four years, but that's 'bout it." 

 

"How come things didn't work out between you an' Evan? You guys were together for the longest time, can't really see somethin' like that just... ending, y'know?" And there it was, goddamn it. What did he honestly expect? Adam was a nosy guy, if he wanted to know something he'd ever so casually (or really obviously, he isn't that good at it) drop in questions, urging the other to talk about it. Lucky he was very oblivious as well and besides Adam was a digger for gossip, not for people's mental health and home situations. 

 

"Just.. didn't work out, I guess." Scout implied with an air of casualness. It sounded believable, in fact, he wasn't lying at all. It actually didn't work out between them and that's when Scout called quits... putting the abusive details to the side for a bit. 

 

"Who broke up with who?"

 

"I with 'em." Scout was maybe being too closed off about this for his own good. It didn't seem like Adam was going to let this one go, his mouth repeatedly opening and closing as if a question was daring to jump off his tongue. 

 

"Can I ask ya somethin' 'bout Evan? Considerin' you guys aren't together anymore, bet ya won't be real offended when I ask this." 

 

"What do ya wanne know?" The runner was convinced this casual act was holding up nicely, a solid barrier for his nerves to hide behind. Even though Adam was right, they weren't together anymore so why even be bothered about questionnaire, whenever someone far from this matter started asking questions regarding it, Scout felt uneasy. It never failed to bring him back to the time where seeking out the right words was a daily occurrence to him, where one wrong syllable or non verbal gesture could mean a big difference. 

 

"Look, I always kind a wondered, but I never got to ask ya... Now, I actually saw Evan two days ago-" The feeling of your blood running ice cold and nerves standing on edge within every inch of your skin is a sensation difficult to get used to. It happened so vast and so feral, Scout had problems concentrating on what Adam tried to ask him. He was just too struck by the news that Evan was actually still alive, what unholy force was there protecting that bastard? "-apparently he had been in the hospital for quite the time, he didn't tell me why though, weird... anyway, he actually asked me 'bout ya." 

 

"What did ya tell 'em?" Scout asked too quickly. 

 

"Well I just told 'em I hadn't heard o' ya in years." Odd, why would Adam lie about such a thing? "But there for ma question; when ya were together with Evan, how was he?" 

 

"W-what do ya mean?"

 

"I mean like.." Adam bit his lip in thought. "when I saw 'em, he seemed so.. unfriendly an' aggressive when askin' 'bout you an' first I thought it was 'cos well you guys broke up, but then I started thinkin' an' just... somethin' made me believe that he's never really been... y'know, friendly. Towards nobody, not even... towards you." His speech came out slow and calculated, as if one wrong word would make a bomb go off. 

 

"He's just tempered I guess."

 

"N-no, that's not what 'm tryin' to get at. Look man, when I started thinkin' I actually remembered you showin' up to class with quite the ugly bruises. It's a shame I never asked 'bout them, but I always considered that well, y'know, ya got seven older brothers, fightin' is bound to happen, right?" He sighed deep, enough indications for Scout to know that he had been feeling guilty about this, even though Scout hadn't spoken one word about being physically abused. Well, there went his chances of not talking about him, but better to calm Adam down than to keep acting as if nothing ever happened. 

 

"Adam, please, whatever you're thinkin', stop it. It's true, Evan wasn't always the most friendly guy, but it ain't anythin' anyone could have known. I always tried to clear his name an' to never mention anythin' he did." Scout placed a comforting hand on Adam's shoulder. "Do me one favour, don't feel guilty. It's in the past, it's all over an' it ain't your fault ya didn't know anythin' 'bout it, alright?" Adam slowly nodded his head, clearly awestruck at what he just heard. 

 

"Shit man.." He cursed unintelligible. "Guess it was a good thing o' me to not mention I actually did see ya here then?" 

 

"Yeah, probably for the better... But hey-" Scout started in an attempt to drag this conversation back to the positive tracks it was on before. "'m actually at a very positive time as well, man, really. 'm happy, things are good." He wasn't lying, things were good. Life was finally giving him the one thing he had been yearning for for years now; peace. With a stable, well paying job and an actual happy relationship going on, Scout was starting to realise that he had quite the things to be proud of. Married or not, family or no family, he was doing fine. 

 

"So 'm guessin' everythin' is goin' fine between you an' Mick? Was it Mick?" Scout nodded his head, having to fight a smile forming on his face. God was he ever going to get used to Sniper's real name? Probably not. "You actually see a future with 'em?" What a girlish question, Scout thought, yet somewhere it rung through his head like a clock. Did he actually see a future with him? Better question, did Sniper see a future with Scout? It took him long to answer, despite him already knowing what he truly wanted. 

 

"Y-yeah.. I actually do." Now he may have sound a bit hesitant, but that wasn't because he was uncertain about his choice, but more about what Sniper's actual thoughts would be. Scout knew the marksman considered himself too old to be with Scout and maybe those believes ran deeper than Scout was brave enough to imagine. What if it wasn't that alone? Maybe Sniper not only found himself to be too old to be with someone of Scout's age, but also too old to see himself in an actual future with anyone. Dramatic to the extreme indeed, but Scout wouldn't be surprised if the Aussie actually thought like that. 

 

"How did ya two actually meet?" Adam's question tore Scout from his troubled pondering, leaving room for his thinking space to be occupied with more pleasant things than what he was worrying about. 

 

"We met at work. Though we've been colleagues for the solid four years now, we've only been together for three, four months." In the span of a year, a month is nothing. Even when adding those up, time passes quicker than anyone can keep up with. Though despite that phenomenon, Scout couldn't help but feel that more time had gone by between that one turning point three months ago and now. Four months sounded so short and it really is if you consider, yet his relationship with Sniper felt as if it had already been going on for years. Maybe him already knowing Sniper for four years was doing the trick, but on the other hand, when they were nothing but colleagues and vague codenames to each other, everything was so different than it was now. Sure they regularly passed each other in the hallways, helped one another out during combat, but nothing had ever pushed past the boundaries of the regular nod of appreciation whenever someone had done something beneficial for the other. 

 

"Wow, that time difference though." Adam joked. "Looks like someone spend some time in the friend zone! Only one question remains, however, who was the one fighting his way out?" Scout snorted, giving a playful roll of his eyes as he actually thought about that foolish indication. Truth be told, before everything, Scout had never found himself interested in the marksman. Though that was to blame on the fact that he was busy occupying his time with his self destructive methods and not with trying to unravel the closed off introvert of the group. In the first few months of Fortress, the runner hadn't even bothered meeting any of his teammates, let alone learning something as simple as their codenames. After a while, however, those faces became familiar and slowly he tumbled into the group and it had only been a matter of time before he had become the notorious loudmouth. 

 

Scout remembered some time ago when Sniper shamefully admitted that he had developed his crush on Scout way sooner than he cared to admit. Bloody insane, Sniper had told him, a man his age should not get a crush on a guy nearly thirteen years his junior or whatever age related demeaning thing he had to say about himself. 

 

But to answer Adam's question; Sniper, it was most definitely the marksman who had gotten his ass out of the friend zone. Not that Scout actually believed in such a dumb thing, but it was funny to think of. 

 

"Forgot to ask," Adam said while chewing the inside of his cheek. "how long are ya stayin' in Boston? Or do ya still live here?"

 

"Nah, 'm just here for the holidays, in like... a week an' a few days 'm goin' back to New Mexico." 

 

"New Mexico?!" He exclaimed loudly, with a perplexed expression. "What the hell kind a business do ya have in freakin' New Mexico?" Lying his way around fortress was harder than he wished it was. Because no matter what kind of job you'll say it actually is, people counter with "but do you really need to be in New Mexico for that?" as if they're Sherlock Holmes or something. Frustrating, no matter what he told them, people always looked at him like he was a mental patient. Thinking of it, Scout was better of just telling about being hired by psychopaths to shoot people for a stupid briefcase containing important launch codes and that he liked it, as a matter of fact, than looking like an idiot for going to New Mexico to work in an office somewhere. 

 

"The office I work moved there some time ago."

 

"You? Workin' in an office? Man ya couldn't even pay attention for ten minutes in class!" Hard, but true. "Why are ya waistin' your time in such a dead end job so far away when ya could be doin' somethin' like animation way closer by? Dude, your art was amazin', I still have some o' those stupid doodles ya drew o' teachers in class! I mean, not that I imagined ya actually doin' somethin' with that talent, but you're way better than gettin' yourself stuck in a dusty office somewhere!" But he wasn't working in an office, wasn't wasting his talents, in fact, he had discovered an entirely new talent working at fortress. Running as fast as he did, he could imagine little people doing the same and training only made him better. Fortress wasn't making him waste anything, it helped him become another person, a better one. Ah, if only people new. 

 

"'m sorry man, 'm doin' fine there. I really don't see myself givin' that up. It's solid, it pays well an' I'd be an idiot for leavin' it behind. It helped ma gettin' out of any financial problems an' on top o' that, I have the nicest colleagues who all appreciate me an' aren't even bothered by ma relationship with Mick." Never mind the slight breathy stutter from suppressed laughter at the end of that sentence... damn that name! 

 

Adam nodded, his mouth pressed in a thin line yet still cocked in a slight smirk. He understood. Friendship is a strong thing, it keeps people on their feet in the darkest of times so why leave something like that behind? Kind of sad, realising Scout looked at this man and thought of him as his 'used to be best friend'. Maybe now that the one new the other was still alive, they'd start getting more contact again. Would be nice, the runner thought. No matter what happened, there was a reason Adam used to be his best friend. With a stroke of luck, they could go back to that, who knows?

*********************** 

Five pm was creeping closer when the runner entered the house. He and Adam had occupied the rest of their meet up with talking, talking and well, talking. Reliving memories, laughing at old jokes and wondering what happened to their old classmates had been such a pleasant way to spend his day, Scout hadn't even thought of anything bad for the time it last. Even on his walk back home, where he was all alone left to wonder in the silence that accompanied his walk, nothing bad had bothered him. Evan hadn't bothered him. 

 

Unlocking the door and stepping inside, it took a moment for Scout to realise how silent the house was. The runner was used to sharing a roof with lots of people, first his own family and then Fortress being nearly the same, so whenever places like that were 'dead' for a lack of better words, it left for an ominous vibe. One that wasn't necessary, but still there. 

 

Though as Scout got rid of his jacket and shoes, he finally heard the higher pitched voice of a young child and another, way lower one responding. He recognized both voices, but it made no sense whatsoever for them to be together and with no one else around. Obviously James was in the other room, but from what Scout could hear, Sniper was as well. Was the marksman actually... babysitting? 

 

Disbelief read in the sky blue of Scout's eyes as he opened the door to the living room, eager to know what exactly was going on and where everyone was. He shouldn't be this surprised, he really shouldn't. It was nearly a crime for the runner to freeze in awestruck just because he saw Sniper with a child. And the best thing about it, the marksman was talking to James as if he was used to it. As if he occasionally came in contact with little children and knew how to handle them. Sniper didn't have any siblings nor did he ever talk about cousins or relatives or anything that could have given him some experience. Fortress didn't count, okay yes it's basically filled with little children, but either way you turn it, they're all grown men. 

 

"And it was real funny when my teacher saw the drawing I made about my family." James was chatting away (must be in his genes) as he was seated at the coffee table, drawing a picture while Sniper sat across from him, every so often handing the kid a pencil he needed for his drawing and responding exactly where needed for James to be comfortable. It was a funny sight, slightly awkward for such a tall man to sit at a coffee table, but it was cute and the fact that James did a great job making him surprisingly chatty was only adding onto that. 

 

"Really how so?" 

 

"Because I have so many uncles, she didn't even believe me at first! But then I showed her a picture and then she did believe me." James chuckled, sloppily colouring a part of his drawing before looking up and realising Scout was standing there, watching them. Out of the blue, James jolted upwards, dropping his pencil in the progress before launching towards Scout with a loud. "Uncle Jeremy!!" The kid shamelessly jumped into his arms for a hug, ending in Scout picking him up and carrying the six year old. 

 

"I see you two found a way to kill some time." Sniper had gotten up as well, a smile with the double entendre of slight shame visible on his lips. Oh please no, don't tell Scout the marksman actually felt embarrassed for getting along with James that well! "Where is everybody?"

 

"They left for a walk maybe twenty minutes ago. James didn't feel loike goin' and since I was goin' to wait on ya anyway, figured I could keep an eye on 'em." 

 

"You actually... proposed babysittin'?" Sniper nodded his head with an expression that simply didn't understand why Scout was so dumbfounded by that. "An' did ya do that 'cos ya felt obliged to do it, or?"

 

"No," Sniper responded just as slow as Scout had asked the question. "they would've dragged 'em with them if I hadn't said anythin' an' I know how I was at that age an' someone got the broight idea to go for a walk, so it was a rather easy decision." The runner kept staring at the marksman as if a piece to that dazzling puzzle was hidden in Sniper's expression, a hint telling him the actual truth. Not that Sniper had been obviously hesitant to talk to James over the past days, but he hadn't expected this either. Perhaps the most surprising part of this all was the way Sniper actually knew how to handle him, knew how to suppress his accent just a tad bit so James could understand him better or just knew how to talk to him in general. For a guy spending most of his days in a cramped RV away from everybody, you wouldn't take him for somebody capable of entertaining a child and actually succeeding in that as well. 

 

"I'm real happy I didn't have to go on a walk, I had a lot of fun!" James chimed in enthusiastically. "He is very smart! He told me all about special animals, lots I didn't even know were real! I'm going to tell my teacher all about it, bet she doesn't even know half of them! I even drew a picture of one of them, you want to see uncle Jeremy?" Scout put the overly excited boy down when he suggested that, serving as enough of an answer. As James scrambled to get the paper, Scout gave Sniper an amused side glance, actually being very proud of him. James mostly was a happy child, enthusiastic and jovial, but he was very shy as well. Usually the kid had a difficult time trusting new people so it was surprising how fond he already was of Sniper, but you know what they say, birds of a feather flock together. 

 

"Look look! It's a eeuh.. eeuh K-kooka, eeuh-"

 

"-Kookaburra," Sniper helped James pronounce with a gentle smile. "do ya still now wot's so special about 'em?" 

 

"Yes! Instead of eeuh, whistling, they-they laugh!" He blurted out. "And they life far away in Australia." Scout laughed, of course they're from Australia, Sniper knew every damn animal walking around down under. James probably didn't need that kind of knowledge for school, but it was nice seeing he was so eager to learn either way. 

 

"I'm going to draw another one!" And with that James sat back down and got right at it in total silence, finally leaving for Scout and Sniper to actually have a conversation. 

 

"What did ya to do 'em, Snipes? 've never seen 'em like that, concentrated an' all." The marksman shrugged, thought the ghost of a smirk painting his expression telling Scout more than that casual gesture portrayed. Sniper was proud of himself and he had every right to be. 

 

"Anyway, how was the meet up?" Sniper asked as he watched Scout plopping down on the couch in a tiresome manner. It had been a while since the Runner had had a goodnight sleep and it was starting to show. 

 

"Interestin'." Scout answered as, all of a sudden, a million thoughts raced through his head. The things he had been previously worrying about returned now that he actually had the chance to ask about them, but how do you ask someone if they actually see a future with you or not? What if Sniper says no? Following up with the same explanation Scout had given himself a few hours prior. Maybe he shouldn't ask. When answered negatively, a question like that could end a relationship. Call him selfish, but he didn't want that. 

 

"Wot did ya talk about?"

 

"Oh ya know..." Scout hurried to find the right words without looking suspicious. "just some stuff.. a-about how things used to be an' our lives an' all o' that crap." He cleared his throat before quickly following up with a "Adam got married a few months back an' even has a daughter now." before Sniper could ask any questions. Though from what Scout noticed, the topic of Adam being married had done nothing but to spark a question Sniper seemed hesitant to to ask. 

 

"I actually meant to ask ya somethin' Scout." The runner cocked an eyebrow, answering with a 'yeah?' clearly clueless on what they were going to talk about. Sniper fumbled with his watch a bit, before asking: "Are there toimes ya... regret joinin' Fortress?" 

 

"No, why?" 

 

"Because I can imagine hearin' everyone around ya gettin' married an' startin' up families while you're stuck foightin' old man all day can be... confrontin'." Somewhere Scout understood where Sniper was trying to go with this. Maybe they both had been worrying away at the same question.

 

"Ya mean regardin' ma future an' stuff?" Scout tried, watching Sniper's expression to exactly know if they were on the same track with this. 

 

"Well yeah, at your age there are a few questions ya need to ask yourself Scout."

 

"An' those are?" 

 

"Ya know," Sniper sighed, his gaze trailing off towards the paper James was scribbling on instead of making eye contact with Scout. "Things loike... things loike where do ya wanne take your loife? Is there goin' to be a point ya see yourself becomin' a father, maybe? Or is the job you're doin' roight now really wot ya wanne be doin' the rest of your loife." Though the marksman tied so hard to casually list of these questions without indicating that Scout's answer might worry him, Scout knew Sniper was withholding one question for himself:

 

"Do your future plans contain an old socially awkward guy, or not?"

 

The runner was silent for a bit, ten years ago all that stuff seemed so far away, heck even five years ago he didn't know he'd be put on the spot about his future like this. He was uncertain about it all, did he ever see himself in charge of another human life? Or married? It was hard picturing himself like that, but that didn't necessarily mean it could never happen. 

 

"I don't know." He answered honestly. "I really don't know Snipes, I can't tell ya if any o' that will ever happen, but I also can't tell ya it never will. I think, out of everythin', there's only one thing 'm quite certain 'bout..."

 

"And that is?" Scout sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, meanwhile furrowing his brow. He was afraid that saying this would force Sniper in an uneasy situation. By telling the marksman he actually saw a future with him with or without any of that other crap, Sniper might want an out. Well, he already got this far, it was now or never. 

 

"I don't know 'bout you Snipes... but, no matter what happens or how ma life will eventually turn out, I wanne... I do wanne spend it all with you. It might be early o' me to say somethin' like that, but it's the only thing I know for sure. One thing 'm certain 'bout when it comes to ma future." There it was, just a few words with tons of meaning coming from the deepest of the runner's heart. It was scary, showing himself so fragile when he didn't even know what the other was going to respond. But as, after a minute of letting that news wash over him, the marksman's expression softened, Scout felt relieve course through every nerve in his body. 

 

"Ya mean that?" 

 

"'course I do Snipes... w-without ya I wouldn't even be sittin' here, havin' to think 'bout ma future. If ya want one answer, it's that in ten or twenty years I still see myself with you, no matter what's goin' on at that moment." Considering Sniper's reaction, Scout knew that the marksman probably was going to agree. Which was a good thing really, but not everything Scout wanted. He not only wanted the marksman to agree, but he wanted for him to stop worrying about their damn age difference as well, because no matter what, a care like that will always stand between being fully content. "But," Scout continued. "'m afraid that you worryin' 'bout our age difference will get so bad, that maybe one day you'll actually leave me for it, thinkin' it's for the best. Don't get me wrong, ya can leave me whenever, but somethin' like that should not be the reason..."

 

"Whaddaya mean?"

 

"Snipes, I know ya tend to brood on that subject a lot, worry your ass off on somethin' that isn't necessary at all an'... what if one day those faint jokes 'bout you bein' an old hag will stop bein' jokes? Ya treat yourself like your some sort o' predator for fallin' for me while in fact ya couldn't even be ma dad." Scout decided to be blunt, this time putting Sniper on the spot because somehow he had this confident feeling going on. Something telling him that he didn't have to be afraid for Sniper's reaction. "I guess what 'm tryin' to tell ya is that, I see myself together with you in ma future, but.. is it the same the other way 'round?" Finally their gazes crossed. Scout could see the thoughts flashing in those grey eyes, a look not unfamiliar to him. Sniper was searching for words, anything to help him vocalise his thoughts. But as Scout knew, Sniper never had an easy time doing that. Eventually, it looked as if the marksman had settled on something as he sighed deep before speaking. 

 

"It ain't that I necessarily thought our age difference was goin' to be the biggest bother, it's more that I always believed you're kind a wastin' your toime with me. 'm pushin' forty, I already lived through a big part of my loife, whoile you still have to ask yourself questions I already thought of thirteen years ago." He massaged the bridge of his nose, rubbing his face in defeat before continuing. "Don't get me wrong, I actually do see a future with you as well, Scout, I just... hope that 'm just overthinkin' and that you ain't wastin' your toime nor your loife on me." 

 

"'m not, Snipes." The runner countered confidently. "An' ya know how I know that? 'cos spendin' your time with people you hold dear an' those who want nothin' but the best for you, isn't wastin' anythin' an' guess what, you are one o' those people now Snipes. Never mind the fact that you've been through this already, who cares? You have as much of a future as I do an' the only thing that actually matters is that we see each other in it." Worry made place for acceptance as the marksman dropped his gaze with a smile and a breathy snort escaping him. This man, this self - conscious, pondering man actually afraid anyone wanting to be with him were going to waste their time. A sad thought that came close to breaking Scout's heart. So he tried to convince Sniper, show him how wrong he was for thinking something like that.

 

"You're a real sweet talker, ya know that?" Sniper said which made Scout grin in response. Knowing the Aussie, he wasn't fully believing Scout's words yet, but somehow Scout believed he was getting there. One day, Sniper was going to wake up, take a good long look at himself in the mirror and realise that hey, maybe he had every reason to be with Scout and when that day comes, Scout would be right there to confirm it.  
\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, I mean... it's a chapter, right?


	20. Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh please do forgive me for updating so late, but I had exams for two full weeks and after that it was all holiday fuss. Also I already had like 2000+ words written out, but then I got a better idea for the chapter so I had to start all over again. It was a mess, but I'm guessing you're not used to anything else with me, now are ya?
> 
> Anyway! Trigger warnings: There are a few mentions to Scout's suicide attempt, but furthermore no trigger warnings are needed

He hated Christmas. Everything about it was horrible; the lights, the cheer, the people but most of all Christmas never failed to make him realise how lonely he was. 

 

Smoking one cigarette after the other, there Spy sat puffing his days away feverishly hoping the holidays would end soon. He hadn't lied to Scout when the boy asked him what his plans were for the holidays, why bother going back to France if there isn't a single person there to even remember him? To say he wasn't a holiday man was putting it lightly while in fact, as a kid, Spy did enjoy all of this quite a bit. Everything was so different back then and the Frenchman found himself cursing the day he decided to become a spy more often as off lately than he usually would. 

 

The things he had, the stuff he enjoyed back then was nothing more than toxic teasing now. A family feeling, friends... it was all gone, it had been for more than twenty years now. His only shot at a family had been brutally cut off when the painful realisation of him being a spy stood between it and friends? No one in that godforsaken base even trusted, let alone liked him.

 

They warned him about this. Being a spy is a lonely existence, but when you're nineteen and your only talents boil down to being sneaky, precise and quick you don't allow yourself much of a choice. You grab what you can take and when some shady looking guys in a suit offer you what seems like something too good to be true, you don't think about it. 

 

It was stupid, he had been stupid, surely when Linda came into his life and this ice cold bastard finally felt a likeness for someone that wasn't himself. The feelings of regret and sorrow, the true fact that he abandoned them both were things to keep him up at night for years to come. It had been a cold shower coming to realise that he'd never see his own child, but worse that the poor child would have to grow up wondering why their father left them. Though as he joined Fortress and a thin, blue eyed, sharp boy greeted him and some weeks letter he received a letter telling him yes, indeed, that boy was his son, Spy thought maybe this was his way to get redemption, to stop beating himself up over all this. If Scout turned out to be a perfectly fine twenty seven year old, he had no reason to feel guilty, right? If only things were that simple. Soon, Spy was tearing himself apart day after day. Whenever he heard Scout talk about home, school, basically anything that marked him growing up, the Frenchman felt himself getting miserable over the fact that he hadn't been there, that he couldn't sit there telling the stories with Scout. No embarrassing childhood stories, no lousy dad jokes, absolutely nothing and it only had Spy dreading every passing day in which he had to life with that fact more and more. And don't even get him started on Evan or Scout's suicide attempt, he wondered how many hours he had slept from that point onwards, it weren't many.

 

Most of the time he told himself to stop being so dramatic about it. To just man up, get his game face on and to be the notorious Frenchman everyone hated. But during the holidays, when basically the entire base is off to go celebrate Christmas with family like you should, Spy couldn't help himself. Sitting in his room days on end, wishing himself a happy new-year when the hour struck only to go to sleep hoping that when he wakes up the next day, everything would be different. 

 

This year things had been different though. For a reason still unknown to him (mind you that doesn't happen very often) Engineer had stayed at the base and different from Pyro, he did try to get the Frenchman to leave his room. The fire bug was used to Spy's weird behaviour around this time, but for the Texan that was a whole different story. He was used to a cocky, self assured, hurtful comments Spy who doesn't lock himself up in his room for no reason, so it didn't take long for Engie to catch up on Spy not being okay. Futile attempts at trying to get the Frenchman out of his room were tried, but they were as easily dismissed as they were proposed. Though he had to say, Engineer wasn't one to let things go and Spy was well aware of that. As many times as the Texan got rejected, a day later he'd try again. It was trying really, a nuance, annoying, but somewhere Spy still appreciated it. No one wants to be alone on Christmas and even though he knew Engineer doesn't trust him just like anyone else, the Texan still wanted Spy to enjoy his holidays as well. 

 

A knock on the door drew Spy from his pondering. Blinking for a moment, the Frenchman noticed how badly his eyes stung from staring at the wall all day. The cigarette in his hand was nearly burned out as he crushed its end in the ashtray next to his seat and stood up. Opening the door, Spy had to suppress the urge to roll his eyes and sigh as he saw Engineer standing there... again. 

 

"What is it you need?" Spy asked, his tone of voice so monotone, together with his already nasal voice he nearly sounded like a robot. Engineer just smiled, like he always did, before opening his mouth to speak.

 

"Well, Spy, it's Christmas. 've been tryin' to get ya out of your room for days now, but ya can't tell me you ain't comin' out for Christmas?" 

 

"I am not coming out for Christmas." Engineer chuckled at that, whilst Spy's expression remained more or less the same. Looking down at the Texan, Spy really didn't understand the bother, the amount of effort he was putting into him. Surely because it also came out of nowhere. Though he had to agree that Engineer was probably the most civilized person out of everyone there, they still weren't anything more than colleagues to each other. 

 

"Oh c'mon Spy," As the Texan spoke those words, Spy noticed a rather... sincere look of worry in his eyes. Also, it was only now that the Frenchman noticed a lack of goggles and actually saw the hardhat's eyes for once, though the ugly Christmas sweater the Texan was ever so proudly wearing easily distracted him of that fact. "you've been doin' nothin' more than sit 'round your room, it's startin' to worry me." Spy cocked an eyebrow up at that, but furthermore his expression still remained the same. 

 

"No need to worry, Engineer, I am fine. Just not the type to celebrate Christmas is all."

 

"Yeah Pyro told me 'bout that." 

 

"About what?" Spy asked sharply, nearly jumping in the Texan's face. He didn't like people talking about him without his consent. The Frenchman was aware that most of the gossip travelling around the base was about him, so whenever someone did strike up a conversation his cocky remarks were a must for him. Acting distant mostly translated into being unfriendly and patronizing, that way no one could get to him and gossip would remain gossip. Horrible solution to a stupid problem. 

 

"Ya know," Engineer struggled to find words, Spy's suddenness had startled him. "T-that he's never seen ya durin' Christmas or New Year's, that ya stay in ya room 'till everyone's back.." 

 

"Well?" The Frenchman tried to recover from that minor outburst, straightening his back before leaning against the doorframe. "If Pyro already informed you about my behaviour I see no reason for you to be here." He never thought it possible, but Spy watched the hope of getting the Frenchman to come with him fade from Engineer's eyes. Spy kind off had him cornered there, hadn't he?

 

It was silent for a bit, borderline awkward and Spy was getting rather tired of walking the same pattern every day. Engineer would knock on his door, Spy would send him away and the next day the Texan would try again. 

 

"Do you not get tired of this? Everyday coming along only to get a door thrown into your face?"

 

"Well reckon I have some chances on you finally givin' all of this up. I mean, after all you keep openin' your door." Spy hadn't expected that counter, that's for sure. Engineer was right, Spy had no business opening his door as if someone else would be waiting on the other side of it. Pyro wasn't going to suddenly show up and even if he did, it would still be remarkable for Spy to open up his door for him. 

 

"I am just being polite, Engineer." The Frenchman said in an attempt to safe what still was left of this meaningless facade. "For all I know, Miss Pauling could be knocking on my door for a mission. I really do not need you to stick your nose in my business day after day, whether I open up my door or not you should know someone is not pleased by your presence if they send you away each and every time so-"

 

"Spy are you okay?" It was pathetic how four words hit so hard. In all his life little managed to shut him up, but this could. His eyes darted helplessly from one side to the other, his expression not knowing what to do besides frowning heavily. He didn't understand why Engineer asked him that, why the Texan wanted to know and the sudden stress hitting him like a brick had Spy yearning for a smoke. At least that would calm him down. 

 

"Yes I am.. Why are you asking?" He managed somehow collected, hiding the fact that he had to choke out every word. 

 

"You ain't lookin' the part that's all... Ya know after what happened to Scout I was rather dazzled to know ain't no one, 'sides Sniper, ever noticed 'em bein' so well... unhappy. I'd be damned if I let somethin' like that happen twice.." Suddenly a lot finally made sense. Spy had been surprised by that as well. He felt like an idiot, being tricked into thinking that Scout actually was one self assured, cocky and selfish young man while in fact the truth was poignant. The runner's suicide attempt had been a tremendously harsh wake up call for anyone there and for Engineer it seemed to have translated itself into worrying twice as much. 

 

"I see." The Frenchman mumbled, actually being quite taken aback by that. Despite this insubstantial friendship the two seemed to got going on, the hardhat still cared enough to worry Spy might be in a bad place and as a matter of fact it couldn't hit closer to home. 

 

"Spy do me a favour, alright? If somethin' is keepin' ya down, talk 'bout it. It can help." He doubted that, but he wasn't about to break Engineer's worrisome yet somewhat joyful spirit. "Will ya do that?" The Frenchman was surprised to find himself automatically nodding in agreement, the action had been done far quicker than he could render it happening and as he saw Engineer yet again smile and hear him speak the same few polite words he'd always share before taking off, Spy was even more dazzled to realise that, for the first time, he didn't want Engineer to go away... he wanted to talk about this.

 

"Engineer." The Texan came to a quick stop, turning around Spy yet again eyed the ugly Christmas sweater, strictly staring at the snowman gazing back at him before making up his mind. Locking eyes with Engineer, Spy brought out his words just as perplexed as his expression showed himself being. "There is something keeping me down." The words were out quicker than he ever thought possible and as he watched Engineer taking back the few steps he had already set, he honestly had no idea what to do. 

 

"What's wrong Spy?" The Frenchman was dumfounded, it all felt kind of unreal and now he was met with what would without a doubt be, an awkward encounter. He didn't like talking, whether it was about his or another person's feelings, Spy had no idea how to handle any of it. 

 

"It is... just that... eeuh.." Was he stuttering? Was the oh so notorious "not too afraid to agitate people to no extent' Frenchman really in a loss for words? God he was looking pathetic and for the first time in his long regrettable career Spy had no idea how to get himself out of this situation.

 

"I do-do not..." He groaned loudly in irritation, his hand balling into a fist against the doorframe. A smoke right now was starting to feel like a better idea with every passing moment. Luckily for Spy Engineer was politely standing by, patiently waiting for the Frenchman to get out of this struggle and blurt out whatever it was having him act so differently. Eventually Spy was sick of trying, sick of hiding every single detail that portrayed him as himself. He was going to share personal information with someone on his own regards, not because someone forced him into it. 

 

"It is about Scout." The Frenchman managed, his gaze immediately trying to seek reaction in Engineer's expression. Yet the Texan wasn't giving him much, still wearing that sympathetic smile as always. 

 

"What 'bout 'em?" 

 

"You have heard him talk about his family before, am I wrong?" Engineer cocked an unknowing eyebrow up at that, but furthermore nodded his head. 

 

"Yeah, heard some stories 'bout his mother, few 'bout his brothers and well everybody knows he ain't got a father to speak of, but bet I heard just as much as anyone else here?" The Texan's expression didn't change, folding his arms over his chest before very cautiously adding: "Do you know anythin' 'bout it?" 

 

"S-suppose I do, yes."

 

"Really? Ya found out who his real dad is?" Spy was convinced the pain of having to bring out his next few words was visible in his eyes. He very well knew Engineer had felt sorry for Scout having to grow up in such a troublesome situation and therefore the hardhat had tried to care for Scout in his own sort of way. Immediately agree to do something if the runner asked for a favour or assure him he was doing great whenever he deserved it. Spy also remembered Engineer's rant after that one time Scout came back piss drunk after a night out on his own. The hardhat had been so disappointed, Scout never dared to do it again. Somewhere Spy was thankful for that, deep down inside he knew he respected Engineer for that and besides, it was honestly one of the nicest reactions Scout had gotten out of telling about his absent father. Spy had heard enough of his colleagues wondering what the hell could be wrong with a father to abandon his child and given that most of them were childless Spy understood their reaction, he really did. 

 

"I eeuh.. do believe I did." 

 

"God Spy ya serious? Who is it?" The Frenchman swallowed past the lump in his throat, nervously adjusting his cufflinks before very quietly answering Engineer's question. 

 

"Me... It is me." He sounded like a wounded animal, his normal characterization far from notable as he felt like sinking into the floor and disappearing. His greatest talent. Engineer's expression wasn't really helping either, in less than five seconds it transitioned from confusion into disbelief and from frowning rather heavily to plain worry. 

 

"Does the boy know?" 

 

"He does not... and I do think it is best to keep it that way. I have caused him enough hurt in the past, I would rather spare him from that in the future." 

 

"Does anyone else know?" The Frenchman nodded his head, meanwhile wondering why the hell he was telling Engineer this. What was the hardhat going to gain from it besides a grudge on Spy for abandoning Scout?

 

"Sniper knows... he asked me about it some time ago during the ceasefire after Scout's suicide attempt." 

 

"Is that why you're lockin' yourself up like this?" The Texan asked warily, not really knowing how far he actually could go with questionnaire. It was remarkable how much Spy had opened up already, he sure didn't want to scare him off and blow his chances into pieces. 

 

"The holidays never fail to remind me of everything I have done." Spy sighed, his gaze boring holes into the wooden floor beneath them. "Look I am aware that what I did to Scout is horrible, I know. I do not need anyone to make that clear to me. I do not expect pity for what I did, I do not want any of it and I know that sooner or later I will pay for keeping such an important secret for myself, but sometimes... sometimes I just wish everything was different. I - I wish I had not chosen to become a spy, it is one of the stupidest things I have ever done in my life. It has asked so much from me and not once did I get anything in return. No one trusts me and I had to give up the two people I truly loved. It is a lonely existence that I, in retrospect, was not prepared for." Finally Spy felt himself courageous enough to look at Engineer after he exposed himself like that. He was far past the point of really caring how ridiculous it all sounded, how pathetic he may appear or how badly the hardhat was going to hate him now. A weight had fallen off of him, the suffocating knot within him had loosened as years of pent up feelings finally made it to the surface. 

 

"Spy I ain't 'bout to tell ya that what ya did ain't anythin' bad. Abadonin' someone really has it's effects and 'm convinced ya knew that when ya decided to leave." Spy really wasn't sure what he had expected, but even knowing that his chances were leaning against Engineer being mad, the words hit harder than he had hoped. "But," The Texan suddenly added, causing for a dramatic shift in Spy's expectations. "I also believe that ya had your reasons. Spy I honestly don't think you're a bad fella, sometimes life just takes these unexpected turns and all ya really can do is bend with it. The people we meet along the way will be effected by what we do, ain't no one can expect that whatever we chose will be in their favour. In your case, your decision was made far before it could form a problem. It's just... pitiful that Scout and his mother became victem to that and somewhere I believe that you fell victim to it as well." He wasn't used to getting compassion, the tone of voice in which Engineer was speaking, was foreign to him as well simply because he had never heard it. Usually people were quick to decide that he was the bad guy, going so far that he was staring to believe it himself as well and even though they both knew Spy wasn't a saint, Engineer was still willing to believe that the Frenchman wasn't a bad person like so many had thought before him. 

 

"I do believe that ya should tell Scout though. Maybe not the second he gets back from Boston, maybe not in a few months, but someday.. ya can't keep this a secret forever, 'cause one day he'll find it out on his own and then things will be ten times worse." 

 

"I know... but for now I would rather keep things the way they are. Sniper promised me to keep quiet and I would appreciate it greatly if you would do the same." His tone of voice was nearly begging, he really wasn't being himself. Usually he'd demand something like that, not hope that the other person would agree to the rather insane idea. 

 

"No worries Spy, promise I'll keep my yap shut. 'sides 'm convinced that Scout should hear it from you, not from me nor Sniper." 

 

"Thank you... I really appreciate that... all of this actually. I am sorry for making you worry and for being so... rude and sending you away whenever you tried to reach out." Engineer waved his hand dismissively, meanwhile shaking his head no with a smile. 

 

"It's fine, Spy. 'm glad ya told me what is botherin' ya so badly and I promise 'm great at keepin' secrets. Now I know what ya told me, that you ain't the celebratin' type, but it's Christmas and where I'm from we don't leave any one to celebrate it on their damn own. 've heard 'nough no's, I'd be nice to hear a yes for once." Hearing that had Spy softly chuckling, Engineer really wasn't letting this go and Spy was convinced he really had no choice at this point. He had been rude enough anyway, Engineer really didn't deserve another door thrown into his face, not after what he just did for Spy. 

 

"Alright fine, you win. Happy?" 

 

"Rather pleased indeed." Engineer smiled right back at the sight of Spy fully stepping into the hallway and closing the door behind himself. The two walked towards the kitchen were Pyro was preparing something Spy suspected to be a desert. As a matter of fact the fire bug was brilliant at cooking, so it was a thrill to see either way. But right before showing Pyro his victory on getting Spy to leave his room, Engineer stopped him and said.

 

"Oh and Spy, if you ever need a friend for anythin' else know ya can count on me. Life's too short to go through it alone, alright?" 

 

Spy nodded, yet again letting himself wonder why on earth Engineer tried so hard. He hadn't expected this when he woke up this morning nor when he was thinking himself into a bad mood earlier, but again he wasn't going to ruin it. Must be the Christmas spirit, he thought. 

**********************

Sniper wasn't going to lie, Christmas in Boston had been one of the nicest he had in years. It sure was a different thing, being able to celebrate the holidays in actual cold and snow instead of the dry humid climate Australia offered. Don't get him wrong though, he had his fare share of fond memories having Christmas dinners with his parents, but with the little family he had it wasn't anything to compete with Scout's. Surely not now, when he had absolutely no one left.

 

After dinner it had been decided that they were going to watch some sappy Christmas movie. Soon the big group had settled themselves on, near or next to the couch all silently watching the screen as nearly any one was still recovering from the big dinner their bodies were desperately trying to digest. A rather big part even fell asleep midway the movie and Sniper could see Scout fighting the sleepiness as well. His eyes drooping close every once in a while, but whenever James made an uneasy movement in his sleep (the kid had settled himself right next to Scout) the runner silently jolted back to reality. 

 

The marksman had to admit that he was left with a heavy feeling after eating so much, but to say he was tired would be a lie. No instead he had been feeling rather thirsty for a good hour now, but given his position and Scout threatening to fall asleep any second now, Sniper didn't dare to move. Eventually though, he lost. He had been waiting for the runner to fall asleep for half an hour without any result. Shifting his position slightly was quick to catch Scout's attention as the runner looked up with half lidded eyes from drowsiness. 

 

"'m just goin' to fetch some water real quick, ya need somethin'?" Sniper assured him. 

 

"Nah, 'm good." Came the mumbled reply before he snatched the pillow Sniper was leaning against and decided to use it for himself while the marksman was gone. Sniper tried his best to get up and leave the room as silently as possible as he only now noticed that literally every person except he and Scout had fallen asleep. It was a funny sight, one that came close to those nights where someone at the base gets the bright idea to watch TV together and then all end up falling asleep. Though the nine mercenaries stand no chance against the amount of people present there. 

 

Finally reaching the kitchen, Sniper tried to remember where Scout had pointed out any of the cups being. Looking around for a moment without really doing anything, Sniper felt like a right idiot for forgetting that quickly. Eventually he decided to try what seemed like the logical option, a cabinet the closest to the sink and as it turned out he had guessed right the marksman made quick work of it. 

 

"You findin' everythin'?" The sudden sound of someone talking startled Sniper due to its suddenness. Because everyone was asleep in the other room, Sniper had forgotten Scout's mother hadn't sat down to watch with them. Instead the little woman had shrugged it off, telling them that she'd rather clean the kitchen first than having to deal with it tomorrow. Of course everyone had offered to help her, but also that was shrugged off rather fast. 

 

"Err, y-yeah." The marksman answered awkwardly, trying to return the friendly smile Scout's mother was giving him.

 

"I hope you enjoyed Christmas with us a bit, I know things can get a bit chaotic, but guess that's the fun of havin' a big family, isn't it?" She chuckled and all Sniper really could do was chuckle with her. He had to say, he'd see little people do what Scout's mother did. Bringing up eight sons all on her own, working her butt off years on end while still trying to be the supportive mother any child needs. 

 

"I enjoyed it a lot. 'm really thankful for bein' able to spend the holidays here." 

 

"Ah sweetie don't worry 'bout that! You're such a polite and silent someone, I barely notice ya there!" If only he got a penny for every time someone had told him that. "Oh an' besides, I do believe I actually never thanked ya for what ya did." Sniper had never mind not being thanked for saving Scout because at the end of the day, that wasn't about the marksman saving Scout, but about the runner just surviving the ordeal in general. 

 

"That's really nothin' ya gotta be thankin' me for, 'm just glad Jeremy survoived." 

 

"Well he did 'cos o' you honey an' I'll forever be thankful for that. Ya saved ma little boy an' that's really all ya gotta do to win a mother's heart." Through the joke, the marksman knew she was being more serious than ever. "Now, Mick, I actually wanted to ask ya somethin' else as well." 

 

"'course go ahead." The marksman responded with a certain casualness, trying to hide the unpleasant feeling running through him. The moment someone tells you something like that, you just know there's shit on the horizon. 

 

"I know it ain't no secret that none o' ma boys grew up actually knowin' who their father's are an' of course that's the exact same for Jeremy, but... 'm a bit afraid that sooner or later he'll discover the truth an' even more afraid that he won't take it very well." She sighed deeply, her neatly polished nails brushing a few stray hairs behind her ear before looking back up at Sniper. "I do believe that I ain't wrong to assume that ya know what 'm talkin' 'bout... that ya know who his real father his considerin' Remy told it ya 'emself, but what I don't know is what ya gonna do with that information." Sniper felt bad for the look, that could only be described as begging, captive in her eyes. He understood her concern and it was remarkable to notice that Spy had been worrying about the exact same thing. Both these people really wanted nothing more than to protect their son and even though Sniper hated having to lie to Scout, he also didn't want to drive the runner into total insanity. "'m asking ya," She continued. "Don't tell 'em, because he's not goin' to take it well. He's always been very sesitive 'bout knowin' who his real father is an' if eventually it turns out that the one person he wanted nothin' but to know why he abandoned 'em is one of his colleagues... he's goin' to crash. He's already been through so much, I wanne spare 'em this... y'know, give 'em a break for once.." 

 

"Ya don't have to worry," Sniper firmly reassured her. "Spy has asked me the same and I ain't about to spill any tea. I mean, I hate havin' to lie to 'em, but somewhere I believe that it really is better this way." Hope had returned in the woman's blue gaze as a smile formed on her cherry red lips. Without hesitation she threw her arms around the marksman and squeezed him in a coy hug. 

 

"Thank you so much! You ain't got no idea how happy I am to know ya got the same opinion." She let go of the quick embrace, only to stare back at him with the most jovial look in her eyes. It was startling how Sniper agreeing to this alone had her acting so thankful. This clearly showed how years of trying to hide something crucial could really get to a person and somewhere Sniper was hoping it wouldn't do that with him too in the years to come. He knew it was foolish to think that maybe this would fade with time, that one day Scout would realise that it was no use wondering whose face was behind abandoning him and that he'd let it go. Yet he also knew that he couldn't expect that from the runner, that would be unfair. 

 

"Anyway Mick all the drama an' troubles aside, 'm real happy ma Jeremy found somethin' solid with someone like you, 'm really convinced you'll keep each other happy." Sniper was glad to hear that, he really was and somewhere he knew she was right. Despite their differences, unalike characters or divergent mindset, they both were exactly what was needed to balance the other one out. Scout could be joyful and energetic yet also moodier than a grey day, while Sniper was the more laid back, calm and composed one of the pair. His feelings tend to leave him whenever normal people would experience emotions, so a raw ball of energy and chaotic feelings like Scout was really all he needed. 

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm not real creative with the name for Scout's ma, lots of people have used the name Linda, but it just fits her so well. Also, I like to believe Spy's real name is "Remy" (or at least the name he has given to Scout's mother whether it's an alias or not) because it's basically Jeremy without the "Je" and, y'know, that could be yet another hint at Spy being Scout's dad
> 
> Anyway! Happy holidays to anyone reading this! I know Christmas is already over, but I'm still in time to wish y'all a Happy New year! Enjoy whatever you're going to do and remember to NEVER drink and drive! Stay safe!


	21. Seven Months Later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marking this as one of the quickest updates I've ever done... don't get used to it though..
> 
> Trigger warnings: Again maybe one or two mentions to Scout's suicide attempt, but that's it! Furthermore it should be trigger warning free!
> 
> Enjoy!

It was such a hot day and Scout was low-key thanking himself for being brave enough to decide to not wear a sweater for once. It was a huge difference in not only comfort but appearance as well and even though most of his teammates knew his situation by now, Scout could tell some like Heavy, Soldier, Demo or Engineer still had to hide their obvious concern when they saw the runner's arms. He didn't really mind though, he would be lying if he said that if he were in their place he wouldn't be doing the same thing and besides Scout wasn't an idiot. As hard as they fought their own will to not immediately shoot a glance at his arms or how much they suppressed the need to ask something about it, their nervousness gave them away anyhow. 

 

It had been seven months since Christmas and looking back on the time that had passed, Scout could firmly state that he was doing well. As a matter of fact, the runner dared to say that he was happy. Seven full months had fled by quicker than he ever thought possible and within that time Scout had resisted the urge to hurt himself time and time again, going so far even that sometimes he didn't feel like doing anything at all during a situation he normally would have. He still talked to Medic on the regular and even he told him that Scout had made great progress, reason enough to be proud of himself, which was something Sniper liked to remind him off. Every so often the marksman would casually tell him how proud he was and other times he'd ever so cautiously ask: "Ya know 'm real proud of ya roight?" either way the runner appreciated it. Though of course the two occasionally had their fits, every couple has, but nothing bad, nothing crucial that could have meant the end of them. It was fine, they were fine.. he was fine. 

 

The petrifying sound of Scout's pistol clicking due to a lack of bullets had the runner dodging for safety. Checking both his guns on ammo before deciding to pick a fight with the BLU Heavy would have been a better idea than ignorantly dashing into action without thinking. Now he was left with only his bat, knowing even seven swings of the thing wouldn't bring that bear of a man down. Though being aware that he was in a tremendous disadvantage, Scout still felt secure. Of course he did because he had the best back up plan probably aligning a shot right now to safe his ass! Any moment now, Scout told himself as he shifted on his feet, light as a fetter jumping from one spot to the other as he swung his bat managing to get a few hits on that bastard. Yeah Sniper was totally going to safe him, like... right now! Right now. You'll see, just a moment longer and he'd be just as secure as their briefcase was. 

 

It took Scout longer than it should to realise that by now Sniper normally would have made the shot. Say about Heavy what you want, he's strong and build to take more than a few hits, but next to that he was an incredibly easy target for the marksman. It was illogical that it hadn't happened yet, that Heavy wasn't lying dead on the floor with a part of his brains oozing out. That realisation hitting him so shamefully late, sadly enough came with a price. Heavy had fired of a few rounds of bullets and at least five of those had managed to hit the runner. Three in his arm and two in his side. This threw Scout off and after all these years of getting shot at, the runner would never quite get used to the shredding pain of a bullet penetrating his skin, but luckily for him one thing he had learned over time was how to put the pain aside for just a moment to push on. Gritting his teeth, Scout regained his footing and swung his bat over and over again. He performed enough resistance to keep Heavy busy for an enough amount of time for Pyro to walk by and notice the runner being in quite the trouble. With the fire breathing assisting him by setting Heavy aflame, Scout managed to escape and watch from a safe distance how the Russian burned to death. 

 

"Thanks Py! I owe ya one!" Scout called meekly, meanwhile noticing his health declining. Shooting his thumb up towards Pyro before taking off towards the respawn room to use a health kid and get new bullets, Scout couldn't help but wonder why Sniper hadn't helped him. Maybe they hadn't been in a good position? Had there been too much risk in hitting Scout instead of Heavy? Probably. There had to be a logical reason because the marksman had saved him enough in such a situations for Scout to know that he wouldn't just watch him die. 

 

Arriving at spawn Scout was quick to patch himself up. Little could beat the refreshing feeling coursing through your veins when you regained maximum health, it makes you feel alive and your entire body buzzes with electricity. While reloading both his guns, the sound of a door opening behind him had him turning around to see which unlucky bastard had returned from spawn. Though as he stood eye to eye with a clearly vexed Sniper, the runner frowned in confusion. 

 

"Wow, what happened to ya Snipes? Not really used to seein' you goin' through respawn." 

 

"Me neither." The marksman said, trying to suppress the irritation in his voice. "Bloody Spy's doin'." 

 

"What happened?" Scout could tell sniper was beyond agitated, which only ever meant that he was not doing well on the battlefield. 

 

"The BLU Spy tried to sneak up on me again," Immediately explains why he wasn't there to take Heavy down. "has been loike the seventh toime so far and I was bloody sure I was prepared to attack 'em this toime before he could me."

 

"An' it didn't work out?" Poor Sniper, that Spy was going to be the actual death of him one day. How hard the marksman tried, fighting off that Frenchman was always going to be a struggle whether he prepared or even outright waited for that bastard to return or not.

 

"Not really. I mean I managed to dodge his attack and he moine and we fought for a bit but then.." Sniper sighed deep, casting his eyes towards the sky as if pleading for mercy. Scout knew that gesture, it meant the marksman was ashamed and still experiencing after burn from it. 

 

"Then what...?"

 

"Well I wasn't payin' attention to my surroundin's really and I... I fell down from the bloody nest loike some sort of moron. Bet Spy's havin' a great laugh roight now." The runner felt some sort of loving compassion sting through his heart while looking up at the disappointed marksman. Sniper could be so hard for himself when it came to his profession and this event was sure to haunt him for weeks to come, because the moment something happens to Sniper he's quick to label it as embarrassing instead of cutting himself some slack from time to time. 

 

"Oh c'mon Snipes." Scout tried as he took a step closer. "Don't tell me a minor set back's gonna throw ya off your game? That nest's a serious drop, someone fallin' down from there was bound to happen anyway! It could have happened to anyone. Don't be so hard on yourself." The runner adjusted the collar from Sniper's polo, straightening it before continuing. "Look at it this way. If someone else from the team was so unlucky to fall down from there, ya would indeed think that's embarrassin', but does that mean it's their fault? Or, when ya go to sleep is that really still somethin' you're thinkin' 'bout? No an' believe me Snipes, later when the BLU Spy hits the hay he ain't goin' to be thinkin' 'bout how ya fell down from there, chances are he already forgot 'bout it then." Looking up Scout smiled at Sniper only to finally get a smirk in return. The marksman was ultimately getting rid of his rigid composure, slowly relaxing thanks to Scout's sweet talking. 

 

"Hey how 'bout this!" Scout suddenly proposed. "Get your bow an' arrow and we'll go out there together! That way ya don't gotta climb all the way back up the nest, whaddaya say?" He could sense the hesitation in Sniper's expression, in the way his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth quirked into an uneasy smile only serving to stretch time so the marksman had more of it to think. 

 

"I-I don't know... I haven't really practised anymore and it's been ages since 've been that close to combat.." 

 

"Snipes don't stand there actin' like you ain't gonna be able to shoot a bow just 'cos ya haven't done it for a while. It may be a bit gettin' used to it in the start, but ya will be fine! An' besides I'll be right there too!" He really tried to push the manner and that for multiple reasons. Scout had been thinking about an idea as such for some time now, but never had it been a good moment to execute it and being able to keep an eye out on Sniper whilst he's in such a mood didn't sound like the worst thing to be capable of right now. They'd make an awesome team, he was certain of that!

 

The marksman looked over at his locker and then back at Scout, the expression in his eyes giving away those few moments of pondering before he sighed and nodded his head. 

 

"Alroight, alroight. Besoides the battle's nearly over anyway, but don't be surpoised if I ain't anny help, okay?" 

 

"I doubt that Snipes!" Scout said as he gave Sniper a push in the back to send him on his way towards his locker. Sniper just snorted and set the last few steps necessary to reach the thing and replace his prized sniper rifle with a dark brown, with patterns in carved bow and a quiver of the same colour filled with arrows. The marksman threw the bag over his shoulder, making sure it would stay were it needed to be while running or moving around as he held the bow in a tight grip. It was clear as day that he was still rather uneasy or reluctant about this, but Scout dared to bet fifty bux that he'd find the fun in it again. 

 

As they made their way towards the exit of respawn, Scout was desperately hoping that things would go well and that Sniper would gain some confidence from doing this. The marksman's self praise was sad as shit sometimes, despite him admitting he was a professional from time to time Scout was convinced the marksman didn't even realise how good he actually was and that he outdid the other Sniper by ten miles. He had seen what Sniper could do with a bow before, so he knew he had little to worry about. 

 

And faith only seemed to prove him right as, the second the two left respawn, the BLU Soldier charged at them it took as much time for him to shoot in action as it was needed for an arrow to puncture his skull. The moment passed rapidly, even Scout couldn't keep up. Wasn't he supposed to be the quick one here?

 

"H-holy shit! Straight bulls eye right there! More o' that Snipes!" The runner commented enthusiastically as he dashed on, cocking his shotgun as he saw the BLU Medic up a head. That bastard wouldn't even know what happened once they were done with him. "I'll distract 'em from above, you finish 'em off!" Knowing he didn't had to double check whether the marksman had gotten the command or not, Scout sprinted off towards the little hill next to their unknowing target. Once convinced he climbed it high enough to get Medic by surprise, the runner jumped off of the edge, repeatedly shooting at Medic as he saw the German scramble to react. Despite his horrible aim that was to blame on his body reaction out of panic, still one of those drug induced syringes managed to hit the runner while he was in mid - air. In return, however, Scout watched two of his own shots creating ugly wounds on the Germans shoulder and chest and the second he landed as lightly as he always would, an arrow struck right through the doctor's heart to finish it off. 

 

"Fuckin' A man!" Scout couldn't help but say as he went to retrieve Sniper's arrow for him. The squishing sound that accompanied the action of Scout pulling out the arrow from Medic's corpse made him cringe and the amount of blood that oozed out afterwards really didn't help, but he was more amazed by how well that kill had gone than at how much that was bothering him.

 

"Not bad indeed." Sniper grinned as he took the bloodied arrow from him, placing it back on his bow for another kill. "Are you okay though? Saw Medic managed to hit ya." 

 

"Oh that?" The runner gestured at the syringe penetrating his arm. He swiftly pulled it out, really not feeling any effects from it. "Nothin' to worry 'bout, he needed lots more o' that to get me down!" 

 

The sudden battle scream of the BLU Demo charging at them with his sword had the two sharing a questioning look for about a second before they both dodged the oncoming attack. The Scot stumbled forwards, dazzled by the fact that he hadn't managed to get anyone during that charge. Turning around, his brown eyes were flaming with anger enough to tell the pair that this was not going to be easy. Demo was quick to attack again, picking Scout as his first target as he swung his sword violently his way. Scout dodged as best as he could, every time the sword nearly beheaded him he'd take another step backwards. Eventually, as yet another swig failed to hit him, Demo changed his grip on the sword and tried to stab the runner in the abdomen. Ducking away, Scout managed to get behind the Scot and delivered a hard kick to his back before shooting him once in the leg and missing his shot to the neck. Trying again, Scout got a lot closer to the squirming Scot, taking more time to align his shot and actually prove to himself that he had some sense of accuracy. But while Scout was too deep into worrying what the marksman might think of his bally shooting, Demo had taken advantage of an heedless Scout, pulling at his leg to get him down on the ground as well. They struggled for a bit, but given that Demo was a good few pounds heavier than Scout, the runner knew he was closer to losing than he was to winning. Though suddenly, right after Demo had managed to wack him in the jaw, Scout felt blood splatters on his face as he was merely inches away from the pointy end of an arrow sticking right through Demoman's eye socket. The runner's face contorted into discomfort, seeing an eye stick out like that really wasn't helping him holding his breakfast in, but it had done the job on saving him. 

 

Sniper held out a hand to get the runner back onto his feet after he tore the arrow, he had stabbed Demo himself with by the way, from the Scot's head. Again the marksman was rapid to ask him if he was okay and Scout dismissed it easily, he was fine really, but apparently that wasn't enough for the marksman as he cupped the runner's jaw and examined it. 

 

"That's gonna bruise." 

 

"No shit, hun." That had slipped out quicker than he thought it would and for a second there Scout almost felt the ground beneath him shift as he swore he could faint. That was embarrassing, yet somewhere it really wasn't. In the ten months these two had been together so far, Scout had no other pet name than "Snipes" which really has little to it considering he's been calling Sniper that since the beginning of Fortress. It's just so much easier and nicer to say. Anyway, of course he had been thinking about something and he knew it was okay since Sniper occasionally called him "love", yet it never seemed to be the best occasion to start with it. And now the moment was gone and of course Scout was convinced he blew it. What was a better moment than being out on the battlefield in the middle of a fight while your face is covered with blood from your previous foe? Real romantic alright. 

 

"Aw how cute, ya foinally found a pet name for me?" 

 

"Well, we've been together for ten months now, figured I could call ya somethin'? For all I know that's just called havin' manners." Scout joked as he rubbed his face to get rid of the blood that hadn't dried up yet. God had it really been ten months already? That was nearly a year, only two more months to go and somewhere Scout really couldn't believe so much time had passed so damn quickly. "An' besides you've been callin' me 'love' for a long while now, wouldn't want people startin' to think I don't care or some- Oh!" Scout suddenly interrupted himself, pointing a finger across the cracked dry dessert ground towards the enemy Pyro barrelling out their way without seeming to be aware of their presence. 

 

"Looks like our next target." Scout stated. "Get 'em tiger." The marksman gave a playful roll of his eyes before pulling the string of his bow back and firing off one simple shot that served as more of a warning as it hit Pyro's shoulder instead of skull. This time using his pistol, Scout grimaced deadly before darting out when it was his queue to go. Neatly escaping flames as if it were nothing, Scout got the upper hand on cornering the fire bug and putting him to sleep with a few bullets to the head. See, he could aim if he really wanted to. 

 

Walking back Scout kind off realised he had just rather rudely cut off their conversation, but you can't stand still on the battlefield. That's a luxury only provided by the nest, here you get attacked left and right and before you now it you're dead. Though as he didn't catch a look of irritation or impatience on Sniper's face, he knew it wouldn't be too much of a problem.

 

Scout was about to shout something, yet another comment on how great things were going because he couldn't help how enthusiastic and alive it was making him feel, as he suddenly watched Sniper string his bow pointing it at Scout. For a second there, the runner halted to a stop. Had Sniper forgotten who he's supposed to attack or?

 

"Duck!" The marksman suddenly ordered. Knowing he had no time for asking what the hell was going on, the runner did exactly that feeling the wind and hearing the sound of an arrow whizzing past him. Sudden horrifying gurgling sounds indicated the arrow hitting it's target and as Scout turned around he watched how the BLU Spy fell on his knees, arrow sticking promptly through his throat. The frenchman's eyes were big, panic visible within every inch as he grabbed at the arrow and stupidly tried to pull it out, as if that was going to provide something. Eventually he collapsed and that was that. The temporarily end of the BLU Spy. 

 

"Fuck." Scout breathed, taken aback by how gruesome that had been. And here he was remembering that he always thought bows and arrows were lame, yeah he'd definitely change that opinion. Finally realising that he was on a battlefield and that he had no time to be amazed by every single shot Sniper fired, the runner scrambled to his feet. Remembering to bring the arrow with him, Scout ignored the unavoidable gut wrenching sounds as he pulled it out before returning. 

 

"Looks like that Spy will think twice before he bothers ya again! See no need to think he'll have a laugh at ya for fallin' from the nest, 'cos now you are the one who can have a laugh at 'em." The runner nudged Sniper's side, hoping his point would come across and that he'd finally allow himself to think for just this once, that falling earlier maybe hadn't been as embarrassing as he thought it was. 

 

"Suppose, 'm just glad he didn't manage to get a kill on ya before I shot 'em, that mongrel can be too quick sometoimes." 

 

"Aw how sweet, lookin' out for me an' all." Scout's words were laced with a thick layer of sarcasm and as he watched a mischievous side smirk creep onto the Aussie's face he knew he was about to get some witty response in return. 

 

"Well luv, ya obviously weren't lookin' out for yourself and even if ya were, I doubt you would have hit 'em... I mean, such a distance makes for a difficult target." The runner suddenly gasped loudly from the insincere insult, punching his shoulder harsher than he usually would. So the marksman had been keeping watch on his accuracy, god fucking damn it that's embarrassing!

 

"Oh oh really? 'm sorry ma accuracy is botherin' ya mister 'I can shoot the dust off of ya shoes', if ya know it so damn well, why don't ya teach me how it's done, huh?" 

 

"No no," Sniper was quick to correct himself. "truth is 'm bloody terrible with shotguns, pistols or basically anythin' that ain't a rifle or a bow. Ya wouldn't learn a thing from me, awfully sorry." Scout crossed his arms over his chest, setting up the same posture he always would whenever he felt like being a smart ass. 

 

"What a joke! An' here you are havin' a laugh 'bout ma perfectly fine," He empathized loudly for both their amusement, his finger poking the marksman's chest. "accuracy while in fact ya know jack shit 'bout it yourself!" 

 

"I know." Sniper admitted with a shrug and a soft smile. Seeing that expression, even though Scout couldn't quite put his finger on it, the markman's features softer than ever and just... loving, it had the runner's heart jolting. There was just something about this man that had Scout flustered by the littlest things he did, something that had the habit of occasionally reminding him that he truly loved that man and if he had to compare in what horrible place he was maybe a year ago to now, he couldn't believe how lucky he had been. As if someone or something up there actually took a moment to realise that for all those years life had been kicking him down harsher than ever and that it was time for tides to turn. Despite his self harm or that dreading suicide attempt, Scout wouldn't want to change a thing about the past year. Next to being the most terrifying year in his life, it had been the best one as well. He had gained something he never knew he needed, but knew he'd never would want to give away ever again. That something being the socially awkward, self conscious, caring marksman who loved him. Honestly, he didn't need anything else. 

 

It was midway him facing out that Scout snapped back, only hearing too little to make any sense out of what Sniper had been talking about. If he had to guess, Sniper had probably been trying to discuss a way to get the BLU's intelligence and since the runner had been occupying his thoughts with being the gay little thing he is rather than actually listening, he knew he'd have to shamefully ask for Sniper to repeat himself. Scout knew the marksman didn't mind, it wasn't the first time the runner faced out during a conversation, yet Scout still hated asking it anyway. Over the years different people had distinct reactions. Some smiled and repeated whatever they had been talking about even if it meant going back ten minutes into the conversation, other's frowned staring annoyingly at Scout before repeating it anyway and then you had the people who got mad and refused to repeat themselves. Fucking assholes if you asked Scout, as if having to rehearse whatever they had said was going to take away fifteen years of their lives. 

 

Though right as Scout was about ready to ask what Sniper had been talking about, something strangely terrifying caught his eye. Out of nowhere, a blue dot started migrating down Sniper's hat until it stopped it's travel right between the markman's eyes. Of course Sniper himself was oblivious about what the hell was going on, but Scout on the other hand needed a second before he realised what was happening or better, what was going to happen if he didn't do a thing. It occurred so suddenly, out of the blue Scout sprung into action as he, seconds before a shot was fired, shoved Sniper aside and down to the ground before he might have been killed. The marksman's head hat hit the ground rather harshly and his hat had fallen off, but considering the somewhat shaky "thanks" he gave Scout, he was grateful either way. Staying low however, Scout looked back up trying to find wherever the BLU Sniper might be shooting from. 

 

"If we ever wanne be able to get to the BLU's base we gotta take 'em out first." Scout whispered, suddenly far more serious than he had been not even moments ago. 

 

"Wot do ya suggest?" The marksman asked, suddenly as serious as his partner was, both totally back in game modus, meanwhile making a small effort to get his hat back. 

 

"Hmm," The runner noised, his eyes roaming freely over the dusty battlefield. "that path over there lead towards the stairs to the BLU's nest, so if we manage to get there without dyin', he'd be unable to see us." It was a funny sight, both of them crouching, game faces on and weapons in a tight grip, but God forbid if they'd give their perfect streak away now. They shared a look, then a nod and that was enough for the two of them to know what to do. Scout would lead the way and if they'd get in any trouble before reaching the path, Sniper would be right there to take out whoever was preventing them trying to reach their goal. 

 

Today RED would cry victory, something these two were about to personally guarantee. 

**********************

It didn't happen a lot, but from time to time Sniper would agree on staying in the base rather than immediately retreating into his camper after the fight. If he had to be honest, Scout enjoyed staying behind, listening and (of course and mostly) talking with the rest of the team about the previously fought battle, how much BLU sucked and the lazy jokes they'd share about their doppelgangers. Though he knew that Sniper was more keen on privacy, so he wouldn't force him into it even though he knew he'd stay either way if Scout asked. 

 

Today, however, Scout had asked and of course the marksman had agreed. He actually seemed rather positive about it this time for whatever reason, so the runner was quick to take advantage of that. 

 

It was remarkable to see that everyone had decided to stay. Pyro and Demo were playing a video game, Soldier had just left the room but that not without loudly promising to return quickly and Heavy and Medic were talking about books with Engineer and Spy next to them, discussing better and quicker ways to sap sentries and destroy any piece of equipment the BLU Engineer would set up.

 

As he and Sniper decided to sit down on one of the couches, watching the unknown to them video game Pyro and Demo were feverishly playing, it was the first time Scout realised something. Even though it had been seven months ago, after they had returned from Boston Engineer and Spy seemed to be getting along better. Usually the hardhat was rarely seen talking to the Frenchman. Next to the similar discussions like they had right now, those who provided nothing more than much needed survival tactics, Engineer stayed out of Spy's business just like anyone else. But as off lately it had become a bizarre sight not seeing them together, even now Scout could hear them making jokes together and laughing almost like actual... friends. He wondered what had happened during the holiday break for such a dramatic shift to occur. Though he had to admit that it was nice. Spy had proven to not be the asshole everyone thought he was over the past few months, actually being way more approachable and friendly than usual, so he really deserved a friend like Engineer.

 

Scout and Sniper just had gotten comfortable, with the runner using the marksman's lap as a pillow and Sniper rubbing soothing circles on his arm, Soldier marched back into the room. Looking around and calling out Scout's name once when he had failed on finding him, Scout turned his head, sharing a confused look with Sniper before sitting up and gaining Soldier's attention. 

 

"What's up?" The patriot looked even more confused than he usually does as he stalked over towards the couch. Pointing a finger towards the door he just entered the room from, Soldier firmly spoke.

 

"There is someone at the door for you." Well that was odd. Nobody ever had company like that. If a family member who knew about Fortress visited, they were capable of just walking in there. Other people, some lost soul who ended up there or a delivery guy who accidently drove out to the middle of the dessert instead of someplace else, mostly ended up biting a bullet or getting their mind erased, considering no one from the outside world was allowed to know about RED nor about BLU. The runner was hoping it wasn't some unlucky guy or girl, because he was about done being one of the last things someone saw before experiencing consequences. You really wouldn't expect it, but this happened far more often than it should and each and every single freaking time Scout was the one opening the door. 

 

"Did they actually ask for me Solly? Or do ya just not want to deal with this again?" The patriot shook his head, his helmet amusingly shifting with it. 

 

"Negative, they specifically asked for you." Scout sighed, chances were one of his brothers (his money was on Tommy) had drove out to visit him and since none of them had ever been here before, those morons hadn't had the first clue on what to do. Then again, maybe it was his mother who tended to use the front door pure out politeness. No matter how much you told her it was okay to use the back, she'd excuse herself for the bother and claim for about the hundred time that that's the way she'd been raised. Precious. 

 

"Ya want me to come with ya?" Sniper mumbled when Soldier had left after watching Scout rise from the couch.

 

"Nah, it's probably one o' ma brother's or ma, y'know, they ain't real good with the whole visitin' policy here." Scout chuckled to himself before placing a hand on the back of the couch and another on the seat itself to support his weight before he leaned down again, giving Sniper a peck on the cheek. "I'll be right back, alright?" The marksman nodded, smiling though Scout knew despite him trying hard, that Sniper was worried. Of course he was, he always is. 

 

The front door of the base, if you could even call it a front door, was a stone's throw away from the REC room. Burying his hands in his pocket, lazy strolling onwards, Scout thought to himself why someone bothered to visit him. It was mid July, no holidays were coming up, his birthday was still some time away and nothing had happened here nor at home for there to be a reason for a visit. But, what else could it be? It couldn't be the postman, Scout hadn't ordered anything and besides Soldier knows who that is. The patriot wouldn't be using "they" pronouns if he recognized the person at the door.

 

But then again, Soldier knows Scout's mother by now as well, so... she's ruled out. 

 

Freddy maybe or Johnny? Someone else there to brag about their family or beg for a place to stay because they fucked up. Had something happened to James? Was Tommy the person waiting for him at the door? God he had no idea and it was starting to eat away at him. He hated tension, he can't function under it.

 

Finally reaching the door, Scout grabbed the doorknob far quicker and harsher than he normally would. Just so little about this made sense, the more he thought about it, the less likely it was for one of his family members to be there. 

 

Holding onto it for just a moment longer, Scout finally gained enough pluck to actually open it. Though seeing who it was, the runner realised that he was not ready for this, very far from actually.

 

Every nerve in his body froze and he felt his heart throb in his ears as he stared right into those same acid green eyes he'd never expected to see again. His breath was caught in his throat, feeling that familiar suffocating knod in his chest as a slight tremble aggressively ran through him. Eventually, however, after staring hopelessly and realising that yes, this was actually happening, Scout anxiously spoke.

 

"E-evan..?" 

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone who might be wondering; 
> 
> Freddy and Johnny are both random names I made up for two of Scout's brothers. With Freddy being the eldest, Johnny the third eldest and Tommy the second youngest (but everybody and their mothers use that name, so again I'm not real creative there) I actually made up names for all the brothers with the stupid yet laughable trope of all the names ending on "y", considering that happens to both the names Jeremy and Tommy
> 
> Thought that would be fun to mention. Anyway! I'm going off to sleep now, I'm freaking tired. Goodnight guys!


	22. One Step Too Far

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For if anyone would be wondering why these updates are 'quicker' than usual, first off I'm on my last day of winter break, so I had a lot of time to write and second, I've been walking around thinking about these chapters for sooooooo freaking long now and I'm so freaking glad I finally have them typed out. But yeah, school's starting again tomorrow, so I'm afraid there will be more time between chapters from now on again
> 
> Anyhow, time for tigger warnings: Alright, there is an actual selfharm scene in this chapter, so please if you know it'll effect you badly, I beg you to respect your own boundries and click away, okay? Next to that there is one reference to Scout's suicide attempt and Evan's talking is just as disturbing as it has always been so far
> 
> Enjoy!

Scout couldn't remember the last time he had been this paralysed out of fear. He couldn't move, as much as he begged himself to do something, nothing worked. As if everything Evan had ever done to him was clustering together, repeating past actions, rehearsing long spoken words and insults. This couldn't be true, there was no single way that this was reality. He must be sleeping! Yes that's it, just yet another one of those nasty dreams fucking with his sanity. But the longer the runner stared in shock, the sooner he realised that.. no, this wasn't a dream. Evan was there, after all those years and in all honesty, Scout had no idea what to do. 

 

"Hi there... Scout." Hearing his codename slip from that snake's tongue made for a dazzled emotion to mix with all the rest. How the hell did he know that? Was it written on his forehead, didn't fucking think so and there was no way Evan could read it from his dog tags considering they were tucked underneath the hem of his shirt. Scout couldn't bring himself to speak, couldn't force himself to get up in Evan's face and ask what in the honest fuck he was doing here. No all he could do was stand there, shivering and twitching, inaudible as if he had lost his tongue. 

 

"Oh c'mon babe, I had expected ya to be way more enthusiastic to see me, y'know?" 

 

"Wh-wha," Scout stuttered nervously. How could this happen? This prick was about one of the only things in the entire world to get the notorious loud mouth of the crew in a position like this. Stuttering, scared and hating himself all over again for turning into this mess. Wasn't he supposed to show how strong he was? How well he had been doing without Evan? But, truth be told, it really wasn't about all that, because at the end of the day Evan was still the person who had done all those things to him. He wasn't just an ex you try to outdo by ending up in a relationship with someone 'richer' or 'better looking' than them, starting a new life would never be able to wipe away the trauma. Yes, you learn to live with it, you conquer it... but it doesn't disappear. 

 

"Wh-wha-wwwhat?" Evan mockingly repeated upon taking a step closer and doing exactly what Scout couldn't; getting in the other's face. In defence, Scout took a step backwards, casting his gaze downwards while harshly clenching his jaw. All of this was doing a great job on hurling him back into every single toxic memory he had, he could remember little moments in which it didn't go like this and boy was it making him angry how, after everything he went through, history was just casually repeating itself. Forcing himself to stand his ground, Scout stood frozen like a statue prohibiting himself to make another step backwards, no matter how close Evan got. 

 

Cautiously trailing his gaze upwards, yet again locking eyes with the acid green gaze before him, Scout finally found his tongue. 

 

"What... what the hell are ya doin' here..?" It was awkward, muttered and any ounch of determination was far from noticeable, but he had finally said something and that was honestly more than he expected himself to do. 

 

"Oh just payin' ya a visit Jer. After all those years I thought it would be time to catch up a bit." Evan took yet another step closer, really pushing the boundaries of Scout's personal space. "I missed ya a lot." He whispered and even though that made Scout cringe so hard it physically hurt him, he was certain to stay as strong as he could. Bravely staring Evan down now, Scout managed a witty reply.

 

"Shame, I didn't you." The second after Scout said that, Evan's expression darkened. Giving him the exact same look he usually wore before hitting or hurting Scout in any sort of way. It was sad how the runner remember such a details, but you learn how to seek out little reactions, indications telling you that you're about to get it. Flinching upon seeing that, the corners of Evan's mouth shot upwards only serving to make his expression more unsettling. 

 

"Nice try, really, but I see you're still just as scared o' me as ya were four years ago. I dunno what you've been tellin' yourself, but you still ain't any better than a washed up, pathetic lil' whore who can't stand up for 'emself. Spare yourself the trouble on tryin' to be somethin' you aren't, alright babe?" 

 

"S-stop fuckin' callin' me that.." He said after swallowing thickly, those snaring insults still felt like blades against his skin and with Evan staring daggers at him, Scout felt himself suffocating. 

 

"Why not? It ain't 'cos ya ever so 'bravely' ran away from me, that it doesn't mean you ain't mine anymore." Yet another step was taken and Scout had to gather every ounce of strength to not set one back. Trying to control his breathing, the runner soon realised he was losing the battle against the unsteady rhythm his chest wanted to take. Panic was oozing within him, slowly at first and then all at once, Evan was just... too close... t-too close... far too close.

 

Before Scout could reply, sporting an attempt he knew would be futile on trying to reclaim his own life, he noticed Evan's gaze shifting and looking at something entirely different now. Scout was trying to unravel where exactly his gaze was going to, but as he suddenly felt a warm clammy hand grabbing onto his arm and forcing it upwards, his heart stopped. 

 

His scars, Evan had noticed his scars. Of course he had! For the one time Scout allowed himself to not wear a stuffy sweater when it was like ninety degrees outside, this freak had to walk back into his life and see his Godforsaken battlefield like arms.

 

"What the fuck is this?" Evan asked with a harsh, unfriendly, hostile voice. "Missed me hurtin' ya so bad that ya started doin' it to yourself or?" Hearing Evan say that made Scout feel unclean and filthy. Even though he knew better than anyone else that that wasn't the reason he had started cutting himself, Scout couldn't help but to feel the urge to scrub both his arms, as if he'd be able to wash away the scars, the dirt.. himself. Though right as Scout had managed to somewhat relax his tight throat to say something, Evan yet again moved on. Letting his eyes roam the runner's left arm until he saw that scar, the ghost of his suicide attempt. "Oh look at that one. It's a bit different from the rest, ain't it? Perhaps a reaction to seein' ma site some time ago? When ya couldn't do anythin' else than to realise what a dirty slut you are?" 

 

Scout really couldn't handle the way Evan was talking about his scars, examining them as if he was proud of what Scout had done to himself. The insults, the painful truth and that gaze soon all becoming too much. Though what usually would make him collapse, now turned into something else. Slowly anger was brewing within him, the tremble in his arms and legs for once being from suppressed vexation instead of fear. He had enough, Evan was not going to do this to him. Not while he was on his way to healing, not when his life was finally getting shape again. 

 

"Y-you fuckin' asshole..." 

 

"Excuse me princess? 'fraid I didn't catch that." 

 

"Ya heard me!" Scout suddenly shouted, tearing his arm out of Evan's grip and snapping his head up to give him the most blood filled gaze he could manage. "Fuck you! Fuck you right to hell!" He chanted, suddenly pushing Evan as far back as he could manage while being in this sudden state of resentment. "You ain't fuckin' shit, ya hear me?! 'm so tired of you, I hate you with everythin' I have! Even after all these years ya can't leave me alone! Day after day I find myself fuckin' thinkin' 'bout you and it's drivin' me insane! It makes me want to rip ma hair out, f-fuck you!" His voice cracked towards the end of the sentence, the pressure of these pent up emotions becoming too much for him to bear. Being pushed like that made for an angered confusion to shine in Evan's eyes, only telling Scout he never expected such a resistance. 

 

Right as Scout was about ready to start another yelling fit, he heard rapid footsteps coming down the hall, ever so politely reminding him of the fact that they were dangerously close to the rest of the team. Even though their conversation was taking place outside, Scout's yelling had been loud enough to even entertain the BLU team. So it was no surprise that someone (but judging at the sound of the footsteps probably two people) had come to take a look see on what the fuck was going on. Hearing the base door creek, Scout turned his back to see who had been alarmed by his outburst. It was no surprise to see Sniper come through that door, but the more remarkable part of it was the Frenchman following after him. 

 

"Wot the bloody hell are you doin' here?!" There was a threatening hum in Sniper's voice, one so angry and low Scout doubted he ever heard it before, not even during battle. 

 

"Oh look! It's the tall guy with his lil' friend the croissant! So nice seein' you two!" 

 

"Creative Evan, very creative." Spy commented, eyes half lidded with annoyance as he took a drag from his cigarette as if it didn't bother him that the very guy they tortured all those months back was standing before them. "Explain," He went on far too casual. "how did you end up here?"

 

"Oh you're gonna like this Frenchie." Evan chuckled darkly. "But yeah some time ago, think 'bout two weeks now, I noticed someone... followin' me." Scout caught a minor, barely noticeable, shift in Spy's expression upon hearing that. "First I thought it was just one o' ma neighbours not havin' anythin' better to do, but when he kept on followin' me all through the week, I knew somethin' was up. So one day, after I returned home, I yet again notice the same freakin' guy followin' me as if it wasn't real obvious that he was there. So I went up to 'em, asked what the fuck kind a business he had followin' me an' when he tried to lie to me, I knocked 'em unconscious." As Evan was explaining the tail, Scout really had no clue where this was leading to. The only way he ever thought Evan would find him was if that freak threatened one of his family members and got the information that way. "It didn't take long to get 'em to talk y'know?" Evan continued. "He was quite sensitive, 'cos a couple o' punches already had 'em spillin' information as if his life depended on it. That's what ya get for leavin' lose ends, croissant, without your help I wound have never found this place!"

 

"Ya still had your bloody minions spyin' on 'em?!" Scout heard Sniper ask confused, borderline angry. 

 

"What else was I suppose to do bushman? We both knew there was a very likely chance he would survive the ordeal, how could I let such a threat go unsupervised?" The Frenchman was quick to defend himself, only adding to the useless bickering the two engaged in. 

 

"Ladies, ladies! C'mon now, no need to fight like that. It was an honest mistake, alright? Now, if you two would be so polite to leave us the hell alone, that would be nice." Balling his fist, Sniper's expression soon turned dark. The marksman took a few steps forward, probably to show who should be the one leaving here. Though Scout was quick to stop him, placing a hand on the marksman's chest before speaking.

 

"No Snipes, it's fine. Ya don't need to leave, but I - I can do this myself, alright?" He looked up, catching Sniper's gaze in an expression that tried nothing else but to tell him that everything would be fine. He could to this and with both Sniper and Spy being present, he felt more secure and ready to speak. 

 

Hearing Sniper set back the few steps he had already taken whilst grumbling something incoherent under his breath, Scout turned back to Evan, his expression still as blood filled as it was before. This was going to end, today he'd finally get a chance to say all the things he had been forced to keep to himself. Every comeback, every insult that had been sitting in his mind months, years after departing ways with Evan finally coming to use. He had it up to here with this guy. Though before going ham in calling Evan every dirty name in the book, Scout wanted to ask a question that had been bothering him for a very long time now.

 

"Why me?" Scout bit out his words, every syllable laced with a thick layer of venom. "Why, out o' everyone, had it to be me?" Even took some time to react, a nasty sharp smile lingering in his expression before he spoke the all too short and powerful response that would be sure to only further and worsen Scout's furious state. 

 

"'cos you were so easy." 

 

"No, dipshit, 'cos I was confused! Ya took advantage o' me only 'cos ya damn well knew I'd barely notice in the start! Actin' like this nice guy you really aren't only to rapidly change in the true snake you'll always be! 'course it was real easy to shackle me like that, why not pick out the one guy who never knew his dad an' therefore had to feel like he ain't shit?! Like he wasn't worth anythin' else than people walkin' out on 'em. I was weak, yeah, that's true an' when some sneaky son o' a bitch walks into ma life claimin' he knows what it's like bein' me, only to butcher an' handle me like freakin' clay later it ain't no surprise things went the way they did." The runner was beyond enraged, pointing accusatory fingers as he explained the heart wrenching situation. "Just 'cos ya have the opportunity to walk all over someone, don't mean ya gotta take it! I never asked to be handled like that, y'know?!" Scout was breathing harshly, shaking with anger as he yelled his voice soar with insults and rhetorical questions. It had been years since being confronted with all this, with his weakness and the all around fact that his sexuality and lack of a father figure in his life had gotten him into this mess in the first place. Year after year, time and time again Scout regretted how delicate he had been, how easily he had let his guard down for Evan, but he also knew that keeping a grudge on himself for that wasn't going to help him get rid of the main problem here. All he could do was avenge his mistake and come back twice as strong. 

 

"Ya know I loved ya Jeremy.." Evan's behaviour suddenly changed, taking a drastic turn, also another thing Scout had cared to remember about him. Evan only ever had two sort of reactions. One being him getting mad and handling a situation that wasn't benefitting him by hurting Scout, the other one was suddenly being 'friendly', using words and manipulating Scout into thinking that maybe Evan wasn't that bad of a guy after all. He knew better now. Managing to be congenial from time to time wasn't going to help him get rid of his title as abuser. 

 

"Well ya had a very funny way o' showin' it! Ya manipulated me, a-abused me!" Scout tripped over the word, he really didn't expect himself to be this straight forward, but it was time for someone to call this fucker out, to give him a taste of his own medicine. "An' every single fuckin' day you lied to me, I don't know 'bout you, but I have a whole different definition o' lovin' someone than you seem to have." 

 

"Ya really think 'm the only person who ever fuckin' lied to ya?" Evan spit out, making it sound like Scout was an idiot for saying what he had said. He hadn't meant it that way, of course Scout knew more people in his past and present had lied to him, but that wasn't the goddamn point. The runner had no idea where Evan was trying to go with this, but so far he wasn't making any sense, but then again, when did he ever?

 

"What the hell are ya talkin' 'bout? 'course I know people lie, but that ain't ma point! What? Are ya tryin' to tell me these two," Scout mentioned towards Sniper and Spy behind him. "lied to me? 'cos I know they paid ya a visit some time back." Suddenly it was Scout's turn to sport a wicked grin. "I mean, I know what happened, 'cos I would have offered ya a seat, but 'm guessin' that would hurt." Making another movement with his hand, downwards this time, Scout had to suppress laughing as he saw Evan's expression twitching with shame and hearing both Sniper and Spy snorting out a laugh themselves wasn't helping Scout at all with trying to stay somewhat serious. It really came as a surprise to him that no one, despite everyone knowing, had made some witty joke about Evan's situation. About the cold hard fact that he had... lost something and Scout was catching himself thinking of a million different insults as, out of nowhere, Evan made a loud irritated growl before trying to regain a grip on the situation and the people standing before him. 

 

"Yeah! Yeah I was talkin' 'bout those two fuckers over there, but I ain't talkin' 'bout that moment." Yet again chuckling as if he were a mad scientist, Evan's furrowed gaze trailed off from the runner's face towards the two standing a good few feet behind him. Seeing that movement and the sudden change in atmosphere, Scout couldn't help but to feel that something was going on and either he was totally missing something obvious here or he had just never been aware of it before. "Y'know what that scumbag told me right before he shot me?" 

 

"Shut up." Spy suddenly hissed through clenched teeth, which only furthered Scout's illusion that something more than Spy shooting Evan's crotch was going on. 

 

"Nah Frenchie he's gotta know, ain't he?"

 

"I swear I will murder you if you dare to speak one more word." God Spy was speaking with even more wrath than Scout and Sniper had done before him. Shooting a confused look between Evan and Spy, Scout's expression only furrowed further the longer the moment lasted. What was going on? 

 

"What do I have to know?" The runner asked cautiously, earning a loud villain like laugh from Evan. 

 

"Nothing, really just... no-"

 

"No Spy shut up, I want to know what the hell you two are talkin' 'bout. I ain't an idiot, somethin' is goin' on here... what the hell is it?" Knowing that Spy wasn't about to tell him, Scout yet again turned towards Evan, his expression far more questioning than it was being threatening. He just couldn't handle the clear fact that both Evan and Spy were talking about something involving him as if it wasn't. If it's about Scout, he has ever right to know it, hasn't he?

 

"Alright he said, an' I quote: "This is for what you did..." Evan smugly and far too enthusiastically started after being satisfied that Spy would keep his yap shut. His mouth curled into a vicious smile, eyes stinging with poison as they shot up and down between Scout and Spy. He took a long exaggerating breathe before finally completing his sentence "...to my son." 

 

The blood drained from his face, yet an unmistakable heat rose from his shoulders towards his ears and left an unpleasant warmth throughout his whole entire body. His expression shaped into disbelief, chest suddenly regaining an unsteady rise and fall as he processed the words. The air around him was thick, though he tried everything to fight it. There could be no way that that was true, Evan was lying... he always lied, Scout remember himself. 

 

Slowly turning around after standing still for what felt like an eternity, Scout locked eyes with Spy who wasn't giving anything away. Wearing that same poker face, the Frenchman stared back. Scout swallowed thickly before lightly shaking his head no. He wasn't going to believe this, not just because Evan told him something as blatantly badly made up like that. 

 

"S-spy what is he talkin' 'bout..? He's lyin' right, you ain't... you ain't ma..." His sentence died off as the Frenchman suddenly dropped his gaze, not responding to what Scout was trying to ask him. Not one verbal or non - verbal gesture was made as if Spy had turned into a statue. "Sp-spy?" Scout's voice rose a bit, meanwhile trembling with uncertainty. "Spy! G-God fuckin' damn it, answer me!" 

 

"Yes." He suddenly blurted out, looking back up with an, to Scout, unknown expression across his features. "He is right, Jeremy... I did tell him that... it was no lie... I am.. your father." Shivering, whimpering, staring and stuttering his all Scout could do. Hearing Spy say that felt like a knife right through his heart as a painful pressure had set itself upon his chest. His eyes were filling themselves with tears and he felt every muscle in his entire body throb and twitch uncontrollably. Though through this agonizingly sedating state, Scout faintly remembered Evan saying "these two". Shifting his gaze from Spy to Sniper, the marksman stood there with guilt visible in every inch of his face, enough to give him away. 

 

"Y-you knew...? 'bout all this... you knew an' ya never told me..?" Scout asked so obviously hurt, a few tears rolled down his cheeks as he watched Sniper nodding his head without being able to look the runner in the eye. He couldn't believe this, Spy okay maybe, but Sniper..? "N-no.." Scout muttered, feeling his emotions abruptly knitting together in one big mess of raw anger. He balled his fist so tightly, his knuckled turned white before looking up, quickly drawing his arm back and punching Spy square in the jaw. 

 

"You fuckin' asshole!" He shouted louder than his lunges could manage. The punch had been so hard and unexpected that Spy had not been given any time to resist and collapsed to the floor. Straddling his chest, Scout wasn't quite done yet as he delivered one punch after the other, hitting so firmly that he got Spy's blood on his hands. "Fuck you! Fuck. you." He gritted out, telling himself to keep on punching until nothing would remain of that fucking bastard. Though that hadn't counted for Sniper. Suddenly, Scout felt two arms around him, pulling him off of his unconscious victim and locking him in an iron grip. 

 

"Let me go!! Let me go right the fuck now!!" 

 

"Scout, w-wait, please let me explain."

 

"There ain't no fuckin' thing to explain! You two are fuckin' assholes, let me go! Don't fuckin' touch me! You're all the same, I fuckin' hate you!" Noticing that just plain kicking and struggling wasn't going to get him out of Sniper's hold, Scout did the first thing that came to mind. He was so deep into hysterics he didn't bother pondering about the consequences as he brought his hand up and started scratching at Sniper's like a cat attacking it's pray. "Let me go!!"

 

"N-no wait." Sniper breathed out of pain, even though he was used to taking some hits, this really was something else. "Please Scout let me explain!" But the runner didn't want to hear any of it, he just kept on scratching, drawing blood and getting bits and parts of it underneath his nails. He knew Sniper wasn't going to be able to keep this up, he had damaged his hand so badly, sooner or later he'd had to let go.

 

"F-fuck, bloody hell." Finally Sniper just couldn't hold him down any longer. Clutching his none damaged hand over the other one, the marksman couldn't do anything else than watch how Scout scrambled from his grip. The runner was fully crying now, barely able to see where he was going as he pushed past Evan towards God knows where. He didn't care though, he didn't give a rats ass about where he'd end up. 

 

Anywhere was better than here. 

**********************

He ran as fast as his legs could carry him, continuing on in a random direction until he felt his legs burn and his muscles seize up. It hadn't been a long run, considering his breathing was all over the place and the tears clouding his sight were doing a good job on making him anxious on where he was actually going. His heart was hammering in his chest and he had no idea if it was because of the running or because his whole entire body was still in overdrive. 

 

It took a bit for Scout to recognize where he had ended up and since he's only been there once before, it was no surprise it took that long. Though eventually, something in Scout's mind lit up, a memory, a spark reminding him of this place. Walking closer to the withered abandoned shack, seeing the damaged door, the worn out wood, Scout finally managed to give it a place. Months prior, Scout had been here for the first time, when he desperately tried to avoid Sniper after hurting himself again. Though little did he know that Sniper was doing target practise and the two eventually did bumb into each other. He remember how scared he was, the tears welling up in his eyes as he confessed, but he also remember the marksman's reaction. The warmth in which he had comforted him, the patience he showed time and time again. Oh god Sniper... his Sniper. For months the marksman hadn't been doing anything else than support him, protect him, but, as it turns out, he had also been lying to him. Those two... they had hurt him in a way so different, he couldn't put his finger on it. Comparing to Evan, that freak had hurt him countless times in a million different ways, but never had he done something that made Scout feel the way he felt right now. Never had he made him... hysteric. Nothing had drove him so far that he'd punch him into oblivion or scratch until blood slid from his hands. Though he was starting to believe that that was to blame on Evan breaking his spirit, maybe if he would have had more moxy around that time, Evan would have gotten it as well. 

 

Looking down at his hands, the blood upon them and underneath his nails managed for everything to return. Thinking about everything that happened, the truth that had been one harsh slap in the face and all the lies, he could feel himself crumbling. The moments in which he somehow managed to remain collected faltered and he lost it. 

 

Falling onto his knees, feeling his heart rate pick up again and unpleasant feelings coating him from top to bottom, Scout let out a loud scream. His hands itched, his whole entire body itched which only managed to agitate him more. Without thinking, Scout started scratching his arms the same way he had scratched Sniper earlier and when that wasn't enough he started biting at his pulses hard enough to leave marks. He couldn't handle this, the feelings, the pressure... he just wanted out. Wondering out loud why the hell God hated him so much, the runner hopelessly begged to go back twenty four hours, to redo this day. He'd never open that door, never show his face. He'd rather not know the truth, because this, whatever it was, was tearing him apart.

 

He was crying, hyperventilating and it left for a certain terror to hit him. Finally ceasing the skin crawling scratching, Scout tucked his knees against his chest and tried to breathe without any chances of fainting. Burying his face in his knees and clutching his arms around them, the runner somewhat managed to calm himself down. Yet again shivering, but from the burning pain this time around, the runner tried to regain a grip on himself. His arms twitched as blood slid down to his elbows and onto his pants. Everything was a mess, his day shattered and so was he. 

 

Hearing footsteps crunching the sand outside, Scout was suddenly alarmed that someone was coming out his way. His bets were on Sniper, but he honest to god couldn't face him right now. Not caring if someone found him the way he was in right now, Scout gritted out one single warning.

 

"Leave. me. alone." 

 

Despite the fury behind his words, the footsteps did not cease, no as a matter of fact they came closer, entering the shack this time. Scout was about to repeat his command, perking his head up to give whoever it was a serious piece of his mind, though as he saw Pyro's mask peak from behind a corner, Scout couldn't get himself to yell at the fire breather. Drowning his words with a big sigh, Scout yet again lowered his head.

 

"Go away Pyro.." Scout ordered rather unconvincing, which really surprised himself as well. There was a silence, which led the runner to believe that Pyro had actually left. But upon hearing concerned muffling and approaching footsteps, Scout snapped his head back up, this time determined to get his message across. 

 

"Pyro I said go awa-" His sentence died off towards the end as he watched the fire bug neal down in front of him with a handkerchief. Not understanding what Pyro was about to do, Scout watched with a furrowed brow how he carefully dabbed at the blood on Scout's arms. The skin was beyond sensitive and it stung a bit, but seeing Pyro attentively cleaning up his mess, Scout couldn't bring himself to say something about it. He didn't ask, didn't rant, just helped and when that little, despite it's useless nature, task was over, the fire breather sat down next to the runner and offered a shoulder to cry on. Quite literally actually. 

 

Scout leaned against him, hopelessly staring at his arms. The deep dark red welts who made his skin feel like it was on fire, the dried up blood Pyro hadn't managed to get rid off and the dark marks from biting himself all serving as reminder that he had failed. After all these months, Scout had lost.

 

"I.. I can't believe it Py.." He murmured. "They're all the fuckin' same... lyin' to me as if it ain't a thing. Am I that stupid? Everyone can just tell me whatever an' I believe it... god fuckin' damn it.." Even though Pyro didn't respond, Scout still felt... comfortable. He knew Pyro wouldn't judge or spread any gossip. Despite no one knowing what exactly goes on behind that mask, Scout had this feeling he exactly knew how it felt to be driven over the edge. Somewhere he was convinced Pyro had followed him because either Sniper had asked, or because he was scared Scout would yet again try an attempt at taking his own life after hearing the truth (he wasn't), either way it was nice having him there. Pyro had always been his buddy and he really appreciated that.

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear to God that whole father reveal Spy did there was not a reference towards Star Wars, I mean try having a character say "I am your father" without thinking about Darth Vader, it's impossible! 
> 
> Anyway, I know this chapter is real dramatic and one may argue (me, I am that one) that it's over the top and just borderline laughable, but there is just so much going on, lots of emotions and I hope, as always, that I handled it a bit okay   
> (God y'all must be tired of hearing that)


	23. New Divide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the two weeks silence, but school has been asking so much of my attention lately and I again had already a part typed out and decided to start all over again, messy messy messy, but I did manage to come up with something! ... eventually heh
> 
> Trigger warnings: There are refrences to Scout's self harm and to what he has done in the last chapter and, again, Evan is just as disturbing as he always is, so proceed with causion!
> 
> Enjoy!

A foreign emotion was running through him and as much as he rattled his brain thinking about it, he couldn't exactly find what the hell it was. Just too much was trying to gain his attention. Going from trying to figure everything out to wondering where Scout had run off to and praying that he was okay, but meanwhile he also had to endure Evan and his constant talking. Soon it all became too much, everything was calculating each other out, distracting far beyond Sniper's ability to bear with it. His hand stung, his heart stung and something within him had broken. 

 

His eyes shot up from the blood sliding down his hand towards that little piece of shit proudly mouthing off about God knows what. If only looks could kill, because that's what Sniper honestly felt like doing right now. End this, end him and help yet another burden off of this planet. What did that freak actually think? That he could walk in here, act like he owns the place? Didn't fucking think so. It was remarkable how Evan had ended up being the only person unharmed and the marksman was quick to decide that that wasn't really fair. If this encounter meant one of the best things he ever had in his life ending, than he better made sure Evan would pay for services rendered. 

 

Making a power walk towards Evan faster than that freak had the time to scurry away or shield himself, Sniper snatched him by his collar, staring him dead in the face. He was surprised to notice that Evan had actually gone silent, yet a shadow in the boy's features showed this foul expression. Maybe it was his mouth quirked in a weird way or those half lidded eyes peering at him with a confidence that could hammer anyone down, he had no idea, but it honestly didn't matter. 

 

"Why the bloody hell did ya do that?!" Sniper asked fiercely, grip tightening on the kid's shirt. "Haven't ya done enough already? You daft two faced cunt!" 

 

"What? Ya tryin' to make me feel bad for tellin' Jeremy the truth? I got this feelin' you're forgettin' who's the one in fault here, pal. Tryin' to blame me for a mistake you made." As much as Sniper just wanted to break his scrawny little neck, it hurt to admit that he did have a point there. Ten months, it was unreal to realise how much time ten months actually is and within that, the marksman had wasted every minute life had given him to come clean about this. The truth was that Sniper had honestly believed that this would never come up, that he and Scout could just life their lives as they were doing without this becoming a burden hanging at their feet. He was a fool, at least that's what he realised now, a right idiot for thinking that something so drastic would vanish within time. 

 

"Shut up! I ain't takin' shit from the bloke abusin' someone for years and still havin' the nerve to do somethin' loike this. It's a roight mystery that you ain't dead yet, kid." Evan didn't respond. Something had changed in his expression and it came to Sniper's attention that he wasn't looking at him anymore, but rather staring this time around. The marksman frowned, wondering why the hell that kid was watching him so intensely. He didn't like being observed in such a manner, it didn't make him feel any better than a piece of goddamn meat. "Wot the bloody hell are ya gawkin' at?!"

 

"Y'know," Evan started with an expression that was far too serious for what was about to come. "I kind a get why Jeremy fell for ya."

 

"Excuse me?" Sniper was dumbfounded, he couldn't believe this. What was wrong with this kid, how could a mind work like that? Jumping from topic to topic without any care about what's actually going on around him. Sniper hadn't counted on something like this and the fact that Evan only cared talking about that, taking this cringe worthy conversation even further, the marksman felt uneasy having to listen to it. 

 

"What? You ain't exactly bad lookin' an' ya got this fire in ya, a real treat to try an' get it outta ya, y'know? Pretty sexy an' all." Sniper knew all the kid really tried to do was being provoking, actually indeed trying to get Sniper out of his cage, poking him with a stick until he'd react. And well, it was working because the marksman wanted him to stop talking already. Changing his grip, with his second hand joining the other, Sniper harshly threw Evan to the ground, hearing the kid wheeze as he hit the ground and every bit of air he still had left inside himself was painfully pressed out of him. Though that didn't stop him from glaring back, those green eyes just challenging him to do more. What the hell was wrong with this kid?

 

"You ain't nothin' more than a big burden no one would be sad about to lose, ya know that?" Evan shrugged at the insult, obviously not caring about or batting an eye to the true nature of it.

 

"Pff, everybody's got their own treats don't they? Mine's bein' very unlikeable, that's why I kept Jeremy on such a short leash 'cos I didn't want 'em runnin' away from me before I'd be able to enjoy the main event, y'know? Ain't nothin' better than those pathetic little please an' cries for me to stop durin' se-" A hard kick in the face finally managed to silence Evan. Sniper was sick and tired of hearing him talk about Scout like that, degrading him as if it were nothing. He couldn't care less if this was exactly what Evan wanted, he felt an anger bubble up inside himself and he clearly needed something to work it out on. 

 

"Shut. your. bloody. trap." Gritting out every word with a vengeance more intense than New Mexico's afternoon sun, Sniper mashed the heal of his boot into Evan's jaw, pressing him face first into the desert ground. "If I hear one more thing loike that about Scout out of your mouth, I'll break your bloody jaw, ya hear?" Sniper could see Evan giving him an experimental look, the only visible eye from Sniper's perspective glancing him over once, which was enough of an indication that he'd try anyway. So the marksman decided to already give him a little taste of the show ahead. Applying even more pressure than before, Sniper grit his teeth in annoyance as he pressed the kid's face further into the ground until he heard one or two teeth popping. It wasn't exactly a shattered jaw, but he'd get there eventually. 

 

"W-what are ya g-gonna do.. huh?" Evan asked shakingly. "Break ma skull? Kill me? Go ahead, handsome, 'm freakin' ready for it!" 

 

"Sniper?!" A familiar Texan accent startled Sniper in his actions, turning his head a good few degree's only to see his six colleagues all with perplexed expressions staring back. Piss. He'd have to explain everything, why Spy was unconscious, where Scout was and who the hell the person Sniper had pinned underneath his boot was. There was no other choice, it didn't matter how much he disliked sharing information with people, he'd have to put that aside right now. Time to confess to his mistake, finally acknowledge that maybe Evan wasn't the only person in the wrong here and that he and that French bastard had some skeletons in their own closets. 

 

Seeing both Medic and Engineer rushing towards Spy to see if he was actually still alive, Engineer's gaze was quick to travel back to Sniper after finding a pulse, confusion and worry radiating off of him. Questioning the marksman with one simply look through his goggles and Sniper? He let his head fall, eyes shadowed by his hat. 

 

"What the hell is goin' on? Did y'all get into a fight?" 

 

"I didn't." Sniper muttered, covering his damaged hand with the other, taking the position as if he were just politely standing by. "B-but... Scout an' Spy did, well... Scout attacked Spy." It was painful how vague he knew he was being, but what else was he supposed to do? Casually drop in the bomb from which the fall out had caught up with him on his teammates as well and on top of that, Sniper had no idea where the hell Scout was and if he was okay or not. It was a right mess and there was no way it'd ever get cleaned. 

 

"Ey lad, yer not really bein' clear here. Scout just attacked Spy, out o' nowhere?" 

 

"N-no."

 

"Und vhere is he?!"

 

"H-he's I.. I err don't-"

 

"Who is that person you have pinned to the ground? What has he done to deserve such a treatment, private?!" Sniper wasn't the only one of the addressed pair hearing Soldier ask that as he felt Evan squirm on the ground. Not wanting that freak to have his own input and possible only make things worse, he yet again put pressure on that, now, bruised jaw. Sadly enough, Soldier wasn't the last one to doubt him. They were bombarding him with questionnaire, all of them not allowing him one moment to think, demanding an explanation for the strange encounter they had stumbled upon. It made him anxious, his stomach flipping as if he were put in a rollercoaster ride, pushing him beyond the comfort of his own boundaries. He hated that, there was only one person who was allowed to that and he wasn't here right now.

 

"Shut up!" Lifting his gaze as the bullet like questions finally ceased, the marksman took a second to collect himself before finally giving an explanation that would somehow be acceptable. "Scout didn't just attack 'em out of nowhere. This mongrel," He punctured his words by leaning onto the foot keeping the kid in check. "is Evan, don't think none of you haven't heard of 'em yet, roight?" Not waiting for a response, Sniper continued. "He told Scout somethin' he wasn't supposed to know and well... the kid lost it, attacked Spy and ran off somewhere." 

 

"How important was that secret that it had Scout reacting like that?" Heavy's booming voice asked as the Russian folded his arms over his chest. Sniper noticed a few other's nodding along, wondering the exact same thing now that Heavy has brought it to their attention. Sniper rubbed his neck, taking a look at Spy and how Medic was trying to fix what he could. The Frenchman wasn't going to like this and neither was Scout, but Sniper wasn't left with much of a choice and it wasn't a secret that he was blooming awful at handling things like this. 

 

"It was err... quoite important, alroight." Sighing deeply, Sniper decided to just go for it. "Scout flipped 'cause Evan told 'em who his real dad is... It's Spy." The marksman quickly added, not allowing one syllable out of his colleagues' mouth. He didn't want to treat this as some sort of big reveal, a curtain drop only to entertain. This was serious business and he'd be damned if he didn't treat it that way as well. "And.. I knew about it and now I have no bloody idea where Scout ran off to." The marksman had gestured out the way Scout had gone and as he suddenly felt a gush of wind brushing past him, Sniper watched Pyro dart towards the same way he had pointed out. 

 

"It ain't no use, Pyro." Sniper tried to warn him, but the fire breather had vanished as quickly as he had made his departure and somewhere the marksman hoped he'd find Scout, okay and well and not... he refused to finish that train of thought, abruptly cutting it off before he had any time to scare himself. 

 

"Damn, I had no idea I was so infamous 'round here! Nice to know I made a name for myself, provin' ma old man wrong an' everythin'." Letting an agitated exhale escape his lips, Sniper went to silence the kid, this time actually hearing a soft disgusting crunching sound. 

 

"Think about your jaw, mate." Was all he gave as a warning before looking back up at his colleagues. The story was told, all facts were on the table and now what? Sniper was aware of the policy's here, that anyone not allowed to know about all this would either get their mind erased or executed and he'd be lying if he said he wouldn't volunteer to be the one pulling the trigger. Let's not lie to ourselves, Evan wasn't going to get his mind erased. A bullet between the eyes would do the trick. 

 

"You two surely know how to make a mess." Medic commented, rising from his spot next to Spy. Pushing his crooked glasses back into stance, everybody knew the doctor was about to spout orders. "Heavy, Soldier, take Evan avay und lock him up." The two did as they were told, giving Sniper the time to release Evan only to quickly grab him by both his arms and hauling him into the base. The marksman watched him being dragged off, the big black - purple spot on his cheek only darkening, crimson blood dripping from his mouth and ruining the silver of his teeth as his eyes shone with delight. Evan knew what was going to happen and it irritated Sniper how his reaction to it now was so different from the one back in Boston. The kid was nearly acting as if they were doing him a favour! 

 

"Sniper, help Demo vith Spy so I can patch zhe both of you up." Of course Medic had noticed the wound on his hand, well it wasn't as if Sniper had fought tooth and nail to hide it anyway. Sighing reluctantly Sniper walked towards Demo, waiting for Medic and Engineer to be done talking before completing the given task. Suddenly feeling a pat on his shoulder startled the marksman as he looked over at Demo as if he were a stranger touching him. Sniper felt bad for responding to such a kind gesture like that, but the Scot didn't seem to notice. 

 

"Yu messed up, that's for sure."

 

"Wow, thanks." Demo snickered, repeating his movement as he yet again patted Sniper on the shoulder. 

 

"Aye I'm sure everythin' will be fine. It may seem bleedin' impossible right now, but yu'll figure sumethin' out. Yu an' Scout have been through a little tuu much to let that die, innit?" Sniper was convinced it wasn't that easy. No matter how many paths you walk together, how many misfortune you encounter, lies can subvert anything, no matter how solid it all seemed. 

**********************

The room was silent, safe from the drumming of Evan's fingers against the wooden table he was sitting at, feet shackled to its poles so he had no way of getting out. The kid seemed relaxed, the true opposite from the marksman's posture which was rigid and on edge. It should be the other way around, Sniper reminded himself. He should be the one casually sitting by waiting for this kid to die, yet here he was feeling as limited in thinking and moving as he would be whenever his social anxiety necked him. 

 

Pure out of precaution, Medic had asked both Soldier and Demo to guard Evan whilst Sniper or Spy were anywhere close to him. He knew that either of the two were easily capable of killing him, but given that they still had to get a green light from Miss Pauling and The Administrator, Evan had to stay alive whether they liked it or not. To be honest however, Sniper really didn't care. Yes he wanted this kid dead as much as the next guy, but there were still far too many questions wandering around his head. Hands full of useless pondering knowing that he'll never get an answer to it anyway, but he had nothing else to occupy himself with. The moment he wasn't fixated on Evan and why the hell all of this happened, the marksman found himself thinking about Scout and wondering if he was alright, wondering if well... if he'd still return to base. 

 

"Don't I get like a phone call or somethin'? Ain't that a right I have."

 

"Yu haf the right tu shut the hell up." Demo commented smugly and any air for a response was quickly hushed away the moment the Scot gave Evan a warning look. That damned fool, always trying and never succeeding. 

 

Sniper had been rather silent for the half hour he had been there. Thinking, just thinking. None stop wondering and pondering. You'd be surprised how much of that steals time, melting away until there's absolutely nothing left and you end up questioning what you've actually been doing. Balling his fist upon the table, not to show irritation or dominance, Sniper kept staring at nothing and it was that exact pose that gave the marksman the feeling that it was making Evan uneasy. The kid kept shifting in his place, trying to get someone's attention, but neither he nor Solly or Demo were doing that. It was rather amusing, as if they'd taken something from an impatient kid, that's what he really looked like right now. 

 

At a certain moment the door flew open and four heads turned, all silently watching how a pissed off Spy walked into the room. He sure was quite the picture right now. Even with his balaclava, the deep purple covering every inch of his face was rather easy to spot and the white bandage around his nose was more than enough to tell Sniper that Scout had broke his nose. With two black eyes and a shipped ego, Spy took a seat opposite Evan. It was now that Sniper started to understand why it was of such importance to have Demo and Soldier there as well. Spy looked about ready to slid Evan's throat, hack him into pieces and send every single part off towards a different continent.

 

"Hii there Frenchie, did ya have a nice nap?" 

 

"Shut up you psychopath, I am only here to inform you about tonight's event, so keep your nonsense to yourself and listen." Spy didn't sound like himself, what usually would have been the perfect moment for a witty reply had totally been glossed over by him. The Frenchman never leaves opportunities like that, he's never this straight forward. Clearly all of this was having its effects on him and you needed a whole lot before something actually bothered Spy.

 

Watching Spy pluck a cigarette from his disguise kid, Sniper nudged the Frenchman in the side sticking his hand out as to ask for one as well without bothering to open his mouth. Luckily Spy had understood the action, his thoughts far too occupied with Evan to even consider the rudeness of that gesture as he handed the marksman a cigarette and his lighter right after he lit his own. He knew it was weak of him to do this, to take this as the first thing to fall back on when everything comes crashing down but he had better things to worry about than this up and down addiction he'd been rocking for way too long now. 

 

"What's gonne happen to me, huh? Gonna kill me? Y'know that ain't creative, bit borin' if ya asked me." 

 

"Well we are not asking you anything, try to be as witty as you bother to be, it will not help you one bit." 

 

"Oh c'mon Frenchie, we had a good time, right? I mean, 'm just as startled as you guys are! Dude imagine, ya would have been ma father in law if Jeremy wasn't as much o' a runner as you are." He shouldn't have said, Evan really should not have let that roll out of his mouth because not a moment later Spy was merely seconds away from putting Evan's lights out if it wasn't for Demo and Soldier stopping him. Something serious had shifted within Spy, his composure completely gone in every single meaning of the word. It was as if Spy was slowly being driven to the edge of his own sanity. 

 

"Say that again?!" Spy hissed, shaking out of the grip his two colleagues had on him. Evan's discount glare was back, happy with his source of entertainment and how far he was capable of pushing him. Leaning on his elbows, Evan pushed himself as far up as his shackles allowed him to and staring Spy right in the face before speaking words like daggers.

 

"Yeah, he's really takin' after his old man alright, two of a fuckin' kind." This kid was lucky, something was determent to keep him alive because if it wasn't for Medic opening the door immediately causing for a deflation in the situation, than Evan would have been dead for sure. Without a moments doubt.

 

The attention was quickly drawn to Medic as he stood there, grudgingly staring from behind his glasses. He was pissed off, mad to no extent and nobody knew why. Though they were about to find out as Medic spit out his next command, immediately leaving the room the moment he had ordered it.

 

"Sniper. Spy. Hallway. Now." Sharing a look with one another, they bothered to put out their cigarette's first before obediently making their way to the hallway. Soldier and Demo would keep an eye on Evan and since the only thing that gave him something to do was gone, this was going to be a piece of cake. Just keep the kid in a silent room and he was immediately ten times less of a problem as he was whenever you played in on him. 

 

Closing the door behind him, Sniper's eyes shot from one spot to the other closely examining Medic's expression. He had no idea that it was possible to frown that heavily, yet here the doctor stood defining that law of physics. Expecting to be drowned in silence for a bit longer, the marksman wasn't prepared for the fire of blame Medic was about to blast upon them, getting the both of them in a dumbfounded state after only having spoken one sentence.

 

"So Scout paid me a visit half an hour ago." He was still alive, Sniper allowed himself to think. As much as he had denied the thought, marched around it with iron boots, it was more than a relieve to know that Scout hadn't gone that far. Though this thrill of palliation dancing through him vanished in a moment's notice when Medic continued his story. "He has hurt himself, once again und it is a horrible sight." Medic never was someone to beat around the bush, always getting straight to the point even if it meant mini heart attacks for the people listening. "He had been dragged zhere by Pyro, else he vouldn't even have asked for help! You know vhat he did? He scratched und bit himself und zhat's not all, he damaged his skin so badly I actually had to apply stitches! Do you know how badly one has to scratch zhemselves for stitches to be needed?!" Tightening his grip on his own bandaged hand, Sniper felt sick. He still remembered how much that had actually hurt and all he had needed as a treatment was disinfection to clean it and a bandage to help it heal. His throat tightened at the mere thought of Scout going that far, God what had they done? "But vorst of all!" Medic continued fiercely, flailing his arms towards Sniper and Spy in an accusatory manner. "I suggested we'd move his session to tonight since he could obviously use it und he refused mine offer! Not only to zhis one session, no, to all of zhem! Do you know vhat zhat means, do you two understand vhat kind of affect zhat is going to have on him?!" He muttered something in German, probably cursing the living daylights out of them as he rubbed his temple and sighed deeply. "Fix zhis." He demanded. "I frankly do not care how you vill do it, but fix zhis. You two made zhis mess, I am expecting you clean it up as vell!" And with that Medic turned around and stormed off and upon arriving at his lab he slammed the door close with so much might, rooms on the other side of the base were trembling from it's force. 

 

Sniper felt like throwing up, legs wobbly, sight hazy and his surroundings fading into distortion. What had he done? Scout had been on such a good path, resisting his self harm impulse like a champion and now, because of what they did, Scout had given up. Entirely. On himself, Medic, basically anything that would help him. The marksman remembered every time he had told the runner how proud he was of him even this one time in particular where Scout was feeling like doing it and nothing was working so Sniper had promised to stay by his side until it would fade and he felt better again. Four AM, it had lasted until four AM in which Sniper had held Scout for hours, feeling him shiver and shake, but they had done it. No matter how long it had taken them, it had worked. All that, only to be ruined by this. 

 

It took some time for Sniper to realise that Spy was talking to him. The Frenchman's words were distant sounds and it took every ounce of strength for the marksman to get himself out of this gut churning mess and actually pay attention to what he was trying to tell him. 

 

It was too late however, Spy was already done talking before Sniper could catch one word of what he was saying, watching the Frenchman dig into his inner pocket before dashing into Evan's prison like room again. Sniper didn't understand what he was up to, but upon hearing Demo and Soldier loudly ordering Spy to stop and a loud gunshot afterwards, the marksman froze for only a second before following Spy in there. 

 

Yet again Solly and Demo had Spy pinned against the wall with Demo tearing the Frenchman's revolver from his hands. It was agitating how slowly his mind was catching up to everything happening, but as the marksman turned his head, his heart jumped in his throat. Evan was dead. Spy had shot him right between the eyes as blood slid down the bridge of his nose towards his slightly agape mouth. Eyes wide open and yet... this creeping smile was on his face making him look like a haunted doll. 

 

"Wot the bloody hell is wrong with you?!" Sniper eventually asked when he got to his senses. "Why did ya do that?!" 

 

"I am doing my son a favour." He was truly losing it, making one mistake after the other. It wasn't up to Spy to murder Evan and he knew that, yet still his feelings were taking over his every move. Spy was letting his heart think instead of his brain, something no one ever thought possible. Considering that Evan didn't need a babysitter anymore, Demo and Soldier dragged Spy out of that room towards God knows where. It wasn't that Spy was going to have to endure any consequences from this, but The Administrator wasn't going to be happy and believe me, you do not want to be on her bad side. 

 

Taking another glance at Evan's corpse, Sniper thought about Medic's words. Fix this. But how? With everything that had happened Sniper felt this all falling deeper and deeper within the grave he had unknowingly dug for himself months ago. There had to be a way out of this, to get Scout to his senses as well and so Sniper thought and thought. Thinking his mind dull on a formula that seemed impossible to solve, yet still he was determent to indeed fix what needed to be repaired. Well... in the start he was.

 

Day after day, Sniper tried to get Scout's attention whenever they crossed paths in the base, but as hard as the marksman tried to get to the runner, Scout was trying just as much to avoid him and he wasn't really subtle about it too. He could be sitting with some of his colleagues, but stand up and leave the moment Sniper walked in. This went on for days, weeks and the marksman started to notice that even during meals Scout would keep up that same pattern. Even if he wasn't done yet, the moment Sniper showed his face, Scout was out of there. In the start the marksman tried showing up as late as he possible could, so Scout would at least eat something, but it never worked out the way he wanted it so eventually, after countless of failed attempts and shattered hope, Sniper decided that it was no use going after Scout, as a matter of fact, it only seemed to backfire.

 

One day maybe a week and a half later, Sniper was sitting in his RV, thinking of a million different ways on how to actually handle this when he spotted something foreign on his kitchen counter. Walking closer, the marksman recognized it as the sketchbook Scout had taken with him last time they visited the city. He had no idea how it could have been laying there unnoticed, but as he held the dark brown book in his hands, Sniper couldn't help his curiosity and flipped it open.

 

The first few pages were scenery's, colourful late afternoon drawings of New Mexico's dessert. The way Scout had captured it, it almost looked like a nice place you wanted to be, where the sun wouldn't harass you from the moment you set one foot outside. After paging a bit further, Sniper stumbled upon a drawing of his RV, that brick on wheels in all its glory, but what really had the marksman's breathe hitching was the word "Home" written above it. 

 

And from there on, it only got worse.

 

Drawings of them together in a million different styles, doing a million different things and Sniper loved them all. Somewhere he even found a drawing of Sniper taking a nap and it had him genuinly laughing, but as he eventually turned the last page, Sniper's hand stopped in the moment as he found a sloppily written text staring back at him, the marksman nearly couldn't bring himself to read it, reminding him awfully well of a certain voice mail ten months back.

 

'Hi Snipes! If you're reading this before I gave this to you, you're kind of an asshole, though I can't blame you for being curious. BUT if you are reading this after I gave this as a present, ignore the first part ehehe.

Alright so normally today should be our very first anniversary and I hope you liked what I made for you. I know it's mostly just random things, but you kept asking me about my drawings so I decided to make a personal sketchbook for you and you alone. I know right, bet you're feeling real special right now.

Anyway, hun (see I can use pet names as well), I want you to know that you've made me the happiest person alive and I'm not saying that to be cheesy, I really mean it. I never really thank you for everything you do for me, but please know that I am super freaking grateful to have you.

I hope you enjoyed today and here's to many more years to come!

Love you lots,

Scout' 

 

His hands were trembling, eyes teary as he harshly bit the inside of his cheek to try and gain a grip on himself. This, this is what he had lost and being pressed face first into the harsh reality like that was the last straw the marksman needed to realise that what he was doing right now, the overly trying to be able to talk to Scout was never going to work. He didn't want to be a bother to the kid anymore, maybe if he was able to go about his business in the base without Sniper showing up each and every time, Scout would get to his senses by himself. Hopefully.

 

It wasn't exactly hard for the marksman to avoid the base. He slept in his RV and if he really had to, he could eat there as well. The only thing he preferred doing at base was take a shower, so as long as he limited his visits by only that, Scout would be able to breathe, to life through his days without the constant bother of having to run away from Sniper.

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a depressing chapter, hope you guys are doing fine though..
> 
>  
> 
> Anyway, I kind a have bad(??) news. But next chapter is going to be Desperate Needs' last one, the story is coming to an end and I felt it was better warning you than just plainly uploading the next chapter and cutting it off there, right? It's been one hell of a journey and I'll try everything to give it an honourable ending, I'll really really try guys... so sorry in advance


	24. On Melancholy Hill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is a reference to a Gorillaz song called On Melancholy Hill and guys, it's such a beautiful song. Like if Desperate Needs would be a movie, this would without a doubt be the end credits song, no joke. I recommend giving it a listen, it's so calm and relaxing, great to fall asleep to! 
> 
> Trigger warnings: There are a lot of different mentions here. Some towards mental illnesses and others towards Scout's self harm, but furthermore that should be it!
> 
> But anyway, guys, here it is, seven months and 249 pages later, the end of Desperate Needs...

It had been one cluster fuck of a month. Things had broken, shattered like glass and whatever he had tried, Scout could not see the wood for the trees. But despite the overwhelming mess that life had bestowed upon him the last weeks, the runner had survived the worst, riding out the devastating waves with little to hang on to, but he had done it. After having to admit defeat on avoiding Medic and his constant tries on convincing Scout to reconsider therapy, the runner could only be thankful. It was true that after what had happened Scout's mental state had gone below sea level and that had been visible within nearly every level of the term. Barely getting any sleep, more self harm impulses than he had to deal with in such a long time and even though he never thought it possible, his concentration was even worse than it normally was. Facing out as if he wasn't standing in the middle of a raging battlefield and only ending up dying a million times over because of it. He knew there was little to fight that. Tricks, tips, they were all useless anyway, but somewhere he found comfort in those other two mayor problems getting their solutions.

 

After losing sleep for three days straight, Scout had staggered towards Medic's lab with a drowsy frustration clouding him. He needed something to help him sleep, he couldn't give a rats ass about what it exactly was. As long as it would do the trick, Scout wanted it, whether it was produced by highly dangerous chemicals or if it was filled with insects, he didn't care. Out of all his problems, insomnia was the most enraging one and when Medic handed him something without even bothering to question the sincerity of it, he cracked. He remembered staring down at the bottle of pills and not a moment later the words spilling out of him like a waterfall. How he confessed that having to sleep in his old room after all that time was giving him nightmares, that he still saw the bloodstains and relived his suicide attempt as if it happened yesterday rather than nearly a year ago. Shakily he had sat down and what should have been just getting something to help him sleep soon turned into a situation that could be considered a session and from there on the runner decided to stop his stubborn resistance. He didn't want anything more than getting rid of those feelings, kicking them in the bum, only to throw them out afterwards, but he also knew that it would never work on his own. Medic wanted to help him and frankly the runner wanted to be helped. 

 

His stitches had been removed after eight days and what should have been a rather easy recovery afterwards spiralled into reopened wounds and borderline infection. Medic had warned him that immediately going back to work would most definitely cause for problems, but Scout had obviously ignored the command and after one battle you'd swear his arms had never been treated before. Dirt had mixed within the blood and only the sight alone had the doctor anxious for infection to set in soon enough. Luckily it hadn't, the kid still had some resistance within himself, but there was no denying the fact that it wouldn't exactly be a pretty sight once those wounds did heal... if they ever would. So eventually, after the German had redone the same work for the third time already, he decided to use pressure bandages, immediately covering his arms from top to bottom so no dirt could yet again ruin Medic's work. Scout had noticed a world of difference after only one day and the best thing about them? Not one inch of skin was visible, they were like sleeves closely embracing his arms which strangely enough helped the self harm impulses. Though he wasn't going to lie, he had hit the wall a few times or when he really couldn't handle it, scratched the surface of his hand, but he knew everything would have been way worse without those things covering his most vulnerable self harm place; his arms. 

 

Despite the bad things happening, one good thing had stood out like a sore thumb, standing strong within the crowd of negativity, a milestone to keep him going; Evan's death. Scout had been there, watched how Demo and Soldier cooperatively hauled a body bag through the hallway towards Medic's lab. The words had hit him like a brick, ringing in his head for many hours to come and Scout found that it was clearing his mood like a good song contagious enough to make you dance. It was over, Evan was actually officially gone and there would be no one to mourn him. Even after hearing who had murdered him, Scout honestly didn't care. Spy wasn't going to get redemption through one good deed, but who would be better at cleaning up trash than something of its own kind, right? 

 

Some had told him to just leave it, that it wasn't a good idea to go take a look at Evan's corpse, but Scout couldn't help himself. It was as if he'd never believe Evan was actually dead until he saw the body and if that wasn't enough, not finding a pulse would most certainly do the trick. His heart was thumping like horse hooves as he gazed down Evan's lifeless form. Drawing his hand back a multitude of times, eventually Scout was brave enough to feel for a pulse and when he determined that that beating drum of life was absent, the weight of an entire city fell off of his shoulders, taking its own mix of emotions with them. He had never been this relieved in his life, a familiar prickling sensation stinging his eyes, but as Medic walked in the runner refused to cry, looking up with feigned nonchalance and greeting Medic as if he wasn't standing next to his abuser's corpse. They talked for a bit and when Scout eventually asked what would happen to Evan's body, Medic had been friendly enough to sail away from medical terms, crap the runner wouldn't understand anyway, and explained in great detail what Evan still would have to endure before being left alone. Dead or alive, Scout took pleasure in the fact that it would still be a while before Evan Green could rest in peace. Also, Medic had called him 'medical waste' which had Scout smiling more genuine than he had done in a long while. 

 

Everything was clearing up a bit, wasn't it? Scout wondered. Of course he wasn't fully fine, lots of things were chewing him up, but he realised that it could have been worse. He had gotten lots of support, his colleagues tried everything to make life easier for him, yet somewhere it felt incomplete and he knew why. Even though he didn't understand his emotions and why he wasn't enraged with Sniper for lying to him, Scout tried to ignore it. He should be mad, shouldn't he? Sniper knew better than anyone else how much his absent father had bothered Scout, how badly it had influenced parts of the runner's life and still the marksman had kept it for himself. He had been selfish, unfair and lots of other things he didn't even know Sniper could be, but once the runner had gotten out of his hysterics it was as if something within him refused to be mad at Sniper. The one person he had trusted like that, Sniper knew him better than Scout knew himself. 

 

He should be mad! Scout remembered himself with vast determination, the marksman had lied end of story. But... why wasn't he feeling that way? 

 

Sniper ceasing his actions on trying to talk to Scout was both a relieve and a nuisance. On one hand the runner finally had space to breathe, reflect on everything that happened, but on the other he couldn't help but to worry himself sick over him. For weeks now the marksman had locked himself up in his RV only ever coming out to take showers in the base but furthermore nobody ever saw him. Scout had no idea if he was eating or sleeping well, if he was doing anything that would be close to taking care of himself. He far too clearly remembered the last time something had happened to Sniper and his ways of coping, it was terrifying and lots of things lead him to believe that Sniper had fallen back within those unhealthy ways. For starters, Scout knew the marksman had picked up smoking again and given that already a full month had passed, it wouldn't be much of a surprise if any of those other things were reality as well. Another thing he had noticed; Sniper's overall stats had gone through the roof. To put it simple, he was doing amazing during battle which, if Scout had to guess, was only to blame on Sniper trying to occupy himself with something to the point of obsession only to go his other problems out of the way. It happened last time and now it was repeating itself. 

 

He didn't like thinking about Sniper, wondering what he was and wasn't doing when no one had a clue where the hell he was and only being able to guess what thoughts crowded together behind that stern exterior he wore as expression every morning as he stood there, waiting like everyone else for battle to begin. They've had their fair share of awkward eye contact and the humiliating after blow of trying to deny the uneasy tension, but there was no going around the fact that they were still teammates, whether what they previously had was over or not, they couldn't act as if the other didn't exist. 

 

He didn't like thinking about him, but at the end of the day he found himself doing little else. 

 

The loud crack of a gunshot forced Scout back on earth, blowing his thoughts away as if they were nothing more than a cloud above his head. He looked around, meanwhile grip tightening on his shotgun just in case it was an enemy trying to get his attention before taking advantage of Scout's inattentiveness. It didn't take him long to find what exactly was going on as he saw the BLU Medic's corpse maybe a stone's throw away from him. The bullet shaped whole and the sight of brains spraying the ground, which Scout was convinced he'd never get used to, were all friendly reminders alerting Scout on who exactly had saved him from a certain drug induced death. 

 

"He's just ma teammate now." Scout muttered to himself, hands balling into fists against his trousers as he dared to shoot a glance towards the nest. "It ain't 'bout who's standin' here, idiot, we're in the same team, it's his job." Why were those thoughts so hard to accept? Why couldn't he just life with the fact that if Soldier or Heavy would be standing here, Sniper would have done the exact same thing. Why did he still wanted the marksman to care about him after everything that happened? Why couldn't he let him go and for the love of God why wasn't he mad?! His own mind was firing off questions quicker than he was able to digest and in a gust of bitterness, Scout kicked a rock into the dust before darting away. He had to occupy himself with something, his thoughts were driving him insane (which really wasn't anything new), so if he'd stay determent to get the briefcase and kill the BLU's, maybe everything would leave him alone... at least for a bit. 

 

Dodging enemy fire with a sudden thirst for blood, Scout ran past BLU's frontlines eventually getting inside the building he nearly knew better than the inside of his own pocket. He sped through the hallways, nothing would stop him now, driven by the exasperation rushing through him like a speeding bullet. All he wanted was that stupid fucking briefcase he risked his life for on a daily basis, score a point, do it again and actually be a helpful member to their team for once. Enough standing about, drowning himself in thought whilst the others did all the work. No more pampering, no more eye tapping on Scout's horrible battlefield behaviour. He was going to do this, finally giving himself a reason to be proud in the progress. 

 

Coming closer to the BLU's intelligence room, the runner came to a stop. Chest rising and falling as he assembled himself to the best of his abilities. Though right as he was confident enough to do what he was there for, Scout felt a hand sliding over his mouth and an arm wrapping around his torso to keep him in check. Suddenly being held like that was just as suffocating as it was doing a good job on keeping him paralyzed, the runner couldn't bring himself to fight whoever it was suddenly hauling him away from there. One of the BLU's might have witnessed him dashing by, even though he couldn't remember seeing anyone of the enemy team around, there was no other explanation! 

 

Lots of thoughts flashed around his mind, but the strongest one was something within him chanting 'don't touch me' over and over again. That was the main reason why he couldn't move, why someone was able to drag him this far as if he were a lifeless doll. Either way you turn it, he still didn't like being touched and being held like this, stringing his abilities, was only proving that point even further.

 

Eventually being yanked into some unknown vacant room, Scout struggled away from the hold the second he felt those arms loosen around him. He stumbled further, nearly toppling over as he quickly gained balance and tried to look for a way out before even considering to see who it was getting him there and it wasn't until a much dreaded familiar nasal voice tried to get his attention that Scout realised exactly who it was standing behind him. Turning around, Scout casted suspicious eyes upon his own teams Frenchman, keeping an acceptable distance between them before he gritted out his words with a hidden fury, a flame threatening to spread within the span of a second. 

 

"What the hell do you want from me?" 

 

"Scout we really need to talk." The runner scoffed, throwing his arms to either side in a big movement to gesture around the room. 

 

"An' this is how ya wanne do it? Drag me off towards God knows where, just because ya wanne talk?"

 

"Well yes! This is the only way you will listen to me!" Spy's tone of voice was strange, distinct from basically any other time these two had engaged in a conversation and Scout wasn't sure whether it was unsettling or confusing. What he did know, however, was that it made him more willing to listen to whatever this fucker had to say. At least he sounded sincere.

 

"Ya wanne talk? Alright, go ahead... talk." Scout really tried to be indifferent, trying to make Spy believe that he didn't care about any of this. Shrug it off and walk away from everything like a champion, never mind the pressure bandages around his arms or the bags underneath his eyes, he couldn't care less about all this alright? Nobody had managed to get to him, not Evan, not Spy, not Sniper, understood? 

 

"Scout I understand that you are furious, I know it was far from fair for us to keep something like that to ourselves, but..."

 

"But what? Ya did it to 'protect' me?!" Scout cut in, immediately losing the act he tried to set up. "Sounds like one o' the best ideas you ever had! Never tell me 'bout you bein' ma fuckin' dad, but meanwhile ya try to fill the void by tryin' to become 'friends'! It all makes sense know, why ya were actin' the way ya did the last few months, why exactly you were the one goin' to Boston with Snipes. You didn't do that for me, only to sooth your own damn conscience!" Watching Spy's expression, Scout knew he was just right with his indications which immediately swept away the last bits of hope he had on maybe, just maybe, having a father that actually cared for him. Throwing his arms down, steadying himself on his feet Scout knew exactly how to get his point across. "Guess what, Spy? 've been able to survive without ya for a long fuckin' time now, I don't need you, so leave me the hell alone!"

 

"I know!" The Frenchman admitted. "I know... but that is not why I am here. It is no use trying to clear my own name, because I simply have messed up too badly, but... you do need Sniper, Scout. Do not push him away because of this. The only reason he kept from telling you was because I asked him to! He did try to protect you." Turning his head, Spy's gaze wavered away from Scout. "I am the one who ran away from you, Scout. Not your mother, not Sniper... me." The words were ice-cold, it hurt hearing him say 'run away', it only lead Scout to believe that it had been Spy's conscious decision to leave Scout. That no other factor's had played in on it, even though the actual truth told differently, but the runner of course didn't know that. "Stop running away from Sniper, it is only tearing you apart. I know he should not have lied, but consider his intensions. All he wanted was to protect you and avoid, well... something like this." He didn't understand why Spy was going high and low to clear Sniper's name and standing there, hearing all that and letting that information sink in, Scout found himself wanting only one thing. He wanted Spy to at least say something that would tell him whether he cared about him or not. A love filled reason on why he caused him so much hardship in his life, but given the ear numbing silence filling the room, Scout knew that wasn't about to happen.

 

"Can I go now?" Was all he managed to say without making any effort to look at Spy. He heard the Frenchman sigh before responding one last time.

 

"Please consider what I told you Scout... I understand that you are mad at me, but it is no use being mad at anybody else." And with that the runner disappeared out of the room, enough thinking material had been handed to him in the last twenty minutes for Scout to annoy himself with. He didn't even bother getting the intelligence anymore, his desire to fight was gone, as if Spy had frozen it with the cold truth. Spy, his own actual father, didn't love him, didn't care about him and only cared coming clean about everything twenty seven years after the facts. The damage had been done, it was too late.

 

He just wanted to get away from him.

***********************

Curse Spy, Scout thought, curse the living daylights out of him because from that one point during battle up until now, thoughts were aggressively tugging at every corner of his concentration. Distracting himself wasn't working, watching his colleagues play a card game or listen to their experiences of that day wasn't doing anything to get Scout out of that inner mess Spy had created by not being able to leave him the hell alone. It was so unfair, the runner was sick of constantly being influenced by others, surely by those who did him wrong. Where were all the supportive words he had heard over the months? Why the hell wasn't he thinking about every time Sniper told him how proud he was or how much he loved him? The good always gets pushed to the side once the bad makes an appearance and coming to that realisation had Scout finally coming to terms with something else as well.

 

He wasn't fine and he wasn't ever going to be if he'd keep on questioning every emotion that wasn't exactly reacting like it should as if there were guidelines to this sort of things. Standing up in the rush of a thought, Scout silently excused himself and walked off towards the back door. After pushing it open with little effort and stepping out into the cooling dessert, a variety of conflicting feelings engaged in a debate on whatever he should do, but as hard as everything tried to drive him to the edge of his own abilities, Scout finally felt his heart thump within him. 

 

There actually was someone who loved him, someone who could fix so much with the simple nature of a fond embrace and Scout was pushing him away. 

 

The RV he once called home drew closer and closer as Scout set every step with boldness as if he still had to convince himself whether this was a good idea or not. Though as he gazed at the light grey door he used to see on a daily basis and the unmistakable feeling of having missed all this rose within his gut, Scout finally found the courage to knock on the door. 

 

It was silent for a bit, maybe for too long because the runner already found him questioning whether Sniper was even there or not. But... where else could he be? Scout knocked again, he wasn't going to leave without at least having talked to Sniper. Maybe he was asleep already? Or out hunting somewhere, practising up in the nest. The longer this all took, the quicker Scout felt his hopes sink. He considered knocking again, but saw no use in it. Turning around, feeling a painful sting of sadness shooting through him, Scout's eyes suddenly grew wider than ever as he finally heard something that could be considered someone sighing and getting up from within the RV. Watching the door with rapid attention, the stressful tension was crushing him like a rock as he chewed the inside of his cheek out of anticipation and as eventually the door swung open and a tired looking Sniper looked back at him with just as much disbelief, the runner knew he had to be quick. 

 

"Before ya shower me with every apology ya can think of, I want ya to listen to me.." A cigarette was hanging from the marksman's lips and Scout really hated the sight, but it wasn't exactly distracting from the fact that Sniper looked like nothing more than a worn out version of himself, but as a matter of fact, they both looked fucking horrible so Scout shouldn't be the judge of that. "Look, I tried Snipes... I really tried bein' mad at ya 'cos I should be. Somethin' tells me that it's only logical for me to hate ya know, but the fact that I just... can't is drivin' me up the fuckin' wall. I just..." An annoyed humming sigh escaped the runner as he casted his gaze downwards. "'m so sorry for what I did to ya... for what I said." He admitted, still remembering how badly he had injured Sniper just to get away from him. The marksman had been unfair that's true, but thinking about it, Scout had been acting just the same. Not even taking a moment to consider why Sniper might have done that, no, he just declared him as this bad guy now because of one poor decision he had made. "I understand why ya did it." Scout continued, still not brave enough to look up. "An' it was wrong o' me to just assume ya meant it in a bad way, lately I just can't see the difference anymore between someone wantin' to help me an' the exact opposite o' that. It's just that," Scout stopped talking, hating how difficult it was to bring all of this out. He just wanted it to be over already, the runner wanted Sniper to know how miserable he was feeling without him, but most importantly; He just wanted a hug.

 

"It's just... I miss ya so much. I don't want you to become ma enemy, I don't want to lose you. Over the past month I came to the realisation that I can't let ya go, but that's mainly 'cos I just don't want to... No matter what happened, ya did it with the same intension ya had for eleven months now, to protect me an'... an' maybe that's why I can't get myself to be mad at ya.." The thing he wanted oh so badly but had least expected to happened, actually happened. Scout had been far too fixated on every grain of sand beneath his feet to notice Sniper closing the gap between them and pulling him into a long awaited embrace. So glad to finally feel that familiar frame against himself again, how warm he was and how safe it never failed to make him feel. Finally this useless struggle was over and the runner marvelled at the fact that apparently Sniper was feeling the same way about it. 

 

"Ya have no idea how glad I am to see ya... 'm so sorry for puttin' ya through all this, Scout. I missed ya too, so bloody much." The marksman pressed him closer. "I never wanted to become part of the reason why ya would hurt yourself, but at least let me be here to make up for what 've done, alroight? I know I shouldn't have done wot I did, though that ain't gonna change the fact that I still did it and all I can ask ya now is to give me another chance.. If I mess up again ya have every roight to walk away from me, but please..." Sniper sighed deeply. "please stay.." 

 

"I ain't goin' anywhere Snipes.. It was unfair o' me to run away like I did... 'm a real piece o' work an' you've always stood by ma side no matter how grumpy or unreasonable I was.." Finally Scout looked up, now a little smile, despite the situation, tugging at his lips. "An' besides.. what would ya do without me, huh? Can't even properly take care o' yourself without me 'round." A breathy snort escaped the marksman's sealed lips as they, in his turn, formed into a smile as well. God how much he had missed that, that crooked grin and those grey comforting eyes, just... how much he had missed this man in general. 

 

"That's true," Sniper joked along. "meanwhoile you have been tryin' to get everythin' on the roight tracks again. Saw you've been spendin' lots of toime with Medic, can I assume ya accepted his help again?" The words sounded hopeful as if Sniper had been dying to know, maybe Scout hadn't been the only one worrying himself sick over the other. What had he honestly expected? The one person who went high and low to comfort him suddenly giving up on him without a days notice? No, Scout had faith in Sniper just the same way Sniper had faith in him. 

 

"Yeah, I kind a realised it ain't no use avoidin' help. I mean... how many people are there walkin' 'round needin' help but not bein' able to get it? An' here would I be shovin' all o' that aside just 'cos 'm mad. Nah, Medic has been a great help an' so has everyone else..." Scout wasn't telling Sniper this to make him feel bad, but he understood the double entendre in his sentence could be misinterpreted. "But, y'know..." He continued in an attempt to get his point across. "it all wasn't the same without ya... it felt incomplete, I dunno..." 

 

"I can imagine Evan's death was a great help too." A sincere laugh rippled from the boy's mouth. Truth be told that news was one of the best pieces he had heard. It had kept him in a good mood for long as if he had triumphed in winning from Evan. 

 

"That sure as hell did help indeed, I mean, I only now kind a come to the conclusion that there was a lot managin' to help me get over this, y'know, despite me not havin' felt like that in a long time." The end of that sentence had been a meek whisper and as the runner gently tapped his finger against Sniper's chest in thought, he couldn't help but to worry about something. As strange as it was, he hadn't given it a lot of thought yet, but as he stood there, rethinking the past month, the thought presented itself as a rather harsh slap. 

 

"Scout? You okay?" He heard Sniper ask. Looking back up, the runner noticed Sniper had been so polite to get of rid of his cigarette and even though that stench still hung around them, he appreciated it either way. Now, he knew he was going to drive everything back into dire ways, but he wanted to ask this even though he was convinced Sniper wouldn't know an answer to it anyway. 

 

"Yeah.. it's just that... ya think 'm ever gonna be fine?" It was silent for a bit and Scout didn't mind. Even if the marksman would bluntly tell him 'I don't know' it would still be okay. He hadn't considered it up until this point and he'd be surprised if Sniper had. Though as he suddenly felt the marksman cupping either side of his face and looking at him with the fondest expression he could portray, Scout suddenly had this feeling that Sniper exactly knew how to answer this one.

 

"'course ya will, it ain't 'cause you had one set back that all hope is lost, luv. Remember? Don't let anythin' throw ya off of your game, whether it's the BLU Spy one uppin' me or you not knowin' wot the do for a moment. It's gonna be fine." Sniper leaned down to give him a tender peck on the lips, only finding Scout staring at him in awe the moment he drew back a few inches. "I know you're probably sick of hearin' this, but give yourself some more toime. You've been through so much already and I am so proud of you." 

 

And you know what? Sniper was right. No matter how dark the path in front of you may seem or how hopeless you feel. Hang on, there will always be a reason to just push on. Whether it's your family, your lover, your favourite pet or a stupid game you love so much. It's okay to feel sad, it's simply a part of living your life, but never lose sight of who you are. Don't let others butcher you, you're a human being with feelings, not someone's punching bag. You matter, I frankly don't care what people might tell you. You are important, but most of all..

 

you'll be just fine. 

\--

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It kind of hurst having to let this story go. Even though it's a right mess, a flaming trashpile with more plotholes than there are holes in cheese, but you know... it's my flaming trahspile and I really loved working on it. Comparing the start to the end, I've really changed as a writer. I learned so much, lots of things I'll most definetly take with me if I ever come up with another story and I'm honestly only thankful for that.
> 
> You guys have showed me amazing support, chapter after chapter I've read some of the nicest comments ever and even though I'm convinced I don't deserve such a kind words, I love each and everyone of you. Whether you read it, bookmarked it, left kudos or took some time out of your day to leave a comment, this pathetic excuse of a human being will forever be grateful.
> 
> And to every amazing artist who ever took the time to make fanart for me, bless your soul and keep doing what you do. You're all such talented people who gave me something I'll cherish for the rest of my life. 
> 
> Long story short, thank you guys, for everything, Desperate Needs would not have been the same without all of you.


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